Rough Love

by Laura Morgan

  “It’s okay, Dahl. He doesn’t care,” he said, unbuttoning my shirt so that he could kiss the flesh overflowing from the top of my bra cups.

  He stopped before I could protest further, apparently not needing to take things quite so far that we’d all be left feeling uncomfortable afterwards. At first I was confused, but then the realisation dawned on me. He had been providing my dad with my rested heart rate, followed by the worried, and then excited beats per minute. He’d been cunningly providing the baseline of comparison for the human lie detector that was his boss. It didn’t matter what he wanted or that I was Garret’s daughter, he’d been given an order and was carrying it out.

  “Tobin,” I mumbled, feeling utterly helpless. “What’s all this about?”

  “I’ve got something to confess,” he replied, his face still buried in my neck, and he brought it away so that he could look into my eyes. “I slept with someone else this week while I was on the road.”

  The world fell away from beneath me. Time stood still and all I could hear was my heart pounding loudly in my ears. I stared back into those pale blue eyes that had up until then been so loving and kind, hoping he would tell me he was joking. I found myself suddenly glaring at the man who had been so tender and appreciative of everything I had given him, and I wanted to cry.

  At first I was heartbroken and ashamed of him for having fooled me into believing his lies, but then everything turned in a far darker direction. My mouth was suddenly too dry for me to speak. Fear overwhelmed me as my brain filled with images of Dita being taught a lesson by X for her fiancé’s infidelity. She had been punished because Tobin had strayed and I was instantly filled with an incredible sense of despair, dread and regret. Was I the next Proctor sister to displease their father and receive a visit from the illustrious X? Would I be taught a lesson, just like Dita had?

  I wanted to bolt then and there, and felt myself looking at the door, wondering if I might be able to make it before either of them could catch me. I knew I had no chance. I was being held in place by both my father’s strong hand on mine and Tobin’s sad gaze, and knew I had to face the music. I suddenly had the sensation that I was no longer in charge of my own body. I couldn’t run. I couldn’t fight. All I could do was crumble in defeat. I began to cry.

  Tobin was still so close I could smell his usual musky scent and could feel his breath tickling my neck as he exhaled. I wanted to enjoy those things but I felt broken. Betrayed. Like a failure.

  “What did I do wrong?” I managed to whisper, holding back my tears as I tried to figure out what else I could have done to keep his affection solely on me. We had been so amazing together so far and I wanted to slap him for betraying me but kept all of my emotions at bay, bottled up, and yet I was boiling beneath the surface. My despair had turned to a sort of violent rage I wasn’t used to, but the most overwhelming emotion inside of me wasn’t anger though. I was truly terrified of what might happen next. “Are you going to punish me?” I asked, not looking at Tobin. I was looking at my dad.

  “You did nothing wrong, Dahlia. Why would we punish you? Don’t be scared,” Tobin replied, stroking my cheek tenderly.

  “I’m not afraid, I’m furious,” I replied, breathing in shallow pants.

  “Liar,” came my father’s voice and his head shot up so he could look into my eyes. The memory of his hard face came to mind from the night I had bolted from the bedroom after Tobin had first come to have his way with me. That image had haunted me—him so detached and cold. I knew that I would be greeted with that same look again if I tried to run from him a second time, so I caved. I knew I had to say something, or at least tell the truth otherwise he’d figure out I was hiding things from him. I gave him the truths I felt able to reveal in a bid to try and work my way back in to his good graces. To hopefully avoid my punishment.

  “Okay, I am scared. I’m scared of losing this amazing thing we’ve started. I’m scared of letting everybody down. I’ve been terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing for weeks and you realising I’m not the one you want after all. Even with all of that fear in me you still went and cheated on me, so now I feel like a failure,” I replied, telling the truth. The fears inside of me spanned way beyond just those few things, but I knew I had to try and express them enough to mollify Dad’s curiosity. I don’t know why he was hell-bent on testing me, but understood there was no getting out of it until he was satisfied.

  Between Dad and Tobin they then asked me a few more questions. Was I going to call things off with Tobin? Was I going to run away? What was I hiding? Thanks to my forced inner calm I somehow managed to pass those tests, perhaps because my answers were based on the fundamental truth. I knew that there was no other choice in the matter than to stay and be the dutiful girlfriend no matter what Tobin did behind my back, but it didn’t stop me from dying a little inside.

  “Do you love me?” Tobin asked and I shook my head no.

  “Liar,” Dad replied for me and the tears I had managed to stop crying fell down my cheeks again, refusing to be kept away any longer.

  “So, maybe I do, but I wish I didn’t. You’ve broken my heart,” I replied, wiping at my cheeks with my free hand. Tobin grabbed my chin and lifted my gaze to his.

  “Then let me un-break it,” he said, smiling a little. “I was lying, Dahl. I didn’t cheat. I wouldn’t so much as look at another woman now that I have you, please believe me. I was just trying to make you angry.”

  Dad let go of my wrist and focussed on replenishing his coffee while I sat in shock again. Hope rose up inside of me and I looked back and forth between Tobin’s eyes, trying to read him, wanting to believe that what he was saying was genuine.

  “It’s true,” Dad said for him and I turned to jelly. Tobin caught me and wrapped me in his arms, holding on tightly while I had a few moments of pure freak out. He just shushed and rocked me, smoothing his hand up and down my back affectionately while I cried into his shoulder. How could he have done such a thing? I couldn’t bear those men and their strange ways of testing people. If my mum were alive she surely would’ve never let them treat her daughters that way? There were ways of asking and uncovering truths that weren’t tantamount to torture, and yet my father had still gone for the brutal approach, and he’d roped in Tobin to help him break me down.

  “I love you too, Dahl,” Tobin whispered once I’d had a few minutes to process it all, but I couldn’t enjoy those words. It felt like I’d been the butt of some sick joke my dad and him had randomly decided to play on me. I still wasn’t entirely sure why as well, and knew neither of them would be in any rush to explain themselves.

  Chapter Ten

  After a few more minutes of tense quiet, I forced myself to calm down and regain my composure. I knew that in those awful moments I’d almost lost everything I had been working hard to achieve and it hurt to think they could let me believe it. In my head, I’d lost the respect of both my father and the club, as well as the love of the man sitting beside me, and most importantly the sense of security and wellbeing in this wrapped up life of mine. I realised then how terrible things must have truly been for Dita when she too had been left feeling so lost and alone, yet powerless to stop any of it. I’d had just a snippet of that and had nearly crumbled to pieces under the pressure of trying my hardest, whilst evidently failing miserably.

  Following that realisation, I knew I would never be as strong as she had been, and that awareness hurt me just as much as Tobin’s words had done. I was half the woman my sister had been and now she was gone. Dita was in an early grave and I was evidently filling her shoes as not only the VP’s old lady, but also as the plaything of both him and the club President.

  I pulled away from Tobin’s grasp, wiped my face, and went straight into emotionless robot mode. I pushed my feelings down, forcing them away. He and my father weren’t going to break me with their strange games. I would allow them to dominate my life and control every aspect of it, but not me. I loved Tobin, it was true, but he couldn’t ha
ve all of me, nor could he take everything from me in a bid to create the perfect old lady for himself. They weren’t going to stop me from being myself and dealing with my angst the only way I knew how—in complete silence while I internalised my turmoil.

  I stood and began pulling off the lids covering the then cool pancakes and gave each of the accompaniment bowls a stir. Tobin hated my silence, I could tell. He grew fidgety watching me, but the more he wanted me to speak, the less I felt inclined to. Dad watched me for a few seconds in utter calm and I knew then exactly where I got my introverted nature from. He was exactly like me, only he’d hidden it better over the years. He didn’t mind the silence, because he drew strength from it too. I would have to find another way to punish him for hurting me, and against my better nature, I found I wanted to.

  In stony silence, Dad then stood and opened the door, ushering for those waiting patiently outside to come on in. The club members all filed inside with hungry smiles, not a single one bothering to ask what the hold up was. In my head, they were all laughing at me. In on the secrets kept only from me and they too were pawns waiting to be utilised in whatever game my father seemed to be playing. I couldn’t figure out why though. I’d done no wrong. I hadn’t even confronted him over the truths I’d uncovered about Dita.

  I served the guys coffee with a forced smile while they helped themselves to their chosen goodies and I wandered the room in silence, grateful for the loud conversation, but I still noticed Dad and Tobin’s eyes on me many times. I wanted to give them both a slap or to tell them to pack it in, but of course I neither said nor did anything of the sort. I seethed and cursed them in my head, refusing to let them hurt me for all to see and then revel in my pain like a pair of sadists. They would just have to get used to upsetting me and dealing with my silent stewing afterwards. My dad didn’t want me throwing hissy fits and making a scene anyway so would just have to deal with the awkward silence.

  When they’d each had their fill, the guys drank the last of their brews and brought their plates over to the sink for me to wash. I received many affectionate kisses to the cheek or pats on the shoulder, as well as whispers of thanks in my ear from my extended family, and their little displays of affection made me feel better. I still couldn’t explain it, but having fed and watered them after their long ride and just a few hours’ sleep made me feel good. I liked caring for them all and being appreciated.

  I thought I was alone then, the silence filling the void left behind by the leather-clad bikers, when arms wrapped around me from behind and Tobin’s soft voice filled my ear.

  “Come and sit down. I’ll finish this,” he murmured, pulling me away from the counter and turning me around to face him. I followed his lead, feeling tired of fighting. Tired of being angry. Part of me still wanted to shove him away. To say no, but I didn’t. I simply couldn’t.

  Captured in his gaze, I became utterly mesmerised by him. I wanted to stay angry and yet despite his games, I knew deep down that Tobin was the only reason I was able to get through all of the fraught emotions that’d had me up and down the last couple of weeks. That solemn look of his told me he’d hated upsetting me. Those gorgeous eyes bore into mine and the powerful blast of heat in my belly that always ensued when he was near had me desperate to forget all about the craziness of the past hour or so and the awful secrets Dita’s diary had revealed.

  He ushered toward the table to reiterate his command and I looked, spotting how he had saved and piled a plate up with sweet pancakes for me. My stomach rumbled loudly. I was starving, I just hadn’t realised it until then, and so I followed his lead and sat in the spot on the bench he had been sitting in not long before. Tobin then served me coffee, being the perfect gentleman, while I made quick work of the pancakes.

  I hated to admit it to myself, but I caved. In that moment, I cared about nothing but the two of us. I felt no remorse or pain over what Dita had been through, no hatred towards my family—both blooded and extended. When it was just Tobin and me, I felt whole and happy, albeit blinded by those things, but I didn’t care. For the first time in my life I was more than just Garret’s daughter. His precious little lady in her ivory tower. Somebody loved me and wanted to take care of me and I was going to protect it, no matter the costs.

  I stared off into the distance, focussing on nothing while my head swam. How would we move on from this? I couldn’t make this work while still doubting Tobin and everyone else around me.

  Realisation hit me like a punch in the chest. Perhaps the only way to survive was for me to choose, them or Dita. I had to live my life and be happy in it, even if that meant giving up on avenging my sister while the dust settled. I still had to survive and if I let her stories continue to consume me, I knew I’d soon be paying a terrible price for my disassociation with the club.

  She hadn’t cared enough to confide in me in life when I could’ve actually helped so, albeit selfishly, I decided I wasn’t going to waste any more time fretting over things I could not control. I was going to make things right in my own way, by making sure I didn’t end up with the same fate. It might be the coward’s way out, but I’d already realised that morning how I was, in fact, a coward, so I took it.

  “What can I do to make you happy?” Tobin asked as he came over to me, sliding to his knees as I turned around to face him.

  “Nothing,” I answered coldly. “Just leave me alone.” Despite being a coward, I still wanted to punish him, to make him realise I wouldn’t just let him off the hook for hurting me, and it worked. Tobin sank back on his heels and stared up at me, his eyes reddening as he took in my icy expression. I stood and headed over to the doorway, intending to leave, but I just couldn’t bring myself to walk out. I didn’t want to risk the consequences if I took it too far, so turned, glaring back at him, daring him to say more to make me stay. Hoping he would do it and save me from doing something foolish.

  “I didn’t want to test you, Dahl. Your dad is just paranoid is all,” Tobin said as he stood and walked towards me, where he reached a hand up to my face. I didn’t pull away, and he breathed a sigh as he stroked my cheek with delicate sweeps of his fingertips. “He told me what to ask you and how to act if he ever gave me the nod that he doubted your intentions. I hadn’t expected him to ever actually make me do it, but then you were acting odd this morning and the next thing I knew, he was giving me the go-ahead. Garret told me to break your heart, but please trust me when I say I never wanted to hurt you or play tricks on you like that. You seemed devastated by the lie and I couldn’t believe I’d hurt you so much unnecessarily. I never want to do that to you ever again.” He was pleading with me to understand, to see it his way, and I caved. “Your dad is a control freak to the max. I hope you can understand that it wasn’t my idea, or my doing? You know he’s more one for the tough love.”

  “Tough love? More like rough love!” I replied, watching as he kissed the still red patch on the inside of my wrist where my father had been pressing down to keep check of my pulse. He was so gentle, kind, and I wanted him so much. I needed to have him, to know that he was still all mine. I fixed him with that commanding Proctor look I also seemed to have inherited and narrowed my eyes. His face snapped up to look at me in shock and his breath hitched. It looked like he was scared I was pulling away. Was he scared of losing me? It sure seemed that way.

  God, it gave me a rush. I hadn’t felt anything like it before, but couldn’t deny it felt good to have the upper hand.

  “Forgive me, please, Dahl,” he said. “Or at least say something. I can’t bear waiting for you to put me out of my misery. What can I do?” He was begging me, pleading for forgiveness, and for some reason I couldn’t fully understand, I felt as if I had the power to make or break us. It was all down to me.

  So, apparently I decided where we were heading and what the rules were. I was the one who had her say at long last, and I was going to make him listen.

  “I need to know that you will never cheat on me, Tobin,” I replied, not taking my eyes
off his for even a split-second. I had to be sure that I was not going to end up like Dita. Whether he knew it or not, his infidelity had cost her so much more than just her dignity and self-worth. Those visits from X had no doubt resulted in her losing her life and I was absolutely not going to follow her down that same path.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry. I never have and I never will,” he said, his expression sincere and full of raw, uncomplicated promise. I believed him.

  “You do not even look at other women. No flirting and no straying when you’re away on runs. No secret kids across the country. No surprises just waiting to jump out and fuck with my life. If you do I’m gone, no second chances. Believe me.”

  “I do. Even the thought of it terrifies me,” he said, and kissed me hard. I could feel the pain he was feeling at just the thought of me leaving. “I promise, you’re the only one for me, Dahlia. I’d rather die than lose you.”

  “Then prove it. Show me every day and neither one of us will ever have to worry about a thing,” I replied, taking his hand. Without another word or so much as a glance at the men and women we passed on our way, I then led him up to our room.

  Inside, we quickly discarded our clothes and I pushed Tobin down onto the bed, straddling him as our mouths met and he leaned back, ready to let me take control. I took everything that was offered, and then some. His body belonged to me and I claimed him with every ounce of strength I had.

  Riding him hard, I pressed my hands down onto his chest, having my way with him while Tobin lay beneath me groaning and arching up into me as I slid up and down on his hard length. He let me be in complete control and I was glad. I needed it and when that strange spot inside of me bloomed with heat, throbbing and clenching around him in the most wonderful, all-consuming orgasm of my life, all I could do was pant and ride the waves of ecstasy I had built.