Make Me a Mommy: A Mother's Day Secret Baby Romance

by Liz K. Lorde

  Evelyn lets the tears roll down her cheeks as she reaches out to grip James’ hand. He lets her, squeezing her hand back and looking up into her eyes with a soft, sad look.

  “It’s okay, baby. You’re still going to get that perfect wedding, with the perfect guy. Just like I promised you.”

  “James…” Evelyn shakes her head, still hanging on to James’ hand. “I can’t believe this. Thank you, thank you so much. You don’t have to…”

  “Yes,” he nods, firmly. “Yes, I do have to do this. You guys deserve the best. You need to get on with your lives, you’ve missed out on so much time.”

  For a few moments, Evelyn and James look into each other’s eyes, and I let them. I understand that something is between them that I can’t ever share. It doesn’t threaten me, because it’s over, before it ever really began.

  No one’s a villain here. We are all just victims of life’s cruel games.

  “I appreciate this, James.” I’m trying to find the right words—appreciate is not even close. He looks up at me with a half-smile.

  “I need to do right by you and this beautiful girl.” He shrugs, “It’s the only thing I can do.”

  “I’m so sorry, old buddy,” I murmur, almost to myself.

  Then I have to think, what am I apologizing for? For living? For being loved by my wife?

  Or just sorry. Sorry for it all. It doesn’t have to be an apology—more a recognition of shared circumstance.

  James nods. “It looks like the waiter is on his way back. How about I buy a round of nice strong drinks, we’ll talk, we’ll eat, and enjoy ourselves. There’s no hard feelings here, okay?” He smiles at both of us, and it feels warm.

  I return the smile, feeling like the brothers you make under fire are closer than blood.

  I’m the luckiest guy in the world.

  Chapter 28

  Evelyn

  My face is framed by flowers in the mirror. There are roses everywhere, just everywhere—only a few red, the rest in pale pink, peach, and white. The scent is heavenly.

  My skin has taken on the glow of the petals. I’m so happy I can feel it radiating out of my skin. I give myself a grin, touching up my lipstick for the millionth time. I had a friend do my eyes and cheekbones earlier with light touches.

  The ceremony will start soon. I’m not even in my dress yet. I’ll probably need help to get the back done up. I’m not in a rush. I want to savor every moment of this. The anticipation and excitement are killing me, but it’s a good hurt.

  I’m wearing gorgeous white silk stockings with soft bands of lace that circle my thighs. A fancy, lacy push up bra that fits perfectly under my dress holds my breasts to attention. The tiny lace thong is barely even enough fabric to call itself underwear.

  I turn my head from side to side, admiring the piles of curls in a graceful updo. They fall beautifully around my face and neck, showing off my glittering dangly earrings.

  Behind me, I hear the door click as someone walks in.

  “Oh, hi.” I call out as I start to turn around, “I’m glad you’re here I need help with—”

  I feel arms going around me before I can finish. From the soft yet thrilling touch and the tangy deep scent, I know its Shawn.

  “What are you doing here?” I whisper furiously as he drapes his arms around me, falling on to my neck and bare shoulders with soft kisses. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!”

  Shawn places his hands lightly on my shoulders and starts kissing a path along my skin from one side to the other.

  “Its bad luck…” Kiss. “To see the bride…” Kiss. “Before the wedding…” Kiss. “In her dress…” Kiss. “Besides, I’m told we’re married already.”

  He stands up straight, grinning. We meet eyes in the mirror.

  “You aren’t wearing your dress.” He smiles. I grin back, leaning into him to look up and meet his eyes as he gazes down at me. He just stares in wonder for a second, stroking my face lightly.

  “How’s Tanner? Is he all ready?”

  Shawn nods. “Yes, he’s very excited. He’s all pressed into his little tux and is taking his role very seriously.”

  “It was a great idea to make him ring bearer.” I lean back into Shawn, letting my eyes fall half-closed as I start to drift away on Shawn’s scent. His closeness is intoxicating.

  Shawn draws his hands down my arms, crouching so he can kiss my neck some more. I watch him in the mirror as his arms wrap around my waist, and his lips run across my bare shoulders.

  I can feel myself getting warm, tingles in my belly that spread quickly to my thighs and start up an ache deep inside me.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this now,” I whisper, not even thinking as my head falls back against Shawn’s shoulder. His arms come up from my waist and stroke the stiff fabric of my bra, where the nipples are hiding. They push against the fabric instantly, my breasts feeling hot and full like they want to pop out of the bra.

  “I don’t think they can start without us,” Shawn mumbles against my neck.

  His comment doesn’t make sense because I’m completely lost. My eyes have fallen closed and all I’m aware of is Shawn’s hands and scent. His fingers move across my belly and breasts while he kisses along my shoulders and neck.

  I start to slide back, opening my legs and inviting him further down. One hand slips down my side and lingers, warm, over the waistband of my panties. Throbbing now I open up further, throwing my head back against his shoulder.

  Shawn laughs, pulling back, quickly moving his hands to my shoulders. I blink a few times, coming back to myself. I look into the mirror and Shawn is watching me with a smile. I smile back.

  Two people meeting in a mirror always feels odd to me. We aren’t actually looking at each other, after all. It’s somehow unreal. I reach up with one hand and Shawn takes it.

  “I can’t wait till after the wedding.” He winks and squeezes my hand.

  “We’ll never get there at all if someone doesn’t help me get into my dress.”

  “I’ll help.”

  “But it’s supposed to be bad luck.”

  He gives me a face, kind of wry, not quite joking. “You really believe all that? After what we’ve been through? And the fact we’re married?”

  I feel my face break into a real smile. “I guess not.”

  I get up, stepping around the small stool. Shawn moves closer and hugs me. I stretch up, putting my arms around his shoulders. He holds me tight, pressing our bodies together. For a few moments, we breathe each other in.

  “It’s not like I’m in a hurry.” Shawn whispers. “But there are a few people waiting.”

  “Oh?” I pull back and give him a smile. “I thought you said they can’t start without us.”

  “It’s still true.”

  I love the smile on his face. It’s like we’re kids again, just so happy to be in the moment that the future doesn’t matter, and the past doesn’t exist. I point at my dress, hanging from a nearby hook.

  “I’ll get into it, and you can do me up, okay?”

  He gives that boyish grin again. “Never thought I would be so excited to help you put your clothes on.” He laughs, stroking my arm.

  I slip the dress carefully off the hanger, unzipping it and stepping into it slowly. It’s a beautiful, ivory silk sheath, very simple. A straight, low neckline with falls of silk wrapping around the shoulders and a fit design. On the right, there’s a neat, thigh-high split to show off the gorgeous white stockings and reveal a tiny peek of the lace top where it caresses my leg.

  As I settle the silk around my shoulders, Shawn steps up. The dress hugs me tight as the zipper buzzes from bottom to top. It clings, wrapping perfectly around my hips and fitting around the bra without an inch to spare.

  I slip on the shoes, off-white high heels with scrolls of lace that match my stockings. I step away from Shawn to face the full-length mirror, turning a few times to make sure everything is right.

  When I turn back to loo
k at Shawn, he’s sitting at my dressing table, looking handsome and nervous in his dark tux. I smile at his expression.

  “You okay?”

  “I’m just—wow. Overwhelmed. You look so beautiful.” He shakes his head and swallows hard.

  I waft towards him, pulling myself up straight and tall. Taking small, swinging steps, I get closer, the silk whispering against my legs. He looks up as I stop in front of him. I put my hands on his face, looking deeply into his eyes.

  The force of the moment is extreme. It’s just us—our love and our grief and our hope. All there in his eyes, in the tremor in his voice.

  “I love you.” He whispers.

  “I love you, too.” I feel my eyes prickle, but I blink them back, no way am I going to cry and ruin this makeup.

  “It’s like a dream, some incredible dream. I was in a nightmare for so long… I can’t believe I made it back.” He shakes his head, bringing his eyes back up to mine.

  I kiss him gently, drawing him into me. He kisses me hesitantly at first, then gives in, opening his mouth and letting my tongue fall into his. I feel his hands stroke my hips, lightly stroking the dress as he runs his hands up my sides.

  I pull out of the kiss, locking my eyes on his as I stroke his face.

  “I thought you were gone. And now you’re here, in my arms again. What more could I ask for?” As I whisper the words, it’s like an apology to the universe. I’ve cursed fate and chance. Now I see they were on my side the whole time.

  He pulls me down and with a bit of a slip against him, I fall comfortably onto his lap. One arm goes around his shoulders as he supports me around the waist.

  Our spare hands reach out, searching, and come together. Our fingers link. We both look at our clasped hands, heads together—thoughts drifting far away.

  He uses one finger to stroke the edge of my ring. “I’m so happy, I don’t think I want to move.” His voice is a soft whisper against my chest. I giggle, so light and happy I think I could handle it if the roof fell in.

  “I think we have somewhere we need to be going, but I’m pretty comfortable, too.”

  He looks up at me and we swim in each other’s eyes again. I stroke his face, exploring him with awe.

  I kiss him again, brushing my lips across his cheek so I can whisper in his ear.

  “Come on, lover. Let’s get the formalities out of the way. Then you can get me back out of this dress again.”

  I step back, bringing him forward with my hands. He stands up, holding me tightly. We look at each other and then at the door.

  I couldn’t be readier than I am.

  Chapter 29

  Shawn

  The music plays as I look out at our guests. Our closest friends and family have all gathered to watch us renew the vows we took so long ago.

  Everyone smiles and nods. The mood in the room is electric—the kind of feeling that can only be called happiness. I’ve never considered myself lucky until this very moment, in this church, waiting for my family.

  I look at the doors and wait for Evelyn to walk toward me; to say that she is mine again in front of everyone we know and love, to tell me that she never really stopped loving me.

  It is so hard to imagine a time when Evelyn and I didn’t exist. I love her that much, but when I look at all of the faces staring back at me, I understand that these are our people.

  These people helped her through one of the hardest times in her life, and they helped her to realize that she always had someone to love her and to help her, if need be.

  The organ begins the song again, but the doors don’t budge.

  Where is she? After everything, she can’t really be thinking about not doing this.

  My heart is pounding as the wedding march begins to feel like the longest song I’ve ever heard. There is no way Evelyn would leave me standing here—not like this. We are bigger than that, and she would never hurt me that way.

  After all we’ve been through, there is no way she would not walk up that aisle to me. It’s the way things are meant to be. She knows it, and I know it, too.

  As the music plays again, all I can really think about is how long I’ve been gone, and how hard it must have been for Evelyn and Tanner.

  Maybe she didn’t want to do this again, to try to raise Tanner and be a family, with me.

  I am sure Evelyn has her own issues, but I’m not sure if they would be big enough to keep her from opening those doors. I understand that Evelyn is mine forever, but maybe she doesn’t feel that way about me anymore. Maybe I’m the fool, about to have my feelings shattered.

  This day is supposed to be perfect, but, for some reason, it’s starting to feel like a nightmare waiting to happen or like falling into the same terrible habit over and over again, with no real way to stop.

  Maybe I’m just a habit Evelyn had decided to kick.

  I step from side to side; my smile feels tense and fake as everyone starts to wonder what the hell is going on.

  I can’t lie—I’m wondering the same thing. Evelyn hasn’t expressed anything even close to doubt, so I don’t know why I can’t raise my eyes.

  I force myself to look toward the doors again, and they swing open to reveal Evelyn.

  In the next instant, she is running to me at full speed. It isn’t until she reaches me that I see she’s been crying, and the fear on her face is as clear as day.

  She looks at me and says, “Tanner is gone. I had him one minute, and when I turned around, he was gone. Tell me he’s here with you,” she pleads looking around.

  She is despondent, and she’s shutting down. No one could blame her for it. “Excuse us for a second, everyone,” I say.

  I take her hand and lead her down the aisle of the church, confused glances following us.

  First thing’s first, I need to make sure Evelyn is okay. I make her sit down and take a deep breath.

  “Where and when did you see Tanner last?” I make sure I sound totally calm.

  Evelyn looks at me, “I told you, he was with me, but then he ran out of the room. I assumed he was running to be with you, but he isn’t with you either. I’m really worried, Shawn.”

  It makes sense that Evelyn would think Tanner is with me. If he isn’t with her, who else could he be with?

  “He didn’t come down here, and the last time I saw him, he was with you. When he ran out of the room, did you see which way he went?” I ask.

  Evelyn looks at me, “To the right, I think. Why?”

  I want to tell her I’m trying to figure it out, working through it in the way I do operations: steadily and mechanically.

  “I’m trying to piece it all together, so maybe we can figure out where he may have gone.” As I look at her, I zero in on what we know so far.

  “Has Tanner ever done this before, run away or hid when something seems overwhelming or when he is scared?” I ask. “Do you think he was nervous?”

  Evelyn looks at me. “No. He doesn’t just run off, and you saw him this morning yourself. He’s excited about today. Normally, he wouldn’t leave my side.”

  I nod. Of course, a mother knows her son best.

  “Did he say anything before he ran off? Try to think back,” I urge her.

  In my mind, I’m already getting ready to put our guests into groups to start searching for the little boy.

  She shakes her head as she tries to remember.

  “There were so many people in the room. I made sure his tie was straight, and I fixed his jacket. I was ready and heard the music and thought he left with the girls or that he was with you,” she croaks out.

  I shake my head. This doesn’t make any sense.

  “No, I thought he was with you, getting ready.” My heart sinks in my chest because I have no idea where our son could be, and neither does Evelyn.

  It’s tearing me apart not knowing where Tanner is. I can only imagine what it must be like for Evelyn, his mother. She must be beside herself with worry and fear.

  I need to start looking for our s
on. We fucking need to find him right now.

  “You stay here. I am going to tell everyone what’s happening. The more eyes looking for him, the better. Plus, someone might have seen him after he left you.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  She takes my hand, and I squeeze it tight, reassuring her.

  I make the kind of announcement no parent ever wants to make, and one I never thought I would have to make today.

  “Dear family and friends, sorry for the delay. But we need your help. Tanner’s gone missing.”

  A hubbub erupts, and I lift my hand to quiet the room again.

  “Time is of the essence. We need everyone’s help to look for Tanner: in the right and left sides of the church, at the back of the church, and the reception area. Any signs that could lead to his whereabouts should be reported to me immediately.”

  I watch everyone move to the area I asked them to search.

  “And what do we do?”

  I take Evelyn’s hand and head to the confession cubicles.

  “We look everywhere for Tanner until we find him.”

  Chapter 30

  Evelyn

  The need to throw up threatens to grab hold of me. I stop, close my eyes, and tell myself, Mind over matter. I repeat this mantra, hoping it’ll work.

  “Listen, Evelyn,” Shawn turns toward me. “I need you to focus and help me.”

  It’s hard not to burst into tears, scream hysterically, or simply pass out. Only a mother could understand how I feel right now.

  Tanner, my son, my life, my light, my love is gone. Disappeared. Vanished.

  Where could he be?

  Shawn suspected some type of practical joke on the part of Tanner. He would think that, wouldn’t he? I mean, he doesn’t know Tanner the way I do, his mother.

  But Tanner was so excited about being ring bearer. He would never ever mess that up. What’s more, Tanner is not the practical-joke-player.

  “I’m listening.”

  His eyes search mine. They’re looking directly into my soul.