Rough Love

by Laura Morgan

  They chatted loudly all around me while I sat quietly and went largely unnoticed as always, but one thing I did keep spotting out the corner of my eye was Tobin. He was playing pool with some of the other club members, winning as usual, and I kept catching his eyes on me. I was hardly part of the conversation around me, consisting mostly of my brothers throwing insults at one another or talking about their girlfriends, or lack of one in my closest brother, Brad’s case. As the banter spilled out of them I did as I always did. I smiled and listened, nodding and laughing along with them, but not offering up my own part of the conversation. I wasn’t confident enough to join in on the banter.

  After a few more shots had been downed and the last cigarette of Nico’s packet was finished, I finally stood and made my excuses. I always chose to leave before the group got too rowdy, and certainly before the half-dressed women arrived to fawn over and flirt with their biker boyfriends or desired conquests.

  They understood and thankfully never pushed for me to stay longer than I felt comfortable. Nico decided it was his turn to see me upstairs and he walked me to my room where I hugged him goodbye, hating the pain that was still in his eyes. But, I guess I must’ve had the same look in mine too, because he hugged me back just as tight, and I realised then how much I needed it.

  He then turned and left without another word, so in I went for my usual bedtime routine of relaxing with a movie or falling asleep listening to music, yanking off my thick cardigan as I went. When a knock at my door came just a few minutes later, I was sure it must be him again so didn’t hesitate to answer it. I flung open the door with a grin, but then stopped in my tracks when I found Tobin standing on the other side of my doorway. He was smiling down at me, his pale blue eyes bright with some kind of jollity, and he had my laptop in his hands.

  “You forgot this,” he murmured, handing it to me. I took it and thanked him, and was then suddenly aware of how I was only wearing a revealing strappy vest top, but Tobin was being the perfect gentleman and so far I hadn’t noticed his eyes wander down to my very on-show cleavage even once.

  We stood there for a moment, neither one of us saying a word, but I didn’t mind. Whether it was the smell of his leather cut or the smoky remnants of the clubhouse bar on him, I simply had to take a deep breath of it and inhaled. That smell was home to me, more so than any air freshener or flowery linen. He grinned when he saw me relax and finally seemed to decide to say what was on his mind. “Urm… There’s something I’ve been working on. It’s out of town. Your father and I are taking your brothers to go and see it in about half an hour. Would you like to come?” he asked and began rubbing his stubbly chin with his fingertips.

  I found myself staring at the tattoos on his hands. They were a strikingly colourful contrast to his olive skin and black clothes, looking almost delicate against his manly dress sense, but I’d always liked them. I’d wondered before how many other tattoos he had, but had never even dared to ask Dita in case she got jealous. I didn’t know why it intrigued me either, but for some reason I’d often thought about his ink and enjoyed looking at the designs he’d decided on.

  “Sure, let me grab my jumper,” I replied in a bid to tear myself away from my staring. I then turned and wandered back into my room. I knew I’d need to cover-up before daring to head back out amongst the throb of men below. It wasn’t a lesson I’d had to learn, but one that had been ingrained on me since childhood. If you didn’t dress like a slut they didn’t treat you like one. As awful as it sounds I had seen it for myself and knew it’s true. My own brothers developed a harsher tongue when it came to dealing with a skimpily clothed girl than they did a well-dressed professional woman in a suit. I had adopted the same judgements thanks to their influence, so couldn’t deny it affected my own choice of wardrobe as well.

  “Take an overnight bag, we’re staying until at least tomorrow,” Tobin informed me, breaking my thoughtfulness, so I quickly set about grabbing some toiletries and a change of clothes while he stood watch from the open doorway. I didn’t complain about the intrusion or ask any questions about where we were going, I just did as he asked, and I could tell he seemed to like my compliance.

  I began thinking about Tobin’s history, and wondered how he’d managed to become Vice President of the club after just a few years of membership. My father had chosen Tobin to replace his old VP when he had died suddenly, and I often considered whether Tobin had perhaps saved his life or something as remarkable as that, because Garret Proctor was nothing if not loyal to those who were true to him and served him well. He rewarded only those in the club who’d proven themselves trustworthy time and time again, but had never put much stock in the new members, until Tobin. Really, my brother Nico should’ve been awarded the badge, but not this time. The vote between club members had deemed Tobin the rightful taker of the VP title and I’d noted at the time how Nico hadn’t seemed surprised. As if he’d known it wasn’t his time. “Do you wanna ride with me?” Tobin asked when my cardigan and soft leather coat were both on and my backpack hung from my shoulders. His request took me by surprise. I only ever rode with my brothers because the back of the bike was usually where the wives and girlfriends sat, and Dita had always ridden with Tobin. I wanted to ask questions like why he wanted me to or where we were headed, but as always, I couldn’t bring myself to cause a fuss.

  “Sure,” was all I could manage in response, before following the grinning man downstairs out the side door and down to the car park, where my father and brothers were already waiting for us. Nico tossed me my helmet and I slid it on in silence as they discussed the plan, which was when Tobin informed them I was riding with him. I half expected a groan from Nico, or at least a look from my father granting his permission, but when nothing else was said about it I figured it’d already been pre-arranged, so waited patiently for Tobin beside his sleek black bike.

  I climbed on behind him a few minutes later, saying nothing as I slid my hands around his waist and held on tight. I then heard as he snapped his visor closed and before I could take my next breath, we were off.

  Tobin rode way faster than my dad and brothers on their huge choppers. He ducked in and out of the heavy traffic with ease and soon had us breaking off ahead of the others without a care. I shrieked and buried my face in his back, gripping him harder as he weaved, having never ridden that way before. My brothers always rode carefully with me on the back, but I couldn’t deny that it was a thrill to break the rules and speed through the city and out onto the motorway.

  While I couldn’t hear him speak over the roar of the engine and the sounds of the traffic around us, I was sure I could feel Tobin’s chest constricting and vibrating as he laughed at me and cringed. I felt so foolish squealing like a silly little girl, but I just couldn’t help it. Tobin was so dangerous, sliding between gaps in the traffic Nico would’ve never risked with me on the back. While I trusted him to keep us both safe, I couldn’t help but react to the first thrill ride I’d ever had, and held onto his leathers so tight I thought my hands might seize up.

  When we then left the motorway and began speeding down some of the country roads, I finally relaxed. There was no more traffic around us to zoom through, just rural Britain and its hedge-lined roads to ride down. I loosened my grip and peered up over Tobin’s shoulder, letting the rush of cool air hit me through my visor. Even behind my helmet the autumn breeze felt nice, and when he began to slow, I actually felt disappointed.

  We’d been riding for around half an hour when Tobin pulled up outside a tall dark building on the roadside. It had gravel all around and a huge doorway to one side but was otherwise too dark for me to see properly. I could tell right away though that this had once been a country pub. There were huge windows on the ground floor and an archway entrance that I guessed would’ve previously been used to welcome visitors and entice people driving by to stop for a drink, but now the place was empty and had clearly been closed for a while. I could tell it hadn’t been abandoned though. There were security lig
hts that came to life with our presence and the gravel beneath our feet had clearly been freshly laid. The exterior of the building had recently been cleaned up, too.

  Tobin unlocked the door and led me inside, flicking on lights as he went, and I gasped as the interior of the pub came into focus. The old bar was now decorated in black and blue—the club colours—with the logos and Dark Knights patches painted on the walls in murals dedicated to my father’s club. Hard wood floors stretched over the vast ground floor and the windows were each covered in thick black curtains rather than be open to prying eyes.

  “What is this place?” I finally asked him, walking over to the huge bar.

  “It’s mine. I bought the old pub at auction about a year ago and I’ve been fixing it up ever since. I’ve been here the last few days doing the finishing touches. I guess I needed some time alone and this place was perfect because it helped me to clear my head,” Tobin answered, joining me at the bar and staring down into my eyes intensely. “Dita and I were going to move in at some point and this was going to be the new clubhouse. The main house is getting a little small for all the new members and at least here we have plenty of room to socialise and have our meetings without feeling cramped. Being out in the middle of nowhere helps too,” he told me with a small laugh.

  “It’s amazing, you should be proud of yourself,” I answered, smiling warmly, but Tobin just shrugged my compliment off.

  “There’s so much I want for our club. Changes that need to come about and it’s time to make it happen. We could have an amazing future if we put our minds to it and this is just the first step. Your father and I have many plans that are yet to be put into place, but we’ll get underway soon and I just hope it’ll go to plan…” Tobin tailed off, but I didn’t push him to say the rest of what was on his mind. We didn’t know each other well enough for a start.

  “Well, this is a good place to begin,” I replied with a genuine smile. The new clubhouse truly was amazingly warm and inviting while still cool and manly. Perfect for the club. I slid off my coat and placed it on one of the stools before turning back to Tobin, finding him standing so close to me that I actually gasped.

  “You and Dita are so very different, you know? She would’ve spouted off a load of things that weren’t to her liking, or additions that needed to be made by now, and yet you’re so reserved, so quiet. How did the two of you become so different women?” Tobin asked, and I struggled to know how to handle the way he’d spoken, almost as if it were a compliment. His voice was so hoarse and masculine, his gaze intense. I felt vulnerable beneath that stare, but didn’t pull away from him. In fact, I savoured it. I didn’t understand the heat roaring to life in my belly, but I knew he had put it there. I knew it was because my mind was wandering. Considering things it shouldn’t. Scenarios I wanted to have happen yet had no idea whether they could be real or fantasy. Like, what if he kissed me? What if he told me he wanted me? Was it wrong to want him?

  I forced myself back to reality. He was a friend. The man mourning a loss I couldn’t fathom. The woman he was going to marry and probably have a family with. He couldn’t possibly be thinking of me when he’d just spent the last few days in solitude to help him grieve.

  “The men I love are flawed and controlling, but I would never change them. Dita always wanted more than this life of bikers and bars. She wanted to put her mark on everything and never let anyone tell her what to do. I like to think I understood her reasons why, but don’t want the same things. I’ve never felt the need and in all honesty, I often think I’m not like that because I’m lazy.” I laughed at my nonchalant response. “I just want a quiet life really. To sit and do my thing. Interact when I’m ready.”

  “I’ve noticed,” Tobin said, laughing too as the rumble of bikes outside halted our conversation. He stepped back just as my father entered, his three sons filing in behind.

  Tobin watched them the same way as I was, and he had a broad grin on his handsome face as he regarded the four men. I could tell without having to ask that he truly respected each and every one of them. That he considered them his family too.

  ***

  Dad seemed delighted with Tobin’s efforts at renovating the new clubhouse. So much so, he insisted we all stay for drinks and get a takeaway so he could enjoy the place and spend some time there just the few of us before opening it up to the other club members.

  Together, we chatted long into the small hours. I even had a couple of glasses of wine that I am positive my father watered down with lemonade, but I was happy to just feel wanted and included in something that was club business. Normally, I was sent silently to my room at whatever point he decided was enough for me. That, or the club members near me would walk away to talk in private, but not that night. My father and Tobin talked at great lengths about the plan to have the old clubhouse as their meeting spot in Birmingham, while this would become the main house. They discussed how they would need someone to take over the running of it, but then stopped talking at that point, as though undecided as to who would be given the honour of taking charge.

  When I was literally dropping off while resting my head back on the sofa, my father roused me and led me up to a large bedroom on the second floor that had been fully kitted out with new furniture and smelled of fresh linen and plug-in air freshener. When I was alone, I stripped off and slid under the duvet, snuggling into the cold sheets with a smile before dropping off to sleep almost instantly.

  I was fast off when the door opened a short while later, and only stirred when I became aware of the covers dipping ever so slightly, realising someone was sitting beside me on the bed. I completely freaked out, ready to start screaming at the top of my lungs, but when I looked up it was Nico.

  Even though I was shattered, I rubbed my eyes and peered up at him in the dim light being cast in from the hall, wondering what was going on.

  “What are you doing?” I asked as I pulled the covers up to make sure my naked body was covered. I had no reason not to trust him, but still, you always had to be careful.

  “I’m here to make sure you’re safe, Dahlia. To be sure you do as you’re told,” was all he whispered in response, and before I could ask him anything else, Thomas joined us. Each of them then stood either side of the room but stayed silent. When a third shape came inside I assumed it must be my other brother Brad. That there was perhaps an issue with security and how my father and Tobin must be dealing with it downstairs while my brothers stood guard over me, but no.

  The third intruder on my otherwise peaceful slumber was Tobin. Without a word, he closed the door and came inside, moving slowly and softly across the soft carpet, while my heart began thumping hard in my ears. I had no words, no breath, and barely any brain function in that moment. I think the word is dumfounded. I was in shock. I waited for the next comment to be made as to what the hell was going on, but none of them said a damn word. It was so dark that I could barely make out Tobin’s tall form at the end of the bed, but I could see that he was undressing, and I gathered the duvet around myself even more.

  “I’ve come to be with you, Dahlia. I won’t hurt you,” his voice came from the shadows, deep and haughty.

  “What are you doing?” I asked again, although I somehow knew exactly what he was up to. It didn’t matter that I was inexperienced. I knew what happened between a man and a woman in bed. Tobin seemed to be expecting me to give him everything that lay beneath those lovely sheets of his, and I shook my head. This wasn’t how it was meant to go. It was meant to be perfect. Not rushed and with an audience.

  “I’d like you to give yourself to me,” he replied, climbing up onto the bed. I could see his hard length sticking out from his waist, ready and waiting to take my innocence, and paled. I looked to my two brothers who were stood silently beside me, each one looking away from the bed, yet keeping guard, and I wanted to scream.

  Tobin pulled back the duvet and slid it over my legs so I was only covered with the thin sheet and climbed up over me. He then put his h
ands on my face, kissing my lips softly, and I could feel his stubbly chin grazing against my soft skin. I shook my head and pulled away, it just didn’t feel right. I tried to slide off the bed, but he caught me by the hand and leaned in again, intent on kissing me. With my free hand, I then slapped his face, not all that hard because I think I was still in shock, but with as much force as I could muster.

  Tobin laughed. He actually laughed at me, and in a second I had gone from shocked to furious.

  He wrenched the thin sheet away from my body and gasped as he took in the sight of my full breasts and curved waist. I’d had an hourglass figure since I was thirteen and always hated the fact that I was never going to be one of those skinny girls I saw on TV, but Tobin seemed enamoured by my shape. As if he liked what he saw. I began to tremble. No one had seen me naked in years, not since I was a little girl getting changed on the beach without a care, or in the swimming pool changing rooms.

  “Please don’t do this, Tobin. I don’t want to,” I whispered as I tried to cover myself, and could hear the pleading sound in my tone.

  “But you’re such a good girl, Dahlia. You always do as you’re told. I know we can be amazing together, just let me show you.”

  “Nico, Thomas,” I pleaded, looking up at my so-called protectors. “Tell me this isn’t happening? You can’t be okay with this?”

  Nothing. Not a single goddam word. They might as well have been statues.

  Tobin pulled me down onto the bed by my wrists, lying beside my still trembling body while planting delicate kisses to my face and neck. There was no hurting or forcing me, so I had to assume that was what Nico had meant with his earlier explanation. I realised they were there to make sure it all went to plan, and that I was not hurt in the process of Tobin getting what he so forcefully desired. The very idea turned my stomach.