Letting Go (Holding On Book 2)

by Jolie, Meg

  The facial had been nice, relaxing and Quinn decided much-needed. As was the haircut. It was only a trim. Quinn had no desire to lose her long locks. The eyebrow waxing, on the other hand, she could’ve done without.

  “Apparently, I should be sure not to go so long between waxings next time,” Carly grumbled. The woman tending to them smiled as she carefully dabbed some cooling cream onto the inflamed areas. She held up a mirror to Carly so that she could approve the results. Carly did, with another grumble.

  “Is there anything else I can do for you ladies?”

  Carly and Quinn looked at each other.

  “Manicures?” Carly suggested.

  Quinn shook her head. “You go ahead, if you’d like. Mine would be ruined in a day or two.” Between dishes, bathing Carter and all of her hand washing, she’d given up trying to keep her nails painted.

  Carly shook her head and declined further service. “If you don’t do it with me, it takes the fun right out of it.”

  Minutes later they were walking down the sidewalk of downtown Lanford. The sky was a steely gray. The wind was bitter and biting. Snow hadn’t made an appearance yet but they knew it would soon.

  “Now what?” Quinn asked. She glanced at her watch. It wasn’t quite dinner time yet. She’d asked Nora to take Carter for the afternoon. Nora had been thrilled, as she always was, with the request. Having lost her son, she never seemed to be able to see enough of his child. “I don’t need to pick Carter up for a few more hours.”

  Carly shivered against the chill as she pulled her coat around her. “We could walk through a few stores? Maybe get a head start on some Christmas shopping?”

  Quinn laughed. “It’s not even Thanksgiving yet!”

  Carly grinned. “I know. It’s perfect. We can beat the rush. We don’t actually have to buy anything. We can just look around, get some ideas.” She gave Quinn a pointed look. “Hang out.”

  Quinn nodded her agreement. She was happy to spend the day with Carly. In a small town like Lanford, their options really were a bit limited. Carly headed straight for the first boutique on the block.

  It wasn’t long before Quinn realized Carly had an ulterior motive for the impromptu shopping excursion. She began flipping through the clothing on the racks with an obvious purpose.

  That purpose did not seem to have anything to do with looking for Christmas gifts.

  Quinn smiled at her, assuming she knew what Carly was up to. “Okay, who is he?” Quinn asked when Carly placed a few pieces of clothing over her arm.

  “What do you mean?” Carly asked.

  Quinn motioned at the clothing. Every piece was cute, expensive and a little bit on the sexy side. “Who are you trying to impress?” She plucked a soft, black sweater from Carly’s growing pile. It was form fitting but cut to hang loosely off a shoulder. “This? This is definitely a date sweater. Who’s it for?” Quinn demanded.

  She wasn’t the least bit surprised that her sister had apparently managed to move on from Nolan so soon. Carly wasn’t one to let a guy, any guy, keep her down for long.

  Carly gave her a devious grin. “I am so glad you think so. Because, my dear sis, it’s for you.”

  “Me?” Quinn asked, shocked. She tried handing the sweater back to Carly. Carly spun away from her, refusing to take it.

  “Yes, you,” Carly said over her shoulder. Quinn hurried along behind her. “When is the last time you bought yourself something new? When is the last time you even went shopping?”

  Quinn blinked at her but didn’t answer. She glanced around the shop. It was surprisingly quiet, possibly because the weather had taken such a chilly turn. She was relieved that no one was close enough to listen in. She didn’t particularly want to have this conversation now. Yet, she had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to stop her sister from pushing ahead with it.

  She was right.

  “Exactly!” Carly said. “It’s been so long you don’t even remember. Now,” she said in her no-nonsense voice, “we are going to spend the rest of the afternoon picking out some new clothes for you. I am sure Luke has seen you in absolutely everything you own. You really, truly need a new dating wardrobe.”

  “Oh, oh no,” Quinn grumbled. “No, Carly. I’m not…” She shook her head, unable to go on. Shopping for fun was one thing. Shopping with a date in mind…a date with Luke in mind, was quite another.

  “Quinn,” Carly said firmly. “You’re ready. I know you are. Now you just have to embrace that fact. What better way to start than by buying some new clothes? New clothes, for a new start.”

  Quinn glanced at the clothes in Carly’s arms. She was torn. Until yesterday, she truly hadn’t thought about dating again. Jake was still always on her mind. Carter was so little, so busy, so demanding that he took up every second of her spare time. She was okay with that. She felt like she didn’t need more. Yet, after their talk last night, seemingly out of nowhere, Luke had suddenly seemed to hijack her thoughts.

  Her stomach suddenly felt fluttery. She couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. She tried to ignore the feeling but it didn’t seem to want to go away.

  She wasn’t quite ready to admit that to Carly yet. She was having a hard enough time getting herself used to the idea. A too-large part of her felt like it was an insult to Jake’s memory to date anyone, let alone his brother.

  But it wasn’t as simple, as clear-cut, as black and white as that. She and Luke had a history. A longer history than she and Jake had. She felt comfortable with Luke. She loved Luke and had, to some degree or another, loved him nearly her whole life.

  The thought of dating in general sent her into a panic. But the thought of dating Luke, it didn’t seem nearly as scary as picking up things with a stranger.

  “I do really adore this sweater,” she finally said. “You’re right. It has been a very long time since I shopped for anything. I just really haven’t had the need to buy anything. New clothes…well, I could use some new clothes.”

  She pulled the other pieces from Carly’s arm, eyeing them up. Her sister had good taste, as she should. She was majoring in retail management. Carly hoped to own a high-end boutique like this someday. The items she’d pulled aside would suit Quinn perfectly.

  Carly smiled, trying to keep the smugness off of her face. If Quinn was willing to take small, baby steps, she would settle for that. First, they would concentrate on buying some dating outfits. Later, they’d concentrate on Quinn actually getting the date.

  “You could definitely use some new clothes,” Carly agreed.

  Quinn blushed as she looked down at herself. Her jeans, her favorite pair, were comfortably worn. Emphasis on worn. Her long-sleeve, form-fitting yet simple blue t-shirt was just one of many that cluttered her closet.

  She groaned and then laughed. “I have turned into such a mom! Look at me!”

  Carly nodded showing more sympathy than Quinn would like. “I know. But Quinn, you’re young.”

  “I’m twenty-four! Not a teenager!” she argued. She didn’t want Carly to get too carried away.

  “You’re not an old granny, either,” Carly argued. “You need to sex it up a bit. I am more than willing to help with that.”

  They spent the next several hours trying on clothes at various boutiques throughout town. Carly only bought a few things for herself. Quinn’s wardrobe had expanded exponentially as she made up for lost time. She realized she really had not bought herself anything new since she traded in her maternity clothes. She’d simply gone back to wearing the clothes she’d always worn. With Jake gone, she hadn’t had the desire to dress up for anyone.

  Carly had talked her into new boots and two new pairs of shoes. She had insisted upon new perfume. She knew that the kind Quinn always wore had been a gift from Jake. She hadn’t pointed that out when she spritzed several new scents for her sister to choose from.

  She’d decided on a subtle, caramel-vanilla scent. Carly had thought it was perfect for her. It was subtle and sweet, just like her sister.r />
  Quinn had tried to protest when Carly loaded her down with new lingerie. She picked out two simple, yet slightly sexy pairs of pajamas. Several silky new pairs of panties and she was insistent on two new bras. Had the sales clerk not been hovering, Quinn may have protested more. She finally realized what Carly already knew. It was just easier to give in than to put up a fight.

  So she’d given in. Now her trunk was stuffed full of bags.

  “Are you sure you can’t come out tonight?” Carly asked. She was awfully close to pouting as she invited her sister out, yet again.

  “I really shouldn’t,” Quinn said as she pulled up to their parents’ house. She’d left Carter with his grandparents all day. Even though she was sure they wouldn’t mind keeping him longer, possibly overnight even, she didn’t feel it was the right thing to do. Besides, she missed him. “You and Jemma will have fun,” Quinn said. “Maybe I’ll go next time.”

  Jemma was one of Quinn’s best friends from high school. Growing up, Jemma and Carly hadn’t been that close. But now, with an age gap being less apparent, and with neither of them in a serious relationship—while all of their other friends were—they had gotten pretty close over the past year.

  “Alright,” Carly said with an exaggerated sigh. She nudged her sister’s shoulder. “But next time, you’re coming with us. I’m holding you to that. You need to get out more.”

  Quinn ignored her. “I’ll see you tomorrow? For Sunday dinner?”

  Carly nodded. She would be heading back to school tomorrow evening. Margo had insisted she stay through dinner and of course, Quinn and Carter would be expected to be there. “Yes, see you tomorrow,” Carly agreed. Then she turned to Quinn and grinned. “And maybe by tomorrow you’ll be able to tell me that you called Luke.”

  Quinn shook her head and laughed at Carly’s tenacity. “Goodbye, Carly.”

  “Chicken,” Carly muttered good-naturedly. She got out, taking her bags with her.

  ~*~*~

  “Did you have a nice time?” Nora asked.

  “Yes, I did, actually,” Quinn said. She could hear Carter in the living room, playing with his grandpa. His giggles and squeals made her smile. “Thank you so much for taking him.”

  “Anytime, Quinn,” Nora said, “you know that.”

  Quinn smiled and nodded because she did know that.

  “Would you like to stay for dinner?” she asked.

  Quinn could smell the aroma of something enticing wafting from the oven. Nora was wiping down the countertops as they spoke.

  “Luke’s coming,” Nora said. “We’d love it if you joined us, too.”

  Quinn’s heart swirled. She couldn’t deny that her conversation with Carly had awakened feelings in her that she’d thought were long gone. They weren’t. They seemed to be alive and well and growing with each breath she took.

  “It smells fabulous,” she said. “But I really ought to get home. I got a little carried away with my shopping. I’d like to get everything put away and organized tonight.”

  “Good for you,” Nora said with a delighted smile. “I’m glad to hear you went out and did something for yourself. Dinner next time, though?” she asked.

  Quinn nodded. “That sounds nice.”

  She got Carter bundled into his warm jacket as Nora made sure his diaper bag was ready to go. “I think that’s everything,” she said, handing the bag to Quinn.

  Quinn thanked her again and then they all said their goodbyes.

  She was just buckling a squirming, jabbering Carter into his car seat when she heard a vehicle pull up. She clicked the buckle into place and then backed out of the backseat.

  It was Luke, just as she assumed it would be.

  “Mommy will be back in one minute,” Quinn told Carter. He jabbered and waved as she shut the door.

  “Hey, Quinnie!” Luke called as he walked over to her. It was getting late and the air was even bitterer than it had been before. Quinn rubbed her mitten covered hands together as he closed the distance between them. “You coming or going?”

  “Going,” Quinn said. “I’ve been out with Carly all day. I need to be heading home.”

  “Okay. I’m surprised Mom didn’t talk you into staying for dinner,” he admitted.

  Quinn laughed. “She tried.”

  “Are you sure you can’t stay?” he asked. “I haven’t seen much of you lately.”

  There, her heart did it again. That distracting little swirly flutter as she looked up into Luke’s face. His handsome, familiar face with his deep brown eyes and his ready smile. His chocolate-colored hair was on the verge of needing a cut. It hung in his eyes just a bit. Quinn felt the sudden urge to brush his bangs off to the side. She refrained by clasping her hands behind her back.

  “I really shouldn’t,” she said. “Carter’s been here all day. I’m sure your parents have worn him right out.”

  Luke nodded knowingly. He cocked his head to the side, as if taking in her appearance. “You look nice. Did you do something different?”

  Quinn laughed, unwilling to tell him she’d just had her eyebrows waxed. “I just had a facial and had an inch or two cut off of my hair.”

  He nodded again. “Oh, okay. Well, I shouldn’t keep you from Carter. I know how he hates his car seat.”

  “Right, okay, well…I’ll see you later,” Quinn said.

  Luke gave her a little wave and then he took off toward the house.

  “Luke?” To her surprise, his name shot from her lips. She wasn’t sure if she was prepared to do what she was about to do. But now seemed as good of a time as any. As Carly had pointed out, the two of them had wasted so much time, neither of them having the nerve to say what they wanted to say to the other.

  She was an adult now and she knew with absolute certainty that life was too short.

  Why wait?

  “Yeah?” Luke asked as he turned back around.

  Quinn took a few steps toward him. She took a deep breath but found comfort in the way Luke was looking at her. “I was wondering if you would maybe want to go out for dinner next Friday night?”

  “Sure. I can do that.”

  She felt a smile slowly spread across her face. That hadn’t been hard at all. Then her heart lurched when Luke’s lips twitched into a confused frown.

  He hesitated a few more seconds and her smile faded. “Wait,” he said. “You mean, like…a date?”

  She nodded slowly because suddenly, this didn’t feel quite right.

  He blew out a breath as he shuffled his feet. When he looked back at her, he wore a slight grimace. “Quinn, I’m sorry. But I can’t.”

  Now it was her turn to blow out a breath. “You’re seeing someone.” It wasn’t a question. It was a sudden realization.

  He nodded slowly.

  She forced a smile. “Well, that’s great,” she said. She hadn’t expected him to wait around for her. Truly, she hadn’t. It was more that she was surprised. If he was dating someone, why didn’t she know about it? More specifically, why didn’t he tell her? “I just didn’t realize,” she admitted.

  “Yeah, sorry about that,” he muttered. “I just, I didn’t want to bring it up.”

  Quinn nodded her understanding. Like Carly, he probably thought it would be hard for Quinn to hear about him being happy. She really wished that everyone would stop being so careful around her.

  “Is it serious?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking the question. As soon as she did, she wanted to take it back. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer. She had finally, after all these years, managed to put herself out there. Now, things still weren’t going to work out.

  “It’s getting there,” Luke carefully replied.

  Quinn forced a smile though suddenly her insides felt shredded. Ridiculous, she knew, because until yesterday, asking Luke out had been the furthest thing from her mind.

  “Well, good,” Quinn said.

  Luke sighed. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”

  “It’s fine.�
� She said the words, but she really didn’t think it was fine. Luke was right. He should’ve told her. As her friend, he shouldn’t have held something like that back from her. She didn’t feel like getting into it with him. Not right then, so she held back. “I just want you to be happy, Luke. So if she makes you happy, then I’m happy for you.”

  They looked at each other in silence for a few moments. Quinn’s words were oddly reminiscent of Luke’s words. The words he’d spoken to her on her wedding day. He’d loved her. He’d wanted to be with her. But she had been with Jake. He’d told her he was okay with that. As long as Jake made her happy.

  “Anyhow,” she said brightly as she took a step back. “I should get going. You’re right, Carter hates his car seat. I’m sure he’s not happy with me right about now.” She spun on her heal before Luke could say anything else. As she slid into her front seat, she noted that he was still standing there, watching after her.

  It wasn’t until she began backing out of the driveway that he resumed his trek to his parents’ front door.

  The drive home was a blur for Quinn. She chatted with Carter, smiling at his nonsensical responses. She made their dinner in a haze and spent the rest of the evening much the same way. She felt guilty, realizing she was entirely wrapped up in herself but unable to help it.

  Unlike most nights, she rocked him to sleep, just wanting to feel his small, solid body next to hers. She was so grateful for him. She gently rubbed his back as he stopped fussing against her shoulder, all the while murmuring comforting sounds in his ear.

  Her heart swelled with the love she felt for him. As always, she was so grateful that Jake had blessed her with a son, a tiny part of him that would live on. She continued to rock Carter long after he was asleep because she needed the comfort that he brought her.

  Finally, she stood from the glider Jake had purchased for Carter’s nursery. She slowly crossed the dimly lit room and lowered him into his crib. She kissed him goodnight and tiptoed out of his room.

  She made it to the hallway before her tears began to fall.

  She hadn’t realized how much she had counted on Luke always being there for her. She didn’t want to admit to herself that perhaps in the back of her mind she really had thought they’d be together some day.