Letting Go (Holding On Book 2)

by Jolie, Meg

  She slowly made her way to her bedroom and tossed herself down in the middle of her bed. For the first time in a long while she let herself have a good cry.

  Only this time, she wasn’t crying over what she had lost with Jake. She was crying over what she would never have with Luke.

  3

  “Quinn looked good, didn’t she?” Nora asked Luke as they settled into the living room.

  Luke was surprised his mom had brought up Quinn. He knew he’d been quiet throughout dinner, barely able to discuss business with his dad. Or his girlfriend, Ashley, with his mom.

  “She did look nice,” Tom agreed. He settled into his recliner and clicked on the television.

  Luke nodded, suddenly wishing he hadn’t agreed to stay for awhile. Yet it was rude to eat and run. “Yeah, she got a haircut.”

  Nora scoffed. “That’s not what I meant. I meant she looks different lately. She has some of her sparkle back. She’s been smiling a lot more.” She paused. “While she doesn’t seem entirely happy, not yet, she does seem to be more at peace.”

  Luke glanced at his mom. “Do you think?”

  He’d noticed the subtle changes in her, too. At first, months had gone by and Quinn had not parted with a smile. Then Carter was born and she shared her very few smiles only with him. But now, all this time later, she seemed more like her old self. The Quinn he’d grown up with. He was happy to have her back because that was the Quinn he’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

  His gut twisted up tight. For years, since the time he was in middle school, he’d had a crush on Quinn. It had fluctuated from bearable to nearly intolerable at times. It had been excruciating when she’d started dating his brother.

  He’d wanted her so badly. For years, he’d wanted her. Something, usually his pride and fear, always stood in the way. But now—

  “Luke,” Nora said.

  He got the impression it wasn’t the first time she’d said his name. He swung his gaze around to her.

  “You and Quinn looked pretty serious earlier. Care to share why?” she asked. Luke frowned at her. “I wasn’t spying. You were standing right in front of the kitchen window. I was washing a few dishes.”

  “Oh, right,” Luke said. “It was nothing, really.”

  Nora looked at him, questions written all over her face. Even Tom had pulled his eyes from the television to glance their way.

  Luke shook his head. He couldn’t bring himself to say that Quinn had asked him out.

  On a date.

  Quinn.

  Had asked him out.

  “Are you alright?” Nora asked as she leaned over, placing a concerned hand on Luke’s shoulder. “You look a little…pale.”

  Quinn had asked him out. The girl he’d been in love with for over a decade had finally asked him out and he’d told her…no?

  “You know,” Luke said, “I’m not feeling so great.”

  It wasn’t a lie.

  “Wasn’t your mother’s cooking was it?” Tom teased. Nora shot him a dirty look and he laughed.

  “No. But I think maybe I’ll head on out.”

  “I thought we could have dessert in a bit,” Nora said. Even though he was finally back in Lanford, Luke was busy more often than not. He didn’t come over for dinner nearly as often as she would like.

  “You know,” he said as he got to his feet. “I don’t think I am. I really think I should get going.”

  He said his goodbyes and he left. Once he was out on the main road, he wasn’t sure where to go. He was fairly certain Betsy was hanging out at Jesse’s tonight. Jesse didn’t seem to mind having him around. Though Jesse had never said it, Luke was sure that Jesse’s offer hadn’t stemmed from wanting rental income. Luke was pretty sure Jesse wanted him around because it helped to keep Betsy from making herself too comfortable. She’d hinted many times at moving in.

  So much so that Luke had offered to move out. Not that he was sure where he’d go. He’d been looking at houses for several months now. Nothing had fit his needs or his interest. Yet, if Jesse kicked him out, it would definitely be the kick in the ass he needed to just buy a house already. But that hadn’t happened. In fact, Jesse told him he was welcome to stay as long as he needed to.

  Luke found himself driving around, not willing to go back to Jesse’s just yet. If anything, maybe he should’ve stayed at his parents’ a little longer. He didn’t because he needed to get away to clear his head.

  He was surprised when he found himself at the city park. It was the same park where Quinn and Jake had gotten married. He got out of his truck, ignoring the bitter chill, and walked toward the lake. It was near dusk but he easily found the path that led to the overlook.

  When he reached it, he grasped the railing with his hands as he hung his head in thought.

  Memories of Quinn flooded over him. It was here that he’d finally admitted to her how he felt. Only, by the time he forced himself to say it, it was far too late. She was pregnant and marrying Jake the next day.

  His gaze swept out over the choppy, gray, nearly frozen water. He wasn’t really taking in the sight. He was just trying to organize his thoughts.

  He had gone on a few dates over the past year. None of them had amounted to much. Not until he’d met Ashley. He’d been with her for several months now. She was everything he should want. She was pretty, charming and independent. They had fun together. She was a nurse at the elementary school and she had one of the most caring dispositions of anyone he knew. In all honesty, he could see a future with her.

  However, for the first time, a future with Quinn might be within his grasp.

  He shook his head, wondering why the timing for them never seemed to work out. It seemed that fate was never on their side. He was happy with Ashley. He really was. It was a comfortable relationship. She was perfect for him in every way.

  Every way but one.

  She wasn’t Quinn.

  Quinn was the woman he’d always wanted.

  And she’d done the unthinkable in his mind. She’d come to him.

  ~*~*~

  “Great, now I’m talking to myself,” Luke muttered as he parked his truck. He realized he’d been talking to himself the entire drive to Quinn’s. First he had to talk himself into going to see her. Then halfway there, he began talking himself into not going to see her. That lasted only a few minutes. Luckily, it was a short drive and he arrived before he managed to completely talk himself out of it.

  Now he was sitting in front of her house. Lights glowed from within. He glanced at the clock, realizing Carter was probably sleeping. He was glad. He liked spending time with his nephew but right now, he wanted to talk to Quinn.

  He did not want to be interrupted.

  “Here goes nothing,” he told himself.

  It was dark now as he took the steps up to Quinn’s front door two at a time. He knocked instead of ringing the bell, not wanting to chance waking Carter. He stood impatiently waiting, shifting from one foot to the other, rubbing his sweaty palms on his thighs. He hadn’t felt this nervous over a girl in years.

  A woman, actually, he reminded himself. He could still picture Quinn with her massive tangle of curls split into two lopsided ponytails. He could picture her as she got older, too. He remembered vividly the first time he noticed her curves.

  “Get a grip.” Then he shook his head, realizing he was doing it again. He was talking to himself. He raised his hand to the door to knock once more. He dared knock just a little louder this time.

  Moments later, Quinn was standing before him as she swung the door open.

  How she managed to make a pair of pink and gray plaid, flannel pajamas look sexy, he wasn’t quite sure. But she did.

  “Luke.” Her tone didn’t hide her surprise. “What are you doing here?”

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  “Oh, right, yes,” she said as she moved aside to allow him entrance. She closed the door behind him.

  When he looked at her now, he realized someth
ing.

  “You’ve been crying,” he said as he reached over. He slid his thumb under her eye. He swiped an errant, stubborn tear away.

  She shrugged, embarrassed, but didn’t answer.

  “Thinking about Jake?” he asked. His voice was full of understanding.

  She furrowed her brow. “Um, actually, no. Can we just skip this part of the conversation?” she asked as she looked at him curiously.

  He slid his jacket off and placed it on the coat stand next to the door. Without giving it any more thought, he pulled Quinn into his arms. She went willingly, melting against him.

  He wasn’t entirely sure why he was hugging her, other than he felt he should. She was visibly upset and though he didn’t know the reason, he wanted to offer her comfort. For the first time in a long, long while he allowed himself to enjoy the feel of her body next to his. He’d hugged her a lot over the past few years. This past year, however, he’d worked hard at not allowing himself to feel anything more than friendship when they were together.

  Now, he was flooded with feelings and emotions that had very little to do with friendship.

  He continued to hold her and she clung to him as she rested her head on his chest.

  “Want to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked after awhile. If it wasn’t Jake, he couldn’t imagine what else it could be. But whatever it was, he wanted her to be okay.

  “Not really,” Quinn said.

  Luke laughed as he squeezed her to him. “Will you, anyway?”

  She moved her head back so she could look up at him. “The truth?” she asked with a sigh.

  “Of course.”

  She gave him a tiny shrug, though she hadn’t let go of him yet. “I was feeling sorry for myself, that’s all.”

  “Oh,” he said, his expression softening. “You’re allowed to do that. What are you feeling bad about?”

  She forced a small smile and her cheeks flooded with color. She glanced away. “I’d really rather not say.”

  “Quinn,” he said firmly. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”

  She wrinkled her nose at him as she finally stepped away. “I’d really rather not tell you this.”

  He kicked off his boots and grabbed her hand, pulling her into her living room. Once he had her seated on the sofa next to him, he suddenly felt very nervous.

  “You know you’re welcome to stop by, anytime,” she said. “But you still haven’t told me what you’re doing here.”

  “I came to see you.”

  This brought a smile to her face. “Yeah, Luke, I kind of figured that much. The question is…why?”

  His expression suddenly became serious and the smile slipped from her face. “What’s wrong?” she asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

  He shook his head. His heart was pounding but he was ready to move ahead with this conversation, regardless. He was ready. It was time.

  “Nothing is wrong. At least, I hope nothing is wrong. After you left Mom and Dad’s tonight, I have not been able to stop thinking about you. In fact, I had to leave because I couldn’t get you out of my head and Mom knew something was up. So I drove around. I took a walk out to the overlook.” He paused, taking in her expression. His gaze scoured over her, trying to gauge her reaction so far. She gave him a small nod, a gesture for him to continue. A small, questioning furrow appeared between her brows. He sighed because he was so used to loving Quinn from afar. Even though she’d come to him tonight, keeping his feelings to himself had become a hard habit to break.

  She finally spoke, misunderstanding his silence. “I’m sorry, Luke. I didn’t know you were seeing someone. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I really don’t want things to be awkward between us. We’ve been there before and I didn’t like it at all. In fact, I hated every minute of it. If I’d known you were seeing…” She faded off then glanced up at him again. “I don’t even know her name.”

  “Ashley.”

  “If I’d known, I never would’ve said anything. So let’s just pretend I didn’t,” she suggested.

  He smiled as he leaned over to take her hands. “Let’s not because here’s the thing…I like Ashley. But I love you, Quinn. I’ve always loved you. For the first time you and I, we’re finally on the same page. We finally have a shot at being together.”

  Confusion spread across her face. “But…what about Ashley? Luke, the last thing I want is to come between you and someone you care about.”

  “It’s too late for that. The moment the words were out of your mouth, I couldn’t stop thinking about them. I know if I don’t act on them, I will never stop thinking about them. I know what I need to do.” He paused. “I need to end things with her. I will. I would have already but she’s out of town for the weekend. She’s at a bachelorette party for her sister. She won’t be back until tomorrow. I wish I could’ve talked to her first because believe me; I want nothing more than to be sitting here with you, with nothing between us. But I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to see you.”

  Finally, a small smile appeared on Quinn’s face.

  Luke was quiet and his expression became even more serious. “I’m not asking for any promises. But we’ve known each other a long time. Before I end things with Ashley, I just need to know…do you think you and I…do you think we could be a forever kind of thing?”

  Quinn blinked at him in surprise.

  He cringed. “Right, I’m getting way ahead of myself.”

  “No,” she assured him, “it’s fine. I would never consider letting you end things with someone else if I didn’t think you and I had a chance. I’ve known you almost my whole life. I can’t imagine you not being in the rest of it.”

  He noted she looked so much more relaxed than she had when he’d first walked in. He couldn’t help but wonder something.

  “Now would you tell me what you were upset about before I got here?”

  She gave him a sheepish look. “I was upset about you. I was upset that you and I never see to be able to get it right.”

  His heart slammed against his chest. It never occurred to him that Quinn might cry over him. The realization sent a flood of mixed-emotions through him. He felt elated and surprised that she cared that much about him—in that way at least. Yet, he hated to see her hurting for any reason. He wanted her to feel better so he said, “But now we might.”

  She let out a happy sigh that ensured his pulse wouldn’t slow anytime soon. “I sure hope so.”

  He leaned toward her, his hands sliding from hers. He cupped her cheeks in his palms as he looked into the green eyes he knew so well.

  “I want to kiss you so badly right now,” he said. Color flooded her cheeks but she didn’t look away.

  Her hands went to his wrists. She didn’t push his hands aside. “But you can’t.”

  He shook his head. “No. If we’re going to start something, we’re going to start it out the right way.”

  She nodded and he pulled her in, not able to resist leaving a kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes and breathed him in. For the first time in over a year, her heart swelled with hope for the future.

  “Would it be okay if I stayed with you for awhile?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Yes, I’d like that.”

  Luke picked out a movie, one that was a favorite from their high school days. He sprawled out on the couch and Quinn joined him. He pulled her in so that her back was firmly against his chest. He knew he was walking a fine line between right and wrong—since Ashley was still officially in his life—but he pushed the thought away as he curled his arm around her.

  Her body felt so small and fragile against his. She’d lost a lot of weight after Jake’s death and she hadn’t gained it back. Still, she felt so completely sexy and feminine. She let out a content sigh as she relaxed against him.

  He’d give just about anything to kiss her in that moment. But he couldn’t. So he tightened his arm around her, settling for holding her, which was the next best thing.

  4 />
  “Dad, you’ll keep an eye on Carter for a few minutes, won’t you?” Carly asked.

  Quinn was sitting on the floor next to him, keeping him entertained with a pile of toys. He was talking to the stack of building blocks before him. Every time Quinn would stack them up, Carter would knock them down and laugh. Then he’d look at his mommy expectantly, waiting for her to stack them once more so he could continue with his favorite game.

  Before Quinn could ask Carly why their dad needed to watch Carter, Pete agreed.

  “Come with me,” Carly said. She grabbed Quinn by her elbow and tugged her to her feet. “Mom we’ll be right back!” Carly called over her shoulder to Margo, who was in the kitchen. The aroma of their Sunday dinner filled the house.

  Quinn laughed as Carly towed her up the steps. “What’s going on?”

  Carly didn’t answer until she swung Quinn into her room. She shut the door and crossed her arms over her chest. Her eyes were narrowed as she eyed Quinn up. “I think I should be asking you that. What’s going on, big sister?”

  Quinn feigned innocence. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  Carly stomped her foot, causing her strawberry blond ponytail to bounce across her back. “Don’t you dare try to pull that with me. I don’t buy it for a second. You look…” She hesitated. “You’ve had this dreamy look on your face since the minute you walked in the front door.”

  A traitorous smile appeared on Quinn’s face. She didn’t bother to try to chase it away.

  Carly let out a squeal as she bounced toward Quinn. “Is it Luke?! Oh, Quinnie! Please, please tell me it’s Luke!”

  Quinn bit her lip and crinkled up her face in indecision. Carly stared at her impatiently. Finally, Quinn nodded. “It is Luke.”

  Carly squealed again, just like she used to do when they were in high school. Then she threw her arms around Quinn. She knew as well as anyone how devastated Quinn had been after Jake’s death. She had feared that Quinn was stubborn enough that she would refuse to move on. The other night, when Carly had brought it up, she’d only hoped to plant the idea in Quinn’s head. She hadn’t dared hope that Quinn would be so receptive to the idea so soon.