Chat Love

by Justine Faeth

  Disappointed, I say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

  Jackson looks at me with narrowed eyes. “Do you have a date?”

  I nod my head, wanting to be honest. He looks away from me, and I can tell that he is upset. “It’s just a coffee date, Jackson; nothing serious. I was already considering ending things with him, anyway.”

  He interjects, “It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to explain anything to me; I’m not your boyfriend.”

  I hesitantly place my hand on his shoulder. “I know you aren’t, but I don’t want you to think that last night didn’t mean anything to me.”

  He snaps, “You don’t want me to think that it didn’t mean anything?” He whips around to face me. “Don’t worry; I don’t expect anything from you.” I open my mouth but he continues to speak. “Shouldn’t you be leaving, anyway? Don’t you have a date? Just go; I’ll talk to you later.”

  After practically being thrown out of Jackson’s apartment, I hail a cab and head home, tears in my eyes. I hadn’t meant to upset him, but I’d been surprised by his harsh words. When I arrive at my apartment I take a long shower, trying to clear my mind. Why had Jackson responded in such an emotional way? Was he jealous, hurt, or just angry? Does he feel for me what I’m feeling for him?

  I get out of the shower and throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater, not bothering to care about my appearance. After putting on a light layer of makeup, I head for the door, walking past Autumn’s room on my way out. As I reach to knock on her door, I hear her talking to someone on the phone, and I decide to give her some privacy. I quickly scribble a note and tape it to her door, then leave the apartment to walk to the Starbucks a few blocks away.

  On the way, I mentally prepare a speech to share with Mike. As wonderful as he is, I know that he’s not the one for me, and I’m going to have to be honest with him. Within minutes, I’m approaching Starbucks and I can already see Mike waiting at a table near the window, with two cups of coffee. He smiles at me as I open the door and make my way over to his table.

  He kisses my cheek and we both sit down.

  “I got you a cappuccino,” he says, pushing the cup across the table.

  I thank him and take a large sip. He looks incredibly attractive today, and I’m already having second thoughts about ending things. Still, I know that it’s the right thing to do.

  “Mike, we need to talk,” I say.

  Mike nods his head in agreement. “Yes, we should talk.”

  My eyes widen with surprise. I see him playing with his coffee cup nervously, and I begin to wonder if we may be having the same thoughts. I take a deep breath and say, “I’ve been thinking that maybe we need to stop seeing one another.”

  He looks up at me with wide eyes. “Really?” he asks.

  Oh no, I think, suddenly worried that we might be on different pages after all.

  My fears are lifted when Mike releases a sigh of relief, his face breaking out into a smile.

  “I’ve been thinking the same thing!” he says. “I was afraid that I was going to hurt you, and I couldn’t figure out how to tell you without hurting your feelings.”

  We both laugh, already feeling more comfortable. Mike leans back in his chair, sipping his coffee and smiling because of the humorous situation.

  “The funny thing is, I don’t understand why there isn’t any chemistry between us, because you’re a great guy, and we have a lot in common. For some reason, though, it’s just not there.”

  Mike adds to my thought. “You just aren’t feeling any sparks, right?” I smile and nod, pleasantly surprised. Never have I experienced such an amicable split. We both chuckle, and I’m glad that he’s feeling the same way.

  I ask, “Did we just mutually agree that we should stop seeing each other?” It’s hard to believe that we’re actually ending things, because we’re both content and smiling.

  “I do believe that we did.” Mike says, smiling. “I want you to know that I really do think that you’re incredible. I enjoy the time we’ve spent together, but I just think that we’re better off as friends. I’m really relieved that we’re on the same page.”

  I sit up straighter, taking another sip of my coffee. “I completely agree. You are one of the nicest people I’ve met through Chat Love, but there’s just no spark.” Mike nods his head in agreement. “But I would like to remain friends, if you’re OK with that,” I add.

  He gives me a big smile. “I would like that a lot, Lucia.”

  After two more cups of cappuccino, Mike and I part ways for the evening.

  I forget to use the restroom before I leave, and I find myself rushing home, trying to avoid wetting my pants after having had three cups of coffee. As I enter my building, I quickly rush up the stairs, focusing on my aching bladder. On the way to my door, I bump into someone and mumble an apology without looking up, frantically working to unlock the door to my apartment.

  “You don’t need to apologize,” says an all too familiar voice. “I need to apologize.” Jackson steps into view, holding a bag of Chinese takeout and wearing a remorseful expression on his face.

  “I have to go to the bathroom,” I snap at him, leaving the door open and rushing into my apartment. I assume that he’s intelligent enough to let himself in. Sure enough, I hear the sound of the front door closing just a few moments later.

  I feel an overwhelming sensation of relief as I finally empty my bladder. As soon as the pressure is gone, I remember that Jackson is in my apartment. I honestly have no idea why he’s here, or what he wants to talk about, but I’m looking forward to finding out.

  After I flush the toilet and wash my hands, I check my reflection in the mirror and brush my teeth in order to get rid of my coffee breath. I walk out of the bathroom and see Jackson staring at the painting he’d given me. I lean against the wall, watching him as he moves about my apartment, placing several cartons of Chinese food on my coffee table.

  He finally notices my stare and meets my gaze. “I didn’t know if you ate dinner on your date, so I brought you food. I want to talk.”

  I fold my arms over my chest. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “I want to apologize for being such an arse before.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “Are you actually admitting that you were wrong?”

  He chuckles nervously. “Yeah, I guess I am. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

  We survey one another awkwardly and my stomach growls, breaking the silence.

  “Would you like to eat?” Jackson asks. I nod, and we walk into the kitchen. “What can I help with?” he asks, and I hand him two glasses to fill as I gather silverware.

  I walk back into the living room and quickly set the table for us. We both take a seat on the couch and Jackson begins to scoop food onto a plate for me.

  “I didn’t know what you like, so I decided to just get a variety,” he explains as he places several different kinds of food on my plate.

  “Are you trying to make me fat?” I ask, narrowing my eyes teasingly.

  He glances down at my body and then looks at my face again. “You shouldn’t worry about your body; you’re perfect.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “I see that you’re trying to charm me now?”

  He leans toward me. “I might be; is it working?” I lean in close to him, pretending as though I’m about to kiss him, but I instead take a bite of egg roll at the last minute.

  “Very sexy, Lucia,” he comments. “So how did your date go?”

  I wipe my mouth with a napkin. “It was much better than I thought it would be.”

  He cocks his head and takes a sip from his cup. “Why? Are you planning to see him again?”

  “No; we both decided that it would be best to remain friends.”

  He smiles and I can sense relief on his face. “Just friends? Is he really that much of a tosser?” he nudges me with his elbow.

  I roll my eyes. “No, actually he’s a really great guy.”

  He looks at me with
confusion. “What was the problem, then?”

  I bite my lip and look him in the eye. “There wasn’t any chemistry between us.”

  Smirking, he says, “Blimey. Poor lad.”

  For a moment, we stare at one another, and I fight the urge to kiss him. Trying to distract myself, I ask him a low voice, “Why did you act the way you did this morning?” In my head I chant to myself, Please say you were jealous, please say you were jealous, please say you feel this too.

  He opens his mouth to answer when my phone chimes to tell me that I have a text message. I check my phone and find a message from Autumn, reminding me that she’ll be spending the night out this evening. I quickly thank her for letting me know and turn back to Jackson, waiting for his answer.

  Jackson averts his eyes. “I already apologized. Can’t we just let it go?”

  I’m disappointed by his answer, but I decide to just accept his apology. After all, I’m lucky to have received an apology at all from Jackson Foster.

  “Fine. However, since you were such an ass today, I get to choose the movie that we’ll watch while we eat. Deal?”

  He chuckles, “OK, deal. Why do I feel like I should be nervous about this?”

  I move my plate from my lap and place it on the couch as I rise to my feet. I pick up my copy of Moonstruck and insert the DVD into the player, obscuring Jackson’s view with my body. As I return to my seat on the couch, Jackson asks which movie I’ve chosen, but I decide to keep it a surprise.

  “I’ll give you a hint,” I say. “I used to watch this movie with my family every Sunday when I was growing up. It’s an old favorite.”

  I turn and see him staring at me, noticing the tenderness of his expression. “In that case, I’m excited to watch it with you,” he says, smiling sweetly and taking my hand in his.

  The sound of the movie comes on and Jackson pulls away, focusing on his dinner and the movie.

  Chapter 22

  My recent dates have left me feeling discouraged. I never would have suspected that even the people seeking committed relationships online would find ways to play games. Chat Love has brought me nothing but disappointment and frustration, and I’m reaching the point of wanting to abandon the site altogether. Even Jack is disappointing me, because he still hasn’t asked me out. He’s confessed strong feelings for me, and we get along so well; I’m beginning to wonder if he isn’t just playing a game of his own.

  Since the wedding, I have been trying to avoid spending extra time with Jackson, just to help keep me from getting attached. I’ve been making an effort to go on more dates with men from Chat Love, but each date just seems to leave me more annoyed than the last. Meanwhile, I can barely keep my mind from thinking about Jackson and Jack—and I hate the fact that I want two men but can’t have either one.

  It doesn’t help that I can’t discuss my frustrations with anyone, because all of my friends think that Chat Love is wonderful. Danni and Ian both love the site, Wayne is a hopeless romantic, Corey is falling in love with a woman, I’ve barely seen Autumn since she started sneaking away to date a mystery man, and Gabriella would just throw it in my face. Essentially, I have no outlet.

  Today is a sunny Saturday afternoon, and I have plans to go to a Yankees game with Skyler. I never turn down an opportunity to see the Yankees play, and I’m excited to just relax and have a beer. I’m also hoping that I’ll be able to talk to Skyler about possibly quitting Chat Love, because I’m honestly getting sick of the site. Even though she’s biased, she has still been more supportive than any of my other friends throughout this entire process, and I know that she’ll be honest in sharing her opinion.

  I am wearing my Derek Jeter jersey and looking forward to watching a good game. There aren’t many things better than enjoying greasy food, good beer, and handsome men, all in the midst of my favorite sport.

  While I’ll be at the game, Autumn is going to be out on another date with her mystery man. While I’m excited that she’s happy, I’m also offended that she wants to hide her personal life from me; it only makes me more curious.

  The buzzer rings and I skip to answer it, excited to see Skyler.

  “Hello, lady!” I sing into the intercom.

  I hear a deep cough and a man’s voice answer, “It’s Jackson.”

  I open the door and see Jackson leaning against the door ledge with his arms crossed in front of his body. His hair is messy, his eyes are shining with amusement, and he has his signature grin plastered across his face.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask him, genuinely curious.

  “Why, I’m here to go watch the Yankees play, of course,” he replies with a smirk.

  Suddenly it all makes sense; Skyler had been planning from the beginning for Jackson to take me to the game. He is wearing dark ripped jeans and a blue plaid shirt with the first two buttons of the shirt undone to show the top of his chest and throat. The sight of him makes me angry at Skyler for setting this up without telling me and angry at myself for wanting him again—but I just smile and hold open the door, inviting him inside.

  “So Skyler gave you the tickets?” I ask. He smirks and nods.

  I roll my eyes. “She would.” He just laughs.

  I excuse myself to my bedroom and dial Skyler’s number on my cell phone, pacing back and forth as I wait for her to answer. Finally, I hear her voice offer a timid greeting.

  “Don’t be mad; you’ll have a great time, I promise!”

  I hiss, “I just wish you would’ve told me about this sooner!”

  She quickly replies, “If I’d have told you, I know that you would’ve found some excuse to skip. Consider it a gift; I know the two of you are crazy about each other, and I’ve just handed you an ideal date. Go for it.”

  “Go for it?” I ask. “Sky, this is Jackson, remember? There’s no use trying to read him. This is getting way too complicated. Plus, what about Chat Love? Doesn’t this kind of contradict everything you’ve been telling me to do so far?”

  She argues, “Chat Love is there to help you find someone, but you’ve already found Jackson. So go and enjoy your time with him! I already can’t believe that you’re spending this much time on the phone with me, instead of out on your date with him.”

  I sit on my bed, still not fully convinced. “OK, but what about Jack?”

  “Look, I know that you feel a connection with him, but Jack isn’t exactly making any moves to see you, is he? Like I said, take advantage of the opportunity you have right now.” I hear Dave saying something in the background, and Skyler replies quietly. “Look, I have to go. Face the facts: you like Jackson. Go enjoy your date, and I’ll see you on Monday.” I hear a click as she ends the call.

  I remain seated on my bed, thinking. Skyler does have a point, and it’s not exactly a secret that Jackson and I like one another. Maybe she’s right, maybe I have been ignoring opportunities that are practically in my lap. I always enjoy my time with Jackson, and we have been slowly developing a friendship, even going so far as to share deeply personal secrets. I feel emotionally comfortable with him, and it may be time for me to actually act on that.

  I take a few deep breaths to calm myself and then walk out of my bedroom to see Jackson waiting patiently on the couch. He looks my way as I enter the room and gives me a little smile.

  “Are you ready?” he asks.

  I nod my head. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

  We walk out of my building and I begin heading in the direction of the subway, but Jackson stops me.

  “My car is over there,” he says, nodding in the direction of a light blue 1966 Mustang parked near the curb. My mouth falls open as I follow him over to the car, climbing in as he holds the door open for me. He has no idea, but I’m climbing into my dream car, and I’m thrilled.

  Jackson shuts the door and quickly walks around to the driver’s side, climbing in and starting the engine. He turns the radio on and I hear Dave Matthews Band—one of my favorites—playing softly

  We are both silent
during the ride to the stadium, and I’m just enjoying the ride. I’m beginning to think that Skyler has been right all along about Jackson. I’ve grown close to him over the past few months, and I’ve come to respect the side of him I hadn’t previously known. Sure, he still has his asshole moments, but he’s also proven that he’s a great man capable of kindness and affection.

  When we arrive at the ballpark, I am thrilled to discover that our seats are located directly behind the dugout. As I’m sitting down, I catch a glimpse of Derek Jeter and squeal with girlish delight. Jackson laughs and takes his seat. I see Jackson’s leg shaking, his jaw clenched, and he keeps running his fingers through his hair.I can tell that he’s nervous and it makes my heart flutter; I’m hoping he’s looking at this as a date. Maybe he is finally ready to give an actual relationship a try.

  I notice him looking at me, and I cock my head out of curiosity.

  “Are you OK? You’ve been kind of quiet so far,” he says.

  I bite my lip and look down at my hands. “I’m fine,” I say, chuckling quietly. “I was just surprised by Skyler’s setup. It caught me off guard.” I look up at him and his face breaks into a grin as he laughs loudly.

  “Don’t worry, I was too,” he replies with a wink. “Skyler isn’t exactly good at keeping secrets, and she kept mentioning how she thinks we’d make a cute couple.” His mention of the word “couple” causes my breath to catch in my chest. “But don’t worry,” he continues, “I told her the truth.”

  “The truth?” I ask, suddenly worried.

  “Yeah, I told her that we’re friends. That’s the truth, right?” he asks.

  My heart sinks as he looks toward the field. I try to catch a glimpse of his eyes, hoping to find some sort of clarification in their expression. Does he just want to be friends or does he want more? As I turn to watch the players taking the field, my thoughts turn to Jack. Although he hasn’t actually asked me out on a date, he’s also never tried to hide his feelings for me, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s a better choice than the man sitting next to me now.