Mandodari
Page 6
I could barely believe what I was hearing.
‘What do you mean because of Lankeshwar?’ shouted Nanashri. He was stunned too.
‘A few natives of that region who were doing their daily chores near the river heard some noises and saw fire in the woods. They ran and found a woman standing with her eyes shut in the middle of the fire. They saw Lankeshwar trying to get back to his vimana as the fire had spread to the nearby trees. They knew it was him due to the Pushpaka Vimana.’
‘Is she . . . is she dead?’ asked Nanashri.
‘Yes, the natives could not extinguish the fire. It had consumed her body completely.’
‘But how is Lankeshwar responsible for her death?’ I cried.
‘Mandodari, please remain calm. Dashaanan is unharmed, the guard met him and he will be back soon,’ Nanashri tried to console me.
‘How can I remain calm? My husband is being held responsible for a woman’s death. What could be the reason that provoked her to set herself on fire?’
‘When you met Lankesh? Did he tell you exactly what happened in the forest?’ Nanashri asked the spy.
‘He didn’t tell me what happened when he met Vedavati. He said he was performing penance to overcome the sin of Vedavati’s death and will return when he is done,’ answered the spy.
Tensed and concerned, we waited for Dashaanan’s return.
I performed secret penance and prayed for his safe arrival. He didn’t return for one more month. I had many questions, many regrets and more than anything, I was full of rage. I was angry that he chose to remain absent in order to hide the incident.
Dashaanan returned unannounced after a month and my dasi informed me about his arrival. He went straight to meet Mata Kaikesi and Nanashri. Then late in the evening, he came to meet me.
I sprinkled rice and saffron on him when he entered my palace. ‘Welcome home, my lord. How are you? And what kept you away from us for so long? Your absence has raised many questions in the minds of your people and your family,’ I asked him with tears in my eyes.
‘Mandodari, I am not ashamed to admit to you that I have committed a sin. I was away for a long time in order to perform penance.’
I smirked at him, ‘When did it become so easy for Lankesh to admit to his guilt? Have you ever thought how I pay the price for your sins? You have made my life miserable, my lord.’
‘Please don’t say this. I have suffered a lot and the last thing I want to see is hatred in your eyes. I couldn’t face you any sooner. Please forgive me.’
‘I have lived a desolate life since that guard returned after meeting you. Tell me what happened? How are you guilty of that woman’s death?’
‘It was an unfortunate incident. I don’t want to remember it.’
‘What is it, my lord? You say you don’t want to remember it but are you scared to narrate it?’
‘I am not scared. The sooner I forget it, the better I will feel. I regret whatever happened. I made myself suffer too.’
‘Your suffering cannot bring her life back! You need to tell me what happened, my lord. Let me help you.’
‘I landed my vimana in the forest to find water. As I walked towards the sound of flowing water, I heard a beautiful voice chanting a mantra. I walked towards the sound and saw a beautiful young woman lost in meditation. Even though she was dressed like a rishi, I had never seen such a raw form of beauty before. Her eyes were closed in meditation; I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I saw her fair skin—she was wearing the hide of a black antelope—her full lips and her young body could bring any god down on his knees. I wanted her to open her eyes, so I walked closer to her. As I moved, I stumbled upon a Kamandal and accidently splashed some water on her face. She opened her eyes at once . . .
‘“Stay right where you are standing! You have interrupted my tapasya! Who are you?”
‘“I am Lankesh, Lankapati Ravana. I was going to the river when I heard you chanting. If I may ask you, why is a beautiful young woman like you dressed as a rishi? And it is nearly time for sunset, what are you doing in this cruel forest?”
‘“I am Vedavati, daughter of Brahmarishi Kusadhvaja. My father wants me to have Lord Vishnu as my husband, hence I am performing a tapasya to win him over.”
‘“You are not made for tapasya. This forest will ruin your beauty with its cruel nature. And mind you, there are wild animals in the forest that can attack you in the dark. You should get back to your shade. Or you can climb on to my vimana and I will take you to a better place.”
‘“Don’t worry about me, Lankesh! I was born in this forest. You should leave now,” she said sternly.
‘“Oh, Vedavati, there has to be some reason why I found you in this forest. You are wasting your time trying to please Vishnu. If he had any interest, he would have already given into the charms of your beauty till now.” I moved closer to her and she got up at once.
‘“Enough, Lankesh, please don’t come any closer. I cannot allow any man except Vishnu himself to come that close to me. You are crossing your boundaries. I request you to leave!”
‘“Why don’t you come along with me? I am captivated by your beauty. I am a powerful king of a prosperous land. Come with me and be my queen!”
‘“Have you no honour? I have no interest in your power and prosperity. My life is devoted to the holy one, and if I take a husband in this life, it would only be Hari! Now, please leave before I curse you,” she screamed.
‘“You are not listening to me, Vedavati. If Vishnu wanted you in this life, he would have never let me find you in this forest. Maybe it’s an indication that he has chosen me for you,” I said taking her hand in mine.
‘“Don’t you dare touch me again, Ravana! Or I shall be the reason for your death!” she yelled.
‘I couldn’t bare the rejection. “No woman has ever rejected Lankapati Ravana!”
‘She was stubborn and I wanted to teach her a lesson. I grabbed her by her hair and pulled her towards me. She took out a sharp blade that was hidden in her bosom and cut off the section of her hair that I had grabbed.
‘“You have ruined my tapasya! You have stained my aura by touching me,” she screamed. I didn’t think she would get so angry. All I wanted to do was teach her a lesson.
‘“Listen to me, Vedavati. There is no reason to get so upset,” I tried to calm her down.
‘“Don’t say another word. You think no woman is powerful enough to reject you? You have corrupted my body with your touch and I shall burn it to the ground. But remember, I will return in a new life! A woman will be the reason for your death and that woman will be me! I shall be born again for your destruction!”
‘Declaring so, she used some kind of sorcery to invoke fire! I tried to stop her but I couldn’t control the flames. I saw Vedavati’s body burning in front of my eyes and I couldn’t do anything about it.’
‘What have you done, Lankeshwar? It’s a curse! She was a hermit; you shouldn’t have troubled her.’
‘I tried to stop her.’
‘And you didn’t succeed!’
‘Trust me, Mandodari; at first I was curious to know who she was and what a woman like her was doing alone in that forest. But when she rejected me, it made me angry. And I wasn’t wrong about her sacrifice going in vain. “Hari” didn’t wish to marry her in this life . . . ’
‘How can you defend yourself, Lankeshwar? She was a tapasvi! You didn’t just criticize her tapasya but you took away the very reason she lived for.’
‘I performed rituals after her death. I mourned for her. I did whatever I could to get absolution. But I still have nightmares. I feel her angry soul around me all the time. Now I think I have mourned enough. She chose the way she left this world; I was merely a medium and not the reason,’ declared Dashaanan and walked out.
SEVEN
Even though Dashaanan was back, I spent sleepless nights worrying about Vedavati’s curse. I decided to meet Mahanta—the chief priest at Lanka—to ask what he made of the curse.
‘Respected Mahanta, I seek your guidance. I am worried about my husband’s future. Tell me, how can I protect him? Show me the course.’
‘Hmmm . . . I see you plead like a wife and not like a queen! What is done cannot be undone! Your husband has disturbed a chaste soul. Only another chaste soul can protect him. And that would be you!’
‘Mahanta, we have done a lot of penance and my husband regrets his actions. But he carries a curse on him. Is it going to be true?’
Mahanta smirked, ‘“Regrets his actions?” Then why isn’t he here with you? Or doesn’t he really care what this aged moron has to say?’
I tried to answer and cover up for him, ‘He . . . he . . . ’
‘Who are you fooling, queen? As far as the curse is concerned, it will come true; she will be the reason for his end.’
‘How . . . how can I prevent that from happening?’
‘You couldn’t prevent the past from happening nor can you prevent the future. You will be the mother of a very courageous son. He will be as great a warrior as Shiva! He will be called an atimaharathi, but your firstborn will be a threat to your husband’s reign and life.’
‘My firstborn? My son? What kind of a threat, Mahanta?’ I wanted more answers but he closed his eyes. I waited for him to talk to me. But he sat there motionless in deep meditation. He had said a lot of things but none of them made complete sense. I was left even more restless and perplexed than before.
Lanka gained a lot of popularity in the next one year. Dashaanan had conquered various lands and captured their wealth and women. He brought women of various races from various kingdoms. He filled the antapura with seductive women of the Naga tribe of Bharatvarsh, gandharvis from the north, deva women, dark rakshasi and asura women. Some were the daughters and wives of kings whose kingdoms he had conquered. There were women of Kinnara tribes from the east of Bharatvarsh.
With the growing wealth and number of women, Dashaanan’s greed and lust also increased. He started spending most of his nights with the other women in the antapura. In the past few months, I had lost count of the number of women he kept there. Nanashri and Mata Kaikesi turned a blind eye to his activities in the antapura. Night after night, the antapura started becoming famous for its drunken orgies.
To my surprise, Dhanyamalini never objected to Dashaanan’s involvement with other women. Such practices of polygamy were common in her tribe. She herself willingly got involved in all the drinking, gambling and sex. I had nobody to blame as I was the only one who felt disconnected.
It was four months since Dashaanan had last visited my chamber. Every night I yearned for my husband. I was lonely. Apart from the daily chores at court, I had nothing to do the whole day. Some nights as I would lie alone in my bed listening to the insane noises coming from the antapura, I felt envious. At times I heard screams of pleasure, laughter from wines they consumed and that made me feel even more lonesome.
Monsoon clouds filled the skies. The season had slowed all construction work due to heavy rainfall. Dashaanan came to see me one morning. I assumed it was something very important as he was visiting my chambers after a long time.
I thought I would welcome him with a smile, but when I finally saw him, all I could feel was anger.
‘Welcome to the old mansion, my lord. What can be so urgent that Lankeshwar has been reminded of this chamber today?’ I asked sarcastically.
‘Why, Mandodari, you don’t look very pleased to see me here.’
‘I am just surprised, my lord. My husband has visited this room for the first time in four months, which is as frequent as taking a tour of your neighbouring allies.’
‘Which is why you should be happy and not mock your husband.’
‘Should I be happy, my lord, that you visit this room like a guest?’ I asked. Dashaanan looked infuriated by my constant mockery.
‘I presume that I should see you some other time then, Mandodari. This is definitely not the best time to talk,’ Dashaanan rebuked and turned around to walk out of the room.
‘There will be no better time than this, my lord. I suggest you complete what you had to say.’ I stood in front of him again and peered into his eyes. ‘Tell me, my lord, how can Mandodari be of any help to you?’
‘I have received a proposal from the northeastern land of Bharatvarsh. The king wants to be an ally. In return, he proposes his daughter’s hand in matrimony.’
‘And what have you decided, my lord?’ I asked.
‘I have decided to marry his daughter. I shall be back in five days,’ declared Dashaanan and prepared to leave.
‘If you have already decided, Lankeshwar, then why did you come to me?’ I asked with disappointment.
‘Because last time you were unhappy that I hadn’t informed you! Hence, this time I wanted to notify you in advance. May I remind you that I am doing this to form an alliance with that kingdom.’
I mocked him, ‘Why are you trying to hide your true intentions, Lankeshwar? One more marriage is simply like one more feather on your crown. Whether you marry another woman or not, it does not clear you of committing adultery with hundreds of other woman in the antapura.’
‘Why do you keep saying that?’ he raised his voice.
‘Because it hurts me, my lord! It hurts to see my husband lying around with other women every night! Till when will things continue like this, my lord? Haven’t you had enough? If you had to ignore me like this, why did you marry me? My father didn’t propose an alliance with Lanka! It was you who convinced him for our marriage . . . so why? To hurt me like this?’
‘I married you because I fell in love with you, Mandodari. And I still love you,’ answered Dashaanan. ‘I shall be back in five days. Make necessary arrangements for accommodation in the antapura.’ Saying so, he left me weeping.
I spent days in regret. I was angry with myself. On the one hand, I was upset that Dashaanan didn’t visit me as often as I wanted him to, and on the other, when he did visit me, I behaved like a little child. On one of those days during Dashaanan’s absence, we were expecting a guest named Gritsamada. He was a rishi belonging to the Bhrigu family of saptarishis. He was on a voyage and needed to rest for a few days near the shore of Lanka. Mata Kaikesi had invited him to stay in our guest chambers but he requested a more modest place of accommodation.
‘I offered him to stay in Dashaanan’s silent chambers as nobody uses them. I need you to make the necessary arrangements for his stay,’ said Mata Kaikesi. I sensed pity in her eyes for me. She wanted to talk about Dashaanan’s new marriage.
‘I will certainly get everything done, Mata. Is that all?’ I asked politely.
‘Well, I also wanted to know if you need any assistance for making arrangements in the antapura,’ she asked.
‘Mata, if you are concerned about the accommodation arrangements in the antapura, then you can rest assured, I will have them ready before my husband’s new wife arrives. Now allow me to leave, I shall visit the palace,’ I replied and prepared to leave.
‘Please stay, Mandodari. I am not sure how to say it, but regarding Dashaanan’s marriage, I understand how you must be feeling at this time.’
‘You won’t understand how I feel, Mata, because you were the other woman in your husband’s life and I believe only his first wife can tell you how I feel!’ Mata Kaikesi had no answer to my daring statement. She seemed sickened by my hurtful comment. Yet she thought better than to protest.
‘I remind you that Dashaanan’s third marriage is intended for the same reason as his second marriage—to form strong allies for Lanka!’ she clarified.
‘I certainly understand—for the interest and bene
fit of our kingdom. I have heard it several times! And in the bargain to form strong allies, it doesn’t matter if relations within Lanka fall apart!’
‘You are taking this the wrong way.’
‘It is clear that Dashaanan is influenced by your opinion when it comes to the benefit of Lanka and making allies. And I don’t wish to challenge your influence.’
‘Why do you think I have influenced Dashaanan to get married?’ She was offended. ‘I brought Dashaanan in this world for a purpose. He has changed courses. He has brought honour and liberation to our daitya clan.’
‘The purpose of bringing him into this world has been duly fulfilled. The purpose he has now is far more than passion and ambition. He challenges nature, aspires for supreme powers that are not meant for mortal beings. I am surprised no one else sees the hazards involved. No one else is concerned about the outcome.’
‘You think I am not concerned about my son! I have sacrificed my life, my youth and my marriage to get Dashaanan into this world. I was younger than you when I was married off. I held the entire tribe’s responsibility on my shoulders. I gave my virtue, my youth to a man almost my father’s age so I could provide a perfect heir to my clan. I knew Dashaanan’s father could not assure me an ideal married life. I managed four kids at a time; constantly struggling to ensure they got their basic rights as they were not considered Brahmins for superior studies. And yes, I influenced my son mainly because I know he deserves more. It is easy to point fingers at me, Mandodari, but you will never understand all that I have gone through to get Dashaanan to this position.’
‘I respect your struggle and all that you have done for him. However, it is high time you realized your struggle already paid off. His strife for more and more is turning hazardous. You may not see that now because you are blinded by the efforts in your past and the prosperity of your present. Anyway, I should take your leave now. I will visit shanti bhavan and ensure proper arrangements for our guest.’
I left her chambers realizing that I had quarrelled with a woman who was exceptionally proud of her son. Her life had been lonely, burdened with an unwanted responsibility at an early age. Her life revolved around her children and she was merely trying to make the most of it. I felt more for Mata Kaikesi that day.