Rough Love

by Laura Morgan

  After locking up behind us, I caught Tobin watching me again as I slid my leg over his bike and nestled in behind him for the short ride to the closest town. His wry smile made me swoon and when I wrapped my arms around his waist again, heat bloomed inside of me and I had to calm my panting breath. He was getting to me. Breaking through the walls I’d built up the night we’d arrived at the new clubhouse, but I was letting him. I wanted him inside those walls with me. I needed him to break them down. To come charging through them like some knight in shining armour. Such a romantic notion, but I was genuinely enjoying having this gentler, more natural Tobin around. He wasn’t the same arrogant guy who had come into my room two nights before expecting me to give myself to him, and I wanted it to stay that way.

  Within seconds we were off, speeding down the winding roads, and I gripped Tobin tightly, stifling my squeals this time. When we slowed, I took in the scenery and watched as we approached a small town. Tobin then stopped outside an Indian restaurant and led the way inside, where we were welcomed by the waiter instantly with a warm smile and a handshake. I could tell they were already well acquainted before the man even opened his mouth.

  “Tobin, great to see you again. Are you coming to eat with us today, or just here for another takeaway?” he asked, looking across at me with a warm look in welcome. I just smiled. Being out and about suddenly felt strange for some reason. I wondered if it was thanks to me being on Tobin’s arm in public, clearly out on a date. I’d never been on a date before so wasn’t sure how to act or what to say.

  “Yes, we’re staying. A table for two please, Ashan,” Tobin replied, so I knew for sure then that they knew each other well. I guessed he must’ve already been going around the local businesses to figure out if our club would have any trouble moving there before doing the work on the old pub. Our guys would stick out like a sore thumb but more than that, bikers also had a bad rep no matter their club history or allegiances to causes or foundations. The Black Knights worked hard to develop a good reputation and I knew we had connections with big charities across the UK, and yet still my father was often treated like an outlaw. It was just the way of things, so even I knew we had to have good relationships with the locals wherever we went—especially places we frequented. They needed to know we didn’t shit where we ate, as it were. The way Tobin and our server chatted away like old friends told me he had indeed gone above being just courteous to our nearby business owners. I also knew that whatever deals he’d struck with that particular restaurant, or the promises he’d made regarding preferential treatment and perhaps a regular ‘donation’ by our club, they were fundamental in creating such strong relationships with the locals.

  We then followed Ashan to a table and took our seats. The place was small but brightly decorated in the typical Indian style. I could smell the spices in the air, fragrant and inviting, and my tummy rumbled. I was more than ready to get something in front of me. Ashan handed us our menus as soon as we were settled and Tobin set his straight down while I took a good look at the variety of curries and other dishes available.

  “I know you’ll want the strong Asian beer, my friend, but how about your lovely companion?” Ashan asked, looking down at me with a kind smile.

  “Lemonade please,” I replied, but then felt silly. I wasn’t driving and I wasn’t a child, so I quickly added on a glass of rosé wine to my order. Ashan bowed and left us to decide on our food order, so I took a good look and then peeked across the top of my menu, finding Tobin watching me. “So, you’ve been getting to know the locals?” I asked, having decided on some small talk.

  “Yeah, I needed to make sure we weren’t gonna get any grief off them once the new clubhouse is up and running. This place is really good, but rarely very busy. The club will change that for Ashan and his family who own it.” I nodded in understanding, quid-pro-quo was always a good thing where our guys were concerned, and a boost in income for the restaurant would clearly not go amiss. “I’ve been getting the chefs to make me takeaway dishes while I’ve been working at the house. They make the best chicken tikka masala I’ve ever tasted,” Tobin added, just as Ashan came over with our drinks.

  “Too kind, my man,” he said, clapping him on the shoulder. “So is this the fiancée I’ve heard all about?” he asked, and it quickly became obvious that Tobin must’ve told him about Dita. Talk about cringe worthy. I blushed, feeling awkward, but Tobin didn’t seem fazed in the slightest.

  “Yeah, this is Dahlia,” he introduced us and I shook Ashan’s hand awkwardly, before burying my face in my glass of wine. When he left us again I stared over at Tobin, unsure what to talk about after that bombshell. I also realised just how little I actually knew about the man my father had pretty much arranged my relationship with. I knew that I’d been kept out of their world as much as Dad could, but it made me sad to think it’d meant I’d never gotten to know Tobin better when he was with Dita. I hated how my sister had been engaged to this man and yet I hadn’t even asked her about him or his past. Unease hovered over us, but he seemed to sense it, and quickly explained Ashan’s comment.

  “Don’t worry. I told him when we first met that I was engaged, nothing more. He was just being friendly.” I hoped that really was the extent to Ashan’s knowledge about our history.

  “Good, ‘cos that was embarrassing,” I replied, and Tobin seemed hurt. I hated upsetting him, so tried a different tactic. “Just because it was a shock, not because I wouldn’t want people thinking we weren’t together. I guessed he must’ve thought I was Dita and didn’t fancy explaining how she’d died and I’m her sister but am out on a date with you…” I wanted to curl up and die. My explanation wasn’t sounding anything like I’d wanted it to, so I stopped digging myself further into that hole and took a deep breath. “What I mean is, I think it’s about time you and I got to know one another properly, don’t you?” I asked, and Tobin nodded. I was glad he seemed happy with my eventual explanation.

  “Good plan,” he agreed, taking a long swig of his Asian beer.

  “Why don’t you do the talking? Tell me about yourself. You already know all about me and my life, and I’m not really one for saying a lot anyway so there’s not much I can tell you that you don’t already know,” I said with a shrug.

  “That’s true,” Tobin conceded and he reached across and took my hand in his on the table. I didn’t pull back. In fact, I quite enjoyed the feel of our hands as they entwined in the soft tablecloth, so left it right where it was, watching the artwork on the back of his hand dance as he moved. So dark, the black roses and skulls were shadows with just a hint of colour, but they were mesmerising, as was his voice when he finally began to talk. “Well, I guess I should start by telling you how it is that I joined the club. You see, I never knew my father. I grew up near London and it was just my mum and I. We never struggled for money, thanks to her working as the manager of a group of bars owned by my uncle, so it wasn’t a hard upbringing. I’m not looking to tell you a sob story or anything.” He laughed gruffly and I peered up at him, basking in his wide, almost awkward smile. “When I turned eighteen I joined the Army and spent the next few years going through basic training, before I eventually trained to become a pilot.”

  “Whoa, I had no idea,” I replied and my voice came out a quiet sigh. It hit me how I really had spent my life in my bubble, so wrapped up in my own world, I guessed.

  Ashan came back and took our order, two lots of chicken tikka masala, of course. He also deposited some poppadum’s and dips for us to tuck into while we waited and we both thanked him. I watched Tobin’s hands as he snapped the large cracker into pieces and began scooping up mango chutney and some kind of salsa. I was utterly fixated on the tattoos on those hard-worn hands again and wondered when he’d gotten them done. Surely they hadn’t been allowed while he was still serving? Before I could ask, he began telling me more of his story and I continued to watch him in awe.

  “I loved it in the Army. I was made for that life of hard work, and flying wa
s like a dream come true. When things first kicked off in the Middle East I was still in pilot training, but when I qualified I went straight out to Afghanistan for my first tour. A few months in, an RPG hit our helicopter and we went down. My co-pilot was my friend. Probably my best friend. We’d met in training for the Air Corps and had been inseparable since day one.” He took a deep breath, as though readying himself for the next part, his eyes on the poppadum in his hands. “We crash landed and he died in my arms after I managed to pull us both clear of the wreckage. The whole thing fucked me up. Even though I wasn’t wounded, I suffered with posttraumatic stress disorder pretty badly and was sent home on leave for a few months. I signed off then. I knew I couldn’t fly again and wasn’t into transferring over to another Corps.”

  We sat in silence for a few moments, me watching him, Tobin staring behind me without focussing his eyes on anything in particular. I knew he was remembering those dreadful days and I felt awful for asking. All I’d wanted was to get to know him better, but my heart was suddenly aching for him. I wanted to kiss and hold him. To take him in my arms and tell him I cared that he’d made it through, because I did.

  He took a deep breath, shook away his far-off look, and fixed those pale blues of his on me again, bringing back his cocky smile and playful demeanour. “While I was at home, my mum finally told me the truth about my dad. She’d stayed quiet on the subject for years and I finally found out why. He was married, no other kids as far as she was aware, but he was part of a motorbike club and she had just been a hook-up, not a proper old lady. It turned out he was your dad’s best friend, Chuck.”

  I was in shock, I’d known Chuck and his wife, May my entire life. I’d heard she couldn’t have children so Tobin was right that they’d had no kids, but I never took him for a cheater. The pair of them had always seemed so in love, even after years and years of marriage. When he’d died two years before from a brain aneurism, it’d hit us all hard. I remember Tobin stepping into his position of Vice President after Chuck was gone, but never even considered that the reason why was because he was his son.

  “Tobin, I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” I murmured, but he shrugged it off.

  “When I came to the club to find him, Chuck was already having headaches. No one had any idea what was coming, but how could they? He helped me get through the PTSD though, and even May opened up her heart to me. I think she saw how much I needed some guidance and structure. A father to lead and care for me through my dark days. It was only a matter of weeks until I became a prospect. The rest is history, as they say. Your dad took me under his wing when he gave me this badge,” he said, pointing to the label on his chest that showed off his title.

  “My father is a good man. I hated speaking to him the way I did, but I won’t apologise. I can’t,” I replied, staring up into Tobin’s face.

  “He wouldn’t want you to, either. You meant what you said and were right to feel that way, so don’t ever take it back. You’re usually so quiet and you’ve gone along with everything he and the club have wanted for you since the day you were born. When you finally spoke up and said your piece, especially something so forceful and poignant as you did the other night, everyone stopped to listen. The entire club respect the shit out of you, Dahlia.”

  “I wish,” I mumbled, unable to accept his words, and unwilling to let myself hope they might be true.

  “The shock of you finally sticking up for yourself will give you their attention every time. What you said to Garret was exactly what he needed to hear. You cut yourself off from being his little girl and started being a woman in his eyes. All without the need for evidence that you’ve outgrown the cotton wool he’d wrapped you in, or become a woman in the traditional sense. That’s why he agreed to leave us alone yesterday,” Tobin told me, and he seemed so sincere I believed him.

  I then watched in contemplative silence as he licked a dab of chutney from his finger, and found myself thinking naughty things again. I grabbed a piece of poppadum and dipped it in the sweet sauce, more for a distraction than anything else.

  “I’ve never opened up to anyone before. Nor have I spoken up about anything to do with my father or the club. But I guess the fear and shock over what was happening got to me, so I let him have it. Even my brothers seemed surprised to hear it.” I laughed, thinking how odd it had all been, but that I was strangely glad it had happened. I was a woman now, with a voice to be heard and a life before me that was mine to lead.

  Plus, there was Tobin. He really seemed to want to be with me and I felt as though he was going to do right by me. I knew in that moment things were really going to happen between us, but that he seemed happy for me to fall in love with him on my own terms. It felt good finally being given the lead. My own time to decide and act on my feelings as I saw fit.

  “I’m glad that in my own fucked up kinda way I helped you get there,” he replied with a shrug. Tobin sat back in his seat and watched me while our friendly waiter brought over two large dishes piled high with chicken, onion and peppers, all coated in thick red sauce. The rice soon followed, along with naan bread and bhaji’s, and we both inhaled deeply with appreciative sighs before laughing at one another.

  As I watched Tobin pile up his plate I smiled widely, feeling close to him, which was something I hadn’t thought I would be doing with the guy quite so much, or so soon. And yet, I felt completely at ease with him. I blushed when he caught me staring, but he just offered me a dazzling smile and handed over the plate with the naan on it.

  “You were watching me after the meeting the other day,” I told him, more of a statement than a question. “Had everything already been decided?” I’d been wondering how the decision had been made to hand my virginity over like some kind of business transaction and figured it was time to hash it out, even if I didn’t like what I heard.

  “Yeah, we put it to a vote,” Tobin answered, and my mouth dropped open in shock. I cringed and buried my face in my hands.

  “Oh God, how embarrassing!” I cried, but he just laughed.

  “Not like that,” he answered and rolled his eyes. “I’d been here doing up the new clubhouse and had decided once and for all that I wanted to pursue you. I wasn’t lying when I told you how much I’d been obsessing about you, Dahlia. I’ve been watching you for a long time, not just the last few days.”

  “Jesus, Tobin. You can’t say things like that. No one has ever said so much as ‘hi, you’re cute,’ to me before. I’m not equipped to deal with it,” I replied as I looked back up at him, laughing timidly, but it was true. His words sent my body into chaos, responding to him in a way I’d never known before and I didn’t know how to handle it.

  “Get used to it, babe. I’ll always tell you,” he told me with a wink. “When I got back to Birmingham, I went to your dad and asked his permission to take you out. He wasn’t pleased. You were always the little lamb he’d refused to let any of his wolves have a nibble of, so to speak, and he took some convincing.”

  I had to laugh at his terminology, but it was actually pretty apt.

  “How did you do it?”

  “Well, I politely reminded him of his promises when I became VP. He told me I could have his daughter’s hand in marriage, and I insisted he still honour it. I know it’s old fashioned, but I figured I’d use his own words against him to get what I wanted. He caved, but said I had to put it to the club first. The rest of your extended family had to agree. In church, I told the other guys how I’d decided to woo the crap out of you, and asked if anybody had any objections.” He took a large bite of the mountainous plate of food before him and watched me, letting what he’d said sink in. When I showed no reaction other than a shy smile, he carried on. “The first to give his blessing was your father, and then everyone else followed his lead. They wanted this for us, too. So, with the club’s go-ahead, I brought you here. It was your dad who was then pushing me to seal the deal quickly, hence the other night.” He fixed me with a serious stare, and while I was desperate not to come
undone in front of him, I couldn’t hide my distaste.

  I shuddered, remembering the blank look on Nico’s face when he’d come in to wake me. He’d been so distant, but I’d assumed there was some kind of trouble going on downstairs or something, not that he was there to watch over us at my father’s behest. Gross. Why on earth would he need that kind of confirmation that the deed had been done? Wouldn’t Tobin’s word have been enough?

  “But we didn’t do it, and yet he’s gone home without us. Let me guess, we aren’t to go back until I’m a proper woman, so to speak?” I asked, catching Tobin off guard with my candid question and he nearly choked on his mouthful of chicken.

  “God I love it when you do that. I told you what happens when you finally open that pretty little mouth of yours,” he said, taking a long swig of his beer and then indicating to Ashan that he wanted another. “But, you’re right. There’s no rush, we’re officially here to get the new place in order so no one is missing us. Your dad doesn’t want us back there until you and I are together properly, though.”

  I took my first bite of curry and nodded in agreement to Tobin’s earlier comment about it being good, the food really was amazing. I said nothing more about me, my virginity, or the man sitting opposite me to whom it’d been promised. I chose to let those things remain unspoken, at least for the time being.

  Tobin and I were a good match. I felt it in my bones. He was fiery and wild, while I was cool and calm. He would bring me up while I would keep him grounded and, if we could get past this first bump in the road, I really believed we could become a great couple.

  Images of his naked body flashed through my mind again as I thought about us being together, and I guess he must have noticed the flush of my cheeks because he gave me another dazzling grin. I think it must’ve been obvious that my decision not to hand myself over too easily was already dissipating, but I didn’t mind. As long as he kept on being the guy he’d shown me, I was ready to keep letting my guard drop.