The Price of Falling

by Tushmore, Melanie

  I made myself move, climbing out of the back and trying to get my seat down. Jason had left his door open and was sitting with one leg inside, one still on the gravel, calmly smoking a cigarette in my car. Well, half in my car.

  I didn’t say a word. I didn’t think I could bring myself to speak, even if I wanted to. Not yet anyway. Sitting back in my seat, I glanced at Jason then away, too shy to look at him directly. He shifted around, the smoke he blew out wafted through the car before being snatched away by the night air.

  I glanced at him again. He was facing me, looking at me. Even though it was dark, I felt like I was under an interrogator’s light. I absently bit my lower lip, distracted by the sensitive feeling of my softening cock, now safely tucked away.

  Did all that just happen?

  ‘Alright?’ Jason’s voice broke through my thoughts.

  He didn’t sound much concerned; it was less of a question and more of a challenge. Least that’s how it sounded to me.

  ‘Mm-hm,’ I replied, in as non-committed response as possible.

  ‘Good,’ Jason said. ‘You can take me back now, jock.’

  I supposed that was only fair. I nodded at his request and gently turned my key in the ignition. Jason pulled his leg into the car and slammed the door shut. His window was still wound down as he rested his elbow there and continued to smoke.

  I wasn’t sure why I was surprised at this, but the people I knew always asked if it was cool to smoke in my car before they did it. Not that I knew many people who smoked anyway. I didn’t say anything, I had a feeling that if I did he would laugh at me.

  We drove down the dirt track. Jason turned the radio back on, blasting me out with more strange music I’d never heard before. I was grateful for the noise filling the air however, and didn’t argue.

  I didn’t say much. I wanted to, but found when I was about to speak the words couldn’t quite make it out. Small talk seemed beyond me at this moment.

  When we got back to Eddy’s I parked again at the far end of the lot. Although I didn’t think I’d be staying this time, I still wanted to keep my car far away from those bikers.

  Jason grabbed his jacket and made to open the door.

  ‘See ya round, jock,’ he grinned at me.

  ‘Jason, wait,’ I said urgently.

  He paused and looked at me. With the lot lamps up ahead I could see him a whole lot better now. My eyes rested on his lips before looking down shyly.

  ‘You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?’

  ‘Maybe, maybe not,’ he shrugged, as if it meant nothing to him. ‘What’s it worth?’

  I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I began to feel a mixture of panic and frustration rushing through me. I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know what he wanted.

  As it turned out he was just playing with me again. Either that or he got bored.

  He let out an impatient sigh and said, ‘Relax, jock. No-one’s gonna know.’

  And with that he got out of the car, slamming the door on me.

  On my own, I breathed in deeply. I watched him walk away before I turned the engine back on. When I looked up I saw Jason had glanced over his shoulder at me as he was walking away. He was smiling.

  Chapter 3

  I was kinda relieved. I had wanted something, and now I’d had it I could relax. It was like those times at parties when I felt drunk and absolutely had to get with a girl like, right then. And afterwards I’d feel good. Except this hadn’t been with a girl at all. But I tried not to think about that part.

  I was getting along fine not thinking about much at all until Monday morning when I got into my car. I glanced at the back seat and suddenly felt heated. I drove to school with my stomach in knots.

  I was on time for morning registration, same as usual. It was as I sat at my desk, eyes searching each student filing into class that I realized I was waiting for him.

  Well, it was sure to be an anxious first meeting after... what happened, I thought.

  I knew Jason was always last into class. If he bothered showing up at all. I didn’t think on a Monday there would be much chance of that. Yet my heart still jumped at every movement and glance at my class mates, waiting for him.

  I was right, he didn’t show. Strangely that didn’t make me less nervous.

  It wasn’t unusual for Jason not to show on a Monday at all, so I was caught off guard when he actually bothered coming to Math class in the afternoon. Jason hadn’t started off in my Math group. I was in one of the lower sets, for people who struggled a bit. I figured they moved him down here a couple of weeks ago because he was getting so behind in all his classes.

  I was already seated when I saw him walk through the door. My eyes were like magnets drawn to him as I followed his movement through the class. He didn’t notice me, and trailed off to the back where a couple of the pot-heads already sat.

  I had twisted part way in my seat but didn’t want to make it obvious I was staring. I had to turn back to face the tedious sums and equations on the board. All I could think was, why hadn’t he noticed me?

  When the lesson ended I got up in a bid to catch Jason before he left. Other students blocked my way, all as eager to leave as the next. I had to go with the flow of the crowd, but deliberately slowed down. My heart was pounding out in the corridor, noise and bedlam on all sides as my class mates jostled past. I was knocked and jabbed with bags or sharp books as I hovered near the door.

  When Jason finally emerged I opened my mouth to say...something, but in those seconds where his gaze fell on me I froze. The small amount of confidence I’d built up before had vanished. I worried that if I said ‘hey’ it would sound lame, or ‘hi’ would sound equally bad.

  I looked down with nerves and slunk off into the crowd.

  My mind was a whir of thoughts. When I looked back on all this, I didn’t think those thoughts went particularly deep. No deeper than wondering how it was strange that after all my speculation about Jason in cars with other guys and finally finding out, my curiosity wasn’t sated. In fact it had peaked.

  Before I had naively assumed that if I knew what he did, experienced it maybe, I’d stop thinking about it and could get on with other stuff. In all innocence, I thought I was just being curious.

  I was totally surprised that I didn’t go back to how I was before.

  In fact, I was worse. Jason filled my thoughts completely and I didn’t see any way of stopping that. It didn’t even occur to me that it might be wrong or get me in trouble, so I didn’t try to stop. I honestly didn’t think much further than one thought at a time, and right then all I wanted was to talk to Jason.

  I stalled for days. Every time I saw him I thought, this is it, I’ll go up and... But I couldn’t think of what to say. I had to duck my head, letting my hair flop over my eyes in Mr. Thompson’s class, so it would appear I was looking down at my work when really I was staring off to the side. Jason caught me a couple of times. It was like he knew I was looking, and I wasn’t quick enough to look away. I thought he might smile at me but he didn’t. That made me even more nervous.

  It was Thursday before I had a good reason to actually talk to Jason.

  In between class I was walking through the main quad, weaving around other students, everyone hurrying to their next lesson. I was busy lost in my own thoughts, so I barely noticed this smaller guy who had been walking past me, suddenly stop and turn around.

  ‘Hey,’ he said, catching up beside me. ‘It’s Mike, right?’

  ‘Huh?’ I realized he was talking to me and stopped to look at him. He had long hair but wasn’t someone I immediately recognized.

  One of the pot-heads? I didn’t recall.

  He must have noticed my blank look as he smiled and said, ‘I’m AJ, Jason’s friend. Met you at Eddy’s.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said, fighting the rising heat I could feel all over my skin. I could place him now, he was the boy Jason had been talking to, the one with a lot of jewellery. A quick scan showed he wasn’t
wearing as much jewellery today.

  ‘Er, hi,’ I said. ‘Sorry, I’ve got to...’ I gestured vaguely in the direction I had been travelling.

  ‘Oh, sure man,’ AJ said easily. ‘Are you coming to Eddy’s again?’

  ‘Er, maybe...’

  ‘Cool! You should come down.’

  ‘OK,’ I said, trying to walk away.

  ‘I think you should take me out next time,’ AJ said.

  His words made me freeze on the spot and I looked at him again.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘Take me out,’ he repeated with a smile. ‘I’m much better than Jason and I won’t overcharge you.’

  My heart was hammering and I could feel my face getting hotter. I tried to take in what he said, tried to make sense of the hundreds of questions that were screaming inside my head.

  All I could get out was a quiet ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well I guessed you must be pretty new to this or you wouldn’t have paid that much,’ AJ said. ‘I’m sure you and me can work out a better deal.’

  His dark eyes looked into mine, playful, dancing. This was too much for me. I opened my mouth to respond and after a couple of seconds finally managed to say, ‘I’ve er, gotta go.’

  I couldn’t get away fast enough.

  ‘Think about it!’ I heard AJ call after me.

  I sat in class in a daze. The teacher’s words faded as my panicked thoughts grew louder. All I could think was, what the hell? How did he know? Does anyone else know?

  What if other people knew?

  I looked at my class mates. No-one looked at me. Did they know? What if that guy tells them?

  Oh my God. I had to talk to Jason.

  And then my panic subsided a little. I had something to talk to Jason about. Now I just had to find him.

  I had football practice after school. I was too restless to want to practice but I knew it was good to get rid of my nervous energy. When we were showering afterwards I was conscious about keeping my eyes to myself. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. I suddenly felt weird about looking at my team mates naked.

  ‘Hey Mike, why do you keep looking down at the floor?’ David asked me. ‘You seen something offensive?’

  ‘Oh, I’m just like, thinking...’ I addressed David’s feet.

  ‘Don’t go doing too much of that!’ Allen laughed as he pushed past me in a friendly shoulder nudge.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, quickly dressing. I had to get out of there. Where the hell would Jason be now? It was past dinner time but still light.

  I knew of a few places that the pot-heads were likely to hang out; behind the bleachers on the field, out in the parking lot, the town park, the mall or Eddy’s. I didn’t think they’d go out to the cliffs on a week day.

  I figured the only way to find Jason was to go around these places one by one.

  I tried the bleachers first. There was a small group of pot-heads there, but no-one I recognized. Luckily I had been clever enough to bring an excuse to go there; I had the big bag of footballs with me, so it looked as though I was out there gathering balls.

  They ignored me anyway.

  Next I tried the parking lots. No-one there. I got in my car and headed to the mall. I was starving, so bought two hot-dogs from the food court. As I was eating them it did occur to me that Jason may not be with a crowd at all. I’d often seen him on his own.

  I finished the dogs and licked the mustard off my fingers, thinking if he were in the mall the only place I could imagine him going was the arcade.

  I took the escalator up to the second floor where the arcade spread over one huge section. It’s open plan design allowed the noise to seep out, enticing kids in. They pumped loud music through but you could still hear the excited voices of kids as they played the games.

  I stepped onto the carpeted floor and under the electric glow of the arcade. I sometimes took my sisters here with their friends, so I knew it reasonably well. It was mostly for young kids but the high school students often hung out here. There wasn’t much else to do in Ellwood.

  On a Thursday evening the arcade wasn’t that busy. There were a few older kids there. I walked through the different games, scanning the people playing them. I absently headed towards the section where the horror themed games were.

  As they came into view I scanned the kids playing them. Typically, some pot-head and scruffy types hogging the zombie games. My heart thudded as I saw Jason.

  He’s here, I thought, feeling hot and trying to fight my nerves.

  I didn’t know why I felt so nervous. I tried to bury the panic, to keep calm. I changed my course to walk straight over to him. I glanced at his two friends, who had their backs to me playing a game for two players. Jason was at another game holding one of the plastic guns attached by a cable, pointing it at the screen. I could hear the sound effects from the machines; the horror ones always had this over-the-top moaning and grunting when the zombies died.

  I stood next to him and waited. I didn’t want to interrupt, but he turned his head when he noticed me there. He looked surprised to see me as our eyes locked. He turned back to his game but had obviously received a critical blow in the split second he hadn’t paid attention. A gargled cry came from his character followed by a computerized theme tune. Jason swore.

  ‘Now look what you’ve done,’ he said to me, sounding annoyed. ‘You better pay for the next game.’

  ‘I want to talk to you,’ I said as calmly as I could, nervous and thrilled at the same time. I thought, considering what happened, Jason would agree to talk with me.

  Of course I was mistaken.

  ‘Yeah?’ he said, frowning. ‘Well I want to play this game. So pay up or get lost.’

  I sighed inwardly. ‘OK,’ I agreed, digging in my pocket for change. I figured if I wanted him to tell me what he’d told that guy, and not tell anyone else for that matter, I’d have to do what he asked. I handed over the coins to Jason, who didn’t say thank you but put a few quarters into the machine’s slot. He raised his plastic gun again and started selecting the game. He did however glance at me as he said, ‘You playin'?’

  I stared blankly for a second before answering. ‘Sure.’

  Why not? I thought. I stepped round beside him and picked up the second gun. I deliberated over which character to chose until Jason told me, ‘Hurry up, jock, we ain’t got all night.’

  We played the game. I don’t think Jason thought I would actually be any good, but I’d been coming to this arcade for years. I knew each game pretty well, even this one, so our combined effort won a good game. Jason had a smile on his face as he entered his initials into the top scorer’s list.

  ‘Hey, Steven,’ he called to one of the boys behind us. ‘Beat your score, man.’

  ‘Huh?’ the taller boy turned around. He had eyes that looked half closed, whether from lack of sleep, playing too many arcade games or smoking pot I wouldn't know. ‘Get the hell off my scores,’ he drawled.

  ‘Too late,’ Jason hung up the plastic gun. ‘Read ‘em and weep. I’m gonna get some food.’ He turned to me and added quietly, ‘Which you’re buying.’

  I nodded. Anything, I didn’t care. I just needed to get him on his own.

  ‘Get me some?’ Steven asked.

  ‘Me too,’ added the second boy.

  I saw Jason roll his eyes as he walked away. I followed him out of the arcade.

  We didn’t speak until we got to the food court. Jason wanted a large portion of fries and a soft drink. I wasn’t hungry any more so had a soft drink too. He sat down at one of the tables tucked away in the corner. I followed and sat down opposite him. I was grateful that the mall was quiet now, it would probably be closing soon.

  I was also grateful that Jason hadn’t wanted a hot-dog. I watched him eating the fries, my eyes fixed on his mouth. As I clutched my drink cup and remembered back to Saturday night, I could already feel my cock stiffening. I don’t think I could have coped if I watched him wrap his lips around a hot-d
og.

  Jason took a sip of his drink then flicked the straw out towards me. Cold, fizzy drops of soda hit me in the face. I blinked in surprise and wiped them away with my hand.

  ‘What was that for?’

  ‘You’re making me edgy,’ Jason said, going back to his fries. ‘What d'you want?’

  I was embarrassed that he noticed me staring but really, considering what else we’d done I figured no point worrying about it further. And since he was getting straight to the point, I thought I should too.

  ‘You said you wouldn’t tell anyone,’ I said quietly. ‘But your friend knew all about it.’

  ‘What friend?’

  ‘The guy with the jewellery?’

  ‘Oh, AJ,’ Jason rolled his eyes. ‘He doesn’t know ‘all about it’, he’s just made a guess. I didn’t tell him.’

  I looked at Jason, trying to read him. He was playing with the straw on his drink.

  ‘Then how does he know?’ I asked, frustrated.

  ‘It’s your own fault, dummy,’ Jason gave me a withering look. 2Did you really expect to march in somewhere you’ve never been before, insist I go with you and no-one to talk about it?’

  ‘But I-’

  ‘But nothing,’ Jason interrupted. ‘They're not stupid, and they’re looking for people to take out, especially AJ.’

  I didn’t know what to say. Of course he was right, it was my fault. I’d stood there and demanded Jason leave with me, what else would they think? Just then AJ’s other words came back to me.

  ‘But what did he mean about you over charging?’

  Jason frowned. ‘What?’

  ‘He said you over charged me.’