Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  “That’s what I’m here for,” Dad said.

  “Oh, and thanks for reassuring me about Gloria, too,” I said.

  “I’m here for that as well,” Dad said. “Do you think it would be all right if I went up and visited her for a little while?”

  “She’d like that,” I said, right before I left Dad’s house.

  I drove to the classified offices of the L.A. Times and asked to speak with an advertising rep. The clerk behind the counter pressed a couple of buttons on her desk phone and a minute later a man emerged from somewhere in the back and stepped up to the counter.

  “May I help you?” he said, shaking my hand.

  “Do you have a couple of minutes to talk with me about some display ads?” I said.

  “Certainly,” the man said. “Follow me.”

  He led me to a private office and invited me to sit and then pulled out a yellow legal pad and a pencil. I told him who I was and told him a little about Cooper Investigations. I also described my new equipment and the services I could now offer above and beyond what we already offered. He made notes on his pad and when he’d finished, he held up a rough sketch and described its dimensions and how much it would cost to run. He told me he’d show me a proof before he actually ran the ad. I told him that would be fine and thanked him for his time. He assured me he could attach the proof to an email to my office. I left the classified office feeling hopeful about my new venture.

  Once I got back to my office, I set up the little camera on top of the door frame outside my outer office door. I adjusted the camera so that it pointed down the hallway, toward the elevator. Back at my desk I could monitor the entire hallway and see if anyone came or went, using the elevator. I still had to marvel at the compact size and clear picture. That afternoon I watch as three people used the elevator, even though none of them came to the third floor to visit Cooper Investigations.

  I checked my email every hour, hoping to see the proof for my new ad. Nothing showed up all day. I decided to close up shop for the day and visit with Gloria once more before I went home.

  Gloria was still sleeping when I poked my head into her room. I was about to leave again when I ran into a nurse in the hallway.

  “Can you tell me how Mrs. Cooper is doing?” I said to the nurse.

  “She’s fine,” the nurse said. “She’s just resting. Just give her time once the baby comes and she’ll be back to her old self again in no time.”

  “Would it be all right if I stopped in for a couple minutes to see her?” I said.

  The nurse nodded. “A couple minutes will be okay,” she said. “But she really needs her rest, so don’t overdo it.”

  “Thanks,” I said and went back into her room. I quietly walked up beside her bed and nudged her shoulder. “Gloria, it’s Elliott. Are you awake?”

  Gloria’s eyes fluttered open as she focused on my face. She smiled when she recognized me. “Hello,” she said in a weak voice.

  I patted her hand and kissed her forehead. “How are you feeling?” I said.

  “All right, I guess,” Gloria answered. “Can I have a drink of water?”

  I picked up the glass of water with the glass straw sticking out of it and held it near her mouth. She took a couple of sips and I set the glass down again.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “I can’t stay long,” I told her. “The nurse said I could only visit for a couple minutes. I just wanted to see you again before I called it a night. Do you remember our conversation about the van and the surveillance plans I was talking about?”

  Gloria nodded.

  “Well,” I said, “I bought a couple of things that are going to really help with that end of the business and you know what? It was really inexpensive. Hopefully I’ll be able to use it all for a client by the time you come home again.”

  “That’s nice,” Gloria said and closed her eyes.

  I decided not to tire her with any more conversation and quietly left her there to sleep. I ate a light dinner by myself and settled in for some television before going to bed.

  The next eight days held pretty much the same routine for me. I’d come in to the office, take care of business, check my emails and then go visit with Gloria. The classified ad man had sent me the proof for my new ad six days ago and I approved it. He told me it would start running in the weekend issue. Now it was Monday morning and I still had not received any calls from the ad. I decided to pay Lieutenant Eric Anderson, one of L.A.’s finest, a visit. I gave him two hours to take care of his Monday morning business before I stopped in. By ten that morning he was back in his office. I knocked and opened the door, sticking my head inside.

  “Are you busy, Eric?” I said. “Or can you spare a minute or two?”

  “Sure,” Eric said cheerfully. “Come on in. What’s on your mind?”

  I had brought the weekend paper with me and had it folded open to my ad. I laid the paper on Eric’s desk. “I was just wondering if you caught my new ad in this weekend’s paper.”

  Eric picked up the paper and studied the ad and then looked up at me. “Going high tech, I see. You get any calls on it yet?”

  “Not this morning,” I said. “I was hoping you might have need for my new services.”

  Eric thought about it for a moment. “I could have used you last week if I had known,” he said. “You could have set up your surveillance camera in the cafeteria. Someone’s been making off with extra dinner ware from the cardboard box. I have a feeling someone’s taking extra plastic forks and spoons. We’re running low.”

  “Very funny,” I said. “That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but thanks for thinking of me.”

  “Don’t get your pretzel in a knot,” Eric said. “I’m just having a little fun with you. I can see where your services could come in handy in some situations. I just don’t happen to have one of those situations at the moment, but I’ll certainly keep you in mind if one arises in the future.”

  “Why don’t you hang onto that ad,” I said. “Then my number will be handy when that time comes.”

  Eric pulled a pair of scissors from his desk drawer, cut the ad out of the paper and pinned it to his bulletin board with a push pin. He handed me back the rest of the paper. “Well,” he said, “if there’s nothing else, I have to meet with the captain, so if you will excuse me.”

  “Thanks Eric,” I said, and left the building.

  I drove back to the office and walked the length of the third floor hall to my office. When I got back behind my desk, I stopped the recorder and flipped out the USB connection on the monitor pad and slipped it into my laptop computer. I hit play on my computer program and watched the tiny monitor to see if anyone had come by while I was gone. I was able to run the video in double speed and saw no one but myself returning to the office just minutes ago. I stopped the program, pulled the USB connector out and started the recording process all over again.

  The cell phone vibrated in my pocket and I plucked it out, flipping it open with my thumb. “Cooper Investigations,” I said almost automatically, before realizing that I was on my personal phone. “This is Elliott.”

  “Mr. Cooper,” the voice said. “This is Doctor Hoskins. Could you come by the hospital right away?”

  “Is there anything wrong?” I said in a frazzled voice. “How’s Gloria doing?”

  “She’s fine,” the doctor said. “I just thought you’d want to be here to welcome your son into the world, that’s all.”

  “My son?” I said. “Today? Right now?”

  “Unless you’d rather wait until tomorrow and visit him when he’s a day old,” the doctor said a twinge of sarcasm in his voice.

  “I’m on my way,” I said and flipped the phone shut without saying goodbye to the doctor.”

  I rushed back out to my van and drove as fast as I could back to the hospital. Luckily no cop stopped me because I’m sure I was at least thirty miles over the speed limit all the way there. I found a parking spot in the lot and ran toward
the building. I stopped at the front desk, all out of breath.

  “Gloria Cooper,” I said frantically. “We’re having a baby right now.”

  The nurse checked her clipboard, found Gloria’s name and looked back at me. “Unless you’re planning on assisting with the delivery, you’ll have to wait in the lounge. Someone will come in and let you know when she’s delivered the baby. Just make yourself at home until that time, Mr. Cooper.” She pointed to a door down the hall.

  I found a seat next to an end table full of magazines and started to thumb through one when I remembered Dad. I flipped open my phone and pressed Dad’s number on the speed dial feature. He answered right away.

  “Elliott,” he said when he picked up. “Did you forget something?”

  “Dad,” I said. “I’m at the hospital. Gloria’s having the baby right now. Can you get down here right away?”

  “Give me ten minutes,” Dad said and broke the connection.

  I tried getting interested in one of the magazines, but couldn’t concentrate on any of the articles and put the magazine back down again. I checked my watch, looked around the room, paced over to the window and back several times and the last time I turned around, I saw my Dad standing there. He came over to where I was standing and shook my hand.

  “So this is it, eh?” he said. “You’re finally going to find out what it feels like to be a father.”

  “And you’re going to find out what it feels like to be a grandfather,” I reminded him.

  Dad’s smiled dropped off his face. “Oh yeah,” he said. “That’s right.” The smile immediately returned. “But ain’t it grand? Did they tell you how long it might be yet?”

  I looked at my watch again. “They’re really vague,” I said. “All they can tell me is that it won’t be long, whatever that means.”

  “It just means it’ll happen when it happens,” Dad explained. “You might as well sit down. It could be a long afternoon.”

  Dad and I sat nervously awaiting Matt’s arrival. Dad tried to keep my mind off the event by asking more about my new business venture. I answered a couple of his questions, but found I just couldn’t concentrate on anything right now. My insides were jumpy and my ears were ringing. I just couldn’t relax to save my life.

  Three hours had slipped by while Dad had kept me company. A few minutes past four the doctor stepped into the waiting room and looked directly at me. “It’s a boy,” he said, “but then you already knew it was going to be, didn’t you?”

  I stood, dumbfounded and at a loss for words. Dad nudged my shoulder and I snapped out of whatever trance I was in. I looked at the doctor. “How’s Gloria?” I said. “Is she all right?”

  The doctor smiled. “Mother and son are both doing fine,” he said. “Her temperature and pulse came back down and I suspect that after a couple days of total rest that she’ll be bringing your son home.”

  I broke out in a broad grin and grabbed the doctor’s hand again, pumping it vigorously. “Thank you, Doctor Hoskins,” I said. “Thank you so much. Can I see her yet?”

  “Give it ten or fifteen minutes,” the doctor said. “They’re still cleaning her and the baby up and they’ll be bringing them down to her room after that. Congratulations, Mr. Cooper. He’s a fine looking boy.” He turned and left the room, disappearing down the hallway.

  I turned to Dad and held out my hand to shake his. He pushed it aside and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. When he finally let me go, he stepped back and smiled, tears running down both of his cheeks. I couldn’t hold mine in any longer, either and just broke down.

  Dad handed me a tissue from the box on the table and took a couple for himself. We both got ourselves composed and wiped our faces dry before leaving the waiting room and taking the elevator up to Gloria’s room. I could see them wheeling her gurney into her room from where we stood. “I’ll wait in the hall for a couple of minutes,” Dad said. “Give you two some private time.”

  I hurried over to the door and walked in, leaving Dad standing just outside the door.

  The attendants got Gloria’s bed situated back where it had been, hooked up the heart monitor to her left index finger and got her tucked in before they turned and left. A nurse stepped up to the side of the bed with a bundle in her arms. She bent over and gently places the bundle in Gloria’s eager open arms. The nurse pulled back the top of the little blue blanket, exposing Matt’s face for the first time. Gloria turned and looked at Matt and then turned to look at me. Now she was crying and smiling both at the same time.

  I bent down and kissed her and then kissed Matt’s little head. “He’s perfect,” I told her, “just perfect.”

  Gloria turned toward Matt again and gently kissed his cheek.

  I leaned over Matt’s face and said, “Well, hello there, Matthew. Are you about ready to come work with me yet?”

  Gloria frowned. “Oh, Elliott,” she said.

  “Someday,” I said. “I suppose I can wait until he’s done being a kid. You know, it’s a good thing your both didn’t end up in the Intensive Care Unit.”

  Gloria frowned. “And why is that?” she said.

  I smiled and said, “Because then I would be able to say, ‘I see you’ in the ICU.”

  Gloria rolled her eyes. “I swear, Elliott,” she said. “You’d be able to find a way to slip your warped sense of humor in at a funeral.”

  “But isn’t that part of my overall charm?” I said.

  I heard a knock on the door and turned to see Dad poking his head in. “Is it all right if I come in?” he said, sheepishly.

  “Dad,” I said. “Come on over and meet your grandson.”

  *****

  Two days later Gloria came home with Matt. I walked her inside, got her settled in the padded rocking chair and handed Matt down to her. She gently rocked back and forth, looking down at our new son.

  “I’m going to have Mrs. Chandler stay with us for a few days,” I said. “You remember she’s the lady who helped take care of Dad when he was home recovering from his second heart attack. I’d love to stay here and spend all my time with the two of you, but I have to earn us a living.”

  Gloria nodded. “I’ll be thankful for the help, Elliott,” Gloria said. “Thank you for getting her to stay with me.”

  “What a week this has been,” I said. “We’ve got ourselves a son and I got a new client who can use my surveillance services. It doesn’t get any better than this, now does it?”

  “No, it really doesn’t,” Gloria said.

  A yellow taxi cab pulled up in front of the house and a middle-aged woman got out and walked up our sidewalk. She rang our doorbell and Matt cried, startled by the noise. I opened the door and welcomed Mrs. Chandler in.

  “Did I do that?” she said, gesturing toward Matt.

  “It’s all right,” I told her. “He’ll have to get used to it sooner or later. Thank you for coming again, Mrs. Chandler.”

  She looked down at Matt and smiled a warm smile. She looked back at me and said, “These are the times that make my job a real pleasure. “May I hold him, please?”

  I took Mrs. Chandler’s coat and she walked into the living room. She looked down at Matt and her face lit up. She looked at Gloria. “May I?” she said, her arms extended.

  Gloria passed Matt to Mrs. Chandler, who rocked the little fellow back and forth in her arms while she hummed some unidentifiable song to him.

  “I’d better get back to work,” I told Gloria. “Are you two going to be all right here by yourselves?”

  She and Mrs. Chandler both looked at me and told me not to worry without having to say a word.

  “I’ll see you tonight,” I said and walked back to my car. I had an appointment to meet with Carlton Powell, the president of Powell Industries in San Francisco. It was nearly eleven o’clock by the time I stepped off the plane and took the cab to Powell industries. I rode the elevator to the top floor and walked into the waiting room outside of Powell’s office. His secretary asked me
to wait while she let Mr. Powell know I was here. A minute later she led me into the inner office and introduced me to her boss.

  “Won’t you have a seat, Mr. Cooper?” Powell said, gesturing to a leather client chair that looked like it cost more than all my office furnishings put together. “Would you like something to drink, coffee or perhaps a soda?”

  “No, thank you,” I said, holding up one hand. “I’m good.”

  “Mr. Cooper,” Powell began, “I’d like to begin by telling you that I didn’t just pick your name out of a phone book. I did, however, receive your flier in the mail last week. Since that time I’ve had you thoroughly checked out and I’ve even asked my friend, Captain Blake at the twelfth precinct about you. You’ll be pleased to know that you come highly recommended.”

  “Well, thank you, Mr. Powell,” I said. “We at Cooper Investigations have always relied on our reputation ever since my grandfather started the company in 1946. I’m glad you had us checked out. It makes my job of selling our services to you that much easier. So what is it we can do for you and your company?”

  “I’ll get right to the point, Mr. Cooper,” Powell said. “My company has branch offices and factories in San Francisco, Denver, Atlanta, Chicago, New York and Los Angeles. We manufacture components for the aircraft industry. These components are the heart of the aircraft and help keep them in the air. While other factories manufacture the larger parts, fuselage, wings, tail assemblies and so on, our company manufactures the gauges, wiring harnesses, control panels and LED readouts. The reason I’m telling you all this, Mr. Cooper, is that our parts are small enough to be carried out of our plants unnoticed and that’s exactly what’s happening in our Los Angeles plant. What I’d like you and your company to do is to find a way to carry on surveillance of that facility without their knowledge. If they know they’re being watched, they won’t take the parts. And while that would solve the immediate problem, I want to know who has been taking the parts so I can prosecute those individuals and recover as many of those parts as I can.”

  “I see your dilemma,” I said. “Even if I was granted access into your L.A. plant and could install our surveillance equipment, they’d know about it and would be able to carry on their illicit activities in the dead zones, or the zones where the surveillance camera couldn’t reach. So what is it you think I can do for you, Mr. Powell?”