One Good Cowboy

by Catherine Mann

  Alex lifted a lazy eyebrow. “Have you ever considered we should overrule Gran? Not just on this, but on other issues, as well. You have to confess that this test thing to decide the future of a huge estate is more than a little half-baked.”

  Stone stared at Alex in surprise. His cousin was a man of few words, so a speech that long carried extra weight.

  Amie crossed her arms tightly, a wrist full of delicate silver bangles jangling. “You can’t be saying what I think. You can’t intend to have Gran declared unfit to manage her affairs.”

  “I think we should consider it,” Alex said somberly. “She even said she planned this test for you because she was afraid the tumor might affect her judgment. What if it’s too late?”

  Stone hated even considering it. But had he disregarded warning signs about his grandmother out of a selfish need to have Johanna back in his life? “This isn’t a question we can answer on our own. We need to speak with her doctors. Agreed? Alex?”

  His cousin held up both hands. “Fair enough. And about contacting your mom?”

  Damn. He scrubbed a hand along his jaw. “If you want to call my mother, do it, but I have nothing to say to her. And when she does something to hurt Gran—and trust me, my mother will—it will be on your conscience.”

  He pivoted away to end the conversation only to find Johanna standing behind him, her worried eyes making it clear she’d overheard at least part of their exchange. He slid an arm around her shoulders. “Johanna, let’s go. We need to take care of Ruby and Pearl.”

  The weight of Alex’s jealous gaze seared his back. For his entire life, his grandmother, the ranch and time with his cousins had been his stability, his grounding force. In the span of the week, all of that was being threatened. Without his grandmother as the glue, would their family hold together?

  Johanna had accused him of not understanding how she felt when she lost her whole family. For the first time, he fully grasped what she meant. The impending sense of loss left a hole in his chest. And the prospect of having his mother roll into town creating havoc did little to reassure him.

  He tucked Johanna closer to his side and wondered if he could dig deep enough to keep her this time.

  * * *

  Johanna curled against Stone’s side, resting her head on his shoulder and soaking in the feel of his fingers stroking up and down her arm. The ceiling fan in her bedroom gusted cooling air over her bared flesh. So easily, they’d fallen into old habits, tossing aside their clothes the second they crossed the threshold of her cabin.

  They hadn’t even discussed it or questioned it. They’d sought the blissful escape of losing themselves in each other. The ease of that unsettled her. Eventually they would have to resolve the differences that had made her walk before. The past seven months had been hell, but they couldn’t just pretend the future didn’t matter, even if lounging in her lavender-scented sheets with him felt deliciously decadent.

  Stone kissed the top of her head, the stubble on his chin catching in her hair. “My cousins brought up something at the hospital that I can’t ignore, as much as I might wish otherwise.”

  She glanced up at him. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m going to have to tell my mother about Mariah’s cancer.”

  “Oh, wow, I hadn’t even considered that...” The last she’d heard of his mother, Jade had been living with a boyfriend in Paris. “Is she still in France?”

  As best as Johanna could remember, Jade had moved in with a wealthy wine merchant about four years ago and hadn’t come home since. Johanna had gotten the feeling Jade was hiding as far away from her family as she could.

  Stone shook his head. “She’s in Atlanta now. She went through another rehab two months ago and decided to stay near her shrink rather than go back to her fast-living wine merchant sugar daddy. Having such a large trust fund can be a blessing and a curse. Too much cash on hand to feed the habit, but plenty of money to get the best care during the next detox.”

  She had few memories of his mom, most of them conflicted, depending on if she was in the middle of a frenetic drug binge or somberly drained from another stint in rehab. “How do you feel about that?”

  He eyed her wryly. “How do you think I feel?”

  “Not happy?”

  “Mariah doesn’t need the drama draining what strength she has.”

  Johanna slid her arm around him, hugging him, her leg nestled between his. “I agree, but eventually she’ll have to be told.”

  He nodded, his chin brushing the top of her head again. A long sigh shuddered through him. “I was a crack baby.”

  His stark declaration caught her by surprise, stunning her still and silent. She scrambled for the right thing to say but could only hold him tighter to let him know she was here to listen. In fact, she wished he had trusted her enough to open up before now. “Stone, I don’t know what to say.”

  “There’s nothing to say. People assume it’s a poverty issue, but that’s not always the case. My mother was addicted to cocaine when I was born. I didn’t know that until I was an adult and saw my medical records. I just thought I needed all those developmental therapists and tutors as a kid because I wasn’t as smart as my cousins.” He kept skimming his hand along her back as if taking comfort from the feel of her. “My first days on this earth were spent detoxing.”

  She pressed a kiss to his collarbone, still too choked up to speak. Her eyes burned with tears she knew he wouldn’t want to see. Thank God, Mariah had been there for him.

  His hand kept up the steady rhythm. “I don’t like to take medicines. I figure with a junkie mom, genetics aren’t on my side as a father,” he said darkly, the deeper implication clear, explaining the mystery of why he seemed so determined to deny himself a family of his own. “And what if that early addiction is still there lurking, waiting to be triggered again?”

  She blinked back the tears and tipped her head to look up at him. “What does your doctor say?”

  His handsome features were strained, his jaw flexing. “Not to snort coke.”

  She skimmed her fingers over the furrows in his forehead. “How can you make jokes about this?”

  “It’s better this way.” He captured her hand and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I want you to understand why I’m not comfortable being a father or passing along my genes to future generations.”

  “Why didn’t you try to make me understand before? You have to know I would have listened without judging.” Although she had to wonder. Would she have been able to accept that he didn’t want children? Or would she have pushed for him to resolve his feelings in order to have things the way she wanted them?

  “I thought you would run if you knew. Then you ran anyway, which only confirmed my suspicion.” He threaded his fingers through her loose hair, cupping the back of her head. “Now, there’s nothing to lose.”

  Her parents’ love had been such a grounding foundation for her all her life, giving her a confidence she carried with her even now that they were gone. She’d always thought about how lucky he was to have Mariah—Johanna hadn’t considered the scars he must carry because of his mother’s addiction. “I am so sorry for what you went through as a baby and for all you went through afterward with your mom.”

  He searched her eyes. “And you aren’t upset that I didn’t tell you before?”

  Was she? She searched her heart and decided upset wasn’t the right word. Disappointed fit better. That he’d held this back only reinforced her feelings that they hadn’t been ready to commit before. For whatever reason, he hadn’t been able to trust her, and she hadn’t looked any deeper than the surface.

  She understood now that he’d never be able to give her the family she craved. His resistance was rooted in something much deeper than she’d ever guessed. But even knowing that she wouldn’t be able to move them to a healthier, happi
er place together, she couldn’t help wanting to savor this time with him. She was deeply moved that he’d trusted her enough to share this. She just wished he loved her enough to address the problem. For now though, with her emotions ripped raw, she would take whatever tenderness she could find in his arms until she found the strength to move forward with her life again.

  “Not angry.” She kissed him once, lightly, before continuing. “Just glad you told me now.”

  “You’re being too nice about this.” He tunneled his hands through her hair again and again in a rhythm that both soothed and aroused.

  “I’m seeing things from a new perspective, questioning if I really gave you the opening to share the darker corners of your life.” She took in the handsome, hard lines of his face, thinking about all the times she’d fantasized about him as a teenager. She’d idealized him and idolized him for so many years; she hadn’t given him much room to be human. “I created a fantasy crush image of you and expected you to live up to that. It wasn’t fair to you.”

  “You truly are too forgiving.”

  “I have my limits,” she admitted. “I’m human, too.”

  “I should let you go, but all I can think is that someone else would take advantage—” his voice went gravelly, his arms flexing a second before he tucked her underneath him “—and there’s nothing in this world I want more than to keep you safe.”

  “You know what I want more than anything? I want to make love to you until you can’t think of any more gut-wrenching discussions for us to have.” She angled up to kiss him once, twice, distracting him so she could roll him to his back. “I want us to try to be normal for a while.”

  “You can absolutely feel free to console me with sex.”

  As much as he tried to joke, she could see the raw emotion in his eyes and knew he’d pushed so far outside his comfort zone, he would need time before he could go further. So she offered him the only comfort he would allow now—an escape, a reprieve that could be found in each other’s arms.

  She sealed her mouth to his again. His arms wrapped around her in a flash, his hands curving around her bottom and bringing her closer. She straddled him. The pressure of his erection against the core of her was a delicious friction. Already, a euphoric haze seeped through her veins, evicting her concerns—at least for this stolen moment together.

  Ten

  Johanna woke to the sound of voices. Or rather one voice and a couple of different barks.

  She pushed her tangled hair off her face and sat up, sheet pooling around her waist in the empty bed. Blinking to clear her mind and vision, she saw Stone’s boots still on the floor, his shirt tossed over a chair. Where was his rumbly voice coming from? Maybe he was in the kitchen?

  Then she heard him...from the porch. Her window was open since the night had dipped into the seventies.

  “Sit.... That’s right, good girl,” he said, a dog bark answering.

  Pearl.

  “Girl, this is the last treat. You’ve already had four. You’re gonna get sick. Yeah, Ruby, I have another for you, too. Fair’s fair.”

  She smiled affectionately. He was sweeter than he gave himself credit for. Although with his revelations the past few days, she could understand why he was so hesitant to let down his walls and be vulnerable. His mother had betrayed him on so many different levels from the start.

  The details about his birth and early years still rocked her. It also affirmed they hadn’t been ready to get married before with such secrets between them, but it heartened her that they were making progress now. He was opening up to her, and she wondered what that could mean for them as the rest of this week played out. While she wasn’t ready to think beyond the next few days, she also knew they’d moved past having a one-night stand for old times’ sake.

  Tossing aside the sheets, she left the bed and grabbed a silky robe from a hook on the bathroom door. The sun was only just rising, but usually she would already have her coffee in a travel mug as she headed to the barn. Being idle felt...strange.

  She wrapped the knee-length robe around her and padded barefoot through the living area out to the covered porch. Stone sat in a rocker wearing jeans and nothing else. His hair stood up a little in the back with an endearing bed-head look that softened her already weakening emotions. She’d missed mornings like this with him. Ruby was lounging at his feet, and Pearl slept curled up on the porch swing.

  Stone glanced back at her and grinned. “Good morning, gorgeous.”

  “Good morning to you, too. Any news on your grandmother?” Although she assumed there must not have been any bad updates, given his happy mood.

  “Amie sent a text a half hour ago. Gran’s resting comfortably and will be released this morning. Alex and Amie are arguing—as expected—over which one of them will bring her home.”

  “I’m relieved to hear Mariah’s well enough to come home. Hopefully Alex and Amie will put their competitiveness on hold for the day.” She leaned a hip against the door frame, watching the low hum of activity at the lodge in the distance. She had the added privacy of a circle of sprawling oak and pine trees since she lived here. A couple hundred yards away, beyond the trees, she could hear a couple of early risers talking over breakfast. Voices and hubbub from the stables echoed from the other side of the ranch house, but everyone was out of sight.

  For the most part, she had Stone to herself. “What are you drawing?”

  He tipped his head for her to join him. “Come see.”

  She walked out onto the porch and stopped behind his chair. Looping her arms around his neck, she peered over his shoulder, surprised to find he wasn’t sketching the landscape after all. He had almost finished a sketch of Pearl on the porch swing. Even only halfway done, the likeness was impressive and heart tugging. He’d captured a sadness in the dog’s eyes that mirrored the sadness she’d seen in Stone’s since his grandmother’s announcement. He patted her hand quietly but kept the pencil in motion.

  She stepped around him and settled onto the porch swing beside the terrier. She tapped the swing into motion, staying silent while Stone lost himself in the drawing. She wanted to soak up the moment and ignore the fear that this was merely the calm before the storm.

  Finally, he sighed and closed the pad, looking across at her. “Sorry if I woke you.”

  “I wake up earlier than this for work.” She reached to touch the edge of the sketch pad on the table beside him. “I forget sometimes what a good artist you are.”

  “The jewelry design gene in my family takes many forms,” he said offhandedly.

  She smoothed her hand along Pearl’s back, flattening her bristly fur. “Have you ever thought about offering more input on the designs?”

  “That’s Amie’s realm. We try not to encroach on each other’s territory. The last thing we need is more competition in this family.” He scratched his collar bone, drawing her eyes to his bare chest. “Besides, this is my hobby, my way of relaxing.”

  Her mouth watered at the flex of his tattoo along his arm and the muscled expanse of his chest. “Did you destroy the drawings of me the way you promised when we broke up?”

  “You mean the nude drawings.” He grinned wickedly. “What do you think?”

  She wasn’t sure what she thought. In the past couple of days she’d come to realize he was very good at keeping secrets and she had been very good at dodging tough subjects in the interest of keeping her fantasy alive. “Should I trust you?”

  “Absolutely,” he said without question. “I’m trying to make things right. And as for the drawings, I don’t need any help remembering every amazing inch of you.”

  He angled out of the chair to kiss her with a firm, sure confidence that swirled her senses. In a fast sweep, he lifted her and settled her onto his lap. “We have about an hour before we need to head over to the house. Any ideas how we can spe
nd that time wisely?”

  She teased the swoop of bed head in his hair. “I think you may need a shower. Are you sure you don’t want to hurry and help Alex drive your grandmother home?”

  “I’ll just leave Alex and Amie to duke that out between them.”

  She leaned back against his chest. She’d missed moments like this, enjoying the steady thud of his heart. “They’re both so competitive. It should be interesting to watch them once their test comes. I always felt sorry for them as a kid.”

  “How so?” he asked. “They had everything—money, parents, a family.”

  Really? He was that clueless? “They had a mom who trotted them out like prize horses and a father so tied to golf and hiding from their mom they barely saw him.”

  “The pageant thing was a little over-the-top,” he conceded.

  She couldn’t hold back a laugh. “You think?”

  “Amie never protested—” He held up a hand. “Wait. I take that back. She complained once. She wanted to go to some high school dance and it fell on the weekend of a pageant competition.”

  “Did she get to the dance?”

  “Nope. She won her crown.” A one-sided smile kicked a dimple into his cheek. “We found the tiara in the middle of a silver tureen of grits the next morning.”

  “Miss Texas Grits,” she quipped. “I like it. Amie is full of grit, after all.” Johanna had spent so much of her life idealizing the McNairs, minimizing their struggles, feeling sorry for them on some issues, but overall envying them.

  The sound of an approaching taxi pulled her attention out of their bubble of intimacy. Johanna kissed Stone quickly then eased off his lap.

  She extended a hand to him. “We should go back inside before the rest of the guests saddle up for the day. I don’t want to have to fight off the tourists. They’ll be drooling over a half-dressed cowboy.”

  Her half-dressed cowboy. The possessive thought blindsided her.

  The cab drove past the Hidden Gem Lodge and drew closer, as if coming to her home. Johanna hesitated half in, half out of her door. Sure enough, the taxi stopped right at her fenced front lawn. Ruby and Pearl leaped to their feet and flew off the porch, barking.