MA03 Myth Directions

by Robert Asprin

  “Not so fast, Quigley,” Aahz declared, sinking back into his chair and propping his feet up on the table. “If nothing else, I think you owe us an explanation. The last time we saw you, you were a demon-hunter, heading off through the dimensions with Tananda to learn more about magik. Now, I was under the distinct impression you intended to use that knowledge to further your old career. What brought you over to our side of the fence?”

  Quigley thought for a moment, then shrugged and settled back in his own chair.

  “Very well,” he said. “I suppose I can do that, seeing as how we were comrades-in-arms at one point.”

  He paused to take a sip of wine before continuing.

  “Tananda and I parted company with the others shortly after we discovered your little joke. We thought it was quite amusing, particularly Tananda, but the others seemed quite upset, especially Isstvan, so we left them and headed off on our own.”

  The demon-hunter’s eyes went slightly out of focus as he sank back into his memories. “We traveled the dimensions for some time. Quite a pleasant time, I might add. I learned a lot about demons and a little about magik, and it set me to thinking about my chosen line of work as a demon-hunter. I mean, demons aren’t such a bad lot once you get to know them, and magik pays considerably better than swinging a sword.”

  “I hope you’re paying attention, kid,” Aahz grinned, prodding my shoulder.

  I nodded, but kept my attention on Quigley.

  “Then,” the demon-hunter continued, “circumstances arose that prompted Tananda to abandon me without money or a way back to my own dimension.”

  “Wait a minute,” Aahz interrupted. “That doesn’t sound like Tananda. What were these ‘circumstances’ you’re referring to?”

  “It was a misunderstanding, really,” Quigley explained, flushing slightly. “Without going into lurid details, the end result involved my spending a night with a female other than Tananda.”

  “I can see why she’d move on without you,” Aahz frowned. “But not why she’d take your money.”

  “Well actually, it was the young lady I was with at the time who relieved me of my coinage,” the demon-hunter admitted, blushing a deeper shade of red.

  “Got it,” Aahz nodded. “Sounds like along with magik and demons, there are a few things you have to learn about women.”

  I wouldn’t have minded a few lessons in the department myself, but I didn’t think this was the time to bring it up.

  “Anyway,” Quigley continued hastily, “there I was, stranded and penniless. It seemed the only thing for me to do was to go to a Placement Service.”

  “A Placement Service?” Aahz blinked. “Just where was this that you were stranded?”

  “Why, the Bazaar at Deva, of course,” the demon-hunter replied. “Didn’t I mention that?”

  “The Bazaar at Deva,” my mentor sighed. “I should have known. Oh well, keep going.”

  “There’s really not that much more to tell.” Quigley shrugged. “There were no openings for a demon-hunter, but they managed to find me this position here in Jahk by lying about how much magik I knew. Since then, things have been pretty quiet—or they were before the guards appeared at my door carrying Tananda.”

  I was starting to wonder if any court magician was really qualified for his position.

  “And you aren’t about to let Tananda go. Right?” Aahz finished.

  “Don’t misunderstand,” Quigley insisted, gnawing his lip. “I’d like to let her go. If nothing else it would do a lot for patching up the misunderstanding between Tananda and myself. Unfortunately, I just don’t see any way I could let her escape without losing my job on grounds of incompetence.”

  “Say, maybe we could get you a job in Possletum!” I suggested brightly.

  “Kid,” Aahz smiled, “are you going to stop that tongue of yours all by yourself, or do I have to tear it out by the roots?” I took the hint and shut up.

  “Thank you, lad,” Quigley said, “but I couldn’t do that. Unlike yourself, I’m still trying to build a reputation as a magician. How would it look if I left my first job in defeat with my tail between my legs?”

  “You haven’t got a tail,” Aahz pointed out.

  “Figure of speech,” Quigley shrugged.

  “Oh,” my mentor nodded. “Well, if you think a hasty retreat from one’s first job is unusual, my friend, you still have a lot to learn about the magik profession.”

  “Haven’t I been saying that?” Quigley frowned.

  I listened to their banter with only half an ear. The rest of me was floating on Quigley’s implied compliment. I’m getting quite good at hearing indirect compliments. The direct ones are few and far between.

  Come to think of it, I was getting a reputation as a magician.

  No one could deny we beat Isstvan at his own game—and I had actually recruited and commanded the team that stopped Big Julie’s army. Why, in certain circles, my name must be ...

  “Bullshit!” Aahz roared, slapping his hand down on the table hard enough to make the chairs jump. “I tell you she didn’t steal the damn Trophy!”

  I collected my shattered nerves and turned my attention to the conversation once more.

  “Oh come now, Aahz, “ Quigley grimaced. “I traveled with Tananda long enough to know she’s not above stealing something that caught her eye—nor are you two, I’d imagine.”

  “True enough,” Aahz admitted easily, “but you can bet your last baseball card that if any of us went after your Trophy, we wouldn’t be caught afterward.”

  “My last what?” Quigley frowned. “Oh, no matter. Look, even if I believed you I couldn’t do anything. What’s important is the Council believes Tananda was involved, and they wouldn’t even consider releasing her unless they got the Trophy back first.”

  “Oh yea?” Aahz smiled, showing all his teeth. “How many Council members are there and how are they guarded?”

  “Aahz!” Quigley said sternly. “If anything happened to the Council, I’m afraid I’d see it as a threat to my job and therefore a direction violation of Master Skeeve’s promise.”

  My mentor leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. The heavy metal wine goblet in his hand crumpled suddenly, but aside from that there was no outward display of his feelings.

  “Um ... Quigley?” I ventured cautiously. I still had a vivid image in my mind of my tongue in Aahz’s grasp instead of the wine goblet.

  “Yes, lad?” Quigley asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.

  “What did you say would happen if the Trophy were returned?”

  Aahz’s head swiveled around slowly until our gazes met, but his gold speckled eyes were thoughtful now.

  “Well, I didn’t say, actually,” Quigley grumped, “but that would change everything. With the Trophy back, the council would be ecstatic and definitely better disposed toward Tananda ... Yes, if the Trophy were returned, I think I could find an excuse to release her.”

  “Is that a promise?”

  I may be ignorant, but I’m a fast learner.

  Quigley studied me for a moment before answering. “Very well,” he said at last. “Why do you ask?”

  I shot a glance at Aahz. One eyelid slowly closed in a wink, then he went back to studying the ceiling.

  “Because,” I announced, relief flooding over me, “I think I’ve come up with a way we can free Tananda, protect your job, and stop the War in one fell swoop.”

  “STEAL THE TROPHY back from Veygus. Just like that,” Aahz grumbled for the hundredth time.

  “We’re doomed,” Griffin prophesied grimly.

  “Shut up, Griffin,” I snarled.

  It occurred to me I was picking up a lot of Aahz’s bad habits lately.

  “But I keep telling you, I don’t know Veygus,” the youth protested. “I won’t be any help at all. Please, can’t I
go back to Ta-hoe?”

  “Just keep walking,” I sighed.

  “Face it son,” Aahz smiled, draping a casual arm over our guide’s shoulder. “We aren’t going to let you out of our sight until this job’s over. The sooner we get to Veygus, the sooner you’ll be rid of us.”

  “But why?” Griffin whined.

  “We’ve gone over this before,” my mentor sighed. “This heist is going to be rough enough without Veygus hearing about it in advance. Now the only way we can be sure you don’t tell anyone is to keep you with us. Besides, you’re our passport through the Ta-hoe patrols if we meet any.”

  “The patrols are easy to avoid,” the youth insisted. “And I won’t tell anyone about your mission, honest. Isn’t there any way I can get you to trust me?”

  “Well,” Aahz drawled judiciously, “I guess there is one thing that might do the trick.”

  “Really?” our guide asked hopefully.

  “What da ya think, Skeeve?” my mentor called. “Do you feel up to turning our friend here into a rock or a tree or something until the job’s over?”

  “A rock or a tree?” the youth gulped, wide-eyed.

  “Sure,” Aahz shrugged. “I wouldn’t have suggested it myself. There’s always a problem finding the right rock or tree to change back. Sometimes it takes years of searching. Sometimes the magician just gives up.”

  “Can’t you guys walk any faster?” Griffin challenged, quickening his pace. “We’ll never get to Veygus at this rate.”

  “I guess that settles that,” I smiled, winking at Aahz to show I appreciated his bluff.

  “Steal the Trophy from Veygus,” my mentor replied, picking up his witty repartee where he had left it. “Just like that.” So much for changing the subject.

  “Com’on Aahz, give me a break,” I defended glibly. “You agreed to this before I proposed it.”

  “I didn’t say anything,” he argued.

  “You winked,” I insisted.

  “How do you know I didn’t just get something in my eye?” he countered.

  “I don’t,” I admitted. “Did you?”

  “No,” he sighed. “I winked. But only because it looked like the only way out of the situation you got us into.”

  He had me there.

  “How we got into this spot is beside the point,” I decided. “The real question is how we are going to steal the Trophy.”

  “I see,” Aahz grunted. “When you get us into trouble, it’s beside the point.”

  “The Trophy,” I prompted.

  “Well ...” my mentor began slowly, rising to the bait. “We won’t be able to make any firm plans until we see the layout and size up the guards. How ‘bout it, Griffin? What are we liable to be up against? How good are these Veygans?”

  “The Veygans?” our guide grimaced. “I wouldn’t worry about them if I were you. They couldn’t guard a pea if they swallowed it.”

  “Really inept, uh?” Aahz murmured, cocking an eyebrow.

  “Inept? They’re a joke,” Griffin laughed. “There isn’t a Veygan alive who knows how to spell strategy, much less use it.”

  “I thought you said you didn’t know anything about Veygus,” I commented suspiciously.

  “Well ... I don’t actually,” the youth admitted, “but I’ve seen their team play in the Big Game, and if that’s the best they can muster ...”

  “You mean everything you’ve been saying was speculation based on the way their team plays?” Aahz interrupted.

  “That’s right,” Griffin nodded.

  “The same team that’s been beating the pants off Ta-hoe for the last five years?”

  Our guide’s head came up as if he had just been slapped. “We won this year!” he declared fiercely.

  “Whereupon they turned around and stole the Trophy right out from under your noses,” my mentor pointed out. “It sounds to me like they may not be as inept as you’d like to think they are.”

  “They get lucky once in a while,” Griffin muttered darkly.

  “You might want to think it through a bit,” I advised. “I mean, do you really want to go around claiming your team was beaten by a weak opponent? If Ta-hoe is so good and Veygus is so feeble, how do you explain five losses in a row? Luck isn’t enough to swing the game that much.”

  “We got overconfident,” our guide confided. “It’s a constant danger you have to guard against when you’re as good as we are.”

  “I know what you mean,” Aahz nodded. “My partner and I have the same problem.”

  Well, modesty has never been Aahz’s strong suit. Still it was nice to hear him include me in his brash statements. It made me feel like my studies were finally bearing fruit, like I was making progress.

  “Aside from the military, what are we up against?” my mentor asked. “How about the magik you keep mentioning? Do they have a magician?”

  “They sure do,” Griffin nodded vigorously. “Her name’s Massha. If you have any troubles at all, it will be with her. She’s mean.”

  “Is that ‘mean’ in abilities, or in temperament?” Aahz cross-examined.

  “Both,” our guide asserted firmly. “You know, I’ve never been totally convinced our magician is as good as he claims to be, but Massha’s a real whiz. I couldn’t even start to count the fantastic things I’ve seen her do.”

  “Um ... what makes you think her temperament is mean?” I asked casually, trying to hide my sagging confidence.

  “Well, let me put it this way,” Griffin explained. “If there was a messy job to be done, and you could think of three ways to do it, she’d find a fourth way that was nastier than the other three ways combined. She has a real genius for unpleasantness.”

  “Terrific,” I grimaced.

  “How’s that again?” our guide frowned.

  “Skeeve here always likes a challenge,” Aahz explained hastily, draping a friendly arm around my shoulders.

  I caught the warning, even without him digging his talons in until they nearly drew blood. He did it anyway, making it a real effort to smile.

  “That’s right,” I laughed to hide my gasp. “We’ve handled heavyweights before.”

  Which was true. What I neglected to mention and tried hard not to think about was that we survived the encounters by a blend of blind luck and bald-faced deceit.

  “Good,” Griffin beamed. “Even if you don’t manage to steal the Trophy, if you can take Massha out of action, Ta-hoe can win the war easily.”

  “You know, Griffin,” Aahz commented, cocking an eyebrow, “for someone who doesn’t know Veygus, you seem to know an awful lot about their magician.”

  “I sure do,” our guide laughed bitterly. “She used to be Ta-hoe’s magician until Veygus hired her away. I used to run errands for her and ...” He suddenly stopped in mid-stride and mid-sentence simultaneously. “Hey! That’s right.” he exclaimed. “I can’t go along with you if you’re going to see Massha. She knows me! If the Veygans find out I’m from Ta-hoe, they’ll think I’m a scout. I’d get torn apart.”

  “Don’t worry,” I soothed, “we aren’t going anywhere near Massha.”

  “Yes, we are,” Aahz corrected.

  “We are?” I blinked.

  “Kid, do I have to explain it to you all over again? We’ve got to check out the local magikal talent, the same as we did when we hit Ta-hoe.”

  “And look where that got us,” I muttered darkly.

  “Look where who got us?” Aahz asked innocently. “I didn’t quite hear that.”

  “All right! All right!” I surrendered. “We’ll go see Massha. I guess I’ll just have to whip up a disguise for Griffin so he won’t be spotted.”

  “She’ll recognize my voice,” our guide protested.

  “Don’t talk!” I ordered, without clarifying if it was an immediate or future instruction.
r />   “This time, I think he’s right,” Aahz interrupted thoughtfully. “It would probably be wisest to leave Griffin behind for this venture.”

  “It would?” I blinked.

  “Hey! Wait a minute,” Griffin interjected nervously. “I don’t want to be a rock or a stone.”

  “Oh, I’m sure we can work out something a bit less drastic,” my mentor smiled reassuringly. “Excuse us for a moment while we confer.”

  I thought Aahz was going to pull me aside for a private conversation, but instead he simply slipped off his translator pendant. After a bit of browbeating, Quigley had supplied us with an extra, so now we each had one. Removing them allowed us to converse without fear of being overheard, while at the same time keeping Griffin within an arm’s length. I followed suit and removed mine.

  “What gives, Aahz?” I asked as soon as I was free of the pendant. “Why the change in plans?”

  “The job’s getting a little too complex,” he explained. “It’s time we started reducing our variables.”

  “Our what?” I puzzled.

  “Look!” Aahz gritted. “We’re going to have our hands full trying to elude the military and this Massha gal without trying to keep an eye on Griffin, too. He can’t be any great help to us, and if he isn’t a help, he’s a hindrance.”

  “He shouldn’t be too much trouble,” I protested.

  “Any trouble will be too much trouble,” my mentor corrected firmly. “So far, he’s an innocent bystander we’ve dragged into this. That means if we take him into Veygus, we should be confident we can bring him out again. Now, are you that confident? Or don’t you mind the thought of leaving him stranded in a hostile town?”

  Aahz doesn’t give humanitarian arguments often, but when he does, they always make sense.

  “Okay,” I sighed. “But what do we do with him? You know I can’t turn him into a rock or a tree. Not that I would if I could.”

  “That’s easy,” Aahz shrugged. “You put a sleep spell on him. That should keep him out of mischief until we get back here.”

  “Aahz,” I said gently, closing my eyes. “I don’t know how to cast a sleep spell. Remember?”