Feeling the Moment

by Belden, P. J.

  Looking out over the water, I could see one of the seasonal storms heading off. Those storms were often throughout this time of year, but the cottage was built to withstand them.

  “What? Am I incapable to talk to Kim on my own?” I growled when I walked on to the boat.

  Ryan didn’t say two words to me. Instead, he started up the boat while Kayden finished untying it. Jayden looked like he was afraid I was going to hit him. Ryan’s face was pure concern and Kayden’s was worry.

  “Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on here.”

  “The, uh,” Jayden started nervously. “The storms were worse than normal this time around. I, um, I forgot to tell Kim to hit the storm switch.” He hurriedly finished and flinched when I lifted my hand to run it through my hair.

  “She was alone there in a house that without the storm precautions taken will be ripped to shreds?”

  “Yes,” he said quietly.

  “You left my pregnant girlfriend there alone with no idea how to beat the island storms?” I growled.

  “I’m sorry. I just wanted to get back to make sure you made it out okay and she seemed to want to be alone… It slipped my mind.”

  Before I could go off on him the island came into view and we all cursed. Trees were down everywhere. Parts of the house lay strewn all along the beach and in the tops of trees. My heart hammered. Was there anything left of the house? Was Kim okay? Did she find a safe place to stay to ride out the storm?

  The minute the boat was next to the dock, I jumped out and tore off up to the cottage. Well, I ran to what was left of the cottage. These storms out here can be brutal, much like tornadoes. The fact that Kim faced this all alone, broke me.

  We sifted through the rubble that was my vacation home searching for the woman that made my heart beat again, that gave life a meaning. I don’t know how long we were searching when I stood in what used to be the master bedroom, shifting what used to be part of the walls around. There was still a section of what used to be the closet standing.

  Once the guys held the wall steady just in case, I lifted several sections of wall and debris out of the way to reveal a chilling sight. There in a half ball was the love of my life with two bars that held clothes on it. My hands shook as I reached down and moved the bars off her before scooping her up into my arms.

  Knowing she needed to be seen right away, I didn’t check her over there. Instead, I hurried to the boat. My brothers followed behind me without saying a word. My heart hammered in my chest the whole ride back to a hospital. I cradled her to my chest the whole time.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kim

  Three days later…

  All I wanted to do was go home. To get away from everything. River was fussing over me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ll give him credit, though. He hasn’t asked me once since I was released from the hospital if I would take him back. Part of me wishes he would, but then another part is grateful for the time to think.

  Today River was going to work. Again, another thing I’m thankful for. The first thing being that my baby survived the mayhem that was that storm on the island. Of course River going to work didn’t mean I was going to be alone. No, Ryan was coming over to babysit me.

  Although, as angry as it made me to have someone hover over me, I was hoping that this would give me the opportunity to talk to Ryan about River. Maybe answer some questions I still had running around in my head.

  “I’m headed out now. If you need anything you know my number,” he said softly, looking down at me.

  Looking up at him, it was still there, that familiar pull between us. It crackled and simmered the longer we looked at each other, yet I couldn’t look away. His hands slowly came up and he cupped my face. Our eyes were still locked held by the beats of our hearts. River slowly lowered his head down. It wasn’t until I felt his breath on my lips as he sighed that I snapped out of the trance he held me in.

  Turning my head, his head dropped, resting on mine. “What can I do, Kim? Please tell me because the longer you continue to push me away, the stronger the pain gets. Tell me what I need to do to make you see that I love you.”

  “Go to work River,” I pulled away from him, walking over to the counter and busied myself with the dishes in the sink.

  There was silence behind me for a while, but I knew he was still there. My body yearned for him. No, it screamed for him. I just wasn’t sure that I could take him back yet. Did I love him? Yes, with all my heart, but I can’t be with someone that is addicted to drugs. I couldn’t be put last again.

  “Ryan will be here soon.” River finally spoke, breaking the silence. I could hear in his voice how torn up he was. “I love you,” he said sadly.

  A few moments later, I hear his footsteps echoing down the hall as he walked away. My heart broke and silent tears fell down my cheeks.

  “I love you too.”

  “Do you?”

  I spun around to find Ryan standing in the kitchen doorway. My tears still fell unchecked down my cheeks as I readied myself for the conversation I wanted to have, but feared the answers.

  “I do, very much,” I said shakily.

  “Then why are you torturing him and yourself for that matter?”

  “I need to know that I won’t be put last, that our child won’t be put last.”

  He sat down in one of the chairs at the table and ushered for me to do the same. After I dried my hands off, I sat down across from him. Keeping my head down, I waited for his response.

  “River hasn’t told me much about your past, so I can’t…”

  “Do you want to know?” I mumbled.

  “Well, it might help me advise you better. If that’s what you’re wanting.”

  Taking a deep breath, I told him my story from start to finish. I left nothing out and even as the things that still caused me to cringe with the disgust I felt for myself, I still told him. Looking up at Ryan, I looked for any sign of pity or disgust, but found none.

  “I know that you all had it rough too…”

  “No. River had it rough. None of us got what River did. Sure Helen and Miles hit me and Lacee, but nothing like they did to River. But River took it all so that Jayden, Kayden, and Maree never had to go through it. He was always older than us, never thought about himself first. Here I am the older brother and he was trying to take care of all of us. He started his company and I was so happy for him, but even as he asked me and Lacee to join from the start, we just couldn’t. If we would have quit our jobs and he failed… we would have all been screwed.”

  “Did… Did you guys seek therapy?”

  “Jayd did. He was really messed up after that beating. Not because of what he went through, but because when we got there and went inside to check on River, he was bleeding badly and unconscious. It was probably better that way he had nine broken ribs, two broken arms and there was damage to the spinal cord. We thought he’d never walk again. Jayd and Kayd blamed themselves for what happened to River. Kayd had sassed and when they started to hit him Jayd stepped in to help his brother.”

  “How long until River was better?” I swallowed hard. It was the first time hearing this much information and it really made me understand the guarded man that I love so much.

  “It was an excruciating and lengthy process, but by River’s eighteenth birthday he was walking and running. He clammed up a bit after that. No matter how much we pressed for what was going on in his head, he never talked about it. Sex became an outlet for him. Much like you used sex to survive so did River in a way. It was a moment where he wasn’t haunted. Now, I thought that was the only way he was dealing with it all, but as we both know it went further than that.”

  I shifted in my seat, wringing my hands in my lap. Looking down at my nails, they suddenly grew very interesting. “That’s where I’m running into my problem.”

  “Which is,” Ryan asked softly.

  “My parents loved me. I have no doubt about that, but it was never enough to become
more important than their next fix. It was always their drugs and then me. I can’t fall back to that again. Being last is not an option, I won’t do that to my child.”

  Ryan leaned forward and tipped my head up with his finger. “All these years that he’s been using, none of us ever knew. None of us even had a clue. He was always there helping us, guiding us, pushing us. River had never thought of himself first. Now, I’m not all that familiar with drug use or addiction, but it would seem to me that it wasn’t bad if it didn’t disrupt his life for us to notice. And he hasn’t done anything since before he met you.”

  Nodding, I had a lot to think about. Ryan patted my hand and left the kitchen. It was almost as if he understood that I needed to process everything I learned. River’s story was so much worse than mine in many ways. My heart broke for him all over again. Now here I am thinking he won’t put me before a habit he’d already kicked.

  Quickly, I dried my hands and ran from the kitchen. I knew exactly what I was going to do. Once I found everything I needed, I ran into the office and asked Ryan to take me to River. He smirked at me before finally complying to help.

  Once we arrived, Ryan told me where to go and I told him to just go because I’d come back with River. Running inside, I went the way that Ryan told me to go. An older lady sat behind the desk and looked up as I approached. She smiled softly at me.

  “You must be the eleven o’clock interview,” she winked.

  Something told me that Ryan set that up, so I just nodded. She walked over to two big solid black doors and disappeared inside. A few moments later she walked out with a smile on her face.

  “He’ll see you now,” she grinned.

  Just as I was walking past her, she stopped me. She told me how to lock the doors when I got inside. My heart hammered hard as I stepped inside, closing the doors quietly and locking them as I’d been instructed. River hasn’t even looked up from the papers on his desk.

  “Look, I’m sorry you came in, but we aren’t hiring any…” he trailed off when he finally lifted his head and met my gaze. “Kim?”

  “Wow, I really like your office. The wall of windows makes it look bigger than it is,” I commented nervously.

  River stood and walked over to me. He just stood there, hovering next to me as I stared out the window. So I pushed forward and said what I came to say.

  “I know that these past few days haven’t been easy. I know that it’s because of me, not you. I just had to figure some things out before I decided to do something that would potentially destroy me.”

  “What have you decided?” Now he sounded nervous.

  Turning around, I faced him. “I love you, River. No more drugs. Let’s just be as happy as we were on the island.”

  His mouth came crashing down on mine and he pushed me against the glass. He lifted one of my legs around his waist as he ground into me. My hands immediately went to his pants and soon they were falling down around his ankles, along with his boxers. Stroking him firmly in my hand, he helped me out of my shorts and panties.

  “I love you, Kim,” he breathed right before slamming into me.

  River and I made love right against the window. The possibility of being seen heightened the moment and soon I was calling out River’s name as I shattered. River wasn’t far behind me and he held me tightly as we walked over to his chair and he sat down.

  “Fuck I love you,” he panted. “Will you marry me?” He blurted.

  The laughter started small and grew out of control pretty quickly. “Mr. Monroe, you can do better than that, can’t you?”

  River laughed into the curve of my neck. “I love you. You are it for me, my world, the reason my heart beats at all. Can we continue this happiness for the rest of our lives? Will you marry me?”

  “Mmmm, much better.” I kissed him soundly before pulling back slightly and whispering, “Yes.”

  Epilogue

  Five years later…

  “River I can’t,” I cried.

  “You can sweetheart. You will,” he encouraged gently as he dabbed my forehead with a cool washcloth.

  So much has happened. We married two months after the storm ripped the cottage apart. It was a beautiful ceremony and an even steamier honeymoon. But the honeymoon wasn’t really taken until about three months after the wedding because we had the house rebuilt.

  It is a great family style home and we live there during the summer now. I’ve gotten really close with his sisters. We all work together and the shelter is seeing so much more funding flowing in than it had before.

  We ran into Felicia shortly after our engagement hit the papers. Yeah, that was a meeting that will forever be burned in my head. The girl went psycho, like certifiably so. She even tried to stab River. She’s now in a psych ward being treated.

  The hospital asked me to come back and work for them shortly after our wedding was blasted everywhere. Apparently they were in need of donations and thought that if I worked there they’d get that. No, I’m happy working with River and we sure do enjoy our morning, afternoon, and evening romps in the office.

  Our lives have been one big memorable moment after another. We welcomed our first child, Hayden. She was the light of her daddy’s eyes immediately. We loved being parents so much that we soon welcomed Lucas, Brice and Shiana after. Though we had quit trying after Shi was born, we are about to welcome our second set of twins (Lucas and Brice are identical twins).

  “I’m so tired,” I choked.

  “I know baby. Nalah is almost out just a couple more pushes. My sexy sweetheart, I will let you sleep after this. Let’s see our daughter first.”

  “Yeah, then I have to push out another one,” I reminded, exhausted.

  “Yes, but we’re taking this one baby at a time,” he smirked.

  Another contraction hit and I started pushing. Forty-five minutes later, both Nalah and Christopher were born. River kissed me passionately as we held our newest bundles of joy.

  “Oh come on, you really have to do that in front of your kids?” Ryan joked as he entered.

  “Mommy! Daddy!” Echoed through the room, causing the babies to jerk a little and River and I laughed.

  We all sat on the bed and posed for pictures as a family that Uncle Ryan was taking. They have all been amazing. They love the kids and take them all often. It was nice for a break to just be husband and wife, but we miss them a lot when they aren’t there. Hayden is our helpful almost five year old. Lucas and Brice are three and Shiana is one. We have our hands full, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  Life is what we make of it. Feeling each moment that we are given will lead us to a life we can’t live without. There isn’t a day I let go by that I don’t seize each of them. River and I have forged a whole new life together. For the first time, I’m happy and am no longer tormented by my past. River has kept his word and has not touched drugs or even been tempted to since. Life was complete.

  Live your life like it won’t repeat again tomorrow. Seize the moments we are given because when they are gone… they’re gone. Leave the stress of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow where they belong and don’t let it cloud over your today. You never know what you will miss if you do.

  If you enjoyed reading Feeling the Moment, you might enjoy some other titles by this author…

  Available Now

  Hidden Secrets series

  (Each book can be read as stand alones, but because the series follows a ‘family’ it’s best to read in order to have the full understanding of each character)

  Protective Love (#1)

  Fantasy Attraction (#2)

  Family Ties (#3)

  Tough Love (#4)

  Stranded series

  Alaskan Lifeline

  Falling in Deep

  Lost Trilogy

  (Must be read in order)

  Lost in Lies (#1)

  Lost in Fantasy (#2)

  Stand Alone

  Unexpectedly Lost

  Coming Soon

 
; Lost in Love (#3 Lost series) – Sept. 2014

  When faced with losing the only woman he has ever loved, Dylan is on a man hunt. He wanted to make sure Ian paid for what he’s done. The justice system couldn’t even come close to the amount of justice he was planning on giving Mechelle.

  Mechelle thought that her last moments were going to be filled with the fear of having regrets. There was a lot she didn’t know and so much more she needed to say. But as she’s given another chance to take hold of all the things she’s ever wanted, Dylan goes missing.

  Follow Mechelle as her story comes to an end. Sometimes you think you have all the answers, but the truth is we never know how things will go. Mechelle was about to see just how lost she truly was…

  Struggling Free (#5 Hidden Secrets Series) – Sept. 2014

  Picking up the pieces of your life is hard enough, but try to do it with cameras watching your every move. Jacob (Jake) Williams was envied by all. He got all the women, could do whatever he wanted and traveled the world. On the outside, life couldn’t get any better. Behind the scenes, Jake was a mess and falling fast. Every day was a struggle to keep the thin threads of his life from breaking.

  Vicky Lancer dealt with the most well-known clients. Her job was to restore her clients to their former glory, but do it all under the radar. Vicky was feared as the tough woman she was, but was also the most thanked. All her clients loved her no mess attitude. Then Jacob Williams walked into her office.

  The attraction flared between them despite the instant dislike they both took to each other. Vicky has two rules, will she take a chance and break them for Jake? Will Jake be able to open his eyes from his problems and become the man he once was? Fights, kindness, laughter… all lead to a line they can’t go back from once they cross it. Can they push past the hate and find the happiness they long for? Or will they stay behind their problems and continue Struggling Free.