One Good Cowboy

by Catherine Mann

  The back door of the vehicle opened and a woman stepped out, one high heel at a time. Stone’s quick gasp gave her an instant’s warning before recognition hit.

  The reed-thin woman bore a striking resemblance to Mariah and Amie for a reason. After four years away, Stone’s mother—Jade McNair—had come home.

  * * *

  Stone carried his mother’s designer luggage into the guest suite in the family’s portion of the Hidden Gem Lodge. He’d been on autopilot since the second he’d seen his mother step out of the taxi. He vaguely recalled Johanna filling the awkward silence with small talk while he grabbed his shirt and boots. His mother had said something about seeing him on Johanna’s porch so Jade had instructed the taxi driver to go to the cabin rather than straight to the lodge.

  His only thought had been to divert any crisis that might upset Mariah.

  He put the hang-up bag in the closet and dropped the two suitcases by the leather sofa, onto the thick wool of the Aztec patterned rug. She’d certainly brought enough to stay for more than a weekend trip.

  Pivoting, he found his mother standing in the middle of the floor, shifting from foot to foot under the elk horn chandelier. From nerves? Or in need of a fix? She was as thin as a bird, her skin sallow and eyes haunted but clear—her standard postdetox look. He’d seen it enough times to recognize it, and he’d seen it fall apart enough times not to bother hoping the new start would stick.

  He cut straight to the chase. “Mariah needs peace, not drama. Cause her any heartache and I will throw you out myself.”

  Jade nodded nervously, her hand shaking as she pushed back a hank of dark hair with new threads of silver. “I’m not here to cause trouble. I heard the news about my mother’s cancer from a friend.”

  “Are you here to make sure you’re in the will?”

  She sagged onto the upholstered bench at the foot of the bed. “I understand you don’t have any reason to trust me, but I want to see my mother. I would also like to help if I can—and if she will let me.”

  She sounded genuine. But then she always did at this stage of the cycle.

  “Jade, keep in mind what I said. Mariah’s comfort and health come first.” He turned for the door, wanting the hell out of here and back to Johanna’s cabin with the dogs.

  “Stone, wait,” his mother called.

  He stopped with his hand on the door handle. His shoulders sagged with a weary sigh. “Remember the part about no drama? The same goes in talking to me.”

  She stayed silent until he finally faced her again.

  Jade still sat on the bench, hugging one of those fancy throw pillows women insisted on. “I’m sorry for not being a real mother to you. I regret that.”

  “Everyone has regrets.” He understood she had to make amends as a part of the recovery process. She’d walked the steps again and again until he had the whole routine memorized. Too many times he thought she’d bottomed out enough that she’d finally begin a real recovery.

  He wasn’t falling into that trap again.

  She looked at him uncertainly. “What? No telling me off? Handing over pamphlets for the latest, greatest rehab center? I just finished with one of the best, you know.”

  “So I hear. Congratulations.” Time would tell, but he wasn’t holding his breath.

  “You’ve changed,” she said sadly. “You’re colder than ever, something else I need to make up to you.”

  “I’m an adult. I accept responsibility for who I am.” He put his hand back on the door handle. “Now if we’re done here...?”

  Her eyes welled up. “My mother is dying. Can you cut me a little slack?”

  “Yes, she is,” he snapped, pushing past the lump in his throat. “And she doesn’t need you sapping what strength she has left.”

  “Maybe I can bring her some comfort,” Jade said with a shaky hope that hinted at the brighter spirit she’d been during some of the better times of her life. She toyed with a turquoise cascade around her neck, a piece her dad had made for her eighteenth birthday. “I have a small window here to get things right, and I’m not going to waste it.”

  “You can sit by her side as long as you’re lifting her spirits. If you don’t do that, you’re gone.” That’s all he cared about. And hadn’t he made that freaking clear the first time? Impatience gnawed at the back of his neck. “Now what else do you need from me?”

  “Keep being the good man that you are.” Her eyes went doe-wide as she launched into a facade he liked to call “the good mother.” She deluded herself that she had something to offer. When he was a kid, this phase had been killer because it offered the false impression that she gave a damn.

  “Right.” He ground his teeth together, knowing Johanna would tell him to get through this. Keep the peace. At least, he thought that’s what she’d say. He’d never given his mother that much airtime to know for sure.

  “And Stone? Figure out how to be the kind of husband Johanna deserves because even I can see the two of you are meant to be together. I’m going to try to help here, but I know there’s probably nothing I can accomplish better than you or your cousins.”

  Already this was seeping into drama-land. “Mom, can we stop? I need to go—”

  She launched up and grabbed his arm. “You’re the only hope I have left of making my mother happy. Even though I can’t take credit for the man you’ve become—Mariah brought you up—I can take some pride in knowing I was your mother. At some point I must have done something good as your mom.”

  The pleading look in her eyes chipped away at him, catching him at a time when he was already raw from all the walls he’d torn down in the past couple of days. Johanna, with her healing spirit and love of family, would want him to try. She had helped so many—human and animals—without expecting anything in return.

  For Johanna, he scrounged in his mind for a positive memory with his mother and came up with, “You helped me with my macaroni art project for kindergarten.”

  Blinking fast, she thumbed away a tear. “What did you say?”

  He leaned against the closed door. “The teacher wanted us to use pasta to create scenes for the four seasons. I was mad because I wanted to draw horses so I blew off the ‘homework.’ The teacher sent a note home.”

  “You always were a good artist and smart, too,” she said with pride.

  He resisted the urge to say the crack baby rehab had probably shaved ten points or more off his IQ. A year ago, he would have opted for the joke. Instead, he opted for another Johanna-like answer. “You read to me. A lot. I remember that, too.”

  She sat on her suitcase. “What else do you remember about the macaroni art project?”

  “After we finished—or so I thought—you said it needed sparkle.” The memory expanded in his mind, making him smile even now in the middle of such a dismal morning. “We went into Grandpa’s home studio and raided the jewel bags. You used a citrine stone for the summer sun. Silver shavings for winter snow. Tiny amethysts and rubies for spring flowers. And for autumn, we had—”

  “A pile of leaves made of topazes.” She clapped her hands and smiled. “When I heard you and Johanna were engaged, I called my mother and asked her to unearth those projects from a trunk I’d stored in the attic.”

  “You kept the project?” Stunned, he was glad he had the door at his back for support.

  “All four seasons,” she confirmed. “I got them framed, to be a wedding gift to you and Johanna. When you and Johanna broke up, I just kept them for myself. They’re hanging in my living room. You can come see for yourself if you don’t believe me.” The hint of desperation in her eyes punched away a little more of his defenses.

  “I believe you. That’s really nice.” And it was. Keeping kindergarten art didn’t make up for the past but it meant something to him to know she’d held on to the memory, too.

>   He didn’t think he could ever see her as a mother figure. That seemed disloyal to Mariah who’d done everything for him. Photos showed his grandfather had tried to fill the void of a father figure. From all he’d heard from Mariah about his grandfather, he would have kept that up....

  That thought brought to mind other unfinished business between him and his mom. He’d learned time wasn’t guaranteed, so he might as well go for broke. “I know who my father is.”

  Her McNair blue eyes went wide. “Is that a trick question where you try to get me to admit something?”

  “No trick. I did the detective work and figured it out. A DNA test confirmed Dale Banks is my biological father.” He still didn’t know how he felt about that. Maybe it would have been better not to know than to continue to wonder what would happen if he ever confronted the guy with the truth.

  Her jaw dropped. “Dale agreed to the test?”

  “He didn’t know about the test. I tricked him. But if I’m right, I think he already knew and didn’t want to be a father, or he refused a test in the past.”

  She nodded.

  Stone followed the rest of the thought to its logical conclusion. “And he wasn’t interested in being a parent.”

  “I’m afraid not, son.” She stood and reached to pat his arm, but stopped just shy of actually touching him. “I’m so sorry.”

  He winced at the word son but decided to let it slide. “Apology accepted.”

  Yes, anger and betrayal churned inside him, but he refused to stir up drama right before Mariah came home from the hospital.

  “Does that mean I’m forgiven?” Jade asked hopefully. “I know that I can’t make up for what I put you through, but I would like to know you’ve found some peace. You deserved better.”

  “I have Mariah,” he said without missing a beat. “I got the best.”

  No more blaming the past for current issues. He had to shoulder his own mistakes from now on. Which meant he had a final confession to make to Johanna, and with his blinders off, he understood she might well never forgive him. But lying to her through evasion was no longer an option.

  * * *

  The sun sank on the horizon like a melting orange Dreamsicle.

  Johanna drew in the sweet fragrance from the field of bluebonnets. After a full day of walking on eggshells around the entire McNair family, she was more than ready to jump all over Stone’s suggestion that they slip away for a ride before supper. She should have known he would choose to ride to his favorite patch of McNair land.

  She slid from her horse, leather creaking. “What a great idea to come here to watch the sunset.”

  He swung a leg over and dismounted. He opened the saddlebag, pulled out a yellow quilt and passed it over to her. With a pat to his quarter horse’s flank, he let Copper graze alongside Johanna’s palomino.

  She shook the quilt out onto the ground and dropped down to sit with an exhausted sigh. It seemed like aeons ago that she’d woken up to find Stone on the porch sketching doggie portraits.

  “What does your grandmother want to do about Pearl since the Montana couple reneged?” She’d been surprised when he announced the family had changed their minds, but then she’d always wondered if Pearl should stay with Mariah.

  He pulled two water bottles from the saddlebag before sitting beside her. He stretched his legs out, boots crossed at the ankles. “Gran expects us to proceed as planned with the backup families once we take Ruby to her princess digs.”

  “Sounds like Mariah really has her heels dug in deep.” Johanna sipped the water, trying not to get her hopes up too high over how right this felt with his warm muscled thigh against hers while they sat shoulder to shoulder. “I have to admit, I’m surprised. I always thought Pearl was her favorite.”

  “Pearl was actually my mother’s dog.” He tipped back his water bottle, his throat moving with a long swallow.

  “How did I not know that?” She thumbed the condensation on the outside of her water bottle. “I can only remember Pearl coming to Mariah about four years ago and Mariah saying offhandedly that Pearl had been abandoned by her owner.”

  “That’s pretty much dead-on correct,” he said drily. “My mother bought her from a pet store, paid a fortune for her. Thought she was getting her own Wizard of Oz Toto. Once Pearl wasn’t a puppy anymore, my mom didn’t want her. Too much mess, too much nipping, too much trouble to take with her to France.”

  “That’s sad to hear.” Would the little terrier remember Jade? Be confused? “Shelters are full of older puppies just like that. Thank goodness your grandmother took her.”

  “Just like she took me.”

  She slid an arm around him. Jade showing up after so long must have rattled him. “Your grandmother did a great job with you. You’re an amazing man.”

  He didn’t smile or even look at her. He picked at a clump of bluebonnets and smashed them between his fingers. “It’s crazy, but she blamed herself for the selfish decisions made by her adult children. I think she saw me as her second chance to get it right after my drug addict mother and my trust fund uncle who never worked a day in his life.”

  “You work very hard.” Too hard, in her opinion.

  “She still doesn’t trust me to take over the company.” He sprinkled the bits of bluebonnet leaves over her lap.

  “She can’t doubt your skills as the CEO of Diamonds in the Rough. You’ve expanded the company in a tough economy.” She wasn’t a business major, but she knew magazines had written glowing features on him.

  “Mariah doubts my humanity instincts. Something you yourself have noted, as well,” he pointed out. “And that stings more because I’m not sure it’s something I can fix.”

  “Oh, Stone,” she said, her heart aching over the hurt they’d caused each other. She shifted, swinging her leg over to straddle his lap. She took his face in her hands. “I never should have said that. Whatever our differences, I know you care about people. I guess that’s what frustrates me most. Your refusal to see how good you are.”

  Unable to take the pain in his sky-blue eyes, she leaned in to kiss him, hoping he would feel all the emotion in her flowing into him. No matter how hard she’d tried to deny it, this was the only man she’d ever loved. The only man she ever would love.

  His arms wrapped around her, his hands sliding up her spine and under her long braid. With deft fingers, he worked her hair loose, combing through it until her every nerve tingled to life. In a smooth sweep, he rolled her onto her back, her legs hooking around his waist. A fresh whiff of bluebonnet perfume wafted up from the press of their bodies. Already, she could feel the swell of his erection between them. What she wouldn’t give to be with him, out here in the open.

  “Stone,” she whispered between deep, luscious kisses, “we should go back to my cabin.”

  “This is my land,” he growled possessively, nipping along her jaw and up to her earlobe. “No one’s going to find us.”

  “Yours?” Her head fell back, gasping. “I thought it was all jointly owned.”

  “We each have a section that belongs exclusively to us. This became mine on my twenty-first birthday.”

  “Why did you never mention that before when we came here for picnics?” She swatted his bottom lightly. God, she loved the way he filled out denim. “It would have been nice not to worry about people stumbling upon us.”

  He angled away, propping himself on one elbow to look directly into her eyes. “You pegged it when you said I was holding back. I planned to surprise you on our wedding day with plans for a home.”

  A pang shot through her chest at the fairy tale he’d tried to give her. As much as she knew she’d made the right decision then, she’d missed out on a lot of happy moments, too. Her throat burned until she cleared it.

  “I would have liked that.”

  “Except ther
e wasn’t a nursery in my plans.”

  The burn in her throat shifted, moving down into a cold knot that settled in her stomach. “You know how I feel about that, and I’m beginning to understand why you feel otherwise. I’ve watched you for years as you helped out the staff with games for vacationers and I guess I always thought you would change your mind.”

  “Liking children and being a father are two different things.”

  She sifted through his words, wondering what he was trying to tell her by bringing her here, because clearly he had something on his mind. “But you want a space away from here, a home in your bluebonnet field.”

  “I never had a regular home like other kids.” He picked up one flower petal after another and placed them in her hair. “Not with my mother zipping in and out of my life. A couple of times she even took me with her when she left.”

  “Jade ‘took’ you? That had to be confusing.”

  “Hell, yeah, it was. Especially the time the cops stopped us at the Mexican border and charged my mother with kidnapping. My grandmother had legal custody at that point.”

  She searched his face, shadows making it tougher with the sun surrendering fast. “Why Mexico?”

  “Easier access to drugs, most likely.” He said it so nonchalantly her heart broke. “She dodged prosecution for custodial interference by agreeing to go into rehab. Again. But if we learned anything over the years, we know that unless the junkie is committed to coming clean...rehab is just a temporary, Band-Aid fix.”

  She kissed him again because there just weren’t any words for all he’d been through with his mother. Having her here now when he was still reeling from his grandmother’s cancer news had to be overwhelming. Johanna poured all her love into the kiss—and yes, she loved him so damn much, always had, ever since she was a teenager with a colossal crush that had matured into so much more.