Chat Love

by Justine Faeth

  After a few more silent moments, Jackson rises to his feet.

  “I’m hungry; do you want anything to eat or drink?” he asks, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet.

  He is avoiding eye contact, and I’m frustrated by his sudden evasiveness.

  “Yes, a slice of pizza and a beer, please,” I say, thanking him. He gives me a nod and walks away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  When he returns balancing a slice of pizza, two hot dogs, a basket of french fries, and two beers, I reach out to help him. The uncomfortable tension is still present, and we eat in silence, watching the game. A few beers later, however, and the tension has dissipated as we return to joking, laughing, and cheering loudly. Unfortunately, we’ve also returned to flirting with one another, and I find myself struggling once again to maintain my composure.

  After we watch the Yankees win the game, Jackson leads me to his car, swearing on the Queen’s life that he’s fine to drive. I have no trouble believing him, because I know from experience that his British body is capable of handling a lot of beer. As he drives us home, he occasionally places his hand on my thigh, giving me goose bumps.

  As we near my block I realize that the night is ending and begin to feel an overwhelming sadness. I’ve been having a great time with Jackson, and I’m not quite ready for it to end. He slows to a stop in front of my apartment building. For a few seconds we remain still and silent, but I finally turn to look at him. I see him staring at me intently, his eyes darkening as he bites his lower lip.

  “Thank you for tonight,” I say as he continues to stare at me. Struggling to find words, I add, “Say hello to Ginger for me.”

  He gives me a small smile and says, “I will; I know she’d love to see you.”

  Made courageous by alcohol, I reply, “Is she the only one?”

  He raises an eyebrow and I blush, realizing how forward my question was. To my surprise, he leans over swiftly, pressing his lips to mine and slowly snaking his arms behind my back. My pent-up desire escapes as a moan, and I lean into him, I run my fingers through his hair and massage his scalp with my nails. In response he grabs my back with both hands and brings me closer to him, letting me feel the warmth of his body.

  We eventually pull away and we are both panting. My hair is mussed and Jackson quickly reaches up to help me smooth it. He leans back and stares at me, a large grin on his face. His eyes drop to my watch, noticing the time. “Bloody hell!” he exclaims, his face suddenly growing serious. “Lucia, I have to go to my apartment and walk Ginger; she hasn’t been out at all today.”

  My smile fades as I realize what he’s doing. Trying to maintain my dignity, I raise my hand in dismissal and fumble to open the car door.

  “Wait,” he says, grabbing my arm. “I didn’t mean for you to leave; I was going to invite you to come with me, if you’d like. Do you want to?”

  Butterflies rise in my stomach as I nod, shutting the door.

  He feigns insult and asks, “You only want to see Ginger?” I playfully punch his arm and tell him to drive.

  We only spend a few minutes in his apartment as Jackson hurries to gather Ginger, her favorite ball, and a blanket before rushing me back to the car. After a short drive and an even shorter walk, we arrive at what he claims to be his favorite spot in Central Park. He tosses Ginger’s ball and spreads the blanket out on the grass. We play with Ginger for awhile first, chasing her and tossing her ball back and forth. We quickly grow tired and liedown on the blanket, Ginger joining us. I close my eyes and scoot closer to Jackson, enjoying the feeling of his warm body lying so close to mine.

  “Lucia?” I hear him ask.

  “Hmm?” I reply softly.

  “Were you sleeping? I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  I shake my head, staring up at the sky. “No, I was just thinking.”

  “What were you thinking about?” he asks.

  I jokingly reply, “How great Jeter’s ass looked today.”

  He laughs, pinching me lightly before wrapping one arm around me. I feel unbelievably secure. “Tell me what you were actually thinking about,” he pleads.

  I lay my head on his chest and take a moment to listen to his heart beating. Finally, I answer him in a timid voice. “I was thinking about what’s been going on with us. I’m not sure what we’re doing,” I say, already regretting bringing up the subject when I feel his shoulders tense.

  Quietly he says, “We’re having fun, that’s all.” I remain quiet, trying to process his words. What does that even mean? Kellan had once said something similar to me, and I’d ended up getting my heart broken. A feeling of dread overtakes me as I realize that I may be heading down the same road with Jackson.

  After a few minutes of silence Jackson finally speaks, being unusually honest. “Look, I’ve been talking to another woman, and I won’t lie, I like her. Don’t get me wrong, I like you too, but you’re dating other people, so I just don’t know if things could work. It’s confusing because I can’t seem to keep either one of you off my mind.”

  I lift my head off of his chest and turn away from him, trying to conceal my hurt. I’m tired of having to compete for his attention.

  “Let me make it less confusing, then. Just forget about anything between us, OK?” I feel a hot tear slide down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away, angry that he’s once again seeing me cry.

  I go to stand up but he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me back down.

  “No, wait, you don’t understand,” he says. I refuse to look at him, and he moves his head back and forth, trying to meet my eyes. Finally he just blurts out, “I like you, Lucia, more than I’ve ever liked anybody else, OK? But the problem is, I also like the other woman and I don’t know what to do.”

  I pull away from his grasp, disgusted by his selfishness. I stand up and Ginger wakes, looking up at us in confusion. I understand how he feels, but I can’t help my reaction, even though I’m in a similar position trying to choose between Jackson and Jack. I begin to wonder if I’m being too hard on him, but then I remember that he’s a notorious flirt. I decide that I need to get away from him and I politely ask him to take me home. He nods and rises to his feet, looking hurt and downtrodden.

  “Look, Jackson, we both need to make some decisions, and you need to know that I’m not going to wait around for you; I’ll move on.” As the words leave my mouth, Jackson begins to look even more upset, resting his head his in his hands, his body tense.

  I hear his muffled reply, “I know, and you shouldn’t.” He looks up at me and the expression on his face softens my heart.

  “Lucia, I wish I had never spoken to this other woman because then I wouldn’t be in this mess, but I can’t change the fact that I have feelings for her. I just want to be fair to you because you deserve the best.”

  Letting anger take over, I snap back, “You’re damn right I do! I definitely deserve better than you.”

  His face turns into a scowl. “You don’t know anything. You have no idea how I feel.”

  I yell at him. “You’re right, I don’t, but that’s only because you never tell me! You put up walls and hide behind this hard exterior, pretending like you’re too strong to feel any real emotions. And just when I think I’m breaking through to the real you, you just turn into an asshole again, and I’m sick of it!” I feel the tears begin to flow, and I don’t bother to wipe them because I’ve passed the point of caring what Jackson thinks.

  My phone rings, interrupting our argument, and I pull it out of my bag, wondering who could possibly be calling me right now. I’m prepared to send the call to voicemail, but I see my father’s number appear on the caller ID and I immediately answer. My dad speaks before I can even utter a greeting.

  “Lucia, your sister is in the hospital,” he says, out of breath. His words frighten me, and I ask for more information. “She was in pain earlier and we took her to the hospital. The doctors are examining her now, and they’re not sure what’s going on. You need to get here as fast
as you can, OK? They don’t know if she or the baby will make it.” I quickly tell him that I’ll be there soon and hang up the phone.

  My legs go weak and I fall onto the blanket, no longer able to control my emotions. I’m already sobbing when Jackson’s arms slowly wrap around me, enclosing me in a warm embrace.

  Clutching me tightly, he tries to figure out what’s happening, attempting to comprehend my unintelligible words. Finally, I manage to form a complete sentence.

  “I have to go home because my sister is in the hospital.” I begin crying again and Jackson hugs me tighter, rubbing my back with one hand.

  “OK, then let’s go; I’ll drive you,” he says. “Everything will be OK, I promise.” I nod as he grabs the blanket, calling Ginger over. He grabs my hand and leads me to the car, the dog following closely behind us.

  We are completely silent during the forty-minute drive to the hospital, the only noise is the sound of my sniffling. I’m assuming the worst already, and I’m more worried than I’ve ever been, afraid of losing both my sister and my niece. It feels as though someone has punched me in the stomach, stealing all of my breath.

  As I rush into the hospital, I immediately spot my family gathered in the waiting room. My father is holding my crying mother in his arms, and he whispers something into her ear when he sees me enter. She looks up at me, her eyes red and puffy from crying. As she embraces me tightly, we both begin to cry. I open my eyes briefly to see Jackson standing nearby, clutching Ginger’s leash as she quietly sits by his side.

  After I introduce my parents to both Jackson and Ginger, I learn that Tony is with Gabriella and she is about to have an emergency C-section in order to save the baby’s life. Apparently something had gone wrong involving the baby’s umbilical cord, and doctors were afraid that waiting any longer would endanger my niece’s life.

  Surprisingly, having Ginger with us helps to calm my mother and I’m glad that Jackson chose to bring her along. An orderly scolds us, telling us that dogs aren’t allowed, but Jackson lies and claims that Ginger is his seeing-eye dog. Surprisingly, the fib works and Ginger is allowed to stay. When Jackson steps out to make a phone call, both my father and mother interrogate me, trying to find out as much about him as possible. I assure them that we are nothing more than friends, even though the words leave a bad taste in my mouth. Nevertheless, my parents love Jackson because he’s trying to be helpful and comforting in our time of need. Although I’m still angry with him, I’m also incredibly grateful for his presence, and I make sure to whisper my thanks into his ear.

  When the doctors finally emerge to share the news about Gabriella and the baby, Jackson grabs my hand and squeezes gently to show his support. Thankfully, both are doing fine, and they’re in recovery, with my newborn niece secured in an incubator to keep her healthy. I breathe a sigh of relief as I’m finally able to relax, the knots in my stomach slowly unraveling.

  As the doctors congratulate us on the birth of baby Antonia Lucia, I realize that she’s been named after me. At that moment, I know that even though my sister and I rarely agree, she will always be my sister, no matter what.

  We are only allowed to see my sister and Tony for a few minutes. Tony is half asleep in a chair next to Gabriella’s bed.His eyes are bloodshot, his clothes are wrinkled, and his hair has no gel in it—a first. My sister’s hair is piled on top of her head and the strands by her forehead and ears are curly from sweating, she has bags under her eyes, her pale complexion is heighted with a flush, and her lips are chapped. She looks broken and fragile with all the tubes and machines attached to her. She cries when she sees me, upset by the fact that Antonia is in ICU, but I remind her of the fact that Fabbos never give up; we are fighters.

  “She has your blood in her. She won’t give up,” I say as I give her hand a gentle squeeze. “Remember when you used to come to the city to see me and we would go out and every time you would get into a fight with someone. You wouldn’t give up, even when I was holding you back you would somehow break through and end up pulling some girl’s hair.”

  She lets herself smile, “I miss that.” She opens her eyes and stares at me apologetically, “We had so much fun. I miss us.”

  I feel the tears building up and I look down to my lap, not wanting her to see how emotional I am. “Well now that you have Antonia you’re going to get sick of me visiting.”

  She squeezes my hand, making me look up and see her smiling at me, “I would like that very much.”

  As my parents take over, I remember that Jackson is still in the lobby with Ginger, and I turn to leave. On my way out the door, I pause and turn to face my sister again.

  “Thank you for giving her my name, by the way,” I say. “I love you.”

  Gabriella smiles through her tears. “I love you too,” she replies.

  I leave the room and immediately return to the lobby, finally beginning to calm down after all of the excitement.

  “Thank you for tonight, Jackson. I owe you,” I say as I approach him. He gives me a small smile and grabs my hand, lightly kissing my palm. “Why are you being so nice to me?” I ask. “Just a few hours ago I was yelling at you.”

  Jackson looks at me purposefully. “Earlier you said that I don’t show my emotions, and I realized that it’s true. So I’m showing my emotions. Right now, I’m happy for you and your family, and I’m thankful that I’m here to celebrate this with you. I’m trying to show you that I care.”

  “You care about me?” I ask him, surprised.

  “I think my actions tonight have proved that to be true,” he replies.

  I look down, noticing that our hands are still intertwined. “But you also care about that other woman, right?” I ask, trying to avoid crying again.

  He looks away from me. “Yes.”

  My parents interrupt our conversation as they enter the lobby. They walk over to us and my mother hugs me tightly. “Lucia Pia, you can stay at our house tonight.”

  Jackson quickly says, “I’ll drive her home, Mr. and Mrs. Fabbo.”

  My father narrows his eyes and straightens his posture. “Lucia, why don’t you go to the bathroom so I can have a quick talk with your friend,” he says.

  I look at Jackson and see his eyes widening as he nods politely. I smile at his discomfort and follow my mother to the restroom.

  Once we are in the bathroom, my mom turns to me and says, “I wouldn’t worry too much about your English friend; he’ll be fine. Your father just wants to make sure that Jackson will treat you right. He hasn’t gotten to give his speech to a boyfriend in a long time.”

  I groan. “I already told you that he’s not my boyfriend, Mom.”

  My mother kisses my cheek. “Whatever you say,” she replies, disappearing into a stall.

  When we return to the lobby, Jackson and my father are standing side by side and my dad is grinning. My parents both give me a hug and kiss, and then quickly leave, commenting on how late it is. I turn to Jackson and cock one eyebrow questioningly. He gives me a sheepish smile and shrugs his shoulders.

  “I’ll say this: if your niece is anything like your father, it won’t take her long to get out of the hospital.” I laugh at his statement, reminded of the many teenage boys that my father had terrified during my high school years.

  “Can we get out of here?” I ask him with a pleading look. “I’m sorry,” I add, “I’m just not a fan of hospitals.”

  He squints as if he’s trying to figure something out, and then nods after a few seconds. Picking up Ginger’s leash in one hand, he grabs my hand with the other and we leave. We walk to his car in silence, the sound of our breathing echoing with our footsteps. When we reach his car he opens the door for me in a display of chivalry, and before I get in I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him close for a hug.

  “Thank you again for everything,” I whisper into his ear.

  I feel his strong arms wrap around my waist as he buries his face into my neck, leaving little kisses. I run my fingers through his silky hair
, massaging his scalp lightly. He pulls away so that our faces are only inches apart and lightly kisses my lips before releasing me and helping me into the car. I’m still tingling as we drive away.

  The next thing I know, I’m flying. I can sense that I’m moving, but my feet aren’t on the ground and everything is dark. I feel the sensation of warm air tickling my ear, and I hear a deep voice speaking.

  “Love, it’s time to wake up,” says the voice as I slowly open my eyes. I groggily look around and realize that I’m being carried. I turn my head upward and see that I’m in Jackson’s arms.

  “We’re back at your apartment,” he says, smiling down at me. “You fell asleep in the car, and I didn’t want to wake you.”

  I smile, blushing nervously, and slowly lower my feet to the floor. Jackson helps me regain my balance as I search for my keys in my purse.

  “How did we get inside the building?” I ask him, realizing that my keys had been in my bag the entire time.

  “We got lucky; someone else was coming in at the same time and they let us in. I think they assumed that you were drunk.” He laughs and nudges me in the ribs as I unlock my door.

  “Trust me; I could use a drink right about now,” I reply. We both go inside and I close the door behind me, calling out Autumn’s name. She doesn’t answer and I walk to the fridge, looking to see if she left a note. Sure enough, there’s a piece of paper tacked on with a magnet that explains that she’ll be gone all night. I assume that she’s spending another night with her mysterious new lover, and I roll my eyes as I walk back to where Jackson is standing.

  Jackson holds up a white paper bag, explaining that he’d stopped off to get us some food on the way to my place. He hands me a box containing a vegetarian dish and we sit down on the couch to eat. After we finish, Jackson tells me about his family and how they’re planning to come over for a visit. I try to find out what my father had said to him at the hospital, but he refuses to tell me. As we talk, we slowly inch closer to one another, and his arm eventually ends up around my shoulder.

  Suddenly and without warning, our lips are touching, and his body is pressing against mine. Jackson picks me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to my bedroom. He lays me on the bed and climbs on top of me, leaning into me and pressing his hips against mine. He removes my top and I unzip his pants, tugging on them as he struggles to kick them off. The two of us melt into one, finding a matching rhythm as we kiss passionately. He places his mouth everywhere, his hands warm as he softy touches my body—almost as if he is worshipping me. His hands continue to explore and he slowly unhooks my bra.I feel his muscles under my hands, flexing and relaxing as he moves. Soon his fingers are toying with the waistband of my panties and I close my eyes, enjoying the moment that I’ve often dreamed about as he makes me tremble, shake, whimper, and moan.Soon I am screaming out his name.