Breathe (Sway Part 2)

by Davis, Jennifer

  “I don’t want to talk about Ryan.”

  “Fine. Let’s talk about me, then. Shawn keeps asking me to marry him.”

  I gasped. “You’re getting married?”

  “I said he’s asked. I haven’t answered.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m twenty years old. I haven’t even finished college. Honestly, I haven’t even declared a major yet. I have no idea where I’ll be in five years and I’m not sitting around daydreaming about picket fences and soccer practice.” Her lip curled.

  “It wouldn’t be so bad, you know. You and Shawn are crazy about each other.”

  “I know. I just don’t want to wake up when I’m forty wanting to kill myself for decisions I made at twenty. I love Shawn, but I also love the way things are now. We already live together. If I still feel like this about him in a few years and he asks again, I’ll say yes. If not—Hey! They’re playing truth or dare outside,” she said and burst through the patio doors to the deck.

  I followed her out. She sat on the deck boards with a few other people. The party was small—about thirty people. I saw Shawn and waved. Then leaned against the deck railing beside Justin and watched as one of the girls licked some guy’s foot while he wiggled his toes in her face. “Gross,” I muttered as everyone else laughed.

  “You don’t want a turn licking that dude’s foot?” Justin asked, trying not to smile.

  “No. I wouldn’t even lick my own foot,” I deadpanned.

  Justin laughed.

  “Justin!” Lindsay bellowed, drawing our attention. “Truth or Dare?”

  “I’m not playing,” he said.

  “You have to!”

  “She’s relentless tonight, just get it over with,” I told him.

  “Fine. Truth,” he said.

  Lindsay smiled widely. “Nope. Dare.”

  Justin shrugged. “Whatever.”

  Everyone quieted as Lindsay began to deliver her dare. “I dare you… to kiss Annie.”

  “No,” he said, which surprisingly hurt my feelings.

  “You have to. I dared you,” Lindsay said, as if he had no other choice. Justin quickly pecked my cheek to appease Lindsay. Déjà vu struck. I was suddenly standing beneath the mistletoe on Pam’s back porch.

  “Oh hell, Justin! You looked like you were pecking your nana,” Lindsay taunted. “Kiss her mouth.”

  He looked so uncomfortable. “Lindsay, stop. He doesn’t want to,” I said. “It’s not me who doesn’t want to,” he said where only I could hear. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” I heard myself say before I realized I was speaking.

  Justin’s eyes penetrated mine as the corner of his mouth hitched up. My breath staggered. He put his hands on my cheeks and I braced myself for the kiss. His lips gently touched mine and lingered a moment before he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth.

  I nearly blacked out from the sensation of the kiss and the confusion in my head. I wasn’t sure how I felt, but knew that if nothing was standing in my way that I would kiss Justin and never stop. As our mouth’s parted, I heard Lindsay shout, “What the hell is he doing here!”

  I looked away from Justin and saw Ryan standing beside Shawn on the deck stairs, staring at me. Us. He said something to Shawn, and then ran his left hand through his hair.

  The gold band on his ring finger flashed at me, hitching my breath. I hadn’t noticed it the last time I was with him, probably because I was full of Jager shots, and had broken into his house to beg him to take me back. I felt sick. I was supposed to have been the girl who put that ring on his finger.

  My bottle of beer slid from my grasp and shattered in place, causing Justin’s attention to return to me.

  “You okay?”

  I didn’t answer because I was listening to Lindsay yell at Shawn. She had a wad of his shirt in her fist cursing him because Ryan had shown up.

  Ryan backed down the stairs and I watched as he grabbed Katie’s hand and walked away.

  “I should go home,” I managed to say.

  “I knew it was him that was holding you back,” Justin said, then put his keys in my hand. “Take the truck, I’ll find a ride.” He was gone before I could argue with him.

  I drove straight home and got into bed. I had no idea what I would say to Justin when I saw him. I didn’t hear him come in, but knew he’d come home because his bedroom door was closed the next morning.

  Classes started the following day and I needed to pick up some books I’d ordered from the campus store. Before leaving, I wrote Justin a note on a post-it and left it on the counter where he would see it. It was the best I could do for now.

  It’s not him.

  It’s me.

  27

  Ryan

  I hated seeing Annie with Justin. I hated thinking about the two of them together, and what they did when they were alone. It made me sick.

  Katie had been so understanding and supportive of me, and my efforts to get over Annie. She didn’t say anything when we left, didn’t ask me a hundred questions about how I felt. Didn’t need to know every little detail or to have confirmation that seeing Annie and Justin snuggled up in a corner at the place I’d taken her on our first date made me angry.

  Katie understood that I’d just want to forget about tonight.

  I paid the sitter while Katie checked on Jacob, then I sat down on the couch, staring at nothing. I’d planned to turn on the television, but it didn’t happen.

  Katie came to the living room and stood in front of me. She was wearing a short, silk gown, and her hair had just been brushed. She smiled, which illuminated her blue eyes. She straddled my lap, placed her hands on my cheeks, and stared into my eyes.

  “I know tonight was tough for you,” she said. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to. I’ve tried to be understanding, and I’ve tried to be patient.” Katie’s lips grazed mine. “But I want a real marriage, Ryan. I want to be more than your friend.” She pulled the gown over her head and set it aside. “More than your roommate.” She kissed my face and began teasingly moving her hips, just enough to place the kind of pressure against me that would get my body’s attention.

  “I want you to want me. I want to feel that when we’re together,” she muttered, then kissed a trail down my neck.

  “I do feel something for you.” I was attracted to her. Especially right then. “But it’s not what you want it to be.”

  “You could feel that way about me if you let yourself,” she whispered in my ear, then licked the outer curve.

  “Touch me,” she said, before placing a gentle kiss on my lips. My hands ran down her naked back, and then came around to her hips. I couldn’t make them move any further. I’d had sex with her since we’d married, but we both knew I was only going through the motions; there weren’t deep feelings involved.

  Katie’s mouth traveled from my neck to my mouth. It took a little coercing, but I kissed her. She’d unbuttoned my shirt without me realizing it, and had her hands all over my chest, trying to push it off of me. I stopped kissing her, and wanted to stop her from taking this any further, but what the hell was I waiting for? Annie and I had been over for months and I was never going to be with her again.

  I took my arms out of the shirt and held Katie’s bare skin against mine. “Make love to me, Ryan,” Katie breathed. She didn’t wait for a response. She kissed me again. Her mouth was so warm and wet, and her body was soft and beautiful. And she wanted me. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, carried her to our bedroom, and did as she’d asked.

  28

  Katie

  I’d thought last night with Ryan would have changed something between us, and it may have, but it’d be a while before I knew, since he was gone when I woke up this morning.

  Being so bold last night could have backfired. The fact that it didn’t, told me that I had a real shot with Ryan. I had grown to love him, and was desperate for him to feel the same way about me.

  When he came home, he was soaked in
sweat, and breathing hard. He’d been running. I was sitting at the breakfast table, drinking coffee. Ryan walked past me, went to the fridge, and drank half of a bottle of Gatorade. I wanted to wait to see if he spoke first, but was afraid that if I gave him the opportunity to avoid talking about last night that he would.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Hey.” Ryan’s eyes danced around the room, looking at everything, except me.

  “Are you okay?” I asked. He walked over to me and put his hand in my hair. “I’m trying,” he said. I lay my head against his waist, and wrapped my arms around his hips.

  “That’s all I’m asking,” I replied.

  That was a lie, but I’d told a lot of lies since we’d met. I knew with Ryan that I should say what he needed to hear in order to keep from scaring him away.

  29

  Ryan

  In the moment, I had completely connected with Katie. I wasn’t pretending she was someone else. I was there. With her. All in. But once it was over, I hated myself. I felt guilty, and wanted to run away. I’d never felt that close to anyone other than Annie.

  In a way, it was a relief to know that I was capable of it, but scary because I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted.

  Katie’s request for us to have a “real marriage” wasn’t crazy. She’d been pretty patient with me in all areas of our relationship since we’d gotten married, and even though I’d felt something more than just a physical attraction to her last night, something still forced me to hold back. Someone kept me from moving forward with Katie. The sooner I got her out of my head, the better off we’d all be. The problem was I’d been unable to accomplish that after seven months apart from her.

  30

  Justin

  Annie had opted to take a sixteen-hour load, instead of the usual twelve so I hardly saw her after that night at Lindsay’s party, which made my inability to be around her and not want to throw her down and kiss her less of an issue.

  I put the note she’d left me in my wallet and sometimes when I thought about her, I took it out and read it, wondering if she’d ever change her mind.

  We’d both been so busy that when Pam called and invited us over for dinner, going with Annie felt weird. It’d been almost a month since we’d been in the same room together.

  During the ride over, instead of talking to me, she read her physics textbook. I thought about slapping it out of her hand and asking her what the hell was wrong with her—why she wouldn’t talk to me. But I guess I already knew why.

  I glanced at her a few times, but she never looked away from the book. Her hair was in a bun and she wore a t-shirt, jean shorts, and flip-flops. I couldn’t help staring too long at her naked neck and those long tan legs of hers. I hated that she seemed so unaffected by my being near her when I was a damn mess. But maybe she wanted me to move on.

  Maybe I should move on.

  31

  Annie

  My classes were killing me, but I was glad I’d taken on so much. It helped keep my mind off Justin. And Ryan. As much as I hated to admit it, he still got to me. I still longed to know what he’d thought I’d done and why he was so reluctant to tell me.

  When Justin and I got to Pam’s, she hugged us both, and then threw her arm around me. “I have a surprise for you.”

  “What is it?” I asked cautiously.

  She walked into the kitchen. “Owen,” Pam sang, “I’d like for you to meet Annie.” I could have killed her dead right there. She was setting me up!

  Owen smiled. “Hi, Annie,” he said, his eyes all over me.

  “Hi.”

  “Well, everything’s ready. Let’s go on into the dining room,” Pam said, leading the way.

  “Where’s Justin?” I was going to ask if he knew anything about this crap.

  “He’s outside with Finley,” Larry said.

  “Who?”

  “My sister,” Owen said, taking the seat beside me. I was suddenly nauseous, and got up from the table.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?” Pam asked. I looked at Larry. I knew he would understand. “I need a drink.”

  “Because that worked out so well the last time,” he muttered to me. I full on laughed. “Apparently, I love banging my head against the wall,” I said as I left the room. I was sure Larry was referring to all the wine I’d drank after meeting Denise. And the huge fight Justin and I had afterwards.

  When I came back to the table, Justin and Finley were seated across from Owen and my empty chair. Great.

  I sat down and Finley looked at me, her large blue eyes dazzling. “Hi,” I’m Finley.”

  “I’m Annie.” I gave her a hard smile.

  “You look nice,” Owen whispered to me. “You’re naturally pretty.”

  “Thanks.”He’d probably thrown that in since I was dressed as if I were going to the beach, instead of on a date.

  Owen wasn’t hideous. He was great looking actually, but I wasn’t in dating mode. I was in keep my head down and bore through the next few years of school mode.

  “So, Owen, are you a student at Harmon?” Pam asked.

  “I’m a senior at Clark Academy.” High school! Owen was still in high school. “But I do plan to enroll at Harmon next fall.”

  “That’s fantastic!” Pam gushed. “What about you, Finley?”

  She smiled widely, as if honored to have been asked a question. I had a few questions for her. I rolled my eyes. Larry snickered. “I’m a senior at Harmon.”

  “What are you studying?” Justin asked.

  “Journalism.”

  “Oh, wow. We might see you on the four o’clock news, then, huh?” I asked. Larry kicked me under the table. “Ow,” I whined, and then coughed, trying to mask my complaint.

  “Actually, I plan to work behind the camera. I’m a writer. I’d love to work for a paper or news website.”

  “Where do you go to school?” Owen asked me.

  “I’m a freshman at Harmon.”

  “What are you studying?”

  “I’m pre-med.”

  “Wow. I bet that’s hard,” Owen cooed.

  “It must be,” Justin said. “She doesn’t have time for anything other than school anymore.” Our eyes met for a moment, then he pulled his away, looked at Finley, and asked her about the journalism program at Harmon.

  Instead of eavesdropping, I asked Owen what he planned to study, and then tuned him out, watching Justin and Finley, who was soaking up every second of Justin’s attention, smile, and flirt. It killed me that he seemed interested in her. As far as I knew, Justin hadn’t been seeing anyone, and I liked it that way.

  Once the two of them stopped ogling each other, I asked the worst possible question I could have asked. Although it was a valid one.

  “Where are your parents?”

  “They’re dead,” Finley chirped. Pam’s fork fell to the floor and skipped around the hardwood for what felt like an eternity.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. They’ve been dead since Owen was a baby.”

  “They were killed in a car crash when I was nine months old,” he said.

  “I’m really sorry,” I repeated.

  “I live with our aunt and uncle. They raised us,” Owen said.

  “When’s the last time you’ve gone home for dinner, Reynolds?” Justin asked. I glared at him. “This is my home.”

  “You and I do have a brother—sister relationship these days,” he grumbled.

  “Dessert anyone?” Pam interjected, pushing her chair from the table, and standing up.

  “I’ll help you,” I offered, and followed her to the kitchen.

  “What’s with you two?” she whispered.

  “Ask your son.”

  “I’m asking you.”

  “I don’t know,” I lied. “How did Owen and Finley end up here?”

  “Their aunt comes into the boutique sometimes. We talked about all of you and so I invited them over. I thought you might like meeting someone new.”

  Just
in sure seemed to like it. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “I wasn’t sure they were coming until this afternoon.”

  I nodded and carried a cheesecake into the dining room, sat down, and didn’t ask any more questions.

  32

  Justin

  After dinner, Finley and I went out onto the back porch. She leaned against the railing and smiled at me. “Are you and Annie involved?” she asked. It shouldn’t have, but the question surprised me. “No, why?”

  “Have you ever been involved?” I shook my head, not wanting to answer her.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just noticed the way she looked at you during dinner. And that little exchange about this being her home.”

  “We’ve never been involved.” That statement felt like a lie. Even though she didn’t want to admit it, Annie and I were very involved. “We’re best friends. We just don’t see each other very much anymore.”

  Finley’s smile widened. “So you’re not dating anyone?”

  “No.”

  “Would you like to meet for coffee sometime?”

  I felt like I should say no, but knew I couldn’t spend the rest of my life waiting for Annie to decide she wanted me, and I could have done way worse than Finley.

  “Sure.”

  “Great.” She took my phone and added her number to my contacts list. “I look forward to hearing from you soon,” Finley said, before going back inside.

  I didn’t drink since I wanted to go home after dinner. I didn’t think I could stand staying at Pam’s and have her question me to death about the tension between Annie and me.

  She’d been keeping so busy with schoolwork that I hardly saw her anymore. Part of me knew she was avoiding me. Us. But I felt like I shouldn’t try to do anything about it, even though I missed her madly.

  33

  Annie

  Mainly because I didn’t know what to say, I was quiet until we got back to our apartment. Justin opened a beer and offered it to me.