The Loss of Love and Truth

by R Kenneth Donaldson

  “You know, Toni’s new cd is all that and a bottle of Snapple.” He says. “I know. Look, I need to make a quick call and then we’re on our way.”

  “Alright, but you’ve got five minutes. Who you callin’ anyway, that it can’t wait until you get back?”

  “Marcus, now you’re gettin’ in my shit. If you must know, I need to call Mitchell’s parents to make sure their ok.”

  “Oh, sorry.”

  I pick up the phone to dial the number. I then remembered that the Urbans’ usually attend afternoon church service and that they would probably not be home. But, I decided to call and leave a message anyway.

  The phone rings five times before the answering machine clicks on.

  “You have reached the residence of the Urbans’. Presently, there is no one to take your phone call. Ifyou would be so kind as to leave your name, phone number and a brief message, we will be happy to return your call as soon as we become available. Thank you for calling and have a pleasant day.”

  “Hi, this is Trevor.” I say quickly.” I was just calling to make sure everything was okay.

  If you guys need me, just give me a page. I’ll speak with you later, bye.”

  “Okay, let’s go. I hope you’re driving.” I say to Marcus as I grab my keys from the counter.

  “Naw, I thought we could ride your broom.” He laughs.

  I get back from the beach about nine o’clock that evening. I was totally wiped out. Though I did have a good time, I couldn’t help but relive yesterday’s events over and over in my mind.

  When I walk through the front door; the first thing I do is check the answering machine. Again, the red light on my answering machine is blinking.

  “You have three messages.” The machine announced. The first message was from Reggie. I knew he was going to call again. When the man wanted some, he was persistent about it.

  The second message was from John. He called to let me know that the Forensic Department completed the autopsy report on Mitchell and he wanted to stop by tomorrow to discuss the results. He felt that the DA’s office would definitely want to speak with me, because the results showed signs that Mitchell did overdose, but not on crack or any other “recreational” drug.

  The third message was from Mrs. Urbans. Her voice was strained and she sounded tired. She called to let me know that Mitchell’s funeral would take place this Saturday at the Morningside funeral home. She said she would call me later to give me more of the details.

  I decided that I would call John before I went upstairs to take a bath and speak with the Urbans’ tomorrow.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Yolanda? It’s Trevor. Is uh, John in?” I asked.

  “Oh hi Trevor. Yes, John’s right here.” John’s wife replied. “John, it’s Trevor on the line.” I could hear her call to John.

  After a few minutes John picked up the phone.

  “Trevor, (huff) hold on let me catch my breath.” John said breathing heavily over the line. “Hey man, what the hell are you two doing over there?” I jokingly asked.

  “Listen man, it’s nothing like that. I can’t remember the last time Yolanda left me breathless.” He said laughing.

  I could here Yolanda’s response, almost as if I were in the same room with them. “I heard that John. I’ll remember that when you come beggin’ for some okay.”

  “Oh baby, you know I’m just teasin’. C’mon you know I can barely move when you whip it on me.”

  “Alright den. You better recognize.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “John, you guys are about as nutty as a fruitcake.”

  “I know, but that’s why we love each other. Ain’t that right suga dumplin’?”

  “I don’t know, I may have to leave your ass for the mailman. At least he makes regular deliveries.” Yolanda jokes.

  “Alright now, don’t make me come over there. Just sit your fast ass down while I take care of some business.”

  “Listen John, I just wanted to know when would be a good time for you to stop by tomorrow to go over the report.”

  “Oh yeah, well I figured around eleven-thirty tomorrow morning.”

  “Okay great. Listen, why don’t you come to the office so you can see my setup.” “Sounds good. Well, see you tomorrow then. I’ve got a couple more sets to do before I can call it a night.”

  “No problem, tell Yolanda I said goodnight.” “Will do buddy.”

  Not two seconds after I hang up the phone; it rings. I look at my watch; it was a quarter to ten and I couldn’t figure out who this could be.

  “Hello?”

  “Yo, what’s going on man? It’s Reggie. Damn, you’re a hard man to reach.”

  Aw shiiit. This was the last person I wanted speak to tonight.

  “Hi Reggie, what’s new?” I try to sound as disinterested as I could, hoping he would get the hint.

  “Nuttin’ man. You know, I’ve been thinkin’ about you and just wanted to stop by.”

  I start laughing.

  “Yo, what’s up? You got somebody there?” he asks. “No, no.” I said. “I just thought of something funny.”

  If he only knew that the last person I slept with ended up dead, he wouldn’t be so eager to want to come over.

  You know, I realize I’m spending way too much time with Marcus. He’s beginning to rub off on me. I’m having the same type of warped thinking he has.

  “So, is it okay if I stopped over or what?”

  “Reggie.” I began. “Don’t you have a piece of pussy over there with you? Why do you need to come over here.”

  “Aw c’mon T. You know you want this as much as I want you.”

  “Wrong, my brother. I do not want you as much as you think. To be frank, you’re flattering yourself.”

  “Damn T. Is everything ok? I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry Gee.”

  “No Reggie, I’m sorry. It hasn’t been a very good weekend and I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

  But then he proved to be the insensitive ass that he is. “Well, why don’t I come over and comfort you.”

  “Didn’t you hear me. I said, it hasn’t been a very good weekend. The last thing I need right now is to be bothered by some jackass, who thinks that his dick can change the course of the planet.”

  “Fuck you then, Trevor. I know a lot of guys who would die to get with this.”

  “Then Reggie, why don’t you do yourself a favor and call one of them, because I’m not interested.” I slammed the phone down.

  The phone rang again. I unplugged it. I knew it couldn’t be no one but Reggie.

  I got up the next morning feeling refreshed and relaxed. Some-thing in the air made me feel that today was going to be a good day.

  I woke up around six o’clock and got ready to go for my morning run, which I’ve neglected to do this past weekend. It would have probably helped me if I had. Because running always clears my mind. When I run I feel like I’m the only one in the world.

  I run about three miles before I decide to turn back. My usual route is about five miles, but today, though its only six-thirty in the morning, it’s so hot and humid that I’m already dripping from sweat.

  I rush upstairs to take a quick shower, but before I do, I decide to call my mother to let her know I would be attending dad’s dinner.

  “Good morning.” My mother says cheerfully.

  “Good morning to you too, gorgeous mother of mine. What has you in such a good mood this morning?”

  “Well hello son. What can I say, it’s a beautiful day and I feel and look great. Why wouldn’t I be in a good mood.”

  “I need some of those pills you’re taking.”

  “My baby, I’m high on nothing but life. So, you’re not calling to cancel on the dinner party are you? Laverne’s planning a fantastic menu: Beef Borginon, baby carrots, rice pilaf and for dessert your favorite, Baked Alaska.”

  “That’s sounds absolutely wonderful. I had already made up my mind to come, but now I’m going to enjo
y it.”

  “Oh that’s great Trevor. Your father will be so happy. I know you told him you were coming, but he said you didn’t sound too convincing. So he had me call you to make sure. You know, you and your father used to be so close. But ever since you came out to us, you two haven’t gotten along so well.”

  “Well mother, that was entirely not my fault. He was the one with the issues. He was the one who had a problem accepting me. But you’ve seemed to accept it.”

  My mother chuckles a little. “My darling son, it’s not that I’ve accepted it, it’s that I’ve accepted you. I didn’t raise any child of mine to not love himself. If this was something that was a part of you, then as your mother, I will love you no matter what. I may not agree or like it, but you are my son.”

  “Then explain to me please why dad acts like such an ass, with his little, snide homophobic remarks. You may as well inform him that if he makes one crack about anything gay, I’m leaving.”

  “Trevor I know, I know. Your father can be a pill to deal with, but you have to understand that your father was and is hurting. Give him some credit though, he has come a long way since you first told us six years ago.”

  “Okay. I will give him that. Tell me, sweet woman, how did my father get so lucky as to marry such a fabulous lady such as you?”

  “We may never know Trevor, we may never know.” We both laugh.

  “Well, while we’re on that subject of relationships, I do need to tell you something. Mitchell died this weekend.” I said.

  “Oh my baby, are you alright?”

  “Yes, mom, I’m fine,” I decided that I didn’tneed to go into the details with her.

  “Oh Trevor, I am deeply sorry to hear that. I knew that you were still in love with him even after everything that he’s done to you.” ·

  “Well, I wouldn’t go that far.”

  “Trevor, this is your mother you’re talking to. You can fool yourself all you want, but you can’t fool me.”

  “Well at least dad will be happy.”

  “Now Trevor, you know your father may not have agreed with or accepted the decisions you made, but he always wanted to see you happy.”

  “Yeah, that’s the thing. The type of happiness he wanted for me was based on his standard of happiness.”

  “You know that, I know that, and in some weird way, your father knows it too. But no matter what, he does love you. And you know I love my little puppy.”

  “C’mon Ma. I haven’t been called that in God only knows when.” “I don’t care. You will always be my little puppy.”

  “That reminds me, mother, how did I end up with a nickname like puppy anyway?” Mother starts to laugh. “Well, if I remember it correctly, your grandmother started to call you that when you were a baby. She said your eyes reminded her of her puppy back when she was a little girl.”

  “Oh, I see. Well, I guess that’s not too bad. Okay, mother. Listen, as much as I always enjoy our chats, I need to get ready for work.”

  “Alright, baby. But you be sure to call me the minute you need anything. I know that you are a strong black prince, but you will always need your mother. And Trevor, I hope you’re not drinking too much.”

  “Yes, mother, I’ll be sure to call you if I need you and no, I’m not drinking a whole lot,” which was a lie, I just didn’t need her to know. But something in the back of my mind knew she already did.

  “Alright then, I’ll let you go. I love you Trevor.” “I love you too, mom.”

  I quickly showered, dressed and made my way to the office.

  As I walk through the elevators I was greeted by whom I assume was the receptionist. “Good morning. May I help you?” The young receptionist greeted me with a smile.

  “Good morning, I’m Trevor Morrows. I just moved in. This is my office.” I said pointing to the doors.

  “Oh, Mr. Morrows, how are you? My name’s Michelle. Boy, you’re awfully early. It’s only eight-thirty. The other two usually don’t make it in until around 10:30.” “Well, I’m pretty much an early bird.”

  “Really? So am I. I usually get in around 7:30 to make coffee, open the doors and the switchboard. I guess getting here earlier isn’t so bad, since I leave at 4:30. Anyway, welcome to the building and if there’s anything you need just give me a holler. Oh yeah, by the way, you have a message. Your first one,” she giggles.

  “Thanks so much.” I say to her as she hands me the written message. The message was from John.

  As soon as I get to my desk, I immediately pick up the phone to call John. If he called me this early, something must be up.

  “Good morning, Homicide. Detective Lirday speaking.”

  “Hi Matthew. This is Trevor Morrows. I’m returning John’s phone call. Is he there?” “No. I’m sorry, Mr. Morrows, but Detective Langston is not here at the moment. Is there something I can help you with.”

  This man was way too accommodating. It made me want to throw-up.

  “No, thank you. Could you just leave him a message that I called and I’ll be in the office all morning.”

  “Not a problem, Mr. Morrows. Oh, and by the way, I will not be handling your case. Detective Langston has taken it over.” he says sarcastically.

  “Um, Matthew, the last time I checked, this was not my case. I have nothing to do with it.”

  “Oh, I apologize, Mr. Morrows. I should have said the case. My mistake.” “Whatever. Just be sure to tell John I called. Okay?”

  I hung up the phone. You know that kid is wacko. Somebody must have left his bag of Skittles open.

  Chapter Five

  “Okay Margaret, I’ll be there around ten on Saturday. Listen, if there’s anything that you need, just let me know,” I say hanging up the phone.

  The intercom from the reception beeps. “Yes?”

  “Mr. Morrows, there’s a Detective Langston here to see you.” “Ok. I’ll be right out.”

  As I reach the reception area, John and Michelle are so deep in conversation that they barely notice me.

  “Oh, I’ve been doing this for the past two years. It’s just temporary while I’m in school,” Michelle tells John.

  “Really, what school are you attending?” John asks. “NYU. I’m studying criminal law.”

  “Well, that’s fantastic. You know, that’s my alma mater.” “Wow, what a coincidence.”

  “Excuse me, I hate to interrupt.” I say smiling.

  “What’s up Trevor? I was just getting to know Michelle here. Did you know she’s attending NYU, our alma mater?” John says, obviously trying to flirt with her.

  “Yes, I heard. Say John, how’s Yolanda?” I ask slyly. “Who?” He asks still smiling at Michelle.

  “Oh, you know, your wife.”

  John quickly looks at me laughing. “Sh-she’s doing fine. Well, it was nice to meet you, Michelle. And good luck with your studies. Trevor, let’s go,” he says as he grabs my arm.

  “It was nice meeting you too, detective,” Michelle answers back smiling. “Call me John.”

  As we walk into my office, I look at John and say, “You know you ought to quit.” “What? All I was doing was making conversation.”

  “Hm-mm, that was some conversation. What would Yolanda say if she saw you ‘making conversation’ with that girl?”

  “Trevor, I’m married not buried. I can always check out the menu, so long as I eat at home.”

  “Give me a break John. You were so wrapped up in Michelle that I could have sworn there was Saran Wrap around you two.”

  “Trevor, I can’t help that the girl is fine and she finds me interesting.”

  “Whatever! Can we get down to business, please?”

  “How old is she anyway?”

  “John I don’t know. But what I do know is you better leave it alone.” “Okay, okay.”

  “You know John, Matthew said something very peculiar to me this morning. Not that the boy isn’t strange as it is, but this was something that was weird even for him.”

  “What?�
��

  “Well, he said you took him off my case. Now, why would he say that?” I ask. “Because it’s true.”

  “Why did you take him off the case? Do you think that was very smart? I mean the DA’s office already suspects me, wouldn’t that make the them even more so especially since you and I used to be partners and everything?”

  “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. First off, it was not Matthew’s place to tell you that the DA suspected that you were involved in the disappearance of the evidence. I also overheard him talking to one of the beat cops in the lockeroom. You know just talking bullshit, but Matthew was very verbal about his feelings towards gays. Making nasty remarks and went on and on about how he hated faggots and you know the usual bigotry. What pissed me off though was the fact that he felt it necessary to share the details about this specific case.”

  “Well, what did he say?”

  “Trevor, there’s no need to go into it. Let’s just say, I let him know that there was no room on the force for prejudice, no matter what kind. And I took him off the case, simple as that?”

  “I bet he wasn’t too thrilled about that.”

  “No he wasn’t, but that’s not my concern. It’s that type of narrow-mindedness that gives us good cops a bad name.”

  “Anyway,” I butt in trying to change the subject. “I made a few calls before you got here and I found out where our old friend Raymond is hanging out these days.”

  “Oh yeah, where?”

  “Now John, if I told you that, it would be involving you. Didn’t you tell me you wanted to keep my investigation hush-hush?”

  “Trevor, don’t fuck with me.”

  “Alright, damn. I was just joking. Anyway, I found out that he’s shacked up with some Hoochie in Brooklyn.”

  “So, when are you going over there?”

  “Right after we’re through. And by the way, the reason why you were coming over was to give me the results of the autopsy?”

  “Oh yeah I almost forgot.” John says as he tosses a folder across the desk. I look through the contents quickly.