Give Me Tonight

by Lisa Kleypas

  Ben caught his breath as her hands moved down to his hips. Her fingertips grazed the edge of the coarse hair that feathered low across his abdomen. She hesitated, her fingers hovering near the pulsing, aroused length of him, and he knew she was uncertain. He ached for the feel of her hands on him, small, feminine hands that needed to be taught how to touch a man.

  "Addie…" His hand slid to the back of hers, and she pulled away as if touched by fire. "No, no…let me show you," he said, and it was difficult to keep his voice gentle when his body was shaking with eagerness. "Make me ready for you," he urged, taking her hand in a stronger grip and shaping her palm to his aroused flesh, showing her how to pleasure him. She blushed in the darkness and followed the intimate lesson awkwardly, spurred on by the tremor of his fingers, the racing of his heart. Up and down her hand traveled, clasping loosely, pausing to test the silky texture of his skin. His breath rushed in her hair as she became bolder, and he let go of her, allowing her to touch him without guidance. She dared to whisper the same questions that he'd asked her, about what felt good, what he liked, and she was rewarded by his soft laugh.

  "You're an angel," Ben murmured, kissing her possessively, lifting her hands up to his face and pressing her palms against his cheeks. "… angel…" His fingers searched through the damp tangle of hair between her legs as he continued to kiss her. Slowly, slowly, she felt the intrusion of his finger into her body, and she started, her thighs tensing.

  "Don't tighten," he said huskily. "Relax. Let me inside, darlin’.” And she tried to release the inner clenching as she felt his finger slip even deeper. His touch was agile and sensitive, sliding and stroking until she arched up to him and froze with a faint sound, gripped in a surge of pleasure. The heel of his hand ground gently against the softness between her thighs, drawing out her ecstasy as long as possible.

  Exhausted, Addie lay trembling in his arms, not knowing if minutes or hours passed before she lifted her lashes. He rose to his elbows above her, staring down at her face with burning green eyes. Languidly, greedily, she wrapped her arms around his neck and urged him closer, and he spread her legs with his knees, pressing into her.

  The long, invasive thrust caused her to flinch in pain, but she surrendered to it instead of fighting, striving to accept the fullness of him inside her. Ben stroked the hair away from her forehead, kissed the salt scented dampness of her skin. His lungs expanded with corrugated breaths as the depths of her body held him in a velvet grip. He moved in a careful, steady rhythm. Before he could teach her more, she lifted her hips in response.

  Her eyes gleamed smokily as they searched his. "What does it feel like to you?"

  His dark hair fell over his forehead as he looked down at her, momentarily silent as he tried to find the words. Then he swallowed hard and shook his head. "I can't describe it," he said huskily. "What about you?"

  "I feel like you're part of me," she whispered. "We're one person. And I don't want to be separate from you again."

  Suddenly fierce, he pulled her hips up with his hands and drove into her. Driven by the rhythm he had set, they sought a deeper joining, loved, enchanted, until the world was shredded around them. He found her mouth with his and buried his final groan in her throat, finding the same burst of fulfillment that had just contracted her flesh around his. And then they lay together in exhaustion, suffused with wonder.

  Addie was the first to move. Sleepily she threw her arm across his shoulders and pulled herself on top of him until she was lying across his chest. With her bright eyes and ruffled hair, she looked so much like a curious kitten that Ben's mouth twitched in amusement. He trailed his fingers down the curve of her back.

  "Ben?"

  "What?"

  "Do you still visit that woman in Blue Ridge?"

  He smiled ruefully and framed her face in his hands. "God knows why I should be surprised by anything you ask."

  "Well?"

  "I haven't seen her in a long time. I haven't been with anyone since I first realized I wanted you." Absently he played with her hair, winding it through his fingers, brushing the ends across his face, enjoying the softness of it. "You've absorbed all my interest and desire for weeks. There wasn't enough left for anyone else. "

  Addie hated the thought of his being with another woman. In spite of his reassurance, she couldn't help feeling jealous. She didn't want him to have memories of other women and the pleasures they had given him. Did he think of her in a different way than he thought of them? Had making love with her been the same? Her thoughts wandered back to the woman in Blue Ridge.

  "Did you care about her?"

  "I didn't know her enough to care about her."

  "But you and she-"

  "We enjoyed each other's company in bed. But there's more to knowing a person than being familiar with her body. "

  She'd never pondered deeply what it must be like to make love with someone you didn't care for. "Did you even like her?"

  "I guess you could say we were friends. But neither of us wanted anything more than that. I didn't want to know what was in her heart, and she felt the same about me." He was silent then, allowing her to think over what he'd said, and he resisted the urge to pull her closer.

  "How cold." Her expression was a cross between distaste and confusion.

  "In some ways it was."

  "In what ways?" she asked, increasingly nettled.

  "After the time in bed was spent, there was always silence between us. There was nothing to talk about, nothing to share. The satisfaction from our encounters was shallow. It didn't linger. "

  "Shallow or not, she obviously had something that made you come back for more. You went to her more than one time, didn't you?"

  Ben paused and considered what lay at the heart of Addie's questioning. Perhaps it was uncertainty that had flared up in the form of a waspish temper. Was she afraid he would make comparisons between her and the women he'd had before her?

  "Why aren't you saying anything?" Addie demanded peevishly. "Too busy counting?"

  For a brief moment Ben wavered between sympathy and a strange kind of resentment. He was no knight in shining armor, nor could he ever be. He heard the disillusionment in her voice as she began to realize it. But she had to accept him for all that he was, including the imperfections.

  "I've never pretended to have led a perfect life, Addie. I'm a man with all the needs any other man has. I've done my share of living, and that includes having been with a certain number of women. "

  "How many? Am I the third or fourth? The twentieth? The fiftieth?"

  "I don't carve notches on my belt. I've never taken a woman for the sake of adding to the number that have passed beneath me. Only when I needed to be with someone. Sometimes I knew the women, sometimes I didn't. It never made a difference. But you're the only one I've ever been in love with."

  She was silent for a long time, and he couldn't begin to guess at her thoughts. Finally she spoke in a small voice, all trace of combativeness gone.

  "Do you ever think about any of them?"

  "No. The truth is I don't remember much about the time I spent with them."

  She frowned as she traced the line of his collarbone. "If you never saw me again after tonight, how much of this would you remember?"

  "Every detail," he said gravely. "Every second. Everything you said, every touch and sound, until my dying day."

  Addie flushed and laid her cheek against his chest. "Ben, do you mind that I don't have experience? I didn't know what you wanted from-"

  He rolled her onto her back and silenced her with a long kiss. When he lifted his head, his voice was ragged at the edges. "What happened between us a few minutes ago makes everything I've felt before pale in comparison." He paused, entranced by the sheepish smile that had begun to curve her lips. "As a mere novice, you nearly did me in. I don't know how I'll survive when you have a little more experience."

  "You'll just have to grin and bear it," she said, and he chuckled as he lowered his mouth to h
ers again.

  The hours raced by, slipping away until Addie began to dread the moment when Ben would leave her. All they had were precious minutes, mere parings and shavings of time, when they craved so much more. They talked drowsily and drifted in and out of slumber, and always when Addie awoke, she rediscovered the bliss of being nestled against his body, his arms securely around her. There were moments in which she felt as if he could see through to her soul. Whether they were locked together in frantic desire or peaceful exhaustion, the sense of oneness remained the same.

  "I'll have to go soon," he said as early morning ripened, and she stirred in protest, wrapping her arms around him.

  "Don't go. I won't let you."

  "I could stay until we're discovered by the family," Ben mused, kissing the top of her head. "But in the name of fairness, we'll have to find some other way to break it to them."

  If he had intended to jolt her awake, he had chosen his words well. The mention of the family was the one thing that could have done it. She stared at him wide eyed. "Oh, Ben; how are we… what are we-"

  "Well, we know one thing for sure. Russ won't mind."

  "Well, of course he won't! But Mama will die."

  "The effect on her won't be quite that drastic."

  "Oh, yes it will. It's going to be a terrible shock for her. You don't know her like I do. She talked to me about what she wanted for me and Caro, and about her marriage to Daddy, and she was so bitter about everything, you just wouldn't believe… Ben, if we want her on our side, we've got to ease her into it or she'll just throw a fit and never approve, and I can't tell you how much it means to me to have her happy-"

  "Shhh. I understand that."

  "Good. I'm glad-"

  "Wait. I said understand, not agree."

  "What don't you agree with?"

  "I want to know what you mean by easing her into it."

  "I think we should get her used to the idea first instead of forcing it down her throat."

  "If she were as frail as you seem to believe, she'd never have survived thirty years of marriage to Russ. And as I told you before, I'm through with games."

  "Ben, please. It'll be so much easier on me this way. I'm already dreading the arguments and the tears. And she's not going to fuss at you, only me." She hesitated before adding, "I need the time as much as she does. I need to get used to the idea of marrying you. A few weeks of courting wouldn't hurt either of us. "

  He scowled impatiently. "Please," she said softly.

  "If that's what you want, I'll give you time. But I'm going to set two conditions on your little plan. First of all, I'll give you two weeks… that's as long as my patience will hold out. Do whatever you can to prepare your mother and settle everything in your own mind, but in a fortnight we're breaking the news so wedding plans can be made. "

  "And the other condition?"

  He drew a finger from the base of her throat to the curve of her breast. "The days are yours. If you want to spend them playing courting charades, so be it. But the nights are mine."

  Her eyes twinkled with mischief. "Ben, we're not even engaged yet, and you think I'm going to let you-"

  "We damn well are engaged. And I expect all the rights any other engaged man has."

  "Haven't you ever heard of waiting until the wedding night?"

  His hand moved possessively over her body. "Tell me you won't deny me your bed until then, Addie. Or I'll have to make you say it."

  The delight of his touch almost caused her to forget what she'd intended to say. But she couldn't let him hand out orders so casually, not if this was to be a partnership.

  "Of course I wouldn't deny you," she said, putting her hand over his and arresting its movement. "But I have a condition for you."

  His brows lifted in a sardonic quirk. "Oh?"

  "I don't want you to tell Daddy about our engagement."

  "Why not?" he demanded, sounding annoyed.

  "Because he can't keep a secret. Oh, I know what you're going to say-when business is involved, he can. But this isn't business, and when a secret has to do with anyone's personal life, it goes in his ear one minute and straight out his mouth the next. And he's not the most tactful man in the world as you well know-"

  "All right, all right. I won't tell him. But if I find out you've gone behind my back and told someone Caroline, for example… " He paused as Addie began to giggle softly at his grumbling. "Would you care to explain why you're so amused, ma'am?"

  "A few weeks ago I'd never have dreamed we'd be having an argument over something like this. But I have to believe in all of this, because it's happening. What have you done to me, Ben?"

  "I've fallen in love with you," he replied. There was nothing uncertain about his love, nothing held back or hidden.

  Tremulously she smiled and placed a kiss on his lips. "Being this happy makes me worried."

  He leaned over her, his expression utterly serious. "There's nothing to worry about."

  She looked past him to the closed door. "People, events, the future… what if all it comes between us? What if we're separated by something we can't control?" Nameless threats waited beyond the four walls, threats that would test their newly forged bond. Her hand crept over his chest until she could feel the vital pulse of his heartbeat. Ben covered her hand and pressed it more firmly against his heart.

  "Believe in me," he said huskily. "Believe in my strength. I won't let anything separate us. Not even you could drive me away now. No one in the world could fill the place in me that you do. If I'd never met you I'd spend a lifetime waiting for you to appear. Do you believe that?"

  She thought of an old man, ragged and alone, standing in the rain. "Yes," she whispered, and reached for him, needing to remove all distance between them. She struggled to free the last inner stronghold. The words I love you were caught in her throat, begging to be released. She wanted to tell him, wanted to show him that she, too, loved him with the same sureness he had displayed. And yet that last bit of her heart could not be given. He didn't seem to notice her failure, but Addie was all too aware, and she tried to make up for it with the generous response of her body.

  His mouth crushed hers in a kiss that sent excitement crashing through her, and all rational thought dissolved in a deluge of ecstasy. He took her with devouring passion, allowing no respite, no relief, thrusting into her as if his hunger would never be sated. His mouth played ceaselessly on hers, smothering her gasps into barely audible sounds. She relinquished herself to his possession, finally understanding how incomplete she was without him. Deliberately he urged her into a new plane of sensation, where selfconsciousness was stripped away and she was left undisguised from him. With an incoherent murmur she twined her arms around him and matched his fire with her own.

  Addie stirred only a little when he left her, too exhausted to take notice of the last kiss, the last caress, before she was alone again. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed before she heard voices downstairs. Daybreak arrived and light splashed through the windows of her room. She buried her head underneath a pillow, groping for a few minutes of sleep, and her body went limp.

  She awoke with a strange sense of dread, noticing the light in the room had changed, darker now, tinged instead with smoky blue. Lazily she rolled back, blinking the drowsiness away, stifling a yawn. The sounds of women's voices downstairs had disappeared, as well as the sounds of men working and dogs barking outside. Everything was still. And then she heard the muted chug-chug of an automobile, and tires skimming a paved street.

  Addie scrambled out from under the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes wide. The bedroom was blue and white. There was an electric lamp in the corner. She stared at the poster on the wall, at Rudolph Valentino's slicked-black hair and smoldering eyes. She felt as if she would suffocate.

  "No. No, don't let this be happening to me."

  Standing up unsteadily, Addie went to the door and tried to turn the knob. It was Iocked. "Let me out," she said, although there was no
one to hear her, and she pulled harder at the doorknob. "Let me out!" Her voice was shrill with panic. "Ben, where are you? Ben! Ben-"

  She jerked awake with a muffled sound, her heart pounding high in her throat. Trembling, she looked around at the pink-and-white bedroom and stumbled out of bed, going to the middle of the floor and turning around. It was all here. Her shoulders and spine relaxed. She went to the mirror and looked at her own chalk-white face, at the naked fear that still lingered there. It had only been a dream.

  "I belong here," she said out loud, her voice shaking. "I belong here and I won't go back. I won't. " The brown eyes that stared back at her were full of desperation and doubt.

  "Ahh… here comes the sleepyhead," Caroline said affectionately as soon as Addie came downstairs. Addie smiled wanly, sitting in her chair at the table. May poured her coffee and fussed over her, and a sense of comfort and ease began to steal over her.

  "You did sleep late this mornin'," May said with a smile. "Did you have a good night?"

  "I… I… What do you mean?" Addie asked nervously.

  "Well, we've spent the last few days at the Fanins'. It certainly is nice to be back in your own bed, isn't it?"

  "It's wonderful to be back in mine," Caroline remarked, putting a hand to her back. "Those beds at the Fanins' were so hard. These days I can hardly find a comfortable position to sleep in."

  Addie regarded her sympathetically. "Poor Caro. But I al-most envy you, looking forward to having a baby to take care of and love."

  "They're somethin' to envy when they belong to someone else," came the wry response. "It's only when you have one of your own that you understand what trouble they are. And this one is givin' me more trouble than Leah did. Or maybe it's just that I'm older. "

  "Thirty isn't old at all."

  "Tell that to Peter." Caroline smiled faintly. "I think he's gettin' ready to put me out to pasture."

  "What do you mean?"

  Caroline's smile disappeared. "Oh, nothin'. Just makin' noise."

  "I don't understand-"

  "You'll understand many things when you get married," May interrupted gently. "Includin' some of the little discomforts and worries a woman has to face."