The Loss of Love and Truth

by R Kenneth Donaldson

  Again it takes me longer to find a parking space than it does to actually get to my location. I enter the revolving doors to the high-rise office building and am stopped by the security guard.

  “Excuse me sir, do you have a pass?” he asks.

  “Sure, I have it right here.” I say trying to juggle my organizer, stereo and car phone. I then put the stereo and phone down on the reception desk and start looking through my organizer for the security pass the building manager gave me a few days before.

  “Oh, here it is.” I say showing him the pass.

  “Do you need any help carrying this stuff.” The guard asks with a smile.

  “No thanks, I think I can handle it.” I answer putting the pass back into the organizer and picking up the stereo and phone.

  “Are you sure, I mean it wouldn’t be any problem.” He says still smiling at me.

  This man is trying to flirt with me.

  I give him one of my sexy half smiles, and say, “Nah, but uh, thanks for asking.” I pick up my stuff and walk towards the elevator.

  “Here, at least let me get the button for you.” He say as he pushes the “up” button.

  I give him a quick look over. He is kinda cute, but very young looking. He stood, I guess, about 6’2” and pretty solid.

  “Thanks. Uh, my name is Trevor Morrows, I just moved in on Wednesday. I would offer my hand to shake, but as you can see they’re both pretty full.” I tried to make conversation. Since he wasn’t doing anything but looking at me, it was beginning to make me feel awkward. The elevator was taking forever to come down.

  “Arnold.” He says. “So, you just moved in huh? I knew I hadn’t seen you before. What do you do?” He asks as he leaned against the wall.

  I was saved from having to answer him. The elevator finally reached the first floor.

  “Well, if you need anything just call the main desk. Don’t forget, my name’s Arnold.” He says as I enter the elevator.

  I push number thirty-six and let the elevator doors shut. “Damn, I still got it!” I laugh out loud.

  I finally reach the thirty-six floor and as I leave the elevator, I can hear voices coming from one of the offices. From what the building manager informed me, I will be sharing not only the floor but also a central receptionist with a dentist and an attorney.

  I made a mental note to find out what this attorney specialized in and whether she could use my services.

  I punched in my security code for the door to my three-room office suite. Since all the blinds were shut, it was pretty dark. I turned on all the lights and walked through the waiting area to my office. I walked around the cherry oak desk my father gave me as a peace-offering and sat down in the black leather chair. I lean back with my hands behind my head and just take it all in. I can’t help but smile. I feel so proud. I mean, I finally have something that’s mine. I cando what I choose, how I choose and when I choose.

  No boss looking over my shoulder. No one to critique my work. I can run my show the way I want to.

  The doorbell to the office rings.

  “Who the hell could that be?” I wonder. “Oh no, it’s probably the kid from downstairs.” I get up from the chair and run to the door. It wasn’t the security guard. Instead it was this very beautiful young black woman wearing a gray jogging suit. She had her hair in a pony tail and had on very little make-up. But, by no means did this lady need any make• up. I would have to describe her complexion to be that of almonds and she had a very beautiful smile.

  “Hi, can I help you?” I ask as I open the door.

  “Hi, I heard the elevator and was just wondering who, besides me, would be crazy enough to come to work on a Saturday evening. I saw your lights on and I figured I would come by and see if you were our new neighbor.” She offers her hand.

  “Well, it just so happens that I am your new neighbor. Hi, I’m Trevor Morrows and you are…”

  “Minna Townsend and welcome.” She says smiling; showing all her pearly whites. “Well thank you Minna. Won’t you come in for a second?”

  She looks at her watch and replies, “Actually I need to get back to work. But maybe we cando lunch later on next week.”

  “That sounds fantastic.” I said. “And uh, what exactly do you do that you have to run off so quickly?” I ask visually flirting.

  Why I’m playing with this woman is beyond me. But a little flirting never hurt anyone. “That’s my law office across the way.” She says pointing towards the suite directly across from mine.

  “Well then, I guess depending on the type of law you practice maybe we could be more than just neighbors.”

  “Excuse me?” She asks with reserve.

  “No, no!” I laugh. “I only meant that I’m a private detective and that maybe we could be working neighbors.”

  “Oh!” Minna laughs. “Well, you know I am looking for a very good detective to help me with a couple of new cases that I’m working on. We definitely should sit down and talk. Some time next week should be fine. Well listen, I need to get back to work; my break is about up. It was great meeting you and I look forward to lunch next week.”

  “Yes, it was great meeting you also.”

  As she turns to leave; I catch myself looking at her behind. I actually surprised myself, knowing full well that I haven’t looked at a woman in that way for over ten years. But she did have a great looking ass.

  I let the door close and walk back into my office. I sit back down in the chair and pick up the telephone. I really needed to talk to someone about this horrific day, and Marcus would be the one to bare my soul to.

  “House of pleasure, where your money goes places you never thought possible.” Marcus announces over the phone.

  “Boy, stop acting so silly.” I say laughing.

  “Trevor, what’s up baby? I’ve been trying to reach you all day. You know you had me scared this morning. What happened?”

  “We can talk about that over dinner. Are you free?” I ask.

  “If you’re buying, then of course I’m free.”

  “You know, you ought to be buying me dinner, since you got that all too fabulous job.” I said.

  “Well baby, you failed to mention that I just got this all fabulous job. And as fantabulous as it is, I haven’t got my first check yet. But I will still treat your tired ass anyway, but you got the next one.”

  “Hey, wait a minute, didn’t you leave a message that you were getting a car? What’s up with that?”

  “Well,” he says. “Remember when ‘Health Guidance’ fired me?” “Yeah.”

  “Well, I was advised to sue those assholes for discrimination, defamation of character, false accusation and other shit?”

  “Yeah, yeah, what happened.”

  “Let’s put it this way their first installment came in today and I’ve already spent half of it on a red Ford Mustang Convertible. With this car I’ll be more than even I can stand.”

  “Damn, how much did you actually wind up getting anyway?”

  “Well let’s just say I’ve got more O’s behind this dollar sign than a bowl of Cheerios.” “Holy shit.”

  “It’s holy something, but it ain’t shit. So if you need anything and I do mean anything you let me know.”

  “No baby, I’m cool. No wonder your ass didn’t argue about picking up the tab. Usually we can’t get you to pay for your own tokens.”

  “Kiss my ass Trevor.”

  “But listen Marcus, on a serious tip, I really need to talk so can you meet me at Café America in about half an hour?”

  “Are you driving? “Yeah.”

  “Well, I want you to see the new love of life. This car is just wonderful. I don’t know why I haven’t gotten one before.”

  “Probably ‘cause your black ass was always broke.”

  “Well guess what T., not no mo’, not no mo’.” Marcus laughs.

  “Alright dammit, just have your ass there in thirty minutes and don’t be late.” “C’mon T., if I ain’t late, then I ain’t
me.”

  “Just be there.”

  Chapter Four

  I wake up in a cold sweat. In the dark I sit up and look from one side of the room to the other; hoping that the past day was all just a dream. Looking for some sign to confirm my hopes, my eyes settle on the digital clock. It read three o’clock a.m. If you could call tossing back and forth sleeping, then I’d only slept for three hours.

  I thought maybe after dinner with Marcus that I would feel a little better. Unfortunately it only made matters worse. Not to say Marcus didn’t try to cheer me up, but after I had the chance to literally sit down and replay everything that happened, it was just too overwhelming. Having four Long Island Iced Teas didn’t help either.

  After dinner, Marcus wanted to take me out for a ride in his new car, but I turned him down; telling him that I thought it would be best if I were left alone.

  “Trevor, this is not the time for you to be alone.” He said. “You need something to keep your mind off of what happened. I have an idea, why don’t you spend the night at my house. We could roast marshmallows, play Scrabble, do each other’s hair.” He laughed.

  “I know you’re right. And I know you’re only trying to help, Marcus. But you’ve got to understand, if I don’t deal with this now, I won’t be any good to anyone. Don’t worry buddy, I’ll be fine. I just need some time alone to think this out.”

  “Alright Trevor, but just remember, I’m here for you if you need me.”

  After driving for over an hour, I wound up going to Central Park, hoping to clear my head. That didn’t work. All I could do was think about Mitchell and about how much shit I’d gotten myself into because of him.

  When I finally got home it was around midnight. My home had never felt so unwelcoming. I almost went back outside. To sleep in my empty bed was not an appealing thought.

  But, sleep was not a luxury I was going to indulge in this night. As I inched my way over to the edge of the bed I decided that maybe a drink would lull me to sleep. I reach over to the foot of my bed and grabbed my robe. Then I remembered I still had a few sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet, so I crawled out of my bed and dragged myself into the bathroom.

  “Here they are.” I say as I pop two pills. I walk downstairs in the dark to get myself a glass of wine.

  I open the refrigerator door and look inside, looking for the bottle of wine I bought Friday night. I pushed aside the carton of milk and the half empty bottle of orange juice.

  “Hmm, where in the world is it?”

  I close the door, thinking I was beginning to lose what little mind I had. I knew I didn’t drink the whole bottle, so I looked in the cabinet. Though the bottle of white wine wasn’t up there, I did notice the bottle of Dom Perignon from New Year’s Eve. I grabbed the bottle and placed it on the counter. I rumm aged through my utensil drawer for a corkscrew when I noticed the bottle, which used to contain the white wine I was looking for. It was in the garbage pail right under the sink.

  “Wait a minute. I couldn’t have drank that whole bottle.” I sat here thinking. What could have happened to it? Why didn’t I notice it before? John and Matthew took the other garbage pail with the pipe and vial, and I know John doesn’t drink, so he surely couldn’t have drank it when he was here. Then I thought, maybe Mitchell drank it, but I didn’t remember him having any. I dismissed it figuring I must have drank it and just forgot about it. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before.

  I opened the bottle of champagne and went to the freezer to get some ice. If there is one thing I hate, it’s warm champagne. I put four cubes in my glass and poured the champagne over the ice. I gulped the first glass quickly, hoping to feel the effects of the liquor quickly. I really needed some sleep.

  As I pour myself a second glass, I notice the red light on my answering machine is blinking like crazy. I walk over to the table with my glass. I press the play button.

  “You have four messages.” The monotone recording announces.

  “Trevor, it’s me Marcus…” I pushed the delete button, since I had heard this message earlier.

  “Mr. Morrows, this is Dina from the Big Brothers Program of New York. I’m just calling to congratulate you on your acceptance to the program. Our next orientation will be in two weeks. At that time we will schedule an interview with you and the parents of one of the perspective young boys. Please give me a call at 555-1275, area code 212, to confirm that you can attend the orientation. I look forward to hearing from you. Good bye.

  I wrote down Dina’s name and telephone number on my message pad and pressed next on the machine to hear the next message.

  “Yo T, wut up? It’s Reggie. Haven’t heard from you in awhile ma n and uh you know, I was just thinkin bout ya and thought maybe we could hook up or suhin’. Anyway, give a brotha’ a call, I’m still at my girl’s crib so you can reach me there. Anyway gotta go. Peace out!”

  It had been awhile since I saw Reggie. He was one of those temptations that tried to charm me while I was dating Mitchell. After our break up though, Reggie did take care of those conjugal needs (if you know what I mean). The brother was good, but after awhile I got tired of it and him. I mean, though we both knew that the relationship was nothing more than sexual, I guess I wanted and needed more. And that more was not going to be filled by him.

  Reggie was a self-proclaimed bi-sexual. Whatever the hell that meant. It didn’t bother me a bit when he told me he was shacked up with this woman. It was fine by me, she could have his sorry ass, because I could only put up with Reggie for so much. He didn’t work, he thought he was God’s gift to humankind, he was pushy, lazy, arrogant, way too in love with himself, talked too much, always late, and thought he knew it all; when he didn’t know shit. But, he was good in bed. Now, he wasn’t as good as Mitchell; but let’s just say the brother gave new meaning to the words “dining out”. Granted, I did feel guilty for using him as I did, but guilt never felt so good.

  Since I had no use for him now, I deleted his message also.

  “Trevor sweetheart, it’s your mother. Listen call me when you get a chance. I know you don’t want to attend this dinner of your father’s, but it’s important to him. If you don’t want to do it for him, then please do it for me. Anyway, just give me a call sweetie, bye• bye, love you.

  I knew that man would have mom call. Fortunately, this dinner is not for another two weeks, hopefully my life will have a brighter shine to it by then.

  By this time the pills and champagne had begun to have it’s effect on me. But, instead of going back upstairs I grabbed a quilt my grandmother made for me and decide to try and sleep on my sofa. And slept I did.

  The combination of the sleeping pills and alcohol must have had it’s toll on me, because the next thing I know I hear sounds of hammering. Groggily, I look up at the clock and it was two o’clock in the afternoon.

  Barn, barn, barn. “Trevor are you in there? You must be, your car’s out here.” It was Marcus.

  I roll off the sofa and hit the floor; hard. As I get up off the floor and try to make my way towards the door, I can hear Marcus talking to someone.

  “Have you seen Trevor today?” He asks, whom I assume must be Mrs. Liu.

  “No, I not see him. Who you?” She asks. “I’m a friend of his.”

  I finally make it to the door and swing it open. I must have looked like hell, because Marcus looks at me as if I were some creature from a science fiction movie.

  “What the hell took you so long to open the door? I’ve been out here for almost twenty minutes.” Marcus then turns to Mrs. Liu, “Thanks honey, he’s ok.”

  I walk back inside and Marcus follows.

  “Boy, are you alright? I called you earlier, but you didn’t pick up the phone and after the way you were last night, I got worried.”

  I laid back down on the sofa and pulled the quilt up to my chin. I mutter to Marcus under my breath. “I was asleep. Can’t a person sleep in on a Sunday?”

  Marcus picks up the half empty bottle of champa
gne that I left sitting on the floor and sniffs it. “Hm-mm, any other person can, but not you. I can’t remember the last time you’ve slept this late. Anyway, get your black ass up. Remember, we’re supposed to go to the beach today.”

  “Marcus, I don’t feel like going to the beach. You know what I’ve just been through, damn. Can’t you just leave me the hell alone?”

  “Trevor, don’t go dragging me in your little world of turmoil today, okay? I can tell your ass just woke up though. You’re just as bitchy as my moms gets when her monthly visitor comes a-knockin. But, as your bestest friend in the whole world, I’m not going to let you stay here and mope. You and I both know the best thing for you right now is to get out and get some fresh air. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and smell the coffee, the roses or whatever. Look, it’s a beautiful day.” He says as he pulls back the curtain.

  “When did you become the spokesperson for Prozac?” I asked laughing.

  “Very funny, smartass. All I know is that when I was going through somethangs with Isaac, you didn’t leave me to drown in my self-pity, which I was doing quite lovely if I do say so myself. So, I’m just returning the favor.”

  “Fine.” I say. I start to get up but the champagne kicked me back down. “Oh shit.” I moan. “I don’t feel so good.”

  “Well, I guess not. How much of this did you drink anyway? You’re not becoming a lush are you?”

  “I’m fine Marcus. I just need to take a quick shower and I’ll be back to my ol’ pleasant self.”

  “Pleasant is not what I would call it. Anyway, just hurry up. I told the crew that we would meet them at the beach around three-thirty.” Marcus urges.

  “Alright, alright. I’m getting up.” I get up slowly, trying to mentally will the room to stop spinning. When I finally get my bearings, I was able to make it to the bathroom without any incidents.

  After a quick shower, I felt tremendously better. I really needed to slow down on my drinking though. Waking up and feeling like shit was starting to become a regular habit.

  I throw a blank et, my portable cd player and a towel into a bag. Just as I as was about to run down stairs, I remembered that I was supposed to give the Urbans’ a call. I quickly run down to the living room where Marcus was listening to the stereo.