Breaking Masks

by Josh Aterovis

  Gone out for breakfast with Carlos. Help yourself to the shower.

  See you later,

  Erin

  I took her up on her offer and jumped in the shower. She still wasn't back by the time I got dressed, so I left her a quick note thanking her for letting me stay, then went to get some coffee. I was secretly hoping to see Kody, but coffee was a good excuse.

  I pushed open the door and was disappointed to see no sign of Kody. Max and the dark-haired guy I'd seen last night were working behind the counter. Max grinned as soon as she saw me.

  “Well, if it isn't the Good Samaritan. Helped any old ladies across the street today?”

  Max was a joker. I knew her type and I knew just how to play up to them. “No. Why? Did you need to cross the street?” I quipped with a wink.

  Max threw her head back and let out a guffaw. “Oh yeah,” she said, wiping at her eyes. “I definitely like you, kid.”

  “Call me Jake.”

  “There're a lot of things I'd like to call you, but none I can say in front of Mike here.” She leaned over the counter and added in a stage whisper, “Virgin ears...”

  I glanced over at Mike who looked quite bored with the whole exchange. He wasn't exactly Mr. Personality.

  “So what can I get you?” Max asked.

  “A double shot of espresso, please.”

  “Coming right up.”

  She made my drink and I paid her for it. As she was getting my change, she looked up slyly. “So, have you given any thought to applying for a job here? We're still hiring.”

  I accepted my change and receipt while I pretended to think about her question. “I'll let you know when I get that desperate.”

  She stuck out her tongue at me and I was surprised to see she had a tongue stud. “I'll be sure to let Kody know you dropped in to see him,” she added with a smirk.

  I must have looked startled because she started chortling again with the satisfied expression of one who has taken a shot in the dark and hit the bull's-eye. I let her have the last word and left with my coffee. It seemed I may have underestimated Max.

  Was I really that transparent? If it was so obvious that Roy could see it, I guess I was. I walked back to campus and decided to risk going back to my room. I listened at the door but didn't hear anything inside. I went in to find the room empty. I think it was the first time in days I'd opened my door without finding Roy inside. It was strangely empty without his presence.

  I turned on my computer and signed online. I was chatting with friends from home when the door opened behind me. I jumped up as Foster walked in. He spotted me and a range of emotions flickered over his face, finally settling on sheepish. He was sporting a huge black eye, courtesy of Roy.

  “Hey, Jake,” he said softly.

  “Um, hi, Foster.”

  “Look, I owe you a huge apology for last night. I was way out of line. I have a really bad temper when I'm drunk.”

  I didn't know quite how to take this. What had happened last night was more than just a bad temper. “I, uh...it's nice of you to apologize but it still doesn't excuse what happened.”

  “Yeah. You're right. It's just that I've never known any gay people before.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “So that makes it okay?”

  “No, that's not what I'm trying to say. It's just that... Okay, listen. When I get drunk, I get kind of...what's the word? Belli...belligernt?”

  “Belligerent?”

  “Yeah, that. My dad always said I get a big mouth. I didn't really mean to start a fight with that little...uh, punk. It wasn't really anything against him, you know? I just run my mouth. I didn't expect him to just jump me like that.”

  “You just expected him to take it?”

  He shrugged and had the grace to look a little ashamed.

  “So what happened when I got back to the room? You tried to attack me too.”

  He shifted his weight uncomfortably. “I'm real sorry about that, Jake. I guess I was just mad and was taking it out on you.”

  “I don't think this rooming arrangement is going to work.”

  “Huh? Why? I said I'm sorry.”

  “How do I know you won't decide to take it out on me again? Besides, you clearly showed that you're homophobic last night. I wouldn't think you'd want a fag for a roommate.” He flinched as I used the word “fag”.

  “I promise I won't take it out on you again. That was really stupid. And as far as sharing a room with...with you, like I said, I've never known any gay people before. You seem like a good guy, though. You haven't, like, hit on me or anything.”

  “Trust me. I won't.”

  “So yeah, I don't care if you stay.”

  “Well, gee, Foster. I really appreciate you letting me stay and all, but that still doesn't guarantee me that the next time you get drunk, I won't end up as your punching bag.”

  “I said I promise...”

  “Foster, I used to drink. I know how long promises last when you get drunk. As long as you plan to continue to get drunk, you can't promise me anything.”

  “I'm not gonna stop drinking. I mean, that's great that you did and all, but I don't have a problem.”

  “You don't think that making homophobic comments, starting fights, and almost punching your roommate is a problem?”

  “Hey, I told you I didn't start that fight!”

  “Foster, talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.”

  “Why are you being such a prick? I said I was sorry, didn't I?”

  “Apologizing isn't always enough. It's a start, but it has to be followed up by action or it becomes meaningless.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If you say you're sorry, then turn around and do the same thing over again, what's the point? How many times will you say you're sorry? And how many times am I supposed to accept your apology?”

  “You're not even giving me a chance. So far, I've only asked you accept my apology once because I've only screwed up once.”

  Okay, the dummy has a point. “Yeah, okay,” I conceded. “I'll give you another chance. But if you screw up again, I'm out of here and I'll report you to campus police. Your attempted assault on me last night was on campus and I doubt they'll be very tolerant.”

  He blanched. “My dad will kill me if I get kicked out.”

  “Then I suggest you don't screw up.”

  I tried to go back to my IM conversations, but I was too distracted now. I needed to get out of the room. I said goodbye to everyone, shut down my computer, and decided to take a walk. “I'll be back later,” I said as I let myself out.

  I started off walking aimlessly, but soon found myself standing in front of Kody's apartment building. I really should check on him, I told myself. I let myself in and felt my way up the dark staircase. I knocked on Kody's door, but didn't get an answer. I tried knocking on Nick's door with the same result. Now I was a little worried. Kody hadn't been in great shape last night. Maybe I shouldn't have left. I felt in my pocket for something to write a note on. I found my receipt from The Morning Rush and a pen and jotted down a quick note letting him know I'd stopped by to check on him. I tucked it into the door jamb and left.

  I still didn't want to go back to my room, so I went into the video store and filled out a membership application. They had a great gay-themed movie selection, including-much to my delight-my all-time favorite movie, Beautiful Thing. I snatched it off the shelf and rented it.

  I walked back to Erin's room and knocked on the door. She answered it right away.

  “Hey,” she said with a bright smile as she let me in. “What are you up to?”

  “Not much. I got a movie for us to watch if you're not doing anything.”

  “Oh really? Is this payback for The Princess Bride?”

  I laughed. “Only in a good way. I actually liked it. This is one of my favorite movies. It's called Beautiful Thing.”

  “I've never heard of it.”

  “I'm not surprised. It's a British movie. So, a
re you busy?”

  “Nope. Should I call Carlos and see if he can come watch it with us?”

  “Sure. The more the merrier.”

  “Cool. Let's make it a `last afternoon before classes start' party then.”

  I laughed. “Sounds like fun.”

  She called Carlos, then left saying she'd be back in a few minutes. I put the disc into the DVD player and got it ready while I waited. She was back before long, with Toshi, Miranda, and Alex in tow. They'd each brought cookies or chips, and when Carlos arrived carrying sodas, it really began to feel like a party. After Erin popped some microwave popcorn, she announced that it was time for the show to begin. I decided it might be a good idea to warn everybody about the movie's gay content before we started watching it.

  “Um, before we start watching the movie,” I began, “I guess I'd better warn you. Some of you may know this, but some of you may not. I'm gay and the movie is a gay romance.” Everyone sat staring expectantly at me as if waiting for me to continue. “Yeah. That's it.”

  “So?” Miranda was the first to respond. “That's no big deal.”

  “Yeah,” Alex agreed. “I'm cool.”

  “What's the movie called? I've probably seen it,” Toshi chipped in.

  “Uh, Beautiful Thing.” I don't know what kind of reaction I'd expected, but this wasn't it.

  “Cool. That's a new one to me. Have you ever seen But I'm A Cheerleader?”

  “Oh my God! I love that movie!” Miranda cried. “What about Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss?”

  “Yes! Sean Hayes is fantastic!”

  “Okay,” Erin interrupted. “We can discuss the merits of other gay movies after we watch this one. Everybody shut up.” She started the movie and everyone settled down to watch. We had to pause it a few times while I translated the heavy Brit accents and slang, but when it was over, the verdict was unanimous. Everyone loved it.

  Everyone started discussing gay movies again and it turned out that Miranda, a sophomore, was active in the GSA here. She wasn't gay, but her best friend in high school had come out to her and she'd been a gay rights advocate ever since. She invited Toshi, who told us he was bisexual, and I to go to a meeting with her once they started up. Erin and Carlos hadn't seen many gay-themed movies, except for the big ones like The Birdcage and In & Out, but they were both very open-minded, as I'd already had the opportunity to find out. Alex just seemed to go with the flow. I got the impression that he would go along with pretty much anything. He had mastered that laid-back stoner attitude.

  The party broke up fairly early since classes started the next day. When I got back to my room, Foster was gone again, which suited me fine. I got ready for bed, set my alarm just in case I overslept again, and fell asleep quickly. I woke up when he came in a few hours later, but he was quiet, and I was able to fall back asleep with no problem.

  I awoke the next morning before my alarm went off, so I turned it off before going to take my shower. Once I was dressed, I grabbed the books I needed for the morning, and set out for coffee. I glanced in the window before going in and saw Kody wiping down the tables. By the time I opened the door, all I saw was his tail end disappearing into the back room. Mike and Marla were behind the counter waiting on customers. Marla caught my eye and gave me a look I couldn't interpret. What the hell was going on? I wondered. Maybe I should just find another coffee shop.

  I ordered my coffee and Marla handed me a cup while Mike rang me up. I poured myself some java and sat down at a table to wait for Kody to reappear. Eventually, my coffee was gone, and it became obvious that Kody wasn't going to come out as long as I was here. For all I knew, he'd ducked out the back door. Either way, I couldn't sit around waiting all day. My first class was starting soon and I wanted to leave myself plenty of time to find it.

  My first class was English Lit. I thought it would turn out to be pretty interesting. The professor was a short, wiry man with energy to spare. He bounced around the front of the room, guaranteeing that he would keep things lively, if nothing else. He ended the class by giving us a list of required reading. I took my list to the library to see if I could find any of them there. I managed to find several of them, but I only checked out two. I figured that was all I could reasonably read in the next few weeks between homework and a social life. Plus, the other class members would need some books too.

  By the time I left the library, it was just about lunch time, so I headed for the cafeteria. The lunch special was chicken strips and fries, so I helped myself and looked for a table. I spotted Roy eating alone off to one side and decided to join him. He looked up and smiled as I approached.

  “Hey, Jake,” he greeted me.

  “Hey, Roy.”

  “I didn't know if we'd still be friends today.”

  “Why wouldn't we be?”

  “I thought maybe you were just being nice last night because I hit Foster for you.”

  I managed not to laugh. “No, that's not the only reason we're friends.”

  “Cool.”

  We ate in silence for a few minutes before Roy suddenly grunted. “Hey, isn't that your boy?” he asked.

  I looked up in time to see Kody dropping his tray off at a trash can and practically running from the cafeteria. “What was that about?” I wondered aloud.

  “I dunno. He saw us and took off,” Roy noted.

  I sighed. So that's the story, huh? He's avoiding me. “He's probably embarrassed about the other night,” I said.

  He shrugged. “Why should he be embarrassed? He got a couple good shots in before Foster clobbered him. As little as he is, he shouldn't be embarrassed that he went down with one punch.”

  “There's more to it than that, but I really can't go into it.”

  He gave me a grin. “Oh. Gay stuff.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, gay stuff.”

  We finished eating and Roy left for his next class. I sat at the table for a few more minutes wondering what to do about Kody. He'd given me the perfect reason not to pursue him. I could walk away now and no one could ever blame me. I would never have to tell him about my past.

  Presented with this out, however, I found I didn't want it. With a sudden, surprising clarity, I realized I wanted to be with Kody. I wanted to hold him in my arms and feel his lips against mine again. My breathing quickened just thinking about it. The idea of telling him about my past still terrified me, but I knew now that I couldn't just let him walk away. I was going to pursue him. If he wanted to tell me to get lost, that's what he'd have to do, but he'd have to tell me to my face.

  Decision made, I left for my next class with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. The chase was on.

  Chapter 8

  Breaking Masks

  Josh Aterovis and Dave Dabeagle

  © 2004

  "Kody"

  I got to the store at five-thirty in the morning to find Max had not arrived yet. I stood outside in the brisk first light. It wasn't quite cold enough for my breath to plume, but it wasn't off by much. I had dreamed of Jake last night. I had been home when he stopped to check on me, and we'd sat on the couch and talked and talked. He kept saying what a nerd I was, and how I shouldn't drink so much.

  “I am so tired!” Max said as she approached. I smiled and she rolled her eyes while grinning. She was always cheerfully complaining, just as she was perennially tired. “I hate being up this early. Who really needs coffee this early?”

  “I know. How can anyone be cheerful this time of day?” We got inside and Max headed for the office while I hung up my coat. The coffee pots were all clean and ready to go. I broke open the coffee packets to start that morning's brew.

  “Don't forget the hot chocolate!” Max called out. She poked her head out of the office. “Oh, Kody! Oh my God! Let me tell you what happened. My sister is such a whore.” I burst out laughing. “I'm serious,” she continued. “I was on the phone with her last night and she was telling me about her new boyfriend, right? So I asked her what her boyfriend does for a job. She said
, `doing me is his job'. How much of a pig can she be? After I got a good look at him, all I could think was that he'd be on the unemployment line soon `cause honey, there is not enough down there to keep her happy very long!” I laughed so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks.

  “Max, that is just wrong.” I choked.

  Marla walked in just then. “What's wrong?” she asked.

  So Max told her the story. She had to-I was laughing too hard to say anything. Mike walked in to complete the morning crew and caught us all laughing like idiots.