The WWW Club

by Anita Notaro

  “Hello.”

  “Hello.”

  Ellie felt as if she was seeing him for the first time. She gathered the little girl to her and stood up. He looked different. Cleaner. Taller. Less troubled. He was wearing his glasses again and looked very intense. It made her want to giggle, which was ridiculous, given that she’d never felt less like laughing in her life. Those and a long black soft woollen coat with a thick polo neck sweater underneath made him much less approachable than the disheveled artistic type she was used to. Standing there in the harsh winter light that added nothing to an already icy church and with his youngest child trying to strangle her, Ellie felt as if she’d never really noticed him before.

  “Who the fuck is that?” Pam whispered through tightly pressed lips.

  “Whoever he is he’s mine, even if there’s a wife loitering at the back of the church, which there’s bound to be.” Toni prepared to dazzle him with her smile, trying it out first on Pam, who had to don her shades immediately.

  “It’s Jack Bryant,” Maggie offered.

  “Fuck.”

  “No.”

  “Has to be. Kids called her Nora. Remember that story?”

  “But, but she said he was …” Pam was dumbfounded, which was most unusual.

  “I know. She’s a lying bitch, obviously.” Toni winked at the others, threw back her gleaming mane and adjusted her bra, ready to pounce.

  Nearby, Jack stood back until the kids had hugged Ellie to bits. Even Sam wanted some of her loving. Eventually, they looked toward their father.

  “I’m so sorry, Nora.” Jack reached out for her too.

  Seeing them reminded Ellie of a former, much more carefree life and she burst into tears on his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind, just held her and rubbed her back. He smelt clean and sort of citrusy.

  “I feel so … Ssss … ad,” Ellie sobbed.

  “I know.”

  The kids, unusually, said nothing. They were used to her being in control, smiling, cajoling, even scolding. Tears were not part of the parcel where she was concerned but they adjusted rapidly, as kids do.

  “Here’s my hanky. I only used it once.” Sam handed her a little embroidered cotton square with a pink rose.

  “Thank you,” Ellie glugged.

  “You can keep it. Aunt Martha gives me boxes of them every year. I’ve hundreds.” Sam smiled. “Besides, they’re useless. They’re all hard and they hurt your nose.”

  “Not today they’re not.” Ellie wiped her eyes and Jack kept his gaze firmly on her.

  “You all right?”

  She nodded unconvincingly.

  “I brought my teddy for Trudy.” Jessie held out one of her favorites.

  “Rudi,” Sam hissed, poking her in the back.

  “That’s what I said.” The younger girl shrugged her off.

  “But that’s Howard,” Ellie said. “He’s one of your favorites.”

  “I know.” The little girl looked slightly forlorn.

  “Dad said it had to hurt, else it doesn’t really count when you give something away.” Sam sounded just like Ellie’s mother.

  “I don’t think I said that exactly … never mind.” Jack decided it wasn’t what she needed right now. “Is there anything I can do?”

  Ellie shook her head and bit her lip. Her eyes were red and her nose was running.

  “So, which one of you is Jessie?” Pam stepped in and whisked the girls out of earshot, in case they needed a moment. She could only remember one of their names.

  “You’re so kind to come. Kate and Bill and the girls were here earlier.”

  “Yes, I spoke with them. We were here for the service, we just stayed in the background. I was afraid the girls would take over, so we were waiting for you to finish here. Until Jess escaped.” He grinned. “She misses you.” He looked at her sadly. “We all do.”

  It was too much for Ellie and she was off again and he didn’t look in the least bit mortified, simply put his arms around her again until the sobs lessened.

  “We should go.” Maggie appeared eventually. “I think they’re waiting to close up.”

  They all trooped down the aisle, kids skipping, friends and family hesitant, Ellie shuffling like an old woman. Jack stood back to let the girls go in front. He guessed who they were and they all nodded politely to each other.

  Outside it was too cold and wet to stand around.

  “I’ll see you at mass in the morning.” Jack smiled at the group as the kids pulled him toward the waiting car and the promised meeting with Mr. Eddie Rocket and his famous sundaes.

  “You don’t have to, honestly.” Ellie was surprised.

  “I know that, but I want to. Kate and I’ll come without the gang.” He looked at her. “Ring if you need things done, lifts or anything …”

  “Here.” Jess held out her teddy in Rudi’s general direction and he looked terrified.

  “Are you sure, love?” Ellie asked, holding the little boy tighter in her arms. Every time she saw that scared look on his face she blamed herself.

  Jess nodded fiercely. “I have loads and loads of teddies.”

  “Well, thank you. I’ll give it to him when he’s going to sleep.”

  “Bye, Nora. We love you.” By now she was skipping away.

  Sam ran back and hugged her and Ellie was touched.

  Next morning the mass seemed to take forever and each hymn brought new tears. Local pensioners attending morning mass wiped their eyes and stared at the child, clucking and shaking their head when the circumstances were explained in hushed tones.

  By the time they came to lower the coffin Ellie was numb. She clutched Rudi and closed her eyes and prayed that Olga was finally at peace. She also asked God to help her cope. Her grief was multi-layered. It was a complicated peel of sadness, worry and guilt.

  Pam had organized lunch in her own house, which was reasonably close to the cemetery and empty of the boys, who would have scoffed all of the goodies if they’d been home. Ellie was surprised to find Jack and Kate among a small handful of people who came.

  “Anything I can do?” Kate was pulling off her coat and rolling up her sleeves.

  “No, I don’t think so, maybe just check with Pam?”

  “Sure.”

  “Can I get you a drink?” Ellie was suddenly self-conscious with Jack hovering.

  “No, someone’s already doing the honors.” He pointed to one of Pam’s neighbors who was mingling with a tray of coffee and hot ports and whiskies to ward off the chill.

  “Is it my magic nation, as Jessie would say, or are graveyards always freezing, even in summer?” Ellie asked him. “I was so cold that I still can’t feel my toes or fingers.”

  “Here, try this.” He reached over to the offered tray.

  “Ugh, no, way too early.”

  “It’ll warm you up, go on.” He placed the tall glass in her hand and took one himself. Even wrapping her fingers around it helped and the smell always reminded her of Christmas and today that thought calmed her.

  “I never introduced you to the girls last night.” Ellie led him over to where they were standing, watching. For some reason she was anxious to be rid of him.

  “This is Jack Bryant.” She smiled too brightly at the three, who already knew everything they could about him, courtesy of a few racked brains.

  “Hi.”

  “This is Maggie, that’s Pam over there and this—”

  “Hi, I’m Toni Francescone.” She held out her hand and exaggerated the Italian pronunciation and he liked her firm grasp.

  “We spoke on the phone the other night,” he greeted her warmly. “I, eh, feel I know you lot rather well, actually.” He looked around to include them all.

  “Oh God, what’s she been telling you?” Pam was in like a shot.

  “Nothing, really, I promise. It’s more what she’s been doing to me. One or other of you is responsible, I gather.”

  “Depends.” Toni was giving him the “I’m a celebrity and I wish you’
d get me out of here” treatment, all pouty lips and big eyes and hair. It was clear she wanted his vote.

  “What exactly has she been doing?” Maggie grinned.

  “Well, she hasn’t quite followed me into the loo yet, but my tongue has been very closely examined.”

  Toni was looking at his mouth as if she’d like to examine his tongue very closely herself. If this wasn’t a funeral and he wasn’t Ellie’s supposedly crotchety employer she’d have been in like Flynn.

  “Oh God, I’ll bet he knows everything.” Pam was mortified.

  “It’s her fault, mostly,” Maggie gestured in Toni’s direction, “although Ellie started it, really.”

  One of the neighbors came to talk to Ellie so she excused herself and left them talking. Much later when she glanced over he was still there, laughing with the girls and looking completely at ease.

  Thirty-six

  Things settled down remarkably quickly over the next day or two. Pam insisted that Ellie and Rudi stay with her, so they could all get used to each other. Another more senior social worker visited and talked at length with Ellie, who’d gone from being fiercely protective of the baby to praying they’d insist on taking him into care, so enormous was the weight of responsibility she felt when she looked at him. The chronic shortage of foster parents in the Dublin area meant there was little chance of that, unless they had serious concerns for his well-being. Before the social worker left she dropped another bombshell.

  “You know that Olga left a note.”

  “Yes, I think there were two, actually.” Ellie suddenly remembered.

  The lady nodded. “One for us and the other for the gardai.” “What did they say?”

  “She just made it clear to us that she wanted Rudi to be brought up by you. She said you loved him and that you’d been her best friend.” Ellie could feel the tears welling. “And the other?”

  “She asked the gardai not to try and trace her family. In fact, I believe she destroyed all her personal papers—passport, that sort of thing. Was the split with her family very bad?”

  “Yes, I think so. They threw her out, literally, after she announced that she was seeing an American. She ran away to London to live with him … she called him her husband but I don’t think they ever actually married, although she used his name. Her story was a bit confusing. All I know is he left as soon as she told him she was pregnant.”

  “Did her family know about the baby, do you know?”

  “Yes, I remember she told me she contacted them for help, after he left. They told her never to appear back home with a child out of wedlock. Her father cut her out of his will, although I don’t think they were very wealthy or anything.”

  “And do you know anything about the American?”

  Ellie shook her head. “I don’t even know his first name, she always just referred to him as the American, or Rudi’s father.”

  “Any idea where he went to when he left?”

  “No, they were living in London, somewhere around Islington, I think. He went back to America as far as I know. He didn’t want anything to do with her. I remember she said something about Rudi not being his first child.”

  “Anything else?”

  “No, she wasn’t very talkative on the subject, sorry,” Ellie apologized. “Usually, she got fed up after a bit and simply refused to say anymore. I know that she had two sisters who also left home. One went to Canada, I think, and the other to Australia.”

  “Do you know whereabouts in Russia her parents lived?”

  “No. Maybe she mentioned it, but I don’t remember.”

  The lady smiled and thanked her and left.

  “Ellie, you need to think this thing through very carefully.” Pam was cautious as they sat sipping tea after the visit.

  “I know.” She was much less sure now.

  “It’s a huge undertaking.”

  “Yes.”

  “And you don’t automatically have to do it …” She wanted to point out again that Ellie was not a blood relative, but decided not to. Neither did she mention that her mother was practically camping out on Maggie’s doorstep, looking for information on when the child was being “taken by the authorities.”

  “What are you thinking?” Pam was treating her like a baby herself.

  “One minute I’m determined to care for him as if he was my own, the next I’m … terrified he’ll ruin my life.” Ellie was crying again. “I feel so bloody selfish … and afraid … and … lonely.” It was by far the greatest of all the emotions that swamped her, mostly late at night.

  “That’s all perfectly normal. Oh, darling, come here.” Pam held her tight and Rudi slept soundly in his travel cot beside them, unaware of his precarious future.

  Ellie moved home the following day, determined at least to try it out. Toni volunteered to keep her company for the next few days, as she was working nights. Maggie was there every evening and stayed over a lot. When they weren’t around Ellie watched TV and washed Rudi’s few borrowed bits and pieces and tried to play with him, although he didn’t really respond.

  Kate phoned the following weekend.

  “How are you managing?”

  “OK, thanks, as long as I don’t have to meet anyone.” She smiled into the phone, looking down at her filthy jeans and crumpled sweater.

  “Is there something I can do? Take him for an afternoon, maybe … anything?”

  “Oh no, thank you, you’re very kind.” Ellie felt she didn’t really know her well at all. Her previous life had shrunk dramatically in her mind. “The three girls are fantastic,” she assured Kate. “They seem to have a rota going. I’m rarely alone.” It was true.

  “You’re lucky, but then I think we make our own luck.” Kate had always known Ellie was a decent person and she firmly believed in what goes around comes around. “Tell me, what about Christmas?”

  “My mum is cooking.” Ellie was dreading it so much she didn’t even want to think about it, although it was only a few days away. “Orla, my sister, was supposed to do it, but she’s not feeling very well, apparently. I haven’t a clue, to be honest. If all this hadn’t happened I wouldn’t have been going. I was determined to break loose this year. It’s a bit complicated …” She trailed off, wondering why she was going on about all this.

  “Who else will be there?”

  “My two sisters—Orla is married so her gang will be along, and my other sister has a new boyfriend and he’s coming. I haven’t met him … oh, and Pam, too. Her sons are with their father in New York this year.” She realized she’d barely spoken about it to Pam, so wrapped up had she become in her own narrow little world.

  “Yes, she was telling me all about it the day of the funeral,” Kate said. “I liked her enormously. Great fun. I’d say she’s a brilliant mother.”

  Ellie was glad she’d said that. “She is.” She smiled just thinking about Pam. “She’s a hoot as well. As long as you don’t mind her very colorful language.”

  “I’ve used a few choice words myself over the years, I can tell you.” Kate laughed. “Actually, Jack and I were wondering, would you come round and spend Christmas Eve with us? We always try to make a family day of it; we had a younger brother, he was … killed in an accident on Christmas Eve, so—”

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

  “It was many years ago.” Kate spoke almost to herself. “He was only seven.” She gulped. “I still miss him, isn’t that funny?”

  “Not at all.”

  “Jack took it the worst. Blames himself, it’s a long story. Anyway,” Ellie could feel Kate mentally shaking herself, “I’m sorry, I don’t know where all that came from, you’ve enough on your plate as it is.” Her tone brightened but it sounded forced. “Will you come, please? It’s Jack’s turn this year. We have lunch and exchange presents and sit around. I’d collect you, and the baby too, of course. The young ones miss you, and my two are dying to get their hands on Rudi, especially Georgia.”

  “I don
’t know, I really don’t want to intrude, and besides, I usually meet my friends for brunch or something, early in the day, before we all go our separate ways.”

  “Bring them along, the more the merrier.”

  “Oh no, I really couldn’t. They’d drink Jack out of house and home.” She was only half joking. “I’m only teasing, they’re not that bad really,” she felt she should add, just in case Kate felt that her entire circle of friends were foul-mouthed alcos.

  “Listen, think about it.” She’d promised Jack she’d ask. The girls were driving him mad about Nora and besides, they’d all grown very fond of her, and the baby was a constant topic of conversation in both their houses. “We don’t meet till threeish, anyway, so you could still see your friends for brunch. Your presents are already under the tree, by the way, and the pile for Rudi is taking on gigantic proportions.”

  Ellie was touched. “I will, I promise.”

  “Great. I’ll call you again anyway.”

  * * *

  The truth was, she was absolutely dreading Christmas, especially the day itself.

  “I think you should go. Want me to come with you?” Toni asked later.

  “No, I’ve got to start facing people. I’ll give it some thought.” “Tell me about Jack, by the way.”

  “Not much to say, really.” Ellie was surprised at the question. “I more or less told you everything I know.”

  Toni decided not to ask anything more for the moment so she simply shrugged and changed the subject.

  The weather suddenly took a turn for the worse and that meant days of sleet showers and icy nights. It was an excuse for Ellie to stay put. The only good thing about what had happened was that no one, her family in particular, put any pressure on her to contribute to the festive season.

  Maggie had managed to persuade Ellie’s parents, nicely, to back off, and even Orla had, for once, stopped making sarcastic remarks.

  Rudi was no trouble, and the girls put all their plans on the back boiler and shopped for Ellie, decorated her apartment and even made a hair appointment for her.

  Suddenly it was Christmas Eve. The Club met at eleven for breakfast because Toni was flying to Italy in the afternoon to be with her mother’s family, and Maggie and Doug were driving west later. Pam had booked Pete’s, the latest trendy greasy spoon, where they tucked into huge breakfasts—organic this and free-range that. Everything was wild or traditional and the juices all had exotic names. It cost a fortune, but the customers felt healthy, even though the fat content was exactly the same as it had been twenty years ago when the place was called the Napoli Cafe and run by Charlie and Ida from Glasnevin.