The Price of Falling

by Tushmore, Melanie

  All those thoughts involving parties fought their way into my mind again. I hadn’t bargained on a party happening, but I wasn’t going to chance my luck any further by insisting he didn't go.

  ‘OK,’ I agreed. ‘Where is it?’

  ‘It’s at AJ’s house,’ Jason smiled. ‘Maybe if you find him he’ll tell you the address.’

  His look was challenging, daring me to turn up there. He smiled as he walked away. I thought I’d had the upper hand, but now I wasn’t so sure.

  Chapter 4

  AJ proved harder to find than Jason. I ran around at lunch looking for him and also in free period that afternoon, but nothing. I was starting to panic then right at the end of the day I spotted him. The final bell had rung and everyone was filing out of school. I saw AJ with a couple of girls up ahead, and rushed over to him.

  ‘My party?’ he said, when I asked him about it.

  ‘I thought it was-’ One of the girls started to say something before AJ gently nudged her.

  ‘Yeah sure,’ he grinned at me. ‘It’s starting about nine. Here, I’ll write you my address.’

  I was too excited to really notice the look passing between the two girls. I took the scrap of paper with AJ’s address on, and congratulated myself.

  I didn't feel as confident later when I pulled up by what I hoped was AJ’s house. I was absolutely shaking with nerves. AJ didn’t live too far away from Jason I realized. It was the same barely lit streets, trash cans all a mess out front, houses smaller and unkempt. I stood on the porch and rang the bell. I momentarily wondered if it was too late to turn back.

  Well, I was here now.

  The door opened. AJ was standing there, smiling. ‘Hey, Mike, come on in.’

  He led me inside and shut the door. It was dark, there was only one light on in the den that he took me into. I noticed a red cloth was draped over the lamp, to make it dark. I had to squint my eyes a little from the smell and smoke; a mix of incense and pot. The acrid taste stung at the back of my throat.

  ‘Hey,’ a girl said, smiling. She was sitting on the couch with another girl, smoking what looked like a joint. ‘I’m Cat.’

  No, you're not, I thought. Your name’s Cathy.

  ‘Hi,’ I replied.

  ‘You’re in my Chem class,’ she smiled at me.

  I nodded. ‘Yeah,’ I agreed, trying not to freak out. There was only the four of us here. The house seemed empty of anyone else. Although it was so dark I couldn’t really be sure of that. Cathy, or Cat, gestured for me to come join them on the couch.

  I smiled nervously and turned to AJ. ‘Where’s...?’

  AJ’s smile was reassuring. ‘Oh, everyone’s always late. Relax! Can I get you a drink?’

  ‘Er, no thanks, I’m driving.’

  I elected to sit by myself in one of the easy chairs. If I stared really hard I could just about make out its floral pattern in the dark. It definitely wasn’t AJ’s taste, that was for sure.

  ‘Your parents out?’ I asked, dumbly.

  AJ laughed easily as he poured some sort of drink out of a bottle for the girls. ‘Oh yeah, they’ve gone somewhere. Good riddance, right?’

  The girls laughed.

  I tried to smile. I hoped Jason would get here soon.

  AJ was playing some very strange music. It was electronic, slow. I hadn’t ever heard it. As I listened to it now, cradling the glass of cola AJ had given me, I thought it sounded like the sort of thing he might think was seductive. He’d obviously chosen it, maybe hoping for some make out time at his party.

  I wasn’t used to sitting around getting stoned. The guys I hung out with liked to drink beer, run around and tackle each other, or jump into the pool at whoever’s house we were at. The girls I saw liked to chatter loudly and make a lot of noise. The music we listened to was...normal, I guess.

  I didn’t drink my cola. When I had gone to take a sip, it tasted funny. I was sure they’d put some sort of liquor in there.

  It was getting on to an hour when I started to question why no-one else was showing up. I guess most of my concentration had gone into trying not to be nervous, I was being slower than usual. Even for me.

  The girls, Cat and Bex, kept talking to me, drawing me into conversation, trying to get me to smoke a joint with them. I kept politely declining. They giggled a lot, and one would take a big drag of smoke then they’d cup their hands over their mouths and press their faces close, as if about to kiss. The one who was holding in the smoke would then blow it out into the other’s mouth. They fell about laughing and coughing afterwards.

  They kept offering to do it for me. Again I declined. From all the second-hand pot smoke hanging around in the air I was starting to feel a little light headed.

  At some point AJ came and sat on the arm of my chair. I didn’t think much at first, but when the two girls got up and disappeared into the kitchen, AJ seemed to twist and slide his slim body almost into mine.

  Surely he wasn't trying to flirt with me? As I felt his warmth through my clothes I also felt his fingers circle round my arm.

  ‘You sure do have big muscles,’ he said softly.

  I stood up hurriedly. AJ, who was probably more than a little stoned, was surprised and half fell into my now empty chair.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I blurted out.

  AJ made no move to get up, in fact he looked pleased to be almost lying down. He looked up at me innocently. ‘Nothing,’ he smiled.

  ‘This isn’t a party, is it?’ I was definitely stating the obvious, I realized that now.

  ‘Hey,’ he grinned. ‘You and me can make a party.’

  I could feel the heat flush to my face. Hopefully in the dark it wouldn’t show. ‘Where’s Jason?’

  AJ was still smiling but shrugged.

  Before I could stop myself I had grabbed AJ by his arms and pulled him up.

  ‘Hey!’ he protested, but his small, stoned body offered no resistance.

  ‘Jason told you to do this, didn’t he?’ I asked, still gripping his arms.

  AJ squirmed slightly. ‘Um...’

  ‘Where is he?’

  AJ shrugged, obviously not going to tell me. I couldn’t believe what I was doing, but I started to twist his arm round. It was bound to be painful.

  ‘Ow, ow! OK, OK!’ He realized I was serious and spoke quickly. ‘He’s at Steven’s house, man. That’s where the party is.’

  I released his arm. ‘He asked you to do this?’

  ‘Yeah, man,’ AJ rubbed his arm and stepped away from me. ‘Don’t get mad. He said you wanted a date tonight. He didn’t say nothin’ else.’

  I processed these words. I was still slightly shocked that I’d bullied AJ into telling me, but it was like I’d watched myself doing it.

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ I apologized.

  AJ shrugged, though he looked at me warily.

  ‘Let’s go,’ I said, decidedly. ‘I’ll buy you some beer then I'll drive us to the party.’

  ‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ AJ asked. ‘Unless you haven’t noticed already, Jason can be a real asshole.’

  ‘Yeah, I had noticed,’ I agreed, trying not to smile at that.

  ‘I call shotgun!’ AJ shouted, guarding the passenger seat of my car. ‘Can we smoke?’

  ‘Alright,’ I sighed.

  The girls got into the back, giggling and whispering. After we'd stopped at a convenience store for the beer AJ directed me back to the other side of town, the kind of average area. We pulled up a drive to a slightly bigger house.

  There were some kids hanging out in the dark outside; after I parked and got out of the car I realized they were using a baseball bat to hit what looked like eggs across the drive way. I hoped my car would be left alone. There were a couple of other cars parked, but their battered condition next to my pristine model left it a rather attractive target.

  Oh well, eggs could be cleaned. I made sure I locked the car when AJ and the girls had gotten out.

  ‘
You sure you wanna come in?’ AJ smirked at me as he carried his beer.

  I knew I wanted to, if only to find Jason, but I was unsure I’d be welcome there.

  ‘Will anyone mind?’

  ‘Not for a hottie like you, Mike,’ Cat smiled, linking her arm through mine to pull me forward.

  ‘There’s your answer,’ AJ said. With that he turned around and nudged open the front door with his beer crate.

  Loud music and more smoke (oh, great) rushed out to greet us. It was a little more dimly lit than a normal room, but at least it wasn’t as dark as AJ’s place. Hopefully I could find Jason.

  AJ darted off almost as soon as we were in. I tried to follow him but Cat was still clinging to my arm, with Bex wrapped around her as they whispered together.

  Girls...

  Strangely I had little to no interest in these girls right now. Even though Cat was pressing her body up against me, obviously flirting. I strained to look for AJ, past the people standing around shouting, chatting, smoking. They were mostly pot-heads, kids with long hair, dyed hair, leather jackets. No-one I knew, thankfully.

  They probably wondered what I was doing here. As a clean cut football player I must’ve stuck out like a sore thumb. A few of them looked at me as I walked past, and I was grateful that Cat and Bex were practically glued to me, my validation for being there.

  I squeezed down the hall; this had to be the den. It was big and opened up to more kids all sitting around, some dancing (or rather, swaying drunkenly) to the music, and pretty much everyone smoking. The kids on the couch had a bong (which I only recognized because my older, smoking cousin had shown me his once). A girl was straining as she inhaled smoke from it, the water inside the colored glass bubbling away. It looked complicated. My cousin had tried to show me how to use his but I had chickened out.

  There, I thought, spotting AJ. He had gone over to the couch, past the bong girl and the people cheering her on. There was what I could only describe as a pile of boys and girls on the couch. I saw the person he leaned down to speak to briefly, then glance round at me.

  My heart resumed its almost expected pounding when I saw Jason. He was on the couch, with a girl sitting on him. He didn’t look annoyed, I was relieved to see. He was even smiling.

  AJ had set down his crate of beer and crawled onto the floor to get involved with the bong competition. I kinda froze, unsure what to do, but luckily Cat and Bex began to pull me in. They were obviously following AJ.

  As there was no more room on the couch I sat on the floor with them. Bex began to sit on me and I tried deflecting her politely. I noticed AJ smirk as he grabbed the bong for himself. I watched him for a moment but couldn’t keep my eyes from drifting to Jason. He looked at me too, still smiling. He must have been stoned or something, his eyes were half lidded.

  I wondered how I would talk to him with all these people around. I was shocked when he turned his face away to the girl who was sitting pretty much on top of him. She leaned in and they kissed. My eyes boggled. My first reaction was a sharp stab of jealousy but as I stared, watching their slow, lazy kiss, I could feel the heat travel down to my groin.

  I looked away in embarrassment, trying to focus on something else. AJ offered me the bong.

  ‘No, thank you,’ I mumbled.

  Cat and Bex had a go on the bong, they giggled and fell about on the floor and in my lap. I was starting to feel a bit light-headed myself, probably from the house full of second hand pot smoke. My head was pounding, or was that the music? I tried to listen when Jason spoke, but the music was drowning things out. I pretended I was paying attention to Cat and Bex, even AJ, but really I was concentrating on what the occupants of the couch were doing.

  I wasn’t sure how long I could cope with the smoke, my eyes were watering slightly. I had to discreetly wipe at them. I refused to give up, I’d come this far.

  The girl who was sitting on Jason got up and left, which just left room for another girl to move in. I had no idea he was into girls, I realized numbly.

  Strangely, it didn’t sway me. Maybe I was too thick headed for my own good.

  Eventually, at last, Jason got up. Unsteady on his feet and helped up by another guy, he weaved his way past the people sitting on the floor to leave the room. As I watched I saw him turn his head to look directly at me.

  My heart resumed its frantic pounding. He wants me to follow him, I thought. Probably not discreetly at all, I excused myself from Cat and Bex, saying I was going to the restroom.

  I thought I heard a snort of laughter from AJ, but chose to ignore it. I got up onto my feet, a little wobbly and with a dead leg, but determined to find Jason.

  When I entered the hallway I was worried I had lost him already, but his long hair caught my eye as he disappeared at the other end. Blindly, I followed him, navigating my way around people.

  ‘Hey, there’s a jock here,’ I heard a female voice exclaim with a laugh.

  I ignored it and turned out of the hall. I was back in the entrance of the house. I glanced to the side; at the bottom of the stairs there was a couple sitting there making out. The girl had spilled her drink all over the carpet, totally oblivious. This was why I never had parties at home, my Mom would freak out if any of my friends made a mess.

  All thoughts disappeared from my mind as I saw further up the stairs that familiar mane of red as Jason ascended. I deftly stepped over the couple, not that they noticed me, and followed him.

  The music seemed a distant sound now compared to the loud thud of my heartbeat. I reached the top of the stairs and looked around.

  What are you doing? I thought, eyes catching another couple of stoned-looking kids by a bedroom door. People are gonna notice this...

  Upstairs was a typical party scene, an open restroom door with a kid leaning into the toilet heaving, some of his friends hanging around laughing, or holding his hair back. The doors which must have been bedrooms were all shut. I thought for a moment I could hear muffled noises coming from them, but that might have been my imagination.

  Jason had stopped and turned to face me as I neared him. He looked pretty stoned and was smiling, but it was that sly look again. It made me hesitate but he beckoned me closer with his finger. This simple action sent a pleasurable shudder down my body.

  He waited until I was standing in front of him before he spoke softly. ‘What are you doing?’

  I hadn't been expecting that, and could only answer with a surprised, ‘Huh?’

  Jason's eyelids looked droopy but he was obviously playing with me as he said, ‘I'm just waiting for the restroom. What are you doing?’

  That implication stung and I found myself frowning at him. ‘No, you're not,’ I argued, although my voice betrayed me by wavering slightly.

  ‘Oh, I'm not?’ Jason looked like he was enjoying this. ‘What am I doing then?’

  You're teasing me, I wanted to say, but I was distracted by a bedroom door opening and a couple emerging from the dark. They were grinning ear to ear, and after glancing at us edged past to re-join the party downstairs.

  When I looked back at Jason I saw his smile slide into a smirk as he turned away from me. He stepped into the dark room and I found myself pulled like a magnet after him.

  He's only gonna tease you again, I told myself as I followed him in. This must have been his friend Steven's room; from the light of the hall I could see it was a total mess, clothes and stuff scattered everywhere, posters of lurid designs and names of bands I didn't know. It didn't smell great either.

  Jason pushed the door shut and stood facing me, only a step away. The only illumination now was from the half open blinds which covered the window across the room, slats of light stretched across the wall.

  ‘So,’ he said, an edge of amusement in his voice. ‘What do you want?’

  In answer to that, like a reflex, my eyes fell on his mouth. He must have noticed. I watched his lips pull up in a smile before forming around the word, ‘Well?’

  When I realized he was wait
ing for me I could feel heat prickling all over my skin, making me unbearably hot. I didn't know what to do, I knew he was leading me on.

  Aware that I could be making a total fool of myself but weighing up that I'd pretty much already done that over the last week, I took a step closer to him. Jason didn't step back, didn't move. I was trying to read him, but I couldn't work it out. All I knew for certain was that he seemed to enjoy teasing me.

  He was the one who came in here, I thought. I decided to take a chance; he wasn't backing away from me as I moved closer. I wasn't sure if it was just my mind running wild but I swear I could almost feel him daring me to make a move.

  So I did. I leaned in and kissed him. Wrapping my arms around his thin body I crushed him to me, inhaling his breath, his smell. He made a sound, a gasp which was lost in my mouth as I kissed him deeply. I felt his hands on my arms but I wasn’t sure if they were pushing at me or simply holding on.

  I had wondered endlessly what this would feel like, thought in a way that kissing another guy might feel weird. It wasn’t; his lips were soft, his mouth tasted sweet even with the hint of cigarettes. I couldn’t get enough. Jason murmured what I thought might be a half-hearted protest, and I could feel him try to turn away.

  Fine, I thought, but we weren’t done yet. I released his mouth, my body still pressed up against him, and quickly brought my hands between us, fumbling at the fly of his pants. In the moment it took him to realize what I was doing he glanced down as my fingers undid his zipper. When his eyes looked back up at me in the dark I couldn’t read them.

  He wasn’t reacting to me, but he wasn’t stopping me either. I tugged his jeans down, impatient to show how much I wanted him. In my haste I was a little rough and set him off balance, pushing him into the wall. I pulled up the hem of his t-shirt with one hand and dipped the other between us to feel him. I was pleasantly surprised to find he was already hard. Jason gasped as I ran my hand on him, teasing. I think I smiled in the dark, glad I had a reaction.

  I leant in to kiss him again, still stroking him, fast, slow, then fast again. He moaned into my mouth. I could feel my own cock straining inside my pants.