Mandodari

by Manini J Anandani

I was dressed and adorned in finery. I wore fine silk and draped exquisite stoles, and concealed my sorrows behind a smiling face. I stepped out of my pavilion and headed to Mai’s. She wasn’t going to fly with us. She said she was like a mother to me, a pillar of strength but it was not customary for a mother to stay with her married daughter for a long time. Also, she was required back at Mayarastra.

  ‘You look beautiful. I am happy to see my princess like this!’

  ‘Mai, should I tell Dashaanan about what happened? He is my husband, the father of my child . . . ’

  ‘For god’s sake, Mandodari, if you wish for your married life to remain peaceful, then never mention anything to Lankeshwar.’

  ‘But I am feeling guilty. I can hide my grief but how will I cover my guilt?’

  ‘What is there to be guilty about?’

  ‘The guilt that I kept a secret from my husband, the guilt that I gave birth to a daughter he longed for but he couldn’t even see her or hold her!’

  ‘You don’t have a daughter. It’s not like you have hidden her from him’

  ‘But what if he had known? What if I had told Dashaanan and he had allowed me to deliver the baby? He might have discovered some remedy to keep my child safe . . . what if he could have kept her alive?’

  ‘Stop feeling guilty. Rather make yourself strong. You cannot face Dashaanan with such a guilty state of mind!’

  ‘How else should I face him then?’

  ‘Consider it revenge! You have hidden this unfortunate phase of your life from him but he has hidden a lot from you. Remember his weakness for women. Remember his ego; he considers no one as great as him. Remember that he crushed your dream of a happy married life!’

  ‘And avenge myself?’

  ‘Yes, you have avenged yourself. He has touched several women with his lustful hands and so he wasn’t fortunate enough to hold his own daughter with those hands!’

  No matter how harsh her words were, she had released me of my guilt.

  I stepped on to the vimana and flew towards Lanka.

  As soon as the vimana landed, Dashaanan hurried towards me. He had a sparkle in his eyes.

  ‘Welcome back, Mandodari. You look beautiful. I hope your tirtha yatra was fruitful,’ he said, smiling.

  ‘It was, my lord. Thank you for allowing me this privilege.’

  ‘Well, you should rest now. I will visit you in your chambers tonight.’

  I was greeted and welcomed like a warrior returning home from war. The women at the queen’s palace lined up to offer their greetings. I had been away for almost nine months and the antapura was filled with new faces. This meant that Dashaanan had stocked new women for his bed in my absence. But sadly and as usual I didn’t have a say.

  Bajrajala, Sarama and Dhanyamalini waited outside my chambers to greet me, ready with their hysterical chatter. After the rough nine months of travel, medication, labour and loss, it was good to be back home finally.

  Dashaanan visited my chambers that night. We talked for a very long time. Sadly, I had to alter all my stories about my travel. I avoided looking into his eyes for he was good at figuring out when I was lying to him.

  ‘It feels as if you were gone for a decade!’

  ‘I was gone for merely a few months, my lord.’

  ‘Ah . . . then the days of the months must have increased.’

  I smiled at his flattery. I asked him about the matters of court and progress of Lanka’s projects.

  ‘Well, about the matters of court, there is a lot that I need to tell you about.’

  ‘What is it, my lord?’

  ‘Our long time enemy Kartivya Arjuna, from the kingdom of Haihayas, tried to form an alliance with Indra. Kubera of all devas cautiously convinced Indra to decline the offer.’

  ‘Their alliance would have been ominous for us.’

  ‘Indeed; Kartivya Arjuna is a powerful king. Indra could have used him against me; however, Kubera didn’t risk a new friendship against an old rival.’

  ‘So we still have to be vigilant?’

  ‘Yes, but we have to be more vigilant about the enemy hidden inside our kingdom. My ministers and I have a feeling that Dushtabuddhi is plotting something against me along with Kartivya Arjuna. Our sources have confirmed that Dushtabuddhi has travelled to Haihayas twice in the past few months. I have a feeling that Meenakshi knows about it too. I need you to ask Meenakshi about her husband’s intentions.’

  ‘Dushtabuddhi’s intentions . . . but, my lord, sister Meenakshi wouldn’t like it if I asked her directly about it. She might find it offensive.’

  ‘That is why it’s a personal matter more than a matter of court. I want you to gain her confidence so she confides in you.’

  ‘What do you think he is up to, my lord?’

  ‘It could be anything—to cause harm, destroy me or make me angry.’

  ‘Now that I am back, my lord, nothing can cause you harm’ I assured him.

  I invited a few ladies from the antapura and the queen’s palace for a gathering in my palace gardens. I wanted to meet everyone after my arrival. The gathering was also a way to invite Meenakshi into the common area so I could casually bring up Dushtabuddhi. All those invited soon started showing up and slowly the palace gardens were resounding with their chatter and giggles.

  I met Trijata for the first time since my arrival.

  ‘My greetings to you, your majesty,’ she bowed.

  ‘Why, Trijata, I was looking for you everywhere. Where had you disappeared? I sent my dasi to call you but there was no one at your house, she said.’

  ‘I heard about your arrival. Sadly, I couldn’t make it yesterday.’ She looked weak; her eyes were swollen.

  ‘Is everything all right, Trijata? You look . . . ’

  ‘I lost my child, your majesty,’ she interrupted and tears ran down her face.

  I was stunned. Suddenly my past flashed before my eyes. Fifty days had passed since I had lost my child on that unfortunate day. My wounds were still fresh.

  ‘What? I am sorry for your loss, Trijata . . . How did it happen?’

  ‘She was my first child, my only daughter, she was only four years old, your majesty. She had been ill for the past two months, and then a few days ago, her fever just wouldn’t go down. I tried everything; Lankeshwar sent his own physician to help me. But we couldn’t save her!’

  I could relate to her sorrow. Deep down in my conscience, I was still mourning for my stillborn child. And poor Trijata, who had been through several miscarriages in the last year, had lost her only surviving child. Gods were cruel to her. While she longed for another child, she was deprived of her first child too.

  ‘There is nothing I can do to lessen your grief, all I can say is . . . we are sailing in the same boat. I have lost my child too. Let us pray for their souls.’

  I relieved Trijata of her duties for a few days so she could cope with her loss. I glanced around to see those who were present; I did not see Nayanadini, my husband’s new wife, whom I hadn’t met since my return. I turned towards the noisy group of women seated beside me and spotted Meenakshi. She had a certain innocence about her. I was sure that she knew nothing about Dushtabuddhi’s plot against Dashaanan because she loved and respected her brother. I managed to get a private moment with her.

  ‘Bhabhi Mandodari, I am so glad you arranged this gathering to meet us . . . tell us about your journey. Any interesting places that you visited?’ asked Meenakshi.

  ‘I did . . . I have a lot to tell you, sister Meenakshi. After visiting my parents at Mayarastra, I took a journey towards Badarikasrama to perform my pilgrimage duties. It was beautiful! The mountains, flora, birds and the waters . . . everything was heavenly. You know . . . I feel you should visit the north of Bharatvarsh sometime.’

  ‘Maybe sometime, Bhabhi Mandodari,’ replied Meenakshi with a less cheerful face now.

  ‘Is everything all right, sister Meenakshi? Are you happy in your marriage?’

  ‘Oh, certainly, it is only that som
etimes he gets very secretive. Vidyutjihva tries his best to keep me happy, but some ministers from the Kalkeya clan are trying to influence him, I feel.’

  ‘Influence him? In what way? Have you spoken to him about this?’

  ‘No, I haven’t. But everyone knows that our marriage didn’t please the king. My husband wasn’t happy with the new name given to him. His community also didn’t take it well. Things were not pleasant between Lankeshwar and the Kalkeya clan and now this insult of their prince has enraged them.’

  ‘But Lankeshwar has been kind enough to appoint Vidyutjihva as one of his ministers. I hope he appreciates this and forgets the past.’

  ‘Is that enough, bhabhi? Vidyutjihva is a fearsome warrior; he can guide an army but is limited to serve as a minister in my brother’s court.’

  ‘I don’t mean to be impolite but if your husband is not happy with the position given to him, shouldn’t he say something to Dashaanan?’

  ‘I am afraid that bhrata Dashaanan will not consider his request. And hence, my husband gets concerned and secretive about his feelings.’

  I concluded that Meenakshi was a naïve person and knew nothing about Dushtabuddhi’s true intentions. I showed her some empathy but was certain that Dushtabuddhi was hiding something from her, and it wasn’t just about his position.

  The next morning I entered the court when Dashaanan was busy planning something with his ministers and advisers. He was seated in the centre, writing something on a scroll with a feather. I wanted to tell him about the conversation I had had with Meenakshi.

  ‘Ah . . . Rani Mandodari! There is something I need to show you!’

  ‘My lord, I wanted to speak to you in private.’

  ‘All right, but first, why don’t you come here and have a look at this chart I prepared? This is a horoscope and the details below indicate the auspicious time, the auspicious day and a few other details of birth.’

  ‘A birth chart and a horoscope . . . whose is it my lord?’

  ‘It will be our son’s horoscope,’ he said proudly.

  I gulped nervously. ‘Our son?’

  ‘Yes, our son . . . this is probably the first time in history that someone has planned a child’s birth. And why not? We have knowledge, calculations and the skill to do so.’

  ‘My lord, you are aware that I have not studied astrology and I am not very sure how you can create the horoscope of an unborn child.’

  ‘Let me explain, Mandodari. When a child is born, it is possible to sketch a horoscope and birth chart according to the day, time and place with the help of planetary positions. I have reversed that process and created a horoscope so our son is a born maharathi. He will be knowledgeable; he will be a master of all weapons and strategies. He will be the perfect son to a perfect father.’

  ‘My lord, I don’t distrust your calculations but how can you be sure that a son will be born?’

  Dashaanan smiled at my question. ‘Dearest Mandodari, it is simply a calculation derived from our horoscopes. And also, as per your horoscope, it shows a period of one year where you may suffer a fatal pregnancy; however, that period has passed and now we can predict that the child born will be a son.’

  I sighed with relief. Dashaanan didn’t point out anything unusual regarding my past year.

  ‘What can I say, my lord . . . I am eager to see if all these predictions can actually come true.’

  ‘Well, why do you doubt?’ asked Dashaanan and smiled at Nanashri. ‘In order to ensure that these calculations work, we already have the planetary positions in our control. The mentors who read planets are under my direction. The navagraha gurus—they are my captive guests till I have achieved what I want to.’

  ‘I regret to say this . . . but Lankeshwar, is it fair to use their siddhi for personal benefit?’ I couldn’t help but point out his mistakes.

  Dashaanan turned angrily and it was clear that he wouldn’t entertain any objections from me in this matter. ‘We have discussed this before, Mandodari. And whatever it is that you wish to talk about, I shall meet you in the queen’s court privately.’

  I quietly made an exit and waited to meet him. He was foul-tempered when he entered and I was careful not to aggravate it further. I told him how sister Meenakshi wasn’t aware of Dushtabuddhi’s intentions and warned him that he may be up to something because he operated discreetly.

  ‘What can Dushtabuddhi possibly plan?’

  ‘I will find out soon, Mandodari. I will ask Khara to monitor his actions. For now, I am glad that he hasn’t incited Meenakshi against me.’

  ‘Also, I want to apologize for my sudden reaction at the court. I don’t mean to interfere much but I just feel it’s unfair to keep the gurus captive like that. Their wrath can cause destruction.’

  ‘They are kept as guests and not prisoners. You should not worry about them. Also, not all of them are captive. It angers me when you fail to understand my motives, Mandodari. I am planning the birth of my son and I want the planetary positions to be perfect. I don’t want my son to struggle like I did. My childhood and youth were ravaged by a constant struggle to uplift my people. I fought for my rights, my education, my caste, my clan and my family. Hence, I want my son to have all advantages. Do you still think I am wrong?’

  ‘My lord, my perception may be limited; you have justified your actions and I don’t think you are wrong as a father.’

  No matter how wrong his actions were, his motive did convince me that he was a father wishing a perfect life for his son.

  TWELVE

  The flowers on the trees outside my veranda had blossomed. I stood at my bedroom window that gave me a good view of the trees, admiring the colours of the freshly opened buds. My dasi rushed into my room to convey the confirmation given by my physician. She looked happier than I. This time we didn’t have to hide it. This time there were no secrets and the news delighted everyone.

  I rested my palm on my stomach. A child had been budding in my womb for the past two months but I couldn’t feel it communicating with me yet. Mata Kaikesi said it was too early to expect any connection or feel any movement. But I couldn’t tell her that a child inside my womb previously did connect with her mother at such an early stage too. The word spread and everyone celebrated. The women at the queen’s palace were joyful; streets were decked up and the skies at night were set ablaze with fireworks.

  Dashaanan ensured that I had every comfort and luxury in my chambers. I was relieved from my duties as court regent for a few months. The women in the queen’s palace were advised not to discuss anything terrifying when I was around. I was happy to get Dashaanan’s attention. He cared for me like never before. In my thoughts I always wondered how different it would have been if I had told him about my first pregnancy. Some physicians had ways to determine the gender of child; however, I was sure it would be a boy because I was feeling the opposite of how I had felt before.

  Soon, with a growing belly, my distance from my husband grew as well. Bedding a wife with child was forbidden by physicians. As a result, Dashaanan started spending his nights with the other women in the antapura. But he was careful not to distress me. He visited me every day and kept his whereabouts discreet during the evenings. He was trying to respect me by not openly announcing his infidelity with other women. And in return, I never asked him details of his whereabouts in the evenings.

  Time flew by and I was three weeks away from my due delivery. Sarama and Bajrajala arranged a small ceremonial gathering wherein royal women would present me with gifts and bless the expected child. Mata Kaikesi brought a bow and arrow made of gold to bless the heir with immense valour and warrior skills. Meenakshi brought a decorated cradle. Anaala brought fine clothes, whereas Sarama and Bajrajala brought various toys for the expected one. Dhanyamalini presented me with a necklace made of ivory charms. She said people in her tribe believed it would provide strength to the woman wearing it during childbirth. Then there were a few royal women from other kingdoms who gave me gifts as well. At last came Na
yanadini, who always kept herself at a distance from me. She somehow ensured that in spite of living in the same palace, we wouldn’t cross each other’s path or share the same roof at any point of time.

  ‘I congratulate you and present you with a few gifts from my native land,’ said Nayanadini and bowed slightly as if she didn’t mean to bow at all.

  ‘I will be obliged to receive them,’ I replied cordially.

  She gestured towards four pretty women standing at a distance. ‘These are Naga women who live near my native land. They can dance, sing and entertain you. Accept them as your dasis or women in waiting.’

  ‘Well, Nayanadini, that’s a rare gift. However, these women don’t seem like dasis. Why don’t you ask them to join the courtesans if they can dance well?’

  She smiled wryly, ‘Well, my queen, they are willing to serve you as dasis and do not wish anything more. Accept them, for they have been trained to serve you well.’

  I already had plenty of dasis and chambermaids attending to me. Adding four more seemed crowded and needless. However, this was the first gift from the far-east princess and I decided to accept whatever would bring harmony to our relationship.

  ‘All right, princess, I accept your gift. I am thankful to you,’ I replied and thanked everyone who attended the ceremony.

  I tried to kill time with various activities. Since my due date was very close, the physicians advised me to observe complete rest and avoid going outdoors. I lay in my room passing most of my time writing letters to my mother, father and Mai at Mayarastra. I asked them to visit us and bless their grandchild in person. Some of my dasis brought games of dice in my room to engage me. Others brought palace gossip for my entertainment.

  Monsoon was expected any time and so was our child. One morning while bathing, I felt a huge thump inside my belly and the impact forced me to stand. The attendants rushed me inside a room and the physicians were alerted. No sooner had my child tried to force himself out than the clouds started thundering. A midwife was called and Dashaanan was informed. The heir of Lanka was ready to be born.