Alisiyad

by Sarah R. Suleski

  “Things got complicated.”

  “But what about now? I mean, I’ve lost track of how many times we’ve almost died, this seems like the first time in ages we’ve been able to relax and think about what to do next. But we haven’t talked about it all day, we’re just, I don’t know, hanging out here?”

  “Things have changed since last week, haven’t they?” Russ asked uncertainly.

  “Changed how?”

  “Well . . . everything’s changed,” he shrugged. “We’re like totally different people.”

  “We still have a homeworld, which isn’t this one, and we have families who don’t know where we are.” She turned back to the railing and leaned against it, shaking her head. “My first priority is still getting home. Now that we can go pretty much anywhere we want.”

  Russ frowned at her back. “You really want to go back to the way things were?”

  “When we weren’t either running for our lives or killing other people? Why not?”

  “Liseli, remember back a week. I don’t know about you, but I remember working a shitty job, living with my mother and my bitchy sister, and having pretty much no future. Things here have been a little dangerous, but we got through it, and I’m not really eager to go back to the shitty burger world.”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t say we should go back to exactly the way things were, I think that’s pretty much impossible anyway. But that world is ours, even if it’s less than perfect.”

  “Maybe for you it was just ‘less than perfect,’ for me it was hell,” Russ went back inside and sat on the bed with a huff. “Do you realize this has been the first halfway decent week of my life?”

  “Russ—”

  “I mean it. Even with all the near dying and stuff, I’ve felt more alive than ever before. Because here I am something, I’m a Key — not just Russ Markson the nobody fucking loser.”

  She stood framed in the doorway and crossed her arms. “People either wanted to kill you or make you their slave for being a Key. When Alisiya thought I was a Key she . . . she . . . tortured me. I am failing to see what is so great about being a Key.”

  “I thought you said she didn’t hurt you.”

  “Mental torture,” Liseli said tersely. “Anyway, you know what happened to you.”

  “Liseli, look, anytime you have something worth having people are gonna want to steal it, or exploit it, that’s just . . . life.” He shrugged. “But it’s still worth having.”

  “Well I’m not a Key, Russell,” her voice was taut. “Maybe I’m missing out on the high of being all magically gifted, but all I see is what’s happened to us because of it, and none of it’s been good.”

  “None of it? So what are you saying? You just want to forget any of this ever happened?”

  “Oh God, if only I could,” she sighed, putting a hand to her temple.

  Russ stiffened and looked away, into the dark corner of the room. “So all that stuff you said about . . . um . . . loving me, I was just imagining that. Okay.”

  She sighed heavily and stomped over to the bed. “You’re an idiot,” she said, and grabbed his chin to turn his face back toward her. “I was talking about all 32 flavors of pain, death, and mental anguish these freakshow people have put us through. And you know that very well, you’re just trying to get me to have guilty sex with you.”

  “I was serious,” he said petulantly. “Back home you hated me, hell I hated myself. That’s what you want to go back to.”

  “Russell,” she sat down next to him and leaned her head against his shoulder. “First of all, I never hated you. Second of all, we’ll never be the same again no matter where we go. We can go back home but we can never go back to exactly what we were.”

  “But you want to.”

  “No I don’t. I don’t want to go back to being the girl who mistakenly thinks her life couldn’t suck any worse, and doesn’t realize what’s good around her. I don’t want to go back to wearing the stupid Mr. Smiley Burger apron and being too afraid of what might happen if I take it off.” She sighed. “I’d like to go back and do some things right that I couldn’t before. I’d like to think that I’m a better person, that I’ve grown up a little, and that’s one of the good things to come of all this. I’d like to think I can go back home and still see things clearer. If we go back home and automatically become just what we were, that means whatever we thought we’d gained or learned here was all a lie. Just some crazy dream. If I love you sitting here a million miles — or however you measure it — from home, I’d like to think I could still love you back home.”

  She kissed the side of his face lightly. “There, I think that was a good speech. Was it stirring? Inspirational?”

  Russ smiled, despite himself. “I guess. But Liseli . . . there are who-knows-how-many other worlds out there, they’re not all like Adayzjia. I’m sure they’re not. Aren’t you curious?”

  “No,” she said, softly. “I’m not. I’m only one person, why do I need who-knows-how-many worlds to live in?”

  “I don’t . . . know,” he floundered. “I just . . . I want to. I want to explore. It’s like I finally get it, I get what life’s about. It’s exploring and learning new stuff, seeing things I never imagined. I finally know why I felt so suffocated at home. I want . . . I need to see what else is out there.”

  She was silent, and he felt her running her fingers lightly through his hair as they both stared out at the moonlit mountains. For a moment he felt as if maybe that was all he really needed, having Liseli touch him lovingly and stay close by. But he knew, even if she didn’t, that what made her love him now had more to do with being a Key than just being himself. He was nobody without this newfound ability, not someone worth loving. If he gave that up he’d lose her love too. He couldn’t see it turning out any other way.

  “So you don’t want to stay here,” she said finally.

  “No. I don’t want to stay anywhere for long, there’s too much to see. Too many worlds to just stick to one.”

  “Well, here’s a thought,” her voice brightened, and he looked at her. “What if we went home just for now, for the time being, so that we can see our families and let them know we’re okay? There’ll always be Gates around, right? You can go adventuring later, can’t you?”

  “I guess . . . .”

  “After you take us home you can go anywhere you want.”

  “But,” he said helplessly, “Liseli, I want you to go with me.”

  “Russ I can’t. This isn’t for me. I can’t live this way. I’m not like you, apparently.” She took his hand and looked down at their interlacing fingers with a little frown. “Do you really want to drag me around knowing that I’m miserable and afraid all the time?”

  “But—”

  “And you’ll know where I’ll be. You’ll know how to find your way back home.” She looked up with a hopeful little smile, and it made his heart melt. “I don’t want you to be unhappy and feel like you’re missing out on exploring the universe, so I’m not going to beg you not to. But I can’t promise to understand all this or to go with you. The best I can do is promise I’ll be right where you left me so when you come back you can find me.”

  “But you’ll be alone.” I’ll be alone, he added silently.

  “Yeah. But hey—” there was a catch to her voice even though she smiled “—I’m a big girl. Didn’t you say I bitch-slapped that Leeton into submission even when I was out of it? See? I can take care of myself. And I’ll be home in the boring ol’ U.S. of A., anyway. You’re the one who wants to chase after danger and . . . go places where you might not be able to return from.”

  Russ sighed and fell back across the bed, looking up at the thick logs that made up the rafters of the roof. The Erykumyns’ mountain home was all thick pine logs and animal skin rugs, like a ski resort. Not that he’d ever been to a ski resort personally, but he’d seen them on TV. Most everything he knew about his own world he’d learned from watching it on TV, not experiencing it himself. Be
ing able to reach out and touch things, go out and do things, that’s what made all the danger worth it. He thought.

  “Maybe we should think about this tomorrow,” he said as Liseli stretched herself out next to him.

  “Maybe,” she said with a little shrug, her tone telling him that she didn’t think the morning would change her mind. Still, he somehow hoped it would. The idea of exploration didn’t seem quite the same if he had to do it all by himself.

  Chapter 37 ~ A Week and One Day

  The next morning Adayzjia returned, gliding into the village while Russ and Liseli ate breakfast with the Erykumyn. She had dressed herself in a blood red dress and brilliant, aquamarine blue robe. Liseli still couldn’t quite meet her strange eyes, because they seemed to let escape the blinding light of her true self that her human body hid. Russ had said the Gate was a light that could form itself to look like a woman, and Liseli could imagine that that ghostly light-woman was concealed just below the surface of flesh and bone.

  “I have traveled the world,” she announced, without a hint of irony. “I have seen Alisiya and I like it, I think I will be happy in this place. The Gates the Gatebreaker damaged are whole again, I have seen to their restoration, and the people I have met seem to welcome me as their new ruler.” She smiled brightly — though really, any expression she made was bound to be bright — and declared, “It is a beautiful morning.”

  “Yes,” Liseli said, after a moment of silence in which Russ and the Erykumyn seemed lost for words. “Also, they got the blood stains out of my shirt, so all in all it’s been a smashingly good day.”

  “Excellent!” Adayzjia said with a dazzling glance her way. She seemed to miss the raised eyebrow Liseli directed at Russ. Apparently the former Gate was extremely happy with the life Leeton’s energy had restored to her. Liseli wondered how long the perky exuberance would last, and couldn’t help thinking it was one more reason to get home as soon as possible.

  “I have something for you, Russell-Key,” the albino goddess announced, holding out a thick, worn looking book bound in leather.

  Liseli remarked, “Wow. A present for Russ. You haven’t carved your initials into the old oak tree, too, have you? ‘A + RM’?”

  “No.” Adayzjia frowned at her quizzically. “What would that accomplish?”

  Russ pointedly ignored Liseli’s comment and stood, accepting the book. “Thanks,” he said. “But . . . why are you giving this to me?”

  “You are the Russell-Key,” she said. “Who else should have it?”

  “What is it?” Liseli asked curiously.

  “It is a thing of knowledge,” replied Adayzjia. “You look upon the leaves between the animal skins and learn from the markings left there by others.”

  Liseli had no idea what to say to that. Pillari coughed into a napkin in what sounded suspiciously like a snort of laughter, and Russ just smiled uncertainly as he rested the book on the table and opened it. Liseli leaned over and saw the pages covered in small, precise handwriting, with a few odd sketches in the margins. Russ flipped through the book for a moment, then looked up at Adayzjia. “Leeton wrote this.”

  “Yes,” she nodded. “This was amongst the Gatebreaker’s things in his city, Varaneshe. It is all about the worlds he saw and the Gates he traveled through.” She frowned a little and added, “Before he took to breaking us, that is. It is something a young Key such as yourself will find helpful. Yes?”

  “Yes,” Russ said, gazing down at the book with a new sense of interest. Liseli had never guessed that Russ could sound that awed over a book, and she had a sinking feeling. She had been hoping that he would come to his senses and see the danger and risk in jumping around unknown worlds — now apparently that damned Leeton had left a travel guide to give him foolhardy confidence.

  But, she tried not to show her dismay, and said, “Wow . . . so . . . it’s kind of like the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Only handwritten.”

  “I recognize that book,” said Pillari. “When we first came to this world he was forever scribbling in it, obsessively recording everything he found out about this place. He would drill us about everything there was to know about Adayzjia as well, so he could jot it down.” He face suddenly hardened. “That was such a long time ago. We trusted him them.”

  Russ had turned to the beginning of the book and he said, “He started out by writing down everything he knew about how Keys and Gates work. The facts, the ‘lore’ . . . everything. This is what I need to know,” he glanced up at Liseli briefly, “it’s like . . . it’s like . . . .”

  “How to Be a Key for Dummies?” Liseli supplied, and he nodded absently, obviously not even listening.

  “I must go now,” said Adayzjia. “I have only just begun to set up my court in Varaneshe. I will rule from there as Leeton did, though I think I will like to walk the width and breadth of this land every day.” She smiled and took a deep breath, as if inhaling the wondrous joy of it all. “It feels so good to be able to go wherever I want, after all that time locked in my own ruins.”

  “Wait,” Liseli said, standing up. “When you get around so fast . . . can you take people with you, however you do it?”

  Russ glanced up from the book.

  “No, you would have to be one of my kind. But I can travel slower if you wish to come with me. Do you wish to come with me to Varaneshe?” Adayzjia replied brightly, as if asking Do you want to be my bestest friend forever? and Liseli almost winced.

  “No,” she said, trying not to sound too disappointed. “I was just wondering if you could maybe take us back to the Gate that leads to our world. I think it takes a few days going at our rate of travel.”

  Russ issued a quiet little sigh, but said nothing.

  “You need not return to the same Gate,” Adayzjia said. “Now that the Gates are whole again, any one of them will lead you anywhere you wish to go.”

  “Really?” Russ was interested now.

  “Yes. When you step through a Gate that is not broken, you find yourself on the Silver Road, not the Gray, and instead of the black abyss to either side you will see a million different roads all leading in other directions. The easiest thing to do is stay straight on the road you stand on, and it will take you to the world that is the Gate’s main connection,” Adayzjia explained patiently. “We Gates place ourselves between two worlds, but we are also connected to all the other Gates. A warning, though, you could get lost if you are a young Key who does not know your way. There are many Gates and many roads.”

  “If I know the exact world I want to get to,” said Russ, “does that make it any easier?”

  “Oh yes. If you know the world you need only ask the Gates to show you the way. We know all the worlds that are and ever were.”

  “Impressive,” murmured Pillari without a hint of irony. Liseli had to admit it was pretty impressive, too, but she kept it to herself.

  “So,” she said, “if Russ went into any Gate and said ‘Do you know the way to San Jose’ he could get us there?”

  Russ gave her a puzzled frown, and she guessed that his mother wasn’t extremely fond of golden oldies. Adayzjia, however, simply said, “Yes, the Gates would show you the way.” She paused and added, “If you did not anger them. If a Gate doesn’t like you it may set you down the wrong road.”

  “Well that’s just lovely,” said Liseli dryly. “If a Gate doesn’t like you, will it have you for a snack?”

  “Liseli,” said Russ with a sigh, closing the book. “You don’t have to be rude to her. I’ll take you home. I’m not gonna make you go anywhere you don’t want to.”

  Liseli looked down, a little embarrassed. She just felt as if Adayzjia’s sweet, oh so innocent demeanor and promises of nice, accommodating Gates who could show you the universe was taking Russ further and further away from the very real memories of what nasty things lurked in otherworlds.

  “So, how far is the closest Gate from here?” Russ asked.

  “I just came from a Gate that lies to the east,” A
dayzjia told him. “Aliana. With your human legs, it would take till the setting of the sun. Mounted on an animal, less time.”

  Russ looked at Liseli as he asked, “Can you take us there?”

  “I can. But I regret that you will leave so soon,” Adayzjia said, a touch of sadness clouding her voice. “I was hoping that you may come to Varaneshe with me for a little time. All of you.” She swept her gaze around the table, gracing Pillari with her smile. “I wish to gather all the leaders of the cities and villages in my new world together.”

  And make friendship bracelets and braid each other’s hair, Liseli silently added for her.

  “I think we should leave as soon as we can,” she said out loud, directing her words at Russ. “Our families probably think we’re dead. I really don’t want to put mine through that a day longer than necessary.”

  “She’s right,” said Russ begrudgingly. “We disappeared from our homeworld.”

  “Very well. Come back and visit when you can,” Adayzjia told him with a nod, as if that assured it. “When you are ready I will take you to meet Aliana.”

  * * *

  Liseli stood again on the balcony outside hers and Russ’s borrowed room. She was ready to leave, but Russ had found some reason to stay a little while longer to talk to Adayzjia. Liseli didn’t think she could stand being around the chipper Gate-goddess-whatever-she-was much longer, and had retreated to be by herself for a moment.

  She knew exactly why Adayzjia was grating on her but that didn’t make it any better. The strange, beautiful woman was to Liseli like the brightly colored wrapping over a box full of poison. “Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly,” she murmured to herself. Maybe Adayzjia herself was a good being, whatever that meant, but the world of possibilities she opened up led into dark corners. Russ didn’t see that because he didn’t want to, he liked seeing the sunny side of it all, despite what he knew. Liseli could not disregard the dark because it had crawled inside of her and clawed out her heart. There was no ignoring or forgetting that.