Breathe (Sway Part 2)

by Davis, Jennifer

  “No thanks,” I said.

  He took a sip and sat down at the kitchen table.

  “So, tonight was different,” I muttered.

  Justin nodded.

  “I wonder why Pam decided to set me up with a high school kid.”

  “I don’t think it was a set up.”

  “She told me she had a surprise for me, and then pointed to Owen. It was a set up.”

  “He seems like your type,” Justin snickered.

  “And Finley, the pageant contestant, seems like yours.”

  “Why’d you call her that?” Justin asked. I thought he’d been joking about Owen, and I was returning the favor, but apparently not. “Because she had a perfect answer for every question. She sounded rehearsed.”

  “Maybe she’s just naturally well spoken.”

  My guts churned again. “You like her,” I stated, dumbfounded.

  “I didn’t say that.” Justin picked up his beer and took a swig, his eyes dodging mine.

  “You didn’t have to,” I muttered.

  “Maybe I do like her.” He shrugged.

  “Figures,” I complained.

  “What figures? That I might be attracted to a girl who pays attention to me—who wants to spend time with me, instead of avoiding me.”

  I laughed, guessing that was a dig at me.

  “Whatever,” he grumbled. “You shouldn’t have a single complaint about Finley. She’s smart and focused, pretty in a classic way, and has no silicone in her body, which was well covered by her clothing.”

  “Are you saying that I should like her because she’s not Denise?”

  “No, I’m not saying you should like her, but I am asking you to be nice.”

  “Because you like her?” I asked, my heart beating ferociously, my temper rising.

  “Yes, she’s nice.”

  “Okay,” I said, my voice cracking. I hated what was happening to us. I stared at Justin until there were tears in my eyes, then bolted for my room.

  “Annie,” Justin said weakly.

  “I should study,” I responded, without slowing down or looking back. As soon as my door closed, I was sobbing. I buried my face in my pillow to dampen the noise. I hadn’t felt this terrible since Ryan broke my heart.

  How could Justin like someone else if he truly wanted to be with me? I knew that thought process was selfish and stupid, since I was the one who’d turned him down, but I couldn’t help feeling that way. I couldn’t be with Justin, but I didn’t want him to be with anyone else, either.

  34

  Annie

  Fall break. One week without classes. One week without distractions. One week I wasn’t sure I’d survive.

  I tried not to think about it, but I knew Justin was seeing Finley, and the last thing I wanted was to sit at home all week being completely pathetic while he was out with her. So I went home, packed a bag and went to my parent’s house.

  Their house was always quiet, even when my parents were home. They hardly ever watched TV. I think the only reason they had a TV was because of me. They were avid readers of medical journals, and all sorts of non-fiction. The two of them were perfectly matched, as if they shared the same brain or something.

  I trudged upstairs to the room that was once mine and found it empty. Since Pam had moved my things to my and Justin’s apartment, my parents hadn’t bothered to even vacuum the carpet. I closed the door and went back downstairs.

  I dropped my bag by the staircase and wandered into the kitchen, hoping to find something other than stale crackers and cans of soup in the cabinets. Since I no longer lived here, I figured my parents never went grocery shopping anymore. And I was right.

  I found a hot pocket that had probably once belonged to me, and four petrified looking ice cubes in the freezer. I poured a glass of water and plopped down on the couch to watch TV.

  When I heard a key in the front door a few hours later, I realized I was in the same position, holding the empty glass, staring glassy eyed at the screen. I’d been thinking about Justin. And Finley. And what they may have been doing.

  “Amelia?” my father asked, closing the door behind him.

  “Yes, Daddy. It’s me.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yes.” I got up from the couch. “I wanted to come by for a visit.”

  “Excellent.” He smiled, looking at me through his brown-rimmed glasses. “How are you doing in school?”

  “Fine. I’m working hard to keep up. You smell like Chinese food,” I noted, then secretly hoped he had brought some home.

  “I ate leftovers for dinner at the office.”

  “You have no food here,” I sighed.

  “I may have a granola bar in my briefcase,” he said, his tone was so serious that I wanted to laugh. What the hell was I going to do with a granola bar? I needed comfort food.

  “If I’d known you were coming, I’d have picked up a few things.”

  “I didn’t know I was coming, until I found myself packing a bag this afternoon.”

  My father gazed caringly at me. “C’mon. Your mom still might be a while. I’ll buy you dinner.”

  The thought of hanging out with my dad was kind of overwhelming. He and I hadn’t ever been close in the traditional sense, but I knew he’d always be there for me if I needed him.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d ridden in a car with my father. It made me feel like a little girl again. We didn’t drive far. There was an all night diner a few miles from our house. We sat and ordered, and then the questions began.

  “Are you still taking your anti-depressant?”

  “Yes.”

  “Any side-effects?”

  “No.”

  “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Yes, much better than before.”

  “There’s no shame in taking them.”

  “I know, Daddy.”

  “How’s Justin?”

  “Fine, “I answered bitingly.

  “Ah,” he breathed. “What’s up?”

  “He’s dating someone.”

  “And that’s upset you?”

  My father was so clinical, yet so easy to talk to, which was probably what made him so great at his job. He had this air of understanding that radiated from him, like a halo or something. I could tell him everything that had gone on between Justin and me and he wouldn’t have judged me for a second.

  “There’s been something between us for a while. I didn’t want to act on it because I’m afraid of what will happen if we can’t make a relationship work.”

  “You and Justin have made a relationship work since you were children.”

  “A friendship. The most important one of my life.”

  “Friendship is a vital element in making a romance work. Think of it as a binding agent, or a base. You’ll carry all of the essentials from your friendship into your romantic relationship. Your knowledge of one another, your trust, and love will strengthen as your connection grows.”

  “But we’ll lose all of that if we don’t work as a couple.”

  “You’re losing those things now by not addressing your feelings. I’m glad to see you, but I know you’re here because you’re avoiding Justin. Don’t sabotage what could be a happy ending out of fear. If we knew everything, life would be so much less interesting.”

  “But it would be less frustrating,” I moaned.

  My dad leaned over the table, and looked closely at me, making sure I would hear his next words clearly. “Amelia Anne, don’t deprive yourself of someone you love. Life is too short to make such a sacrifice.”

  ***

  I stayed with my parents for two more days. Which was how long it took me to convince myself that my dad was right. I was losing Justin by trying to keep our relationship platonic. I couldn’t stand by and watch him get closer to Finley and farther away from me.

  When I got to our complex, I had to park on the curb because someone was in my space next to Justin’s truck. My palms became clammy at the thou
ght of seeing him.

  As I turned the knob to come inside, I heard female laughter. Justin and Finley were standing in the kitchen eating pie. I was instantly furious. She was the reason I had to park on the street. She was eating pie in my kitchen, using a fork that belonged to me, and doing it with the boy I loved.

  “Where’ve you been?” Justin asked. I couldn’t believe he’d brought her here. I wanted to shake him.

  “I left you a note,” I said.

  “Yeah, but you were gone three days.”

  “Someone reminded me recently that I hadn’t been home in a while. Certain events made me think that this week would be a great time to make myself scarce.”

  “She lives here?” Finley asked Justin, as if I wasn’t even in the room.

  “Yes, I live here and I’m guessing that’s your car parked in my space.”

  The look on her face was priceless. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You didn’t tell me,” she whispered to Justin.

  “I thought you knew. I thought Pam told you.”

  I opened the refrigerator to get a beer to take to my room. “Where are my bottles?” I asked. “I had two left.”

  “Oh, um… I didn’t know they were yours,” Finley said, frowning. She eyed Justin as if he was to blame.

  “Just like I didn’t know that going to visit my parents would incline Justin to move you in,” I said, and grinned smugly. “I’m going to bed.”

  A few minutes later, Justin came into my room with a glass of beer in his hand. “I’m sorry about the bottles, I’ll replace them.”

  “I don’t care about the stupid bottles. I can’t believe you brought her here.”

  “Why wouldn’t I bring her here?”

  “Out of respect for me.”

  “You weren’t home.”

  I shook my head, biting my tongue. Then took the beer from Justin’s hand. “I’m going to stay at Grey and Nina’s, so you and your girlfriend can have some privacy. Just don’t screw her in my bed. I washed the sheets before I left.”

  “Hey.” Justin grabbed my arm, and glared hard into my eyes. “Jesus, Annie! I would never do something like that.”

  “Whatever. The fact that you brought her here tells me that you would. Tell her not to park in my space again,” I said, pulling my arm from Justin’s grip as I walked away from him.

  “Good to see you again, Finley,” I smirked as I breezed past her to the door.

  35

  Justin

  “What was that about?” Finley asked, wide eyed. “And why didn’t you tell me she lived here? I never would have come inside if I’d known you lived with Annie.”

  “It’s not a big deal.”

  “It sounded like one to me.”

  “Annie and I have been friends since we were kids. Pam rented us this place. It’s not like we decided to live together. Pam assumed we’d want to.”

  “And you don’t want to?”

  “I hardly see her.”

  “That’s not the same thing.”

  “I’m thinking of moving out next semester.”

  “Is she upset that we’re dating?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know what she thinks about anything. She doesn’t speak to me that often anymore.”

  “I really like you,” Finley said. “But I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me about you and Annie. I think I deserve the truth.”

  “The truth is complicated.”

  “There was something between you,” she stated grimly.

  “For a moment, I thought so, but it wasn’t real.”

  “Did you have sex with her?”

  “No.”

  “But you wanted to.” Even though she’d made what sounded like a statement, I knew she’d want to know the answer, had it been a question. “Yes.”

  “Wow,” Finley marveled. “I feel like an idiot.”

  “It was months ago, and like I said, the feeling only lasted a moment.” I was lying through my teeth. The feeling was permanent and resided within my soul.

  “I’m not sure I should still bring this up now, but I want to be with you,” Finley said, and wrapped her arms around my neck. “My roommate went home for break, and I was thinking of inviting you to spend the night with me after the party tomorrow,” she said, her voice soft.

  My mom was throwing my dad a small dinner party for his birthday. She invited Finley. And Annie. Which wouldn’t be awkward at all.

  “Don’t answer yet.”Finley smiled. “Wait until tomorrow night. It’ll seem more spontaneous that way.”

  36

  Annie

  When I went home the next morning, Justin wasn’t there, which kind of made my guts drop. I hoped he hadn’t gone home with Finley last night.

  Pam had invited me to Larry’s birthday party weeks ago. He was turning fifty, so it was a big deal. I didn’t want to interact with Justin and Finley, and had thought about pretending to be sick, but would have felt too guilty.

  After soaking a while in a gardenia-scented bath, I showered so I could shave my legs. I dried my hair and pulled it away from my face, allowing the blond waves to flow freely down my back. Then I put on some makeup,

  and a red, fitted, tea length dress with lace cap sleeves.

  As I was fastening the straps of my high heel shoes, Justin came through the front door.

  “I thought you’d already gone,” I said. He eyed my exposed leg. I’d hiked it up on a chair in the kitchen to reach the strap.

  “Um, no. I have to change.”

  I waited a few minutes. Since he was here, and we were going to the same place, I thought I’d see if he’d offer me a ride.

  I felt like my heart would beat out of my chest as I entered his room. He was looking in the mirror that hung on the inside of his closet door, tying his tie, but stopped when he saw me. My eyes met the reflection of his in the mirror.

  “Need help with that?” I asked.

  “Sure.” He turned around, and watched me while I fixed his tie. I ran my hand up his chest when I was finished, flattening it against his shirt. “You look nice.” I gave him a tight smile.

  “Is Owen coming tonight?” he asked, ignoring my compliment. I hadn’t seen Owen since that night at Pam’s.

  “Not unless Pam invited him.” Since he’d asked a stupid question, I asked one, too. “Is Finley coming?”

  “She’s meeting me there.” After a beat, he said, “She and I have plans afterwards.”

  I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. “Are you serious about her?” I asked automatically, my knees wanting to buckle.

  Justin’s eyes wandered over my face. For a moment, I thought he was might kiss me. “I won’t bring her here again,” he said, then placed his hand on my face, his thumb lightly brushed over my mouth, creating a dizzying feeling. He ground the red lipstick I was wearing into his thumb using the side of his finger. “You’re beautiful without that stuff, you don’t need it,” he murmured before walking away. A moment later, I heard the front door close.

  ***

  When I got to the party, Pam tried to put a glass of champagne in my hand.

  “No thanks. I have to go home tonight.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  I caught a glimpse of Finley and Justin in the corner of the room. “Yes, I do.”

  “Y’all are no fun. Justin’s not drinking, either.”

  “He has plans with Finley later.”

  “What could they be doing la—oh,” she breathed.

  I choked down the lump in my throat. “I’m going to go freshen up,” I said.

  “You just got here, you’re fresh.”

  “I just need a minute,” I said, and hurried to the bathroom. I wanted to break down. Lie on the floor and sob like a child. Inside, I ached to be with Justin. When he’d touched me earlier, I’d felt this incredible mixture of joy and pain twisting through every fiber in my body.

  Joy, because I thought he might still feel something for me. Pain, because I was about to lose him.


  If Justin left with Finley tonight, he and I would never be the same. I knew I couldn’t watch him be with another girl for the rest of our lives. I just didn’t know what I was going to do about it.

  Once I’d straightened myself up and left the bathroom, everyone was sitting down to dinner. I’d arrived a little late, so I wouldn’t have to suffer as much.

  I sat at a table opposite Justin and Finley, who both seemed not to notice I was even in the room and five strangers who chatted amongst themselves.

  Once dinner was done, I went to speak to Larry.

  “Happy birthday.” I smiled.

  “Thank you. I told Pam not to make a fuss, but you know that woman.”

  “I do,” I said, and unfortunately, my gaze settled on Justin and Finley again.

  Larry chuckled.

  “What?” I asked, self-consciously.

  “You two are so damn stubborn.”

  I didn’t have to ask what he thought we were being stubborn about. I already knew.

  “He’s outside, go tell him how you feel.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Believe it or not, it is that simple,” Larry said and patted me on the shoulder. “If you don’t talk to him before you leave tonight, you’ll both regret it.”

  I walked out onto the back porch and found Justin alone. I was still unsure what I would say when the words, “I wanted to say bye,” flew out of my mouth.

  “You’re leaving?”

  I nodded.

  “It’s early, Reynolds. You gettin’ old?” Justin grinned, his eyes falling away from mine.

  “I’ll see you later,” I said somberly.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I stalled, afraid.

  “Annie,” Justin said, catching my hand to keep me still. “Don’t just walk away. What’s wrong?”

  “I’m kind of sick of watching you and Finley hang all over each other.” I looked into his eyes, my heart breaking. “I know what comes next—what’ll happen tonight and I can’t watch you leave with her.”

  “Why not?”

  “You know why not,” I said, my voice trembling. I put my hands on Justin’s chest. “I’ll see you at home. Sometime tomorrow, I guess,” I said, hinting that I knew he wasn’t coming home tonight.