Begin Again

by Mulliner, Brittney

  “I didn’t know this was such a big deal for you. Are you sure you want to go?” I felt a tightness in my stomach as I waited for his response.

  “Of course, I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t want to go.” Relief filled me instantly and I released the breath I was holding.

  “Good, but I’m sure you weren’t planning on being in the court. I don’t care about it.” It would be exciting to win, but the odds were against me.

  “That’s good because I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I have a competition on Friday and Saturday but I should be done with plenty of time to get ready.”

  “So you might not make it?” Why would he tell me this the week of the dance? I felt like I was on a rollercoaster talking to him today going back and forth between panic and peace. Was he purposely trying to drive me to insanity?

  “No! I just may run a little late in picking you up for the dinner. It should be fine though.” Alright this kid was officially a yo-yo. Rather than freaking out I took a deep breath in. . . . and out. . . .

  I plastered on a weak smile, “Just keep me posted I guess.”

  He grinned like there was nothing at all to be upset about. “No problem.”

  ☀☀☀

  After school I changed into sweats and plopped on the couch to watch TV. As I was searching through the channels my phone started ringing. I was shocked when I read the screen and saw my mom’s number. She rarely called me without news of an accident or to yell at me for doing something to embarrass the family. I ran through the last few weeks in my mind trying to recall anything I’ve done that may have gotten the attention of her friends or Chicago gossip sources. Drawing a blank I hesitantly answered.

  “Aubrey, my dear, where have you been? Brandon told me you have news to share but I haven’t received one call.” I assumed she was with someone if she was using a term of endearment to address me. Also, her enthusiasm was much too forced.

  “Hi Mom, sorry I haven’t called it’s been a busy couple of days, but the big news is that I made the company team at my new studio.”

  “Honey, that is simply wonderful. I am so very proud of you!” I cringed at her insincerity. I wonder who she was with that she would be this fake . . . a columnist maybe. “How is school? I haven’t heard much about what is going on.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Well Winter Formal is this weekend and I was nominated in the court, so campaign posters have been put up. I made some good friends and I’ve been going on dates with one guy that I’m going to the formal with.”

  “I am so happy that you have settled in so nicely, but we miss you back here.”

  “I miss you guys, too. Tell Peyton I miss her.”

  “I will, dear.”

  “Is there any news about Morgan? I never heard about his trial or anything.”

  “Oh honey, you know we couldn’t let that happen. We settled out of court a few weeks ago. We couldn’t let that dark story get to the press.”

  “So you brushed it off . . . Is he even in prison?” Panic was rushing through my veins, he might actually be here. Maybe I wasn’t crazy when I thought I saw him.

  “He is securely locked up. Don’t worry dear. Well I must dash. Kiss kiss.”

  She hung up before I could reply. I sat staring at the phone. She wouldn’t lie to me about something so important, would she? No. Morgan is locked away far away from me.

  As I was continuing to calm myself down there was a knock on my door. I got up slowly to answer it and stumbled back when I saw who was gazing down at me with a slow grin growing from the corners of his lips.

  “Mike! What are you doing here?” I was relieved it was him but he had never stopped by my place before.

  “Mckayla was having a ‘study night’ at her place but she texted everyone and changed it to here. Did she not tell you?” He looked bemused as he pushed past me into the room.

  “This is the first I’m hearing about it. I guess I can reschedule my plans.” I called to him since he was already in the living room looking at the TV.

  “Yeah . . . sorry to interrupt your Project Runway marathon.” He laughed and sat on the couch making himself right at home. I sat down next to him and without missing a beat he put his arm around my shoulders.

  I was confused with my reaction. My body leaned into his pressing into his side. It was like an automatic response to being around him. I told myself it’s because we’ve become good friends but I felt guilty as I thought what Luke would think about this.

  There was a knock at the door again but before I could stand it burst open as Mckayla led people in. Suddenly the condo was packed with my friends as Bear, Donny, Justin, Mark, Cassie, and even Tucker walked in. Talia and Alexis ended the masses and each had an apologetic smile. Alexis rushed up to me and gave me a hug.

  “I’m sorry if this is too much; Mckayla thought it would be a good idea for you to be more social outside of school.” That was odd, I didn’t realize I wasn’t.

  “Its fine, but what are we supposed to be doing? I didn’t plan anything and I don’t even know if we have food.”

  “Don’t worry about that we have it covered. Some pizzas should be arriving in a few minutes. We’re just going to do homework together and if Brandon doesn’t mind maybe we’ll watch a movie.”

  It sounded like a decent plan. I just wished someone would have clued me in. I didn’t mean to not be social, but between dance and homework I’ve been busy. I guess they didn’t realize I’ve met up with Gage a few times and have gone out with Luke.

  By the time the pizzas were delivered everyone was scattered in the living room either on the floor or on the couch. I was having fun listening to them interact and noticed they made an effort to include me as much as possible. We had spent an hour on homework before the guys started complaining about being bored. They decided it was time for the movie so we took a vote and were outnumbered by the guys for an action movie.

  The room was crowded with everyone packed in so half of us ended up on the carpet with pillows and blankets to get comfy. I was lying with my head on Mike’s chest and my legs over Donny’s back actually getting into the movie. Mckayla offered to make popcorn and after the third bowl was passed around there was a knock at the door. I looked up as Mckayla opened the door and spotted Luke walk in.

  Mike groaned but didn’t move. I sat up leaving my legs draped over Donny.

  “Hey Luke.”

  His gaze drifted over the group and he looked slightly uncomfortable. “Hi. I actually just stopped to see if you wanted to go get something to eat but I can see you’re busy.”

  It was my turn to be uncomfortable now. I jumped up and walked over to him so everyone couldn’t listen in. “Mckayla invited everyone over for a study night at her house then changed it last minute to mine. I didn’t even know about it until people started showing up. I should have called you.” I felt so bad about neglecting to even think about him this whole time.

  “It’s fine. I had surf practice after school so that’s why I’m coming over now.” He was shifting on his feet like he was suddenly ready to run out the door.

  “We have a ton of pizza left. Do you want to hang out here for a bit?”

  “No. I can see you’re busy with Mike and you’re friends. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Chapter 24

  I knew it was wishful thinking but I was really hoping the awkwardness would be over when I saw Luke at school. No such luck. I didn’t see him until lunch and all I got then was a small wave. I guess he could be bummed over not being included, but he wasn’t really friends with the people that were over.

  And what was with that Mike comment? I told him Mckayla planned everything but it somehow came down to Mike being there. How did I manage to get involved with the three boys who hated each other most at our school? On the surface they were nice enough to each other but get one of them alone and they were worse than girls! I knew that I shouldn’t say something so antifeminist, but they were melodramatic and held grudges like no
body’s business. Both traits that are usually reserved and perfected by those possessing two X chromosomes.

  I was seriously over the whole situation by the time Chemistry rolled around. I decided it was necessary to be the ignorer rather than the ignoree thus eliminating the risk of Luke disappointing me again. I spent the whole class enthralled, or at least appearing to be, in what Mr. Steen was saying about atoms, or ions, or whatever he was discussing. By the end of class I was exhausted. Pretending to be interested really takes it out of you.

  It was worth it though. My tactic worked. As I was walking out of class Luke caught up to me to apologize. Victory.

  He promised to call me later and mentioned hanging out just us two, soon. I felt a little better being on speaking terms with him.

  I was still debating if I was being overly sensitive to his mood swings, or if he was actually the flakiest person alive as I entered the dance studio and began stretching.

  I thought about bringing it up to Cassie but I didn’t want to accidentally reaffirm the fact that I am an obsessive loon. All thoughts of boys were pushed out as I focused on stretching and moving for the next several hours.

  ☀☀☀

  I was so tired after dance I didn’t bother to change back into my school clothes. I threw on an oversized shirt over my leotard that almost covered the tiny dance shorts I was wearing over my tights. I didn’t think anything of my appearance until I walked through my front door and saw Carter standing in the kitchen.

  I watched as he took in my lack of clothing before he looked me in the eyes.

  “Is this normal?” He gestured to up and down at me.

  “You letting yourself in and helping yourself to our food? I’m beginning to think it is.” I raised a brow mockingly at him as I walked past him to get to my room. I dropped off my backpack and dance bag before meeting him again in the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water and turned to him.

  “So what are you doing here?”

  He laughed at my bluntness blushing ever so slightly. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the red reach his cheeks. I did that? I could embarrass him?

  “Brandon called and asked if I wanted to go to dinner with you guys.”

  “Hmm I didn’t know we had plans tonight.” I took a seat at one of the stools and leaned forward placing my elbows on the counter.

  “I just realized it might be awkward for you that I have a key. Does that bother you?”

  I studied him for a minute narrowing my eyes as I took him in. “Are you going to kill me?”

  He looked startled but shook his head.

  “Kidnap me?”

  “What? Of course not! What are you talking about?”

  I ignored his question and continued my interrogation.

  “Finish all the milk and put the carton back in the fridge?”

  “Never.”

  “Leave the toilet seat up?”

  “Why would I use your bathroom?”

  He had me there . . . I shook my head trying to come up with anything else.

  “As long as you don’t do any of those things, or anything else I come up with later you are free to come and go as you please. But one wrong move and that privilege is gone. Got it?”

  He gave me an adorable grin and I knew he was on the verge of losing it and laughing at me, but he straightened up and played along.

  “I promise Aubrey. I will remember those requirements and do my best to live up to your standards.”

  I smiled and finally gave in. I busted up laughing just seconds before he did. A few moments later we were calming down but we looked at each other and lost it all over again.

  Of course Brandon walked in on our third round of sidesplitting laughter and stopped mid-step.

  “Do I want to know?”

  We both looked up and saw his puzzled expression and started up again. By that time I fell out of the stool and onto the ground. Brandon shook his head as he stepped over me on his way to his bedroom.

  Carter calmed down enough to come over and help me stand up. I looked into his eyes and caught my breath. The look in his eyes was something I had never seen before. It was a cross between lust and longing. I stepped back before I could try to interpret what this meant.

  “I probably stink. I’m going to shower before we go. Tell Brandon I’ll be quick.”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  As I showered and got ready I was trying to explain away the look I saw. Maybe I imagined it. But did that mean I want it to be there? Maybe he was actually thinking about his super-hot model girlfriend. No, Brandon already told me Carter wasn’t seeing anyone. Maybe I had mistaken the look and he was actually just looking at me. No longing. No lust. It was just a look. I kept repeating that to myself before I walked out to meet the guys.

  There was nothing there. Carter thought of me as his little sister. I was just a silly teenager to him. I was a little disappointed by this realization, but I knew it was true.

  We headed out to a local taco shop and the guys decided since it was Taco Tuesday to have a food eating contest. Being the disgusting animals they were each of them ordered fifteen greasy tacos to start. I started a timer of my phone giving them ten minutes to eat them all and, if needed, I would get more so there wouldn’t be a tie.

  Seven minutes in Brandon had two left and Carter had three. A group had formed around us cheering them on and counting down with me. It was the weirdest experience I’ve ever had, in a restaurant at least. I had tears streaming down my face from laughing too hard, but I gave them a two minute warning as they both picked up their last tacos. I yelled for someone to bring us ten more to split between them. The kitchen must have heard what was going on since all ten tacos appeared within seconds.

  The crowd grew as the boys groaned when the extra five tacos were added to their plates. I added two minutes to the time and yelled it out so we could countdown again. I shouted their names and the crowd followed chanting the names of who they were rooting for.

  With thirty seconds left the entire restaurant was invested in the results. Brandon had one taco in each hand, alternating bites from each. Carter began doubling up and smashing two tacos in his mouth at a time. It was horrifying and I hadn’t stopped laughing since it started.

  We chanted down from ten watching them intently to see who would be the champion. With two seconds left Carter stuffed the last half of a taco and apparently swallowed it whole beating Brandon by half of a taco.

  Carter jumped up and stood on his chair while pumping his fists in the air. Brandon put his head on the table and held his stomach. I prayed he didn’t lose it in front of everyone.

  After the crowd congratulated them and dispersed back to their own tables we sat back for a few minutes so they could recover.

  “That was epic.” I still hadn’t stopped laughing.

  “I wish we got a video of that, dude.” Carter looked at Brandon but he still had his head on the table.

  I was pretty certain we would be rolling him out of the restaurant.

  “Do you think he’s going to make it?”

  Carter shook his head and looked at Brandon again. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him this bad since our last trip to a Chinese buffet.”

  “Ewww. I definitely don’t want to know that story.”

  “He ended up in the hospital. It wasn’t pretty.”

  “Let’s pack him up and get him home. I don’t want to have to clean up after him in public.”

  ☀☀☀

  Brandon leaned on Carter like he was wounded. At least he was able to walk himself in and out of the car. We watched as he crawled into his bed and passed out within seconds. Interesting bit of information I might use later. Stuff him full and he’s out for the night.

  I walked out to the balcony and sat in my favorite chair. Carter followed bringing another chair close to mine.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine. I have a stomach of steel, but Brandon always forgets that.”

  “Poor guy
. I hope there’s no serious damage.”

  Carter laughed at my lame joke, so nice of him. “He’ll be fine. It’s not the first time he’s done something stupid.”

  “Such good role models.” I looked over at him and smirked.

  “We are! We show you how to work hard, be successful, and have fun. We’re well-rounded role models.”

  I just shook my head and gazed out at the moon reflecting over the ocean.

  “It’s beautiful.” I looked over and saw Carter staring out like I was.

  “Yeah it is. I hope I never forget to appreciate it.”

  “Once you live here for a few years you probably will. Then every once in a while there will be nights like this that remind you.”

  A few minutes past in silence before he leaned toward me breaking my concentration. I met his eyes and smiled. His gazed dropped to my lips for the briefest second. A blush rose on his cheeks when he realized I caught him. He looked away but spoke.

  “I hate that bad things have happened to you. I hate that I can’t take those memories from you to make you forget. I hate that I can’t comfort you when you’re scared. I know you are.” His eyes flickered to mine. This time I was caught. Before I could deny anything he said he saw the emotions I had been working so hard at covering up.

  He sighed and looked away again. I pulled my legs to my chest and hugged them to me. He brought out all my vulnerability with one remark. He knew how scared and broken I was. Everyone else saw what I wanted them to. I was here to move on and I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of doing it. Apparently not. Carter saw what no one else did.

  “I need you to know that I care. I care about you, Aubrey. I know you have Brandon and your family here for you, but I want you to know that I’m here too. You can come to me for anything, anytime.”

  A single tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. I froze knowing if I moved to wipe it away it would draw his attention. I closed my eyes and told myself to breathe. I felt his finger slide across my cheek. He had seen it anyway. Of course he did. He was the only one that saw all of me.