by Deb Kastner
Believing she was the only woman in the world for him. That they were meant to be together. That he wanted to put a ring on her finger and make his love for her permanent.
That their love would last forever.
What love?
Had she ever loved him, or had it all been his imagination and a desperate need for her to feel as he did?
He still thought she was beautiful, at least on the outside. That hadn’t changed. How could it?
But as for the rest of it? That woman had never existed at all, or else she wouldn’t have disappeared without one word to him when she got pregnant with his child.
What kind of a person even did that?
Not the same woman who was carrying on a quiet conversation with his gran. It was hard to reconcile what he was seeing before him.
Watching Carolina now, it was as if the years had fallen away. Sweet, sensitive Carolina had always been able to calm Gran, had always appeared to know exactly what the old woman required even when Gran couldn’t voice her needs. Carolina knew how to react to any given situation without losing her composure.
Those qualities were what had made her such a good nurse, and those qualities were among those that had initially caught his eye, and eventually his heart.
He and Carolina had laughed together, cried together, and in a moment of deepest grief, they had ultimately found temporary solace in each other’s arms. And while Wyatt hadn’t intended for things to happen in that order, their night together had only strengthened his resolve, solidified the love between them—or at least that’s what he’d thought at the time.
He had already had the ring and had been ready to propose to her. Even before that night, he’d known he wanted to spend his life with her.
He could have made it right—for all three of them—if only she would have let him. If only she would have stayed. If only she had been honest with him from the beginning.
Wyatt scoffed softly and stood abruptly, striding to the window overlooking a tree-lined greenbelt. It didn’t make any sense. Not one bit of it. There wasn’t anything rational about the things Carolina had done and had failed to do, before or since she had left him three years ago.
There was no way to reconcile the woman he’d thought he’d loved, the one who even now obviously cared deeply for his gran, with the woman who had callously left him in the lurch without a thought to how he would feel. Without considering that he had rights and responsibilities as a dad.
Or that Matty needed a father.
“Why are you here?” he asked without turning. He wasn’t entirely certain what he was asking. Why was she here today, in Gran’s room, for starters? But in truth it was so much more than one thing. Nothing was that simple anymore.
Was this visit about Gran? Had Carolina somehow discovered this was where Wyatt had placed Gran when he could no longer take care of her? Was she here to visit her? Was it purely an accident that she’d encountered Wyatt?
But no. She’d looked totally stricken—guilty—when he’d first spotted her in the doorway, silently observing him with Gran. Her face had turned twenty shades of red at least. She’d looked just as shocked when her gaze shifted to his grandmother as it had when their eyes had met.
But if this wasn’t about Gran, then what was it, really?
“I was filling out an employment application,” she replied reluctantly.
“Oh?” He swiveled on his heel, leaned his hip on the windowsill and crossed his arms. “I figured you’d probably go for a job at the hospital. I’m sure it pays better.”
Color rose in her face once again, flaming her cheeks. What was she not telling him? Her unspoken words hung in the air between them until she dropped her gaze.
“I don’t know why I bothered coming out here today. They won’t hire me, any more than the hospital.”
“What? Why not?” Whatever else Carolina was or wasn’t, she was a competent, compassionate nurse. She’d been in the top of her class in college and had an outstanding résumé.
“I don’t meet the physical qualifications.”
Now that he really didn’t believe. Carolina was petite, but she was in perfect physical condition. She had a runner’s slim stature and she’d been a regular at the gym in all the time that he’d known her. A man couldn’t be breathing and not notice her shapely form.
“I trashed my knee in a skiing accident a few months back. I had to have surgery on it, and it’s still liable to give way on me at any moment. I can’t trust it, and neither can a prospective employer. Doctor’s orders that I don’t lift too much weight. I can’t blame the facilities for turning me away.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said, and meant it. “Are you in any pain?”
She smiled, but it was sad and forlorn, matching the anguish in her eyes. “Sometimes. But more than the physical pain is not being able to do what I love to do. Nursing, not skiing,” she qualified.
He chuckled, but his mind was spinning, trying to process this new information. If she couldn’t find a job, then she couldn’t support Matty. She wouldn’t even be able to support herself.
Wyatt might not like what she had done to him, but she was still the mother of his child, and there was no question that he would take care of her and Matty, as much as they needed for as long as they needed.
“How can I help?”
She squared her shoulders and raised her chin. “I don’t need any assistance from you.”
He scrubbed a hand through his hair. There was pride, and then there was sheer stubbornness.
“Look, if you need some money or something to help you get by...”
“No.” Carolina spoke so forcefully that Gran looked away from her show to eye both of them dubiously.
Carolina lowered her voice. “Thank you for offering, but I don’t need your help,” she repeated. “I’ve been taking care of Matty since he was born, and I’ll do it now. I’ll find a job. You don’t have to worry about us. Matty and I will be just fine.”
She was face-to-face with him now, close enough that he could feel her breath fanning his cheek.
He wanted to be angry at her words, at the callous way she’d dismissed him from her and Matty’s lives. But despite his best efforts, his rebellious senses bolted to life, as if they’d been lying dormant for years. Every awareness amplified, from the breezy, floral scent of her perfume to the way he knew she would fit perfectly under the crook of his shoulder if he were to move forward just the tiniest bit.
He took a big step backward.
Was he insane?
This was the woman who had run off with his son. What he should be thinking about, what was imperative, was that Matty—and by extension, Carolina—had what they needed, not only to survive, but to thrive.
The problem was convincing Carolina he wasn’t offering charity. It was his responsibility to look after them, but he was fairly certain she wouldn’t see it that way.
“Promise me you won’t wait too long before asking.” His voice was unusually husky. “And that if you or Matty are ever in need—of anything, Carolina, and I mean that—you’ll come to me first.”
Her eyes widened and she pinched her lips into a tight line. She shook her head and reached for her purse, which she’d set on Gran’s nightstand when she entered.
“I assure you that won’t be necessary.” She flashed a tense smile for Gran’s sake and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll be back to visit you soon, Eva.”
The next moment she was gone, without so much as another word to Wyatt.
How fittingly reminiscent of her.
* * *
“Thank you anyway, Dr. Delgado. I appreciate you calling me back.” Carolina ended the call, sighed deeply and clasped her cell phone—one item she wouldn’t be able to afford after the end of this month—ti
ghtly to her chest.
She squeezed her eyes closed, but tears surfaced despite her best efforts, making slow, silent streams down her cheeks. She slipped her cell phone into the back pocket of her jeans and groaned in frustration.
Thankfully Matty was absorbed in the preschool programming he was watching on television, counting along with the colorful aliens who were surreptitiously teaching him math skills in the form of entertainment.
Carolina sniffed and wiped her wet cheeks with her palm.
That was it, then. Her last hope for local employment in the medical field. Dr. Delgado had let her down kindly, but he already had two long-term employees, a registered nurse and a physician’s assistant. Doc had wished Carolina well but had offered no further suggestions on where she might look for a job.
She was out of options. She was out of money.
And she was out of time.
She was grateful she owned Uncle Mort’s cabin free and clear, but he hadn’t had much else in the way of assets, and now was dipping into her meager savings account every time she visited the grocery store or wrote a check for utilities. Her unemployment benefits didn’t begin to cover their necessities. Matty had hit another growth spurt, and all of his jeans were inches too short at the ankles. She had been looking around for viable day care options for him, but she didn’t want to skimp on that expense. Matty deserved the very best care available. And next year he’d be in preschool, with a whole new set of challenges.
Not that she had a need for day care until she managed to find employment. She scoffed aloud.
Lord, what would You have me do?
She had no choice but to stay in Haven, at least for the next couple of months, and it wasn’t as if she really had any better options elsewhere. She was as stuck in the mud as that donkey Wyatt had been telling his gran about.
After checking on Matty, Carolina tucked one leg under her on a kitchen chair and opened her laptop, a spiral notebook and a ballpoint pen beside her to make a record of her online applications. She was determined to check every local internet job board for postings.
At this point she was willing to consider anything. She didn’t care how overqualified she might be. Beggars couldn’t afford to be choosers, especially when that particular beggar had a growing boy to care for.
A half hour later, having found not a single lead or typed in a single application, she put Matty down for his afternoon nap, lingering to gaze at his sweet face, so pure and innocent in sleep.
Matty didn’t deserve any of this. She had already made so many wrong choices during his young life. Carolina wanted to offer her son the world, but at this point she could barely offer him his next meal.
Promise you won’t wait too long before asking.
Wyatt’s words echoed through her mind, taunting her.
If Matty is ever in need, come to me first.
No.
How could she even be considering taking Wyatt up on his offer?
But then again, how could she not?
If she only had to worry about herself, she’d starve before she asked for a handout. But it wasn’t her she was thinking about.
It was Matty.
Even if she went door to door among Haven businesses trying to find a job—as it appeared she would have to do, since she had found no leads online—it would take her time to connect with something, and another couple of weeks after that to get her first paycheck.
She was desperate enough to consider anything, up to and including flipping hamburgers or waitressing at the local truck stop. But she wasn’t entirely convinced even the fast-food joints around town would be interested in hiring her.
Wyatt had a steady, good-paying job in Haven, and had since the day he’d graduated from veterinary school. He hadn’t said anything about a wife, and he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, so presumably he didn’t have a family to care for, other than his gran. He probably had plenty of extra savings to fall back on.
More than she did, anyway.
He was Matty’s father.
And he had offered.
But could she do it?
The moment she’d arrived back in Haven and had come face-to-face with Wyatt, she’d been in a perpetual cycle of eating humble pie.
Choking on it, more like.
What was one more interaction in the big scheme of things? If Wyatt truly wanted to be a part of Matty’s life, then providing for some of his physical needs was as good a start as any.
With a sigh, Carolina leaned over the toddler bed to brush a kiss over the soft skin of Matty’s forehead.
She couldn’t even believe she was seriously considering asking Wyatt for help. She was not a charity case—and if she was going to do this, she would make absolutely certain that Wyatt understood she wasn’t asking for her own good. Nor would she take a single thing for herself.
This was all about Matty.
She slumped back into the chair at the kitchen table and wiggled her mouse to open the screen again, hoping beyond hope that in the five minutes it had taken to put Matty down for his nap, the perfect job might have somehow suddenly popped onto the top of the employment board.
It hadn’t.
Which meant she had no choice but to call Wyatt.
She fished her cell phone out of the back pocket of her jeans, unlocked the screen and paused, staring at the background picture for a long moment.
It was a photo she’d taken of Matty when her previous roommate Geena’s then boyfriend and now husband had given Matty his Colorado Rockies baseball hat. Matty had been grinning from ear to ear as the bill of the oversize black-and-purple cap dipped low over one eye.
After the first picture, Geena had then turned the hat backward. At that moment, Carolina remembered being struck by how much Matty looked like his father. Wyatt often wore a backward-facing baseball cap when he was out tending to the animals he vetted.
Her stomach knotted as she thumbed through her contact list to where Wyatt’s cell phone number was located. Wyatt was no longer first on her quick-dial list, but though she’d considered doing it many times, she’d never quite been able to bring herself to delete his number entirely.
She was a sentimental fool.
She sniffed softly and shook her head. There was no sense putting off the inevitable.
Wyatt’s phone rang four times before he picked up. Carolina was just about to end the call when she heard his voice. She figured he’d probably seen her name on his caller ID and decided he didn’t want to speak with her just then. Or maybe at all. And this wasn’t the sort of conversation she could leave as a message.
“Carolina?”
Hearing her name on Wyatt’s lips jarred her. She gulped in surprise and nearly punched the end button.
“Yes. It’s m-me.” She stammered to a halt, trying to gather her thoughts.
“How are you settling in?” he asked when she didn’t immediately continue.
It was a leading question in any number of ways.
She let out her breath. “Um—that’s why I’m calling, actually.”
There. She’d said it.
“Great. So when can I see Matty?”
It took her a moment to realize he was referring to her promise to call him once she was settled in, in order to set up a playdate.
She was so not ready.
“Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something.”
A lengthy pause followed and Carolina’s throat hitched.
“Sure. Okay. What’s up?”
It hurt to release the air from her lungs, like breathing frost on a cold day. “It’s not really something I want to discuss over the phone. Would it be okay if I meet you at your office?”
“Well, all right. I guess so. I’m out on a house call right now, but I
should be back in the office in an hour. Will that be okay for you?”
“Yes, that will actually work out great. That will give me some time to find someone to watch Matty for me while I’m visiting with you.”
“You’re not bringing him with you?” His clipped voice lowered.
“Not this time. Please, Wyatt. I need to speak to you alone. I promise we’ll set something up with Matty, but not right now.”
“In an hour, then.” Wyatt ended the call without so much as a goodbye.
Carolina stared at her cell phone’s orange screen flashing Call Ended and sighed.
This wasn’t going to go well. He was already upset with her, and what she was about to tell him was only going to make things worse.
If only she had any other options...
But she didn’t.
She phoned Katie, who cheerfully agreed to drop by and watch Matty while Carolina conducted what she had nicknamed her unfortunate business. It was better than, say, begging. She was appreciative of her friend, who was always ready to pitch in without asking too many questions. When she got back on her feet, she’d have to buy Katie a nice bouquet of flowers or something as a thank-you gift.
Forty-five minutes later, Carolina was waiting outside Wyatt’s office, rubbing her suddenly clammy palms against the denim of her blue jeans.
Wyatt opened the door before she could knock, his expression a composite of sharp planes and hard lines. He stepped out of the doorway and gestured her inside.
“Sorry about the mess,” he apologized as he followed her through the door. “My administrative assistant moved away about six months ago and somehow I haven’t gotten around to hiring a new one. I thought I might have—” he paused “—moved on by now. Started an office elsewhere.”
So he was still planning to leave town. Carolina had interpreted his conversation with his gran to mean he still had plans abroad, but here was definite confirmation.