Make Me a Mommy: A Mother's Day Secret Baby Romance

by Liz K. Lorde

  “Not only are we going to search as we go along, we’re going to ask people when the last time was that they saw Tanner.”

  I nod.

  That’s all I can do: nod mechanically.

  “I think we better stay together,” he adds.

  Again, I nod.

  My eyes roam the room. We’re at the back part of the church. Shawn insisted on searching through each and every confessional cubicle, in case Tanner was hiding.

  I’d tried to tell him Tanner wouldn’t hide. But Shawn had insisted.

  “Okay.” Shawn’s turning away from me. He grabs my hand. “He’s definitely not in the church.”

  Duh.

  Now I’m crying again.

  Tanner had this great way saying ‘duh’. I once used it, and he picked it up instantly. Since then, he’s been using it spot-on every time. I could hear him say it now.

  “If he’s not in the church, he might be in one of the rooms out here.”

  I feel myself pulled along by Shawn. I swear, any second, my legs might give way.

  The first room looks empty. But Shawn is not satisfied and walks all the way into the room. He looks under tables, behind curtains, and even opens the cupboard doors.

  Nothing.

  Seeing him be so thorough wakes something up in me.

  Instead of watching Shawn search this room, I head out the door.

  “I’ll be in the next one,” I call out to him.

  Without waiting for a reply, I open the door to the room across from the one Shawn’s searching.

  Someone bumps into me.

  It’s my Aunt Cheryl.

  “Sorry, Cheryl,” I mumble and am about to continue walking when I stop. “You haven’t seen Tanner, have you?”

  She shakes her head. “I’ve just been to the ladies. I checked each cubicle to be sure he’s not hiding. But he’s not in there.”

  I nod.

  “Thank you, Cheryl. Do you know where you saw him last?” Shawn asks from behind me. My aunt spins around to face him.

  “Let me think.” She purses her lips and furrows her brow. “I think I saw him with you, Evelyn. You were straightening his tie. And then he ran that way, I think.” She points vaguely to her left.

  “That’s great. Thanks so much.” Shawn grabs my hand. “At least we know he ran away from the entrance to the church.”

  “He wasn’t running away,” I protest. Why would Tanner need to run away?

  Shawn sighs. “I don’t mean ‘run away’ in the sense of him running away. I mean, he was headed away from the church.”

  It takes me a few seconds to digest what he’s trying to say.

  My eyes roam the corridor.

  Part of me hopes he is playing a practical joke on me. I hope he’ll make me look like an idiot, saying my son doesn’t do this sort of thing.

  If he were to jump out now and say, ‘Got you!’ I’d hug him and never let him go.

  But I’ve got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s a foreboding. I can tell something’s wrong.

  I have no idea why or how I know this, but I do.

  The knowledge of this feels like a giant weight crushing me into the ground. I don’t think I’ll survive this.

  What if something happened to him? I couldn’t live with myself. I couldn’t…

  I stop the thought.

  Stop jumping to conclusions, I scold myself.

  “Come on,” Shawn pulls me out of my nightmare.

  “Where to?”

  “I think we need to ask a few more people if they recall seeing Tanner.”

  I put on the brakes.

  “You ask. I’ll keep looking,” I tell him and pull away from him.

  He furrows his brow.

  “I don’t think we should separate,” he starts.

  And I don’t want to go and ask a hundred or so guests what they’ve seen or what they haven’t seen. By now, some of our guests have had a few glasses of wine. Who knows what they’re going to say.

  No. I’m going to fucking keep looking for my son until I find him.

  Just as I’m about to move off, my legs give way, and Shawn catches me before I hit the ground.

  His strong arm around my waists supports me as he walks me to a seat.

  “You’re in no condition to go anywhere on your own,” he says and sighs.

  “I need to find him, Shawn.” I’m almost screaming this at him. “I need to find Tanner. I need…” Now I’m sobbing.

  No mother should have to go through this, least of all on her wedding day. This was meant to be the second happiest day of my life. And now it had turned into a total fucking nightmare.

  “Evelyn.” Shawn’s voice sounds a long way away. “Evelyn, look at me.”

  His hand lifts my chin.

  “We need to find him,” I sob again. My whole body is shaking.

  “We will. Do you hear me, Evelyn? We fill find him. But you must help me. You must stay focused. Come on. Let’s just keep looking around here before we head outside.”

  Shawn practically drags me up from the seat.

  “You can do this,” he tells me, and I just stare him. “Breathe, Evelyn, breathe.”

  I try and do as he tells me. In, out, in, out.

  With a few deep breaths, I manage to decrease my shaking.

  “Ready?”

  I nod and follow Shawn to the next room. This one is a lot smaller, and it takes no time to see Tanner is not in here.

  By the time we get to the front door, any hope I’ve had of finding Tanner has evaporated.

  I mean, if he’s not in the building, chances are he’s not outside. What reason would Tanner have to leave the building on his own?

  But if he didn’t leave on his own…did he leave with someone else? Was he forced to leave?

  Oh my god.

  Please, no.

  “Concentrate on the here and now, Evelyn,” Shawn says as if he can read my mind. “We’ve got no idea why or how he’s gone missing. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

  I nod.

  I can do this.

  As soon as we step through the front door, I look around. A sea of cars is all I can see.

  “Do you see him?” I try to sound a little less hysterical than before.

  “Not yet.” Shawn’s squinting. He’s got a look of sheer determination on his face.

  “Let’s walk down to the carpark and look at each row as close as we can. If need be, let’s look under the cars, too.”

  We walk from row to row. No sign of Tanner.

  I’m feeling dizzy again.

  It seems hopeless. Tanner is gone. Vanished without a trace.

  “What’s that?”

  My head snaps up, and I look at Shawn. “What?”

  “The black SUV over there.” His voice is a little lower, and he starts to move toward the vehicle.

  I frown. Isn’t that James’ car?

  “But—” I start and break into a run to follow Shawn.

  “Hey!” he calls, but just then, the SUV maneuvers out of the car park and takes off.

  “Fucking son of a bitch!” Shawn yells. I trip over a rock, stumble, and fall. At the last minute, Shawn catches me.

  “Let’s go and follow that prick,” Shawn says as he helps me up.

  His eyes have a strange expression in them, and I fear for whoever is driving the car.

  Chapter 31

  Shawn

  My eyes are locked on to the rear of the black SUV. I wrestle my own car around the turns, keeping my foot flat to the floor. I don’t lose momentum, no matter how much swerving I do. The car jerks and skips on the road as I muscle her up to her peak performance.

  She wasn’t built for this, and I didn’t learn these moves on a suburban street. It’s amazing how the training comes back. All it takes is a bit of adrenaline, and I’m a different man.

  Evelyn is against the seat, practically plastered against the door. Her hair has come down and is falling in curls all about her face. I’m not sure
if she’s freaking out about Tanner or my driving.

  I throw her a grin, feeling the confidence behind it. This shit, I know how to do.

  Danger. Chase the enemy. Go after him.

  This I can handle a lot better than delicate social interactions.

  “Don’t worry, baby.” I want to reach out and touch her, but we’re going too fast. I can’t take my hands off the wheel for even a second. I’m not losing this fucker. “I’m going to get this prick.”

  My eyes narrow as my hands grip the steering wheel. All I can see is that tail bar, trying to evade me and slip away. My universe has narrowed to me and my enemy.

  “I’m going to chase down this son of a bitch, and I’m going to put him in a world of pain for taking our son!” I spit out.

  The traffic opens up a bit, and I slam my foot down, shooting forwards. Evelyn gasps as she’s thrown further into the corner, hands coming up to brace against the window.

  The SUV takes a turn up ahead, and I floor it, squealing around the corner a few seconds behind. Heading away from busy roads now into quieter streets.

  Good. Because when I catch him, I don’t want witnesses. I released my savage nature once, only to find I was expected to put it back in a box and tell it to behave like a nice little puppy.

  I glare at the car ahead. Put down a man’s aggression? Make him an amenable creature? Maybe.

  But that shit doesn’t go away, not once it’s awake. You have to be one mad dog to provoke a man that has a killing instinct.

  “Who could do this, Evelyn?” I glance over at her, sparing her a look as my feet and hands work without my eyes.

  Every second, I plan my next move. How many in the other car? What kind of weapons will they have?

  “I don’t know.” She shakes her head desperately. “I can’t think of anything. No one would do this. Who would take a little boy right out from under our noses?”

  She shakes her head, curls tumbling down from the pins that held her hair up so delicately.

  I push the car through another tight turn, feeling the wheels lift off, but just as soon as I do, I feel the momentum slam us back down on to the road. My foot goes flat against the floor again, and I stare down the ass end of the SUV.

  Coming for you, fucker.

  “Maybe it’s something to do with the inheritance?” Evelyn sits up, bracing herself against the dash board. “You know, how Tanner has that trust from your parents? It’s only a fraction of their wealth, but to anyone else, it would look like a bloody fortune. Maybe something to do with that?”

  “That makes sense.”

  I’m actually cursing myself now. I forgot my own flesh and blood had a nice little price tag around his neck. I should have been more careful.

  How could I forget something like that? Risk management is essential in a soldier’s life. I feel like I’ve fucked up badly on many levels.

  I push the car even harder. I’m going to fix all of that when I get this prick.

  “Not many people know about it, though. The only one who knows about the trust is James…” Evelyn trails off, face pale with horror. “He’s the only one who knows. I was afraid of this exact situation. I kept it so quiet, even my family doesn’t know. And James wouldn’t do this.”

  She looks up at the black SUV bouncing in front of us. He’s not gaining ground, but neither are we.

  “I didn’t see him at the wedding…did you?” She looks into her lap, face falling.

  I shake my head, focused only on the road.

  “He wasn’t there…” she looks up at the SUV again.

  I look over quickly, and I can see by her face that her emotions are tearing her apart. I take my attention off the car for two seconds, reaching over to squeeze her hand, and we catch each other’s eyes briefly before I look back at the road.

  “Hey, babe, don’t do this.” I wish I could comfort her, hold her. I wish I could take a second to calm her down and pour some cold reason on this inferno of doubt and despair.

  But I can’t. I can’t stop. All I have are my words.

  “Don’t do this, Evelyn, don’t. Don’t start questioning everyone and everything. Trust me. It only leads to questioning yourself.”

  I look away from the road quickly. She’s slumped in the corner, staring forlornly out the windscreen.

  “James couldn’t do this…do you hear me? There’s no way. I know him. He fought by my side. He looked after you and cared for you all this time. It can’t be him.”

  She shakes her head slowly. The momentum of the car, the urgency of the situation—all these things fall away from her. She is a desolate, still place in a whirlwind of turmoil.

  “Nothing else makes sense. I don’t know…why he would do it. I can’t imagine. And if it’s not him…who?”

  The SUV slows down, making a turn onto a very quiet, unmarked country lane. I speed up, but he’s got the upper hand and starts to pull away. In another few yards, the road evens out. I might be able to catch up to them there.

  “It could have something to do with me,” I say grimly. I grip the wheel, forcing the car to take the bad road faster than she was built to. The shocks are getting fucked to hell. “There are always people looking to punish the military. I’m a prime target for a hit.”

  The more I think about this, the stupider I feel. I should have been by my son’s side the whole time! I did it—I fucking let myself relax.

  I believed in this easy, bright world where people aren’t blown away by bombs every day. I fell for it.

  The biggest lie society has for you: you are safe.

  What a fucking croc. No one is safe. Not ever.

  If I never forgot that, maybe my son wouldn’t be paying for it right now.

  “You’re right. Of course, you’re right.” Evelyn sits forward, grabbing the dash again. “It could be anything. There’s no point trying to work out who or why. We just need to get our baby back.”

  I can see the panic lurking around her, but she pushes it away—far more bravely than some men I’ve seen, the first time they hit combat action. My wife. My strong, amazing wife.

  How I wish I had been at her side every moment of my life. With her next to me, anything is possible.

  The SUV hits the smoother paved road and floors it. For a couple of seconds, he pulls away.

  It’s a long stretch of very slick tar. I can see the SUV’s wheels skimming, just slightly. I know exactly what’s going to happen when my flashy little beast hits that black top.

  A fully satisfied grin sweeps across my face as my front tires hit the freshly laid road. My little car hugs the asphalt and accelerates. Evelyn shrieks as she’s thrown back into the corner again.

  It’s just me and him now.

  There’s another stretch of dirty, unpaved road coming up. But I’m going to catch him before he gets to it.

  My small, light car takes the slick, fresh tar easily, gripping to the road base and accelerating. The SUV with its higher center of gravity can’t stay at full speed without swishing.

  I’m so close now, so close. I only need a couple more seconds. Then I’ll nip out to the side and ram the fucker.

  My hands grip the wheel, ready to make my move.

  To my horror, the SUV’s red brake lights suddenly flare bright. I know what’s going to happen. I can’t believe it. This cunt has balls.

  There’s no time to react. No time to brace or yell a warning to Evelyn. No time for anything.

  The SUV halts so quickly, it’s impossible to see it from our perspective. The nose of my car smashes through the back window, bucking upwards as the wheels try to crawl up the back bumper. I feel a jolt as I realize the prick has also thrown it into reverse.

  We’re going too fucking fast. All the aspects of the small, light car I now curse as she starts to flip.

  The view through the windscreen starts to turn topsy-turvy. I grip the wheel, waiting. All I can hear is Evelyn screaming as a mighty crack brings darkness to my eyes.

  Chapter 32


  Evelyn

  There’s an insane, high-pitched ringing, almost a whine coming through the pain. For a second, I don’t know where I am.

  I blink hard, seeing myself dressed in white silk, lying in a field of diamonds.

  That’s right. It’s my wedding day. Everything is perfect.

  My head really hurts. As I try to reach up to see why, I blink my eyes open again.

  This time, they stay open.

  It’s not diamonds scattered over my dress. It’s broken glass.

  Shawn and I are wearing the windscreen. I’m crumpled in the corner of the seat. Shawn is slumped over the steering wheel. It looks like he hit it with his forehead.

  “Shawn. Baby. Are you okay?”

  I’m having trouble getting my body to work. I’m trying to move, but my fingers and hands just flutter uselessly. I can’t seem to get feeling into my arms.

  “Shawn. Babe. Answer me, please.”

  I can’t see him breathing. He’s not moving. Shards of glass lay scattered all over us.

  The car is a heap of twisted metal. From the looks of the caved-in ceiling, we rolled a bit as we crashed. I was strapped in. Shawn wasn’t.

  I try to get up, feeling fear creeping through my veins. I lurch against the seatbelt, clawing at it. I can feel hopeless, hysterical tears just seconds away.

  “Shawn, wake up. Please, baby, please wake up.”

  I run my hands down the seatbelt, searching for the clasp. I want to kid myself, do anything to reassure myself. But it’s useless.

  Shawn’s dead. Shawn’s really dead this time.

  I got him back only so I could watch him die.

  My son is gone.

  Everything is gone.

  I get the clasp open and let the seatbelt slide away. I start moving slowly across the seat, glass tinkling all around me.

  I grab Shawn by the shoulder, shaking him. He flops from side to side, arms falling off the steering wheel. His head rocks heavily, blood dripping from the steering wheel on to the floor.

  He’s dead.

  Everything was for nothing.

  I wipe at my eyes, but the hot tears keep coming. Panic and loss swell in my chest.

  I feel wild. Different. My outer shell is energized by the adrenaline, but my insides are cold and sick.

  I give Shawn’s shoulder another shake. The way he wobbles heavily against the steering wheel makes me feel sick. I shove him again.