Edge of the Past

by Jennifer Comeaux

  Chris looped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me to his side. “We don’t know for sure what his plans are. You know how many ridiculous rumors there are on the internet. Remember when somebody posted that you and I were dating?”

  I laughed through my tears. “Yeah, talk about crazy.”

  “It’d be like dating my sister. Ugh.” Chris made a face.

  I leaned my head into the crook of his arm and dabbed at my eyes. “The message boards will be on fire when people find out Sergei and I split up. There’ll be rumors flying all over the place about why it happened.”

  “Just keep your head down and skate. That’s all you can do. And the second I get cleared by the doc, I’ll be back out there with you, whether it’s here or New York or Alaska.”

  I smiled. “Marley might be a little upset if you moved to Alaska.”

  Chris hesitated and ran his fingers through his hair. “She might be going away to train somewhere else, too.”

  “What? She hasn’t said anything to me.”

  “It probably won’t happen for a while. She and Zach haven’t made any plans yet. They’ve just been talking because they feel like their coaches are always gonna favor Aubrey and Nick. Don’t say anything to anyone.”

  “I won’t.” I patted Chris’s back. “We’re just two sad sacks of bad news, aren’t we?”

  He snorted. “I’m getting out of here. Hanging out with my mom has to be more fun than this.”

  “Hey, be nice or I’m keeping all this food for myself.”

  Chris dashed to the refrigerator and started snatching the plastic containers of pasta I’d assembled. I laughed at the large stack in his arms. “Hold on, I’ll get some bags. And I still have to divvy up this macaroni.”

  When we’d packed his backseat with the meals, Chris gave me a long hug. “You should come have dinner with me and my mom. We have enough food.”

  “I’ve been sampling my cooking all day, so I’ll probably skip dinner. Thanks for the offer, though.” I kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you at the hospital tomorrow.”

  “I’ll be the one giddy on pain meds.” He smiled.

  As he drove away, I stood on the doorstep and breathed in the cool breeze caressing my face. The feeling reminded me of the rush of air hitting my skin when I skated. I needed that sensation now more than ever.

  Glancing at my watch, I hurried inside, changed into leggings and a long-sleeved T-shirt, and grabbed my skate bag. The evening public session at the rink was starting soon, and it was usually pretty empty. I’d have the ice mostly to myself. My training mates wouldn’t be around, and Sergei was in New York so no chance of running into him.

  I couldn’t get to the rink fast enough. As expected, only two adults occupied the ice, giving me plenty of space to skate as freely as I wanted. I stretched for a few minutes, bouncing to the pop music on the sound system, and then tied the laces on my boots in record time.

  I joined the skaters and took long strokes, enjoying the deepness of my edges and the feeling of being one with the ice. The cold air swept over me, and I smiled as goose bumps tickled my neck. Around and around the rink I glided, trying to keep all focus on my body and my skates, but the familiar fresh smell of the ice and the sound of my swooshing blades brought visions of Sergei calling out instructions to me.

  I might never see him standing by those boards again. He could be completely out of my life.

  My pace slowed as the dose of reality stole my energy. I drifted toward the boards and gazed around. I couldn’t imagine the place without Sergei. His smiling face had been the first one I’d seen when I walked into the building four years ago. He’d helped make the rink home for me.

  I rubbed my hands over my face and through my hair. Keep skating. Just keep moving forward. I made a few swifter strokes, but each scratch of my blades felt like a slice into my heart. I couldn’t escape the memories of Sergei all over the ice – him teaching me, encouraging me. Loving me.

  I glided numbly around the rink, sinking further into the past and losing the will to continue forward. Then a very familiar song came on the stereo, and my skates skidded to an abrupt stop.

  “When We Dance” by Sting.

  Sergei had used the lyrics as part of his marriage proposal. Of all the songs he and I had put on the rink’s playlist, why did that one have to play right now?

  I stared down at the ice and saw Sergei on one knee on my snow-covered terrace, a sparkling diamond in his hand. The world had stopped at that moment, and I’d thought that night was the beginning of a lifetime of happiness.

  I gasped with a soft cry, and my head shot up. I had to get off the ice before I lost all composure. I scrambled to the bleachers and untied my skates in a frenzy, wishing I could close my ears and not hear Sting singing to his prospective wife.

  When I was alone in my car, I gave in to my sobs and wondered how I ever could’ve doubted my future with Sergei. I would’ve gladly dealt with Elena if it meant having Sergei back, and I would’ve worked to be the best stepmother to Liza I could be.

  I swiped at my eyes as I thought of the little chats Liza and I had every morning at the rink. I hadn’t expected to form a bond with her so quickly, but she was such a special girl with Sergei’s sweet soul, and I wished we could’ve grown even closer. I probably would’ve made more mistakes while learning how to be a mom, but it would’ve been worth it to have Liza as my stepdaughter.

  All the things I’d feared – sharing Sergei, dealing with Elena, being a parent to Liza – those were manageable issues. A life without Sergei… I had no idea how to manage that.

  When is this hollow feeling in my soul going to disappear? Maybe it was better if Sergei did leave town. If I had to see him every day, I would never heal.

  By the end of the drive home, I’d cried myself out but knew it wouldn’t take much to set me off again. I was a time bomb of tears, and as I drove into my parking lot, I saw something that reignited my fuse.

  Sergei’s SUV.

  He wasn’t in the car, so I assumed he’d used his spare key. I hadn’t thought of asking for it in the chaos of breaking up with him.

  I plucked a tissue from my bag to wipe my face and then checked my appearance in the rearview mirror. My eyes were red and swollen, but there was no way to hide them. What were the odds I’d get through this conversation without crying again, anyway?

  I slowly made my way into the quiet house. No movement came from the kitchen, and the living room sat empty. I turned up the stairs, my heart wrenching with each step. Sergei had to be on the terrace, the place that had just haunted my memories.

  Pausing on the top floor landing, I squeezed the banister and moved forward to the open glass door. Sergei looked up at me from the patio table, and the lantern light beamed over his face. A world of anxiousness filled his eyes.

  Sergei stood as I stepped onto the creaky wooden floorboards. “I wouldn’t have used my key, but I didn’t know if you’d let me in.”

  I walked over to the railing and gazed at the moonlit bay. “I can’t go through a repeat of our last conversation.”

  “I have to ask you something, and I need you to tell me the truth.”

  I turned to Sergei, and he took two tense steps forward. “Do you really believe everything you said about us not making sense and not belonging together?”

  No, not this. I can’t do this anymore.

  I drew in a deep breath and rubbed my forehead. “It doesn’t matter. You and I aren’t possible.“

  “Please be honest with me.”

  The time bomb inside me threatened to explode once more, and I gripped the knotted wood railing. Sergei wasn’t going to relent, but if I told him the truth, it would just get emotionally torturous between us again.

  “I don’t know why you want to dwell on this–“

  “Because I need to know,” he said with urgency. “I need to know how you really feel.”

  His desperation pained me, tearing away at my resistance. I bit my lip but co
uldn’t hold back any longer. “No, I don’t believe it!”

  Sergei exhaled and closed his eyes. When he opened them, they glistened with tears. I immediately wanted to take back what I’d said. It would’ve been better if he thought I still had doubts.

  “I do believe you should be with Liza, so I know this is the right thing,” I scrambled to say. “And now that you’re moving to New York–“

  “What? Why would you think that?”

  It’s not true? A tiny drop of optimism seeped through the dark fog. “Someone on the internet said you were touring the rink there.”

  “I wanted to see where Liza will be training, and I asked about teaching a few camps, but I’m not moving there.”

  “I thought you wanted Liza to come to the Cape so you’d be close to her?”

  “I did, but…” Sergei said in a rush and then slowed himself down. “Elena and I had a long talk, and we agreed this shouldn’t be about what I want or what she wants. It has to be about what’s best for Liza, and she belongs in New York. She loves her school there and her coach, and it’s the place she truly feels at home.”

  “That’s great. She must be over the moon,” I said, trying to sound as upbeat as I could.

  “Liza will only be a few hours away, so she can easily come up here to visit.” Sergei kept his eyes on mine as he inched closer. “And we can go see her any time.”

  My heart jumped at the small yet very important word he’d uttered. “We?”

  He further narrowed the space between us. His body heat and the scent of his woody cologne circled around me, creating an enticing cloud. I wanted to lean into him, to bury myself in his arms, but I had to be sure I’d heard him right.

  “Elena realized she’s been holding on too tight to Liza, just like her father did with her,” Sergei said. “She doesn’t want to cause the kind of pain he did. She doesn’t want to keep us apart any longer.”

  “So we… we can be together… and see Liza, too?”

  He cupped his hands under my chin and brushed my face with light caresses. “If you’ll still have me.”

  I stared at him, holding my breath, afraid I was experiencing an impossible dream. I put my hands on top of his. They were so strong and warm. This had to be real.

  “Yes!” I cried. “I want you. I want Liza. I want all of it forever.”

  Sergei grinned and touched his lips to mine, and his tender passion sent my frayed emotions over the edge. I wept into his mouth, my salty tears mixing with the sweetness of his kiss.

  Sergei enveloped me in his arms and showered me with more kisses on my forehead, my cheeks, and my hair. I smiled and rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat pound against my ear. Ten minutes earlier I’d been lost in despair, unable to see beyond the moment, and now I was overflowing with hope for the future.

  “I have something of yours,” Sergei said, reaching into his pocket.

  He pinched my diamond ring between his fingers and took my left hand in his. “Promise me you’ll never take this off again.”

  He slid the ring onto my finger, and the emptiness inside me filled with joy. I felt whole once again.

  “I promise,” I said, joining our hands together.

  We melted into another kiss, and I hummed quietly as Sergei’s stubble bristled my skin. No dream could feel this good. This was definitely real.

  I tilted my head back to look into Sergei’s eyes. Their glow had returned, so bright and alive. I smiled and shook my head. “I still can’t believe this. When I talked to Elena, I didn’t think she’d ever change her mind. And then I thought you were leaving.”

  “I was never going to give up on us. I would’ve gotten on my knees and begged Elena if I had to. I couldn’t lose you.” Sergei’s voice rattled.

  “I didn’t know what else to do,” I said. “Everything was so screwed up, and I thought I had to walk away from you to make it better.”

  Sergei pressed his mouth to my forehead. “Us being apart… it never makes anything better.”

  “I tried to picture my life without you, and I couldn’t because everything I wanted in my future was with you.”

  “Our future’s going to be a little different from what we planned, but I promise I will always be there for you and I will give you all the love that you deserve.” Sergei lifted my chin and locked his gaze on mine. “I don’t want you to ever doubt how much I love you, how much I want you, how much I need you.”

  I blinked back more happy tears. “I love you so much.”

  All the anger and sadness weighing me down had disappeared, leaving me so light and free I thought I might fly away. I wound my arms around Sergei’s neck and held onto him. Wrapped in his embrace, I still felt like I was floating among the stars.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “Are you ready, sweetie?” Dad took my hand.

  I had never been more ready for this day. My wedding day. As I stood in the rear of St. Leonard’s Church, I trembled with excitement and a bit of nervousness. I was about to begin a whole new life.

  An unbelievably wonderful life.

  I squeezed Dad’s hand. “So ready.”

  Aubrey carefully swept my hair over my shoulders and lowered my blusher veil, readying me for the big entrance. Meanwhile, Liza scooted around the bridesmaids with her small basket of white rose petals, and she looked up at me with wide eyes.

  “There are a lot of people here!”

  She was beyond adorable in the dress Louann had hastily made to match the bridesmaids’ seafoam green dresses. I grinned and touched one of her raven curls.

  “And they’re all going to agree that you’re the prettiest flower girl in the history of weddings.”

  Her cheeks turned pink, and per Aubrey’s command, she returned to the rest of the bridal party. My maid of honor was taking her role very seriously as she organized Marley, Courtney, and my cousins Bri and Bella into a line. The musicians in the choir loft began to play “The Rain” from the movie Kikujiro, and Aubrey signaled to Liza to start down the aisle.

  One by one the girls departed, soon leaving just Dad and myself. Through the sheer tulle of my veil, I saw Dad’s eyes misting. I took deep breaths and hurried to think of something funny to distract me from getting emotional. One of Chris’s jokes from his best man toast at the rehearsal dinner popped into my head – I’m gonna be skating with an old married lady now.

  The blare of the trumpet cut short my internal laughter, and Dad led me to the edge of the long aisle. I gazed toward the altar where Sergei stood with a smile bigger than any I’d ever seen.

  I could barely hold back my emotions. I gripped my bouquet and Dad’s hand tighter as we began our slow march down the white runner. The faces staring at me on either side of the aisle were a blur. All I saw was Sergei in his black suit and silver vest and tie, looking like a vision of the perfect groom.

  When we reached Sergei, Dad lifted my veil and kissed my cheek. “I love you, sweetie.”

  “I love you, too, Dad,” I squeaked.

  He hugged Sergei and joined our hands together. “I know you’ll always take care of her.”

  “I will,” Sergei said, not taking his eyes off me.

  Dad sat in the front pew with Mom, and Sergei leaned his head down to mine. “I have no words for how beautiful you look.”

  I resisted the urge to reach up and kiss him. That had to wait until after the “I do’s.”

  “You look pretty hot yourself,” I whispered.

  We stepped up to Father Donovan on the altar, and Aubrey fanned out the train of my dress behind me. Father Donovan had baptized me and had been a family friend all my life, so I couldn’t imagine anyone else performing the ceremony. He smiled at Sergei and me, and I awaited one of his usual witty comments.

  Clapping his hands, he said, “Let’s get you two kids married!”

  ****

  “I present to you – Mr. and Mrs. Sergei Petrov!”

  Upon the DJ’s introduction, the wedding guests broke into
applause and a few whistles. Sergei and I walked across the mahogany floor of the State Room and prepared for our first dance as husband and wife. Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, the pink sky of dusk over Boston Harbor provided our backdrop.

  Sergei took me into his arms as “When We Dance” filled the large room. We swayed in time to the music, sharing what felt like an intimate moment even with hundreds of pairs of eyes on us.

  “I thought the day I met you was the best day of my life,” Sergei said. “But today will be hard to top.”

  “And there’s still more amazingness to come later.” I tickled the nape of his neck.

  “It’s going to be incredible,” he said, his lips grazing my ear.

  My stomach fluttered, and I pulled Sergei closer. It was going to be a long limo ride from Boston to Hyannis after the reception, but I wanted to spend our wedding night in our home. A hotel wasn’t special enough for the long-awaited occasion.

  Our song ended, and Sergei and I split up so I could dance with Dad and Sergei could do the same with Anna. On the edge of the dance floor, Mom dabbed at her eyes while watching us. She’d been weepy since I put on my gown at her house. I’d lost count of the number of times she cried, “My little girl!” when I was getting dressed and primped for the ceremony.

  When the DJ invited the guests to start dancing, Sergei and I moved into the crowd and were bombarded with well-wishes from family and friends. We circled around the room, collecting congratulatory hugs and kisses, and eventually ended up at the reserved tables by the windows for the bridal party and immediate family.

  Finally with a moment to take a breath, I looked around and admired the décor I’d designed with the wedding planner. Every table in the room featured a centerpiece containing blue and white hydrangeas, and small candles surrounding the flowers provided a soft glow. Night had fallen, so the Boston skyline had become a sparkling sea of lights all around us. I couldn’t picture a more romantic setting.

  Anna and Max rose from their seats at the main table, and Anna hugged Sergei and me at the same time. “My beautiful new daughter! I know you and Sergei be happy always.”