Lost in the Mist of Time

by Karen Michelle Nutt

  “But why? For what purpose?”

  “That ye’ll need to search yer soul for. Ye are nah the only one who has found the way. Others have come and gone before ye.”

  “My parents,” she said making Neala raise a gray brow. “It runs in yer blood then?”

  “I only recently realized this. It would have been nice to have been enlightened before I took this little side trip.”

  “Ah, but ye were nah ready to hear the truth. This much I am certain.” Aislinn was silent for a moment, contemplating. Neala had a point. If her parents had suggested time travel, she would have thought that they had lost their minds.

  She thought back, slowly piecing together all that her parents had taught Connor and her, the long tedious lessons on speaking the Irish language among other dialects until it came natural to carry on a conversation. Then there were the self-defense classes she was forced to endure when she would have rather gone to the beach and worked on a tan. It was true. From the moment she could speak, they had been training her for now, but it still didn’t explain why they hadn’t told her. She rubbed her fingertips at her temples. Never had she thought her trip to Ireland would end up so complicated. But if she was to be honest with herself, she had sensed that it would be different before she had even landed. It seems her experience at St. Michan’s was the starting proof of that, but then she recalled the incident at the bookstore before…. A soft gasp escaped her lips.

  “What is it, child?”

  “Before I took this trip, an old woman came to see me. She called me the traveler.” She took a quick breath. “How could I have forgotten? She gave me a book, a journal actually.” “And did ye read it?”

  “I did. It was tragic, Neala, and it all happened here. The person wrote about a man; his cousin that had been murdered.” Her eyes clung to Neala’s. “Do you think it is possible that she wanted me to have the journal because she knew that I would be traveling back in time?” She brushed her hand briefly over her lips. “Maybe I am to stop the murder.” She stood now. Her nerves a jumble, she began to pace.

  “Where is this book?” Neala was curious to know for it could possibly be an important clue to the reasons that she was brought here.

  Aislinn turned toward her with a look of defeat. “Back in my time. I packed it in my suitcase.” She sat down again. “What good is that now? It was probably a clue and I left it behind.”

  “It may be nothing. It is hard to say. Were any names mentioned?”

  She shook her head as she remembered how odd that had seemed. “Not a one. It was as though the person needed to confess his sins, but didn’t trust a priest for it.”

  “May nah be all that odd, since ye say he spoke of a man’s murder. He may have also feared for his life as well.”

  She felt defeated once more. “It couldn’t be my purpose if I don’t have the book, a name or a location. I only know it happened here.”

  “Ye need to be patient. Maybe nah all has been revealed to ye. Be aware, Aislinn: there may be more to come.” She handed Aislinn her cup once more, knowing that she needed to relax. “Thank you.” She looked at Neala while she sipped the smooth-tasting liquid, already feeling better. “I believe we strayed from my original question.”

  Neala smiled her toothless smile. “Marrying the Fitzpatrick? I have nah forgotten. I see a good match between ye two.”

  “Surely you jest.”

  “Ye need a resourceful man, Aislinn, and the Fitzpatrick needs a capable woman. Ye are evenly matched. Life is all about keeping balance with the universe.”

  “I don’t need a man, resourceful or otherwise, and what does me marrying Dougray have to do with balancing the universe?”

  The old woman shook her head. “Things are patterned just so. This is what keeps the spiral of life. As for ye not needing anyone, ye are wrong, lass. We are all in need of someone. It is our human nature.”

  “What of you? Nature can’t be all you need.”

  “I am but years older than ye. I had a man, but he has gone on ahead of me in our life’s journey.”

  Aislinn was ashamed that she had been so rash. It had never occurred to her that Neala might have had a husband. “I’m sorry…I….”

  “Ye have no need to be sorry. I have not lost the man whom I loved. He has only moved to a different infinite distance. I will soon join him and we will continue as we once did.”

  “You mean time travel?”

  Neala chuckled. “Nay, nah quite the same. Death is another level of traveling, but we can discuss that on another day. Now, we need to solve yer dilemma. There is more to the reason ye do not want to marry.”

  Aislinn was amazed how the woman always seemed be so perceptive. She came all this way to speak to her. She might as well let her know all of her fears. Maybe saying them out loud will help in some way. “There is another thing that has me worried…actually petrified. The idea of possibly having a child.”

  “Why would this frighten ye? Children are our legacy, the proof that we have existed.”

  “But I don’t exist here. I haven’t even been thought of yet. How can I have a child when I know that I will go back to my time?”

  “Ye assume that ye will be blessed with children. I say that ye should let fate take the lead. If ye were meant to have a wee babe grow in yer womb then all will work out.”

  “Fate? Work out? Please, I don’t have that much faith. I believe you have to make your way in life with decisions, wise decisions, and not leave your life to destiny. That’s ridiculous.” She put her cup down. “Don’t you see, Neala? I can’t do it. Truly I wouldn’t be good at it. I can’t have a baby. It is too much commitment. You didn’t know me before I came here, but I was never one to commit to any relationship for very long. Three months max. How can I marry and raise children with that track record? I’m not one for the long haul. It’s not in my nature.”

  “Ye were helpful with Hamish. I hear the boy has changed because of ye.” “Sure, I’m great with fix-you-up kind of people. I have no problem with that. I help, I guide them, and then I send them on their way. Not exactly a mother’s way of looking at things.”

  “Ye have young Declan. Know it or not, the boy has latched onto ye like a babe does to a mother.”

  Aislinn glanced at the sleeping child. She didn’t mind in the least to take care of him. Yet again he was a person in need. The child seemed to be healing for he did not have as many nightmares, but the boy still had not uttered a single word. “Don’t you see, Neala? Declan needs me still, but once he has regained his confidence….” She let her statement trail off to silence. She loved the little boy. It would pain her to let him go.

  “I see it in yer eyes, Aislinn. Ye care for Declan in a way that only a mother could. Ye guide a child to know right from wrong. Ye help as much as ye can to steer them down the right path and to know who they are and what they can be. Ye give confidence that will help them through life. In the short time that ye were with Hamish, ye already accomplished this. It is only a matter of time that ye will do the same for Declan. Ye underestimate yerself, Aislinn. Ye have all the qualities of being a good parent.” She rose from her seat to stir what was simmering over the open fire. “Tell me honestly, Aislinn. If ye had the chance this moment to go forward to yer time, would ye go?” Just as Aislinn was about to answer her, she raised her hand to halt her response. “I want ye to think on this. Ye would have to go this moment without uttering a word to a soul. Ye would just have to turn ye back on everyone ye have met here. Would ye do it?”

  She hesitated then. Sure she wanted to go back to her life, to her family, but she had met people here whom she cared for too. She would want to at least say good-bye to them. She would want to thank Dougray…. Then it dawned on her, the whole reality of it all. She would never see any of them again. They would all be ghosts of her past and nothing more. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

  “Nah so easy to answer, is it now?”

  “I don’t have to worry about it. O
bviously, it would never happen that way.”

  “Because of yer caring nature, ye may find leaving us will nah be so easy as ye thought. Tell me this now: if ye knew that ye could never go back home, would marrying milord be so terrible?”

  “We don’t get along.”

  “That wasn’t my question.” “He doesn’t even like me.”

  “This is why he chose to wed ye then?”

  “He just couldn’t stand losing a bet. That’s what prompted all this. I’m just a prize for his trouble.”

  “Ye know better than this. The man does not have trophies. If he did nah want to marry ye, he would nah have stood to take yer challenge. I see the problem here. Ye are both so blind to what is there for the taking.”

  “All I see for our future is bickering and knocking of heads. I see being trapped in a loveless marriage.”

  Again Neala shook her head. “Ye make yer own prison then.”

  Long after Aislinn had left the glen, Neala waited for the other visitor to make his presence known. She was not surprised when it was the Fitzpatrick himself who made his way to her. She marveled at how these two spirits refused to be united, especially when it would end all their anguish.

  “Ye honor my presence, young lord.” She offered the bowl for him so that he may wash his hands. When the formalities were done, he sat down beside the fire. He didn’t speak at once and Neala did not push him to make his reasons known for this little visit. She was a patient woman.

  “She is not happy here.” Dougray looked into the fire almost seeming mesmerized by it. “All she speaks of is returning to her own time. Why can she not learn to accept things as they are?” Now he looked at Neala hoping that the old woman might enlighten him with the answers.

  “This is all new to her, many changes for her to handle at one time. She is unsure also.”

  “Unsure?”

  “Aye. The woman knows not what lies ahead of her. She is a compassionate woman, do ye nah agree?”

  “Aye. More so than any woman I have ever known. She cares for everyone around her. It’s like she has this magical cloak that she opens up to embrace every soul that she meets. She looks at people differently than most. She sees more to them than first impressions may give ye. She tends to see good where I saw nothing redeeming. Where I saw a forsaken soul, she sees one worth rescuing.”

  “Ye admire the lass?”

  Dougray sighed. “Aye. That I do, but also she angers me to no end.” “And yet ye seek her company, nay?”

  “As a moth seeks the flame and I seem to not mind that I get burned each and every time.” He ran his hand through his hair. He was tired and confused over his emotions toward this woman. She drained him of his strength and yet he gladly sought her out for such a purpose. “Am I doing the right thing by marrying her?”

  “Only ye can answer that question, milord.”

  Dougray looked into the old woman’s eyes hoping to find some kind of answer that would inspire him. “I dread that I may send a wedge deeper between us.”

  “May I speak boldly?”

  Dougray gave her a small smile. “That is the only reason I take heed to what ye say.”

  “Then think upon this, milord. Do ye marry the lass out of spite because she challenges yer authority or do ye marry her because ye love her?”

  Dougray didn’t answer at once. Yes, the woman did challenge him on everything she possibly could, but he did not think he was marrying her out of spite. Yet he was not sure that he was marrying her for love either. “I am not a vindictive man.”

  “I have always thought that ye were fair with all.”

  “But love? We are at each other’s throats most of the day.”

  “Aah, it is built up tension between ye. Would it not be grand to unite yer souls, as well as yer bodies with those passionate emotions?”

  Dougray just raised his dark brows at her. The old woman spoke boldly all right, but maybe she had a point. His nights of late were often filled with him imagining how it would be to touch Aislinn in a way that only a man could do. Then his brows furrowed as he thought of the words that she had told him more than once. She wanted true love before she gave her body and soul away.

  “What has ye troubled, milord?”

  “Lady Aislinn will not be so pleased to have our union completed.”

  “Ye do nah look close enough. Ye only see the anger she shows. Look deeper and ye will see that fear of the unknown lies beneath that hostility. She is unsure of her own desires for she has never felt like this before. Be patient, milord, and the rewards will be grand.”

  Chapter 44

  The weather was glorious permitting the wedding to take place as planned, outdoors beside the lake. Even though Neala could not be seen, Aislinn knew that she was there and would be wishing her well.

  Her wedding dress was of bright colors of red and warm blues and the petticoat lined with green ribbon. This wasn’t exactly how she pictured what she would wear for a wedding, but she found she rather liked the lovely homemade dress that Rhiannon had made for her. Moira brushed her hair until it shone and left it loose and flowing where her once short strands now nearly reached her shoulders. A crown of beautiful spring flowers was then placed upon her head.

  There was not a wedding march but there was music. The sweet melody of the harp filled her ears, as did the strong clear voice of the bard. Nothing was how she’d imagined this sacred ceremony to be, but yet she felt a warm glow flow through her. She didn’t understand how she could feel this way when it was all a sham. She was being bound to a man who won her at her own game. It was a vicious and horrible way to enter a marriage. And yet, when she raised her eyes to see Dougray waiting for her in his finery of dark blue and gold and his family amulet hanging around his neck with the amber stone shining brightly, she had to swallow the lump in her throat. He was so handsome, this future husband of hers. His dark hair shimmered with auburn hues, and his bright silvery eyes of gray touched her. For a moment, she actually believed that he looked upon her as a man in love.

  Dougray inhaled a deep breath when he beheld the vision before him. Aislinn was stunning, her glorious ebony hair shining with sleekness, her gown hugging her trim figure to perfection, and she was walking toward him to join hands. He knew that she was unhappy with this union, but still he could not help that his heart sang with delight for she would soon be his. Somehow he would prove to her that they belonged together.

  She reached him then, standing so very tall and bravely meeting his gaze. Only when he covered her hands with his own did he realize that she was trembling.

  The ceremony was brief with words spoken from the Brehon, Darius MacEgan. He again emphasized the contract terms that the marriage would be for one year certain. Aislinn closed her eyes trying to block out the words that made the marriage such a mockery. She said a silent prayer that before the year was up that she would find a way back to where she belonged and would never have to know if Dougray planned to cast her aside once he was tired of her.

  They had a grand procession back to the castle where the main hall was decorated with garland swags with beautiful foxgloves, roses and rhododendrons. There were so many faces she didn’t recognize and there would be more arriving. Dougray had family and close friends that had been detained, but they had sent word that they would arrive within the week.

  There would be days of feasting. Roth had seen that goose and venison had been prepared, as well as whole deer roasted in a pit, with the meat wrapped in wet sedge to keep the flesh from burning. Dougray ordered the tankards never to be empty. From mead to Noble port, or whatever one wanted to quench their thirst.

  Much later into the night, Dougray was whisked away, while women gathered around Aislinn, offering their well wishes.

  For Dougray, the day passed as if in slow motion. He was a married man, once again. Not exactly how he would have liked to plan this union, but the infernal woman left him no other options. He happened a glance at her where she stood surrounded by w
omen. She nodded her head and greeted everyone with politeness that was befitting of a lady, but he was aware that she was not happy. He recognized her subtle expressions, her jaw slightly jutted forward, the crinkling lines on the forehead, and last but not least, the forced smile. He knew that she wished to be anywhere but here. This was not a very good sign for the wedding night to come.

  Moira arrived and Aislinn was all too willing to leave the hall, though she was not thrilled with the idea that Dougray would soon be joining her. The thought terrified her. All her convictions would be put aside. She married a man who did not love her.

  She dreamed about a wedding night being special. She wanted to look into her husband’s eyes and see that he would cherish her as much as she would cherish him, but all she managed to do is marry a man who wished to possess her. Everything was wrong, and the more she thought about it, the angrier she became. This had all been but a game to Dougray and now he was going to reap the rewards and throw her away in a year’s time.

  Well forget it!

  “Ye look beautiful.” Moira smiled for she knew that Dougray would be most pleased. Aislinn looked down at the white-laced nightgown not really seeing it. She didn’t even remember changing out of her wedding dress and into this delicate garment. “I’ll let him know that ye are ready.” Moira turned to leave.

  “Wait! I need to see Declan. I didn’t even say goodnight to him.” Aislinn didn’t care that her voice sounded panicked. She was panicked!

  Moira’s eyebrows slanted in a frown for she didn’t understand her lady’s hesitation. “A.J., Declan is fast asleep by now. Do not worry so. Rhiannon will take care of him.” She walked over to her then and took Aislinn’s hands in hers. “Ye will please milord if that is what is worrying ye.” She patted her hand.

  Aislinn closed her eyes. She wanted to bar the door as soon as Moira left, but then Dougray would probably demand that it be knocked down. It would be better to face him head on. She opened her eyes to see Moira still waiting for her to give the order. “Tell him I’m ready.”