The Price of Falling

by Tushmore, Melanie

  ‘Oh, did he? What else did he say?’

  ‘Um, he said...he said he would work out a better deal.’

  Jason snorted a laugh. ‘Sure, let him.’

  ‘Did you really over charge me?’ I pressed again.

  Jason didn’t look at me as he picked at the last of his fries. ‘Well, you didn’t question it, you can obviously afford it. So no, I think that price was just right for you.’

  I was stunned. He’d totally conned me.

  ‘What’s the normal price?’ I asked.

  Jason looked at me in what seemed like surprise. ‘There ain’t no guide lines for this stuff, jock.’ He grabbed his drink and stood up. ‘We done now? Nice talkin’ to you.’

  Before I could answer he’d stalked off from the table. I left my drink behind as I chased after him.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said as I reached his side. ‘I didn’t mean to be rude.’

  Jason snorted a laugh and shook his head. We walked along together as he sipped at his drink. My heart was pounding.

  After a few moments of silence Jason looked at me sidelong. ‘You following me?’

  I knew he probably wanted me to go away but I couldn’t contemplate leaving.

  Not on my own anyway.

  ‘Can I see you tonight?’

  ‘No,’ he answered. But I saw the ghost of a smile on his lips, and I knew my persistence had paid off before.

  ‘I’ve got the car,’ I offered.

  ‘Good for you.’

  ‘I can drive you home...er, after.’

  That seemed to sway him. ‘Mm, OK,’ he agreed, suddenly changing his mind just like before. ‘You give me cash, though.’

  I mentally checked how much I had on me. ‘I’ve only got about thirty bucks.’

  Jason burst out laughing. ‘You better go get some more then.’

  I looked at my watch. It was quarter to eight in the evening. My parents would definitely be wondering where I was. ‘I can’t,’ I explained. ‘If I go home now I won’t be allowed back out.’

  Jason looked unimpressed. ‘Oh well,’ he shrugged.

  ‘Can’t I give you the money tomorrow?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I’ll bring it into school.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You know I’m good for it.’

  Jason sighed. ‘Oh, fine. You better bring it in, jock. I don’t do freebies.’

  ‘I will,’ I promised, pulse racing. ‘Can't it be a little less though? I’m not loaded.’

  ‘You’re really pushing your luck, aren’t you?’

  ‘I can’t afford that much.’

  Jason frowned. ‘You’re pushing your luck and you’re lying.’

  ‘I can’t afford it,’ I defended. ‘I’m supposed to be saving for college.’

  ‘Yeah, well I’m saving too, jock. And like I said, I don’t do freebies.’

  ‘Can’t we meet halfway?’ I felt pathetic arguing about this, but I was telling the truth, I really couldn’t afford much more. I hadn’t budgeted for literally blowing away huge amounts of money at once.

  ‘How about a hundred?’ I suggested.

  Jason considered this for a few moments. I thought he would say no, but finally he huffed out a sigh. ‘Alright. You’re driving me home after though.’

  I drove us out to the woods again. Jason had suggested we stay in the parking lot of the mall, but I wanted somewhere more private. There wasn’t much other choice in the town. At least being off season there wouldn’t be many people walking around in the woods.

  The light was fading now, and the ranger would have locked up his cabin hours ago. Parking the car under the trees like before, I slid onto the back seat with him. I loosened my pants and shuffled them down as he bent over me. I was already hard, I'd been hard pretty much the entire drive out there.

  When his mouth touched me I groaned, I couldn’t stop it. My fingers gingerly made a bid for his hair this time; in the dim evening light I looked down as I finally felt that long hair. It was soft, I thought absently. As he sucked on me and I began to lose myself, my fingers curled through his hair, touching at the skin of his scalp, gently caressing.

  I didn’t want it to stop but same as before he brought me off quickly. I thought it was funny that I drove all the way out here for an act that must have been only a couple of minutes long at most. When he finished he pushed my hands off his hair so he could get up. I was left alone again in the car, wishing it could have lasted longer.

  Jason smoked as I drove him home. The very last of the light was leaving the sky and the street lamps had started coming on. The wind whipped most of the smoke out of the window but I could still smell it. I wasn’t keen on smoke.

  ‘You should quit,’ I told him. ‘It’s bad for you.’

  I thought of my Dad’s brother who smoked a lot. He smelt pretty awful the older he got, had a nasty cough too.

  Jason replied with that little snort of amusement, took a big drag and turned his head towards me to blow the smoke out. The car filled with smoke for a second or two, wafting in my face before the wind pulled it away. I tried not to but I coughed. This made him laugh.

  ‘Do your parents smoke?’ I asked him, thinking of my uncle’s children. I knew my older cousin smoked, but no-one was supposed to know.

  Jason didn’t reply.

  When it became apparent he had no intention of answering me, I asked, ‘Won’t they be mad you’re not home? It’s pretty late.’

  His only response was a small snort.

  ‘Which road?’ I asked, wondering why he wasn’t talking.

  ‘Up there, take the second right,’ he answered, gesturing with his cigarette before he took a final drag and flicked it out of the window.

  I followed his directions, but was unhappy thinking about him leaving. Maybe this was why I was trying to strike up conversation, which was no mean feat for someone shy like me. I stumbled over a couple more things, then as it came into my head I said, ‘That film Mr. Thompson showed in History was interesting, huh?’

  ‘No.’

  I was so encouraged by his first proper answer that I kept talking, stupidly. ‘I know it was a lame film, but it must be good to learn about your history?’

  ‘What history?’

  ‘Er, yours? The um, Scottish revolt, thing...’

  ‘I'm not Scottish,’ Jason said, razor edge creeping into his voice.

  Again, too excited by the fact we were talking I couldn't stop myself as the words kept falling out of my mouth. ‘So you're Irish?’

  ‘No,’ Jason replied, as if I'd asked the dumbest question in the world. ‘I'm all-American just like you, jock.’

  ‘But you look so-’ I stopped myself. I wasn't sure what I'd been about to say anyway.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, your hair,’ I explained weakly. ‘I mean your name, it's Irish-American then? It can't not be.’

  When I risked a glance at him I saw he was glaring at me. ‘What is this, twenty questions?’

  ‘No, I...’

  ‘Why d’you wanna know?’

  ‘I don’t,’ I back-tracked quickly, ‘I was just trying to talk.’

  ‘Yeah well, don’t.’ Jason snapped before turning away again.

  I hated to bother him when I’d obviously made him angry, but I didn’t know where he wanted me to go. I had to ask for directions, and he gave them like a sulky teenager might give his parent.

  I kept my mouth shut the rest of the way. He’d directed me over to what my Mom would have called ‘the cheap side of town.’ It was all small houses and beat up old cars on the patchy front yards.

  The house Jason pointed out had definitely seen better days. There weren’t as many street lamps out here and the road was a little darker than I was used to. As we stopped in front of his house I saw inside was one low light burning behind a dingy brown drape, with the odd flash of what must be a TV. I wondered who it was, Jason’s mother or father maybe? I didn’t dare ask since I’d obviously annoyed him.
/>
  I left the engine running and waited for his move. I felt really weird, I didn’t like upsetting people.

  Jason also looked restless; he'd glanced at the house then at me when we stopped. He definitely seemed pissed enough to storm out and slam the door on me, which I was in all honestly expecting him to do. But instead he stared at the radio for a few moments. I had turned it down quiet when we’d entered the small street. It was playing a song I didn’t recognize, again.

  Jason huffed out a sigh, then said, ‘This is my aunt’s house. There's no Irish or anything else on this side of the family. In fact, she's all that's left of both sides, and she's a bible-bashing nut.’

  ‘Oh,’ I replied, taken aback.

  ‘See? It’s not great conversation.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, feeling embarrassed.

  ‘Doesn't matter,’ Jason shrugged. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t forget what you owe me.’

  ‘Sure,’ I said, as he got out of the car. I was about to say more but he slammed the door more quickly than I’d anticipated.

  I watched him walk up to the door and disappear inside. He did glance over his shoulder as he went in. I felt really weird at having annoyed him. I hoped he wouldn’t still be mad at me tomorrow.

  When I counted out my cash the next morning I realized still mad or not, Jason now wanted something from me. He wanted this cash. My fingers leafed through the notes as I thought of the sudden power shift. But how could I work this to get what I wanted?

  If I really thought about it, I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted. I couldn’t really put it into words, I just wanted more. Instead of putting only the hundred dollars in my wallet, I put the whole lot in. That was three hundred and forty-five dollars, my whole shoe-box savings. If I had a problem with my car any time soon I’d be screwed.

  But this was what he wanted. I had something to bargain with surely. I wasn’t totally convinced I was smart enough to pull this off, but I was sure as hell gonna try.

  Typically, by the end of the week Jason would manage to make it in to school on time to attend morning registration. As it was Friday, I was pretty confident he would make an appearance. The bell rang and the final stragglers hurried into class.

  I was right, Jason also sauntered in. He glanced at me once, probably to check I was there. My lips rose in an automatic smile, but he didn’t smile back. I couldn’t figure him out.

  Mr. Thompson bored us through the morning announcements, reminding me about the impending football game next week, then started his History lesson. I took up my usual position of resting my head on my hand, which would look like I was studiously taking notes, when really I was able to look at Jason.

  I noticed for once he wasn’t slouched back in his seat, but leaning forward and writing –possibly just scribbling- something. The scruffy t-shirt he was wearing had rode up, exposing a flash of skin between it and the waist band of his jeans. I felt like I was seeing something private, and couldn’t stop myself wondering if that skin felt soft.

  ‘Well?!’ shouted Mr. Thompson, obviously waiting for the answer to his ignored question.

  I panicked as I looked up, but thankfully realized he wasn’t speaking to me.

  ‘If you’re going to day dream in my class, James Howard, I suggest you get better grades first!’

  I was relieved it was another student Mr. Thompson was chewing out. I would definitely have blushed if I’d been the centre of attention after being disturbed from thoughts like...that.

  I looked down at my paper in a bid to concentrate not on Jason, but on what I was going to do. I could picture what I wanted now, at least this time. I just hoped I was clever enough to talk him into it.

  When the bell rang, finally, everyone rose to bustle out to the corridor. I picked my way through the students, nearer to Jason. He looked up at me as I approached, but just as I opened my mouth Mr. Thompson called, ‘Jason Reilly, see me please!’

  Jason rolled his eyes. ‘Wait for me,’ he said quietly.

  It wasn’t a question, but an order. Time to put my plan into action.

  ‘I can’t,’ I answered, ‘I’ll be late for class.’

  Jason frowned at me slightly. ‘Come find me at lunch then.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Jason, if you please,’ called Mr. Thompson. I knew that was also anyone else’s cue to leave.

  ‘Behind the library,’ Jason whispered to me as he stalked off to Mr. Thompson’s desk. I hurried out of the room and looked back before Mr. Thompson shut the door. Jason was standing at our teacher’s desk holding his books in front of him, looking back at me. He seemed a lot less harsh to me all of a sudden, now I knew a little more.

  I wondered if Mr. Thompson had any idea about the way Jason lived. If he did, it might give him a better view to understanding why some kids had other things to worry about than school. I could hear Mr. Thompson’s booming voice through the door as I hovered there.

  ‘Now Jason, why am I still getting reports of poor attendance? What did we discuss previously...’ He droned on. I guessed there wasn’t much point in me staying. I could have hung back to meet Jason, he was obviously eager to get his money. But a quick exchange out in the corridor wasn’t what I had in mind.

  I was tense through the rest of my morning lessons. Thankfully Jason wasn’t in any of them. I rehearsed again and again in my head what I planned to say, and do. I found now that I was focusing on what I wanted, I could plot a course of action to get it. Just like a game plan, I grinned to myself.

  When lunch came I was too nervous to eat, but I sat with my friends as usual and drank a carton of milk. I acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. I half listened to Allen and Johnny bragging about whatever it was this time, but I was keeping an eye on the clock. When lunch was fifteen minutes in, I thought this was the right time.

  ‘I forgot,’ I said to Johnny, patting him on the shoulder as I got up. ‘I’ve gotta turn this over-due paper in. I’ll catch you later.’

  ‘OK, dude,’ Johnny waved absently.

  My excuse, I thought, was flawless. As jocks we were pretty much all behind in one subject or another, because we either didn’t care or didn’t understand.

  A couple of the girls tried to talk to me on the way out of the cafeteria, but I made my excuses.

  ‘I’ll be back like, real soon,’ I promised, without slowing down.

  I was worried at twenty minutes and counting that maybe I’d played it a little too cool. But when I made it round the back of the library and saw Jason waiting, I breathed a sigh. It was pretty quiet round here, and he was obviously making use of the privacy by smoking a cigarette as he leaned against the wall. When he saw me approaching he threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped forward.

  ‘You took your sweet time,’ he complained.

  I stopped in front of him and smiled. Perhaps I would be better at this than I thought. Stick to the game plan.

  ‘Sorry, I got held up,’ I apologized.

  ‘Yeah, whatever. Hand it over, I gotta go.’ Jason held out his hand, probably expecting me to swiftly obey his order.

  ‘Sure,’ I said, but didn’t go for my wallet. I stayed still, tried to act casual. ‘I just wanna talk.’

  Jason looked at me incredulously. ‘I ain’t got time to talk, jock,’ he said, irritated already. ‘Give me the cash and I’ll talk to you another time.’

  I took in his words, his reaction. I forced myself to stay calm. I knew I had the upper hand this time, and it relaxed me because I knew Jason wasn’t going to suddenly leave. Not while I had what he wanted.

  I said calmly, ‘But I want to talk to you now.’

  Jason lowered his hand. I felt that was definitely points to me. He was still frowning though.

  ‘What, then? And be quick.’

  Before I replied I gave a glance to the side, to make sure no-one else was within hearing distance. Some large green bushes provided privacy from the path. Satisfied no-one else was about, I turned back to
Jason. I couldn’t quite look him in the eye as I replied, ‘I want to talk about next time.’

  ‘Next time?’ Jason snapped. ‘Next time you’ll pay cash up front if you even get that lucky.’

  ‘Tonight.’

  That was my one word response. I dared to look up at him. Jason looked me dead in the eye, still incredulous. ‘I don’t have time for this. Just give me what you owe me.’

  ‘Not yet.’

  He held me in his gaze, those green eyes burned into me. I had to admit I was thrilled from purely standing up to him but I didn’t know how long I could hold out before I gave in.

  ‘Are you trying to stiff me, jock?’

  ‘No way,’ I assured him, finally seeing a chance to explain. ‘If you see me tonight, I’ll give it to you then. And a whole lot more.’

  This got his attention. I watched his face as the angry glare disappeared, he was still frowning but now in confusion. We simply looked at each other for a long moment. I was determined not to back down, if I could just hang on.

  ‘What do you want?’ he asked quietly.

  I breathed in to steady myself before I answered. ‘The same. But, longer.’

  ‘Longer? What do you mean?’

  ‘I’ll show you tonight.’

  ‘You ain’t showing me shit,’ Jason snapped. ‘What the hell, longer? What do you fucking mean?’

  ‘Twice,’ I said, swallowing. I was trying to remain calm but I was getting panicked by his reactions.

  ‘Screw this!’ came Jason’s reply. ‘I don’t have time, jock. I’m going to a party tonight.’

  A party, I thought. A million excited thoughts tried to crowd into my mind, but I pushed them aside. I had to keep focused.

  ‘It’ll be twice the money,’ I said.

  Jason looked down, obviously thinking that through. I hoped this was working, it was certainly hard trying to convince him.

  After a few moments he looked back up; his expression had completely changed, like he’d suddenly had an idea. He didn’t look annoyed any more, though I could tell he still was. That sly smile had appeared on his lips as he looked at me.

  ‘OK, jock,’ he said sweetly. ‘It’s a date. But I’m still going to this party, so I guess if you want me, you’ll have to come find me.’