Feeling the Moment

by Belden, P. J.

  “Wh-what are you talking about?”

  “River is on his way to get you. Though his eagerness to get to you,” he walked toward me, “has me questioning giving you over to him,” he tried for seductive, but came nowhere close for me.

  Moving further away from him, I wanted as much distance between me and him as possible. As was my usual when I get nervous or angry, I don’t filter what comes out of my mouth.

  “For a man of so many means, you fucking stink.”

  In three long strides, he was in front of me and backhanding me. I fell to the floor from the force of it.

  “Don’t you dare speak to me like that again. I own you right now.”

  “You don’t own shit!”

  Fuck! Shut up, Kim!

  Just as he smacked me again, Jasper opened the door to announce that River was here. A smile spread across Adrian’s face. He reached down and roughly pulled me from the floor. I had to bite my lip to keep from showing he was hurting me.

  He forced me out of my room and into my office. “Sit!” He commanded, pointing to my office chair.

  My cheek throbbing, I decided not to push my luck. Walking slowly over to the chair, I glanced at Jasper, he slightly nodded and I felt a bit of relief wash over me. My ass no more than hit the chair and Tank was cuffing me to it. I couldn’t keep the fear out of my eyes. Adrian saw it, I know he did because he started laughing.

  “That’s how you should look. You should fear me.” Then Adrian and Tank left the room.

  My gaze immediately went to Jasper. He checked the door and moved back to me quickly. Pulling something from his pocket, he moved to the cuffs as he spoke.

  “Go out the fire escape there and climb down. We’ve got this all set up. You’ll be out of here safely.”

  “But this is my home…”

  Finally undoing the last cuff, he pushed me toward the window. “Hurry! Jayden, I believe it is, is at the bottom waiting.”

  Hugging him tightly, I hurried out of the window and moved as fast as I can down the fire escape. Each step clanking loudly as I moved down them. In my head, I kept repeating over and over, I’m not going to make it. There was no way that they couldn’t hear me scurrying down the fire escape.

  The minute my feet touched the ground I felt a hand grab hold of my arm. I screamed. Jayden immediately place his hand over my mouth.

  “Shh, Kim, it’s just me. We need to get you out of here.”

  He started pulling me down the alley. “Where? Where are we going to go? That’s my house up there.”

  “River’s house?”

  I unintentionally shudder at the thought of going back there. The thought of going back there and reliving the most terrifying moment in my life was not my idea of going to a safe haven. Then the image of my safe haven flashed before my eyes.

  “Can we go to the cottage?” I said as I climbed into the passenger seat of the car.

  Jayden hurried around to the driver’s seat and looked at me. “The cottage?”

  “Yes, I know you don’t want me there, but I thought…”

  “No… God, Kim I’m sorry. The cottage is perfect.”

  He quickly put the car in drive and flew down the streets. If he talked to me at all, I wasn’t listening. My thoughts were consuming me. Yesterday was the scariest moment in my life. It was so funny to say that, especially considering I used to fuck men like Adrian without blinking an eye or feeling a moment of terror just so I could have a shower or some food.

  Maybe that was the difference. Maybe it was the fact that I walked up to those men of my volition rather than with Adrian I was forced in his presence. He split his own parents apart and had no qualms doing so. Not a man that would have slept with a girl so she could have food or a shower.

  “Howdy boys, you looking for some company?”

  I mustered up all the southern charm I could think of in hopes that this would help get me something. It’s been days since I’ve had anything substantial to eat. My stomach growled at the thought of eating something.

  “What are you offering?” One guy asked as he ran his hand up the back of my leg.

  “Whatever you want, but I have a stipulation,” I answered confidently.

  “What’s that?” The other guy sat forward running his hand up my other leg.

  “You buy me food and give me a place to sleep tonight.”

  The men look at each other then look back up at me. “If we do this for you, then we get to have you the whole time, whenever we want.”

  “You have a deal, gentlemen.”

  They stood from their table and ushered me out of the bar. Both of them were good looking men. They were muscular, brown hair, one had green eyes the other had brown. It should be an interesting night. I’ve never been with two guys at once. Back to back, yes, but never together. I had a feeling this was going to be together.

  We walked across the street and while one of the guys went in to get a room, the other pinned me against the building with his body. His erection dug into me as he kissed his way up my neck to my ear.

  “We are going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before,” he whispered in my ear.

  All I could do was moan in answer as his mouth claimed mine. He lifted one leg up around his waist, his hand inching down under my shorts. Moving my hand around between us, I began to rub his erection through his jeans. He moaned into my mouth as he pushed against me. It seemed like he’d forgotten we were outside and that excited me. Maybe I really was a whore?

  He pulled down the top of my shirt and set my breast free from my bra. First his tongue covered my nipple as it flicked and licked before covering my nipple with his mouth, sucking me firmly into his mouth.

  Gasping, I held his head to my breast with one hand while the other found the zipper of his jeans. Lowering it down, I pushed my hand inside and pulled him free of his jeans. Stroking him firmly, he moaned loudly into my mouth. Moving my thumb around the tip, I spread the pre-cum around.

  “Fuck, that feels so good.”

  Just then the other guy came out with the hotel key in hand. “Dude! You can’t start without me.”

  I put my breasts back in my shirt and he put his erection in his pants. All bets were off once that hotel room door shut behind us. Clothes flew in every direction.

  “Kim?”

  “Yeah?” I asked, realizing I’d lost myself in the past again.

  “I asked if you wanted me to go over to the cottage with you.”

  “No, I think I can get back on my own. Thank you.”

  “Okay then, here are the keys. I’m going to go back to town and make sure that River’s okay. Be careful. There will be storms rolling in tonight and tomorrow, so the water may be rough.”

  “Thank you.”

  Climbing onto the boat, I started it up and waited for him to untie it before taking off in the direction of what I hoped was the island.

  “Just go straight,” Jayden shouted from the shore.

  Nodding, I headed straight. My mind kept going back to that night with Dwayne and Luke. It was a great experience – one I’ll never forget I’m sure – but it was more than that too. They didn’t just use me. They were the ones that helped me get my own place. It was them that helped me adjust to being around people for any length of time. When that night ended, neither of them wanted to say goodbye.

  Before you think that they fell in love with me and I broke their hearts. No, they wanted the sex. They wanted the excuse to have sex with each other. Yes, we all enjoyed each other, but they eventually confessed to having feelings for the other. So, I made it my mission to bring them together. When I succeeded, I left. They gave me money and that is what I used to buy my apartment after working for a little bit at the hospital.

  I haven’t heard from either of them since, but that’s okay. Though the sex was great with them, I’d take sex with River over them any day of the week. River knew exactly how to make me feel good, feel things I’ve never felt before. Now here I was pullin
g up to the dock for the private island, alone.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The wind had really picked up. I tied up the boat and practically ran inside the house. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and forget that everything happened. To wake up to River lying next to me before finding out about everything that sent my world into a spiraling vortex of pain.

  Looking around the cabin that I once saw the beauty in every corner, but now only reminded me of what I’m losing… of what I’ve lost. My parents could have been the best people in the world, but they couldn’t get out from under their addiction, not even for me.

  Do you know the kind of damage that does to a child? I felt unlovable and for the longest time I was. I was invisible to everyone around me until my body started developing. Then I became the center of many men’s fantasies. But nothing further. Never was anything further. That was both because of them and because of me.

  So many times I’ve heard of women becoming attached to the first person they have sex with, that they automatically see love where it wasn’t. That didn’t happen for me. For one, I never believed in it before now. For another thing, my first time he told me that he was just helping me explore what my body was meant to enjoy.

  None of the guys that I had willingly given my body to ever meant anything more than a meal, shower, or safe place to sleep. It was the cold months that I really sold myself for a night’s sleep. Most of the time it was blowjobs for a meal or something along those lines. I never saw myself as a whore until I met Luke and Dwayne. It was watching them together, smiling, touching, and whispering softly to one another before sharing a kiss.

  Watching what it was like to have the one person you couldn’t see outside of, made me realize what I was missing and what I was doing. That was when the guilt and disgust really kicked in. After I left them, I swore off men. It was a promise to myself that I’d never let one use my body without a sense of something more in the wake.

  At the time, I never wanted anything more. I never wanted the risk. But then I meet River and he tells me to feel the moment and live it because we might not get it back. That impulsive decision that I made to go on vacation changed the course of my life as I knew it. But now I sit here, a shell of the woman I was before River came into it.

  Shaking the thoughts from my head, I walked into the kitchen and started boiling some water for tea. While I waited for the water to boil, I stepped out on the back deck. The trees were really whipping in the wind. It was almost cold out here right now, but the humidity hung thick in the air.

  Turning around I headed inside and tried to see if I could find out what the weather was going to be like, but just as I walked in the power started flickering. The need for light took over the need for a weather update. I had no idea where everything was here, or even if there was anything here.

  My hands were shaking as I opened up every cupboard and drawer throughout the cottage. Every door, every drawer, I came up empty. There was nothing. What was I going to do? There was no basement. Was it even safe to go into a basement out here? Just then a whistle filled the silence. I screamed until I realized that it was the teapot on the stove.

  Hurrying into the kitchen, I screamed again when the windows started shaking. Shutting off the stove, tea no longer sounding appetizing, but still I made it anyway. Walking out to the living room, I turned on the television. It was what I referred to as the ant races – static – but it was better than silence. With shaking hands, I took a sip of my warm tea. It calmed my stomach’s turning.

  Slowly, I calmed. It was like I was a kid again, hiding in an alley between dumpsters to ride out a storm. It was at least a lot quieter here. The metal clanking noise of the dumpsters taking the brunt of the wind during the storms was deafening. I could hear that noise for days after a storm.

  Reminding myself of what I’ve been through had me calming down more. I stood and took the cup back to the sink. I avoided looking out the window as I washed my cup out before placing it in the dishwasher.

  Closing the door, I was just walking out of the kitchen when a loud bang had me screaming again. Turning around, I saw the screen door had been pulled right off the hinges. Hurrying quickly, I shut the door and ran out of the kitchen and into the master bathroom.

  As I stood in the middle of the room, I pushed my hands into my hair, tightening my fists at the scalp and pulling. My heart hammered and the whistling and whipping of the wind outside had me freaking out once again. If it wasn’t for that the fact that the house was powered by a generator and solar panels, I think the power would have gone out a long time ago.

  Leaving my apartment so fast, I didn’t have a phone to call anyone. What were you supposed to do when a storm like this hits on an island? Do I hide in a space with no windows and cover my head like you do in a tornado? What do I do?

  Another loud crack echoed inside my head and all the lights went out. Holding my hands out in front of me, I felt for the tub. It was like finding a needle in a haystack at this point. I had no idea where I was headed. Lightning momentarily lit the bathroom and realized I was headed away from the tub, but the more I thought about it the closet would be the best bet.

  Fumbling and a few curse words later, my hand finally rested on the knob of the closet door. Another loud crack followed by what I’m sure was breaking glass forced a scream from my throat and I hurried into the closet.

  Moving back behind all the clothes, I curled into a little ball and prayed like I’ve never prayed before. Dear Lord, please let me survive this. I promise I’ll do better. Please let me make it through this. I’m not ready to die yet. This prayer was on repeat in my head.

  For the longest time, when I was little, I didn’t believe in God. If there was a God, then why was I living the life I had to live? But I realized that it was shitty that my life was what it was, but my proof God was there was in every day I survived a harsh winter or an extremely hot summer. My faith restored in him. I made the best of what I had and was given. Though it sucked sometimes how long I went between fresh meals, I had enough to survive and that’s all anyone could ask for.

  Had I not survived, I never would have met River and we wouldn’t be expecting our first child. My hand immediately moved to my stomach. Wow, I was going to be a mom. Now here I am in a storm that could possibly take it all from me and I never told River what I knew and felt.

  The storm raged on around me. I could feel the vibrations from the wind in the wall behind my back. The feeling of having my ears plugged followed by the pressure overcame me. I started screaming incoherent thoughts, even I don’t know what I was saying. All I knew was my mouth was moving and words were coming out. The sound around me blocked out my voice and filled me with a fear I’ve never felt before.

  A sudden gush of wind hit me and I screamed. Well, I’m pretty sure I screamed, but it was lost to the storm that roared around me. The rattling was the only sound outside of the storm that I could hear. Belatedly I realized that it was the bar above me that the clothes were hung on.

  # # #

  River

  “Ah, River, it’s so wonderful to see you again,” Adrian faked nice.

  “I’m not here for bullshit. Show me my girlfriend. I want to confirm that she’s really here and is unharmed before I even talk to you,” I hissed at him.

  Adrian tipped his head toward the hall and Tank walked off down the hall. My heart was hammering in my chest, praying that this plan worked. I wasn’t scared of Adrian, or even Tank, and what would be done to me. I was scared for Kim and our unborn child. It was that thought that had strength filling me to the core.

  It was my job to protect them and I would to the very last breath I took. Kim would be safe, our child would be safe. They would never have to look over their shoulders. I was going to make sure of it.

  Tank came out of the hall with an angry look on his face. “She’s not here.”

  “What?” Adrian roared.

  Jasper had called me and told me that Kim was a good gir
l and didn’t want either of us to fall into the hands of his son. He was tired of seeing innocent good people fall at the feet of his son. So he came up with this plan to get her down the fire escape where Jayden would take her to my house and be safe. We also got the police involved, which is why it took a bit longer than I’d like. What Adrian didn’t know was that outside the door on either side was a string of officers ready to take this man down.

  “She’s not there. She escaped her cuffs.” Tank growled.

  Adrian turned his head back to me. “This changes nothing. You are not walking away from me like that. You will walk away when I say and only when I say. Do you understand me?”

  “No, I don’t. I’m not that guy anymore. I’m done.”

  “You are not! You bartered for drugs, remember? You didn’t want a money trail to alert your siblings.”

  “Well, I’m not a crook. I cleaned a thousand dollars of yours with my own money. I’m done. I’m moving on. Nothing you say to me right now is going to change that.”

  “I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch!”

  And on cue, the door bursts open and in storm the police arresting Adrian and Tank. They started to arrest Jasper, but I explained his involvement and they let him go on his own recognizance if he testified against Adrian and Tank. Jasper readily agreed. He was tired of his son’s tirade.

  Once everything was cleared up and I signed a statement, I was finally headed home to see if I could win Kim back somehow. However, when I arrive home the house is empty. Panic seizes my heart and I quickly dial my brother.

  “Where the fuck is she?” I roared the minute he answered.

  “She asked that I take her to the cottage instead of your house. I’m just headed back in to see if you’re okay.”

  “I’m fine, but I’m headed out to the cottage. A good place for her to have no choice, but to talk to me,” I said as I climbed into my truck and headed off.

  The drive was long, so much longer than what it usually is. By the time I broke out of the trees into the clearing where the dock was Kayden, Jayden and Ryan all stood on the boat talking amongst each other.