Remember This

by Shae Buggs

  “No,” Drey says shaking her head.

  “You’re right, he’s ugly.”

  “No, I wasn’t saying he’s ugly, I was just saying we aren’t talking about him anymore.”

  “Oh,” I burp and then lie back on the couch.

  “That is enough wine for you,” she says and pries the bottle out of my hands. The wine is the only thing keeping me going right now and it is hard to let go. “Let’s go to bed,” she says grabbing my arms and pulling me to an upright position. I drag my feet, shuffle to my bedroom and flop down on the bed. I crawl under the sheets still in my dress and I feel Drey crawl in next to me. We both lie on our backs staring at the ceiling. I turn my head towards her.

  “Thanks for everything,” I say in my most convincing sober voice. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  “Lucy, you are the strongest person I know. I know how you work. Tomorrow, you will act like everything is fine and you will move on. Just don’t forget that you don’t always have to be so put together.”

  “I know,” I say as I smile and then roll over onto my side. And I am out like a light.

  “Lucy?” I hear a familiar voice say. I feel the bed move slightly. I open my eyes slowly and I see that light has flooded my room.

  “Kara, you look like an angel sitting at the end of my bed,” I yawn and rub my eyes.

  “Oh, Lucy,” she laughs. “So, I thought it might be fun to go the spa.” She stops as I shudder. “But then I remembered our last experience there and I decided on shopping instead.” Shopping does sound therapeutic. “How do you feel?”

  I move my arms and legs and try to lift my head to assess my physical state. “Physically, I feel fine. I don’t even feel as hung over as I should.” I’m scared to assess my mental state. I take a deep breath and think about everything that happened last night. “Mentally however, I am a wreck. Last night, I thought that Mason and I were going to have a romantic evening that ended with us saying that we love each other. Instead, we discovered that our relationship was a scam. Basically, my heart feels like mud slipping through the spaces between my rib cage.”

  “Well, that’s graphic,” Drey says from the chair in my room. I didn’t even know she was in here.

  “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think Mason is doing any better than you are,” Kara reassures me.

  “Oh, really? Did he sob for hours and drink an entire bottle of wine last night too?” I ask sincerely like I expect her answer to be yes.

  “Not quite, but I guess he did the male equivalent. He drank a few beers with Scott and they talked about the problems with sappy romance movies and how it’s all fantasy.”

  “You and Scott are a romance movie,” I whine and cover my head with my pillow. “I want to be like that too.”

  “Lucy, Scott and I have problems just like you and Mason. We just handle them differently. We bicker all the time. It’s part of communicating. If I remember correctly, you and Mason were the same way at one point.” She’s right. Why is she so damn smart?

  “Are we going shopping or what?” Drey says standing up.

  “Yes, I think we should,” Kara agrees. She moves the pillow covering my face and pulls me to my feet.

  We get to the mall and I don’t even know what I am wearing. I don’t remember getting dressed. Like Drey said, today I am trying to act like all is well in the world but it isn’t going as smoothly as I hoped. We go in our favorite stores and Kara and Drey find loads of cute stuff. Everything I see reminds me of Mason in some way. I even saw a shirt with horses on it in a window display and started tearing up.

  “I know it’s ugly but you don’t have to cry about it. What is wrong with you?” Drey asks watching me melt down.

  “Mason once rode a horse,” I sniffle. Drey just grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the window. It’s good to have a friend that won’t deal with my bullshit. She knows that I don’t have to be put together all the time but she also knows it’s crossing the line to cry over something so ridiculous.

  “You are going to find something sexy to wear for the next time we all go out,” Kara says trying to take my mind off of things. It works a little and I start searching for the perfect outfit. The only color I am interested in buying is black to match my mood. Drey only lets this go because she thinks black always looks good.

  At the end of our shopping trip, I ended up with a short, black, fitted dress with cap sleeves. It is cut low in the front and I must say my boobs look outstanding in it. I buy a big chunky silver bracelet and a silver belt to go with the dress. I will just tuck these away until I feel together enough to go out dancing again.

  The last few weeks have been…different. I put on a good façade and have almost convinced myself that I am over everything. It was silly for me to get wound up with Mason so fast anyways. I knew how it would end, well not exactly how, but I knew it would end, and yet I still let myself fall for him. It’s my own fault and now I have to deal with the consequences.

  Kara says that Mason is still staying with them. Every time I see her, she tells me how sad he looks. I refuse to let myself believe that it’s because of me. His dad is really good at pushing him into a depression at work so I’m sure that’s what has been on his mind.

  Eli overheard Erin and I talking about Mason’s absence and has been overly attentive to me ever since. I finally had to pull him into my office and yell at him and tell him that what we had is over but that didn’t seem to help. He thought I was pulling him into my office for other purposes and got all excited. I don’t know what I ever saw in him. He is beyond annoying.

  I have allowed myself to get fully engrossed in my work again. I get to the office early and leave late. It keeps my mind off of things. Everything is so routine that I don’t have to think too hard about anything, but my mind doesn’t have time to wander. Today at work was different though.

  “Lucy, can I talk to you for a minute,” my boss Rick says peeking his head into my office. What could this be about? I quickly run through my actions from the last couple of weeks to make sure that I haven’t screwed up somewhere. I did cause a major paper jam in the printer on Monday but that couldn’t be what he wants to talk about.

  “Please, sit,” I say gesturing to the chair across the desk from me.

  “There have been a lot of changes around here and Pearson’s is expanding. We are going to restructure the company a little and I have recommended that you take the position of Account Executive. Is that something you would be interested in?” I blink and my eyes gloss over trying to process what he is saying to me. Account Executive is a huge step for me. One that I thought would take me years to get to. And the best part about it is that I actually won’t be as busy in that position. I get more vacation time and my hours will be more normal. What would I do with all my free time? I guess I could take up sailing.

  “Lucy?” Rick says and I realize I have been gazing off for a few too many seconds.

  “Sorry,” I sputter. “Yes, of course. I would be honored to take that position. Thank you for thinking of me.” We shake hands and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

  Kara and Drey will be ecstatic because this means I have more time to spend with them. I promised them a girl’s night tonight and I look forward to sharing my news with them. I’m excited for this promotion but I’m not as enthused as I thought I would be.

  However, I am excited for an excuse to dress up again. I haven’t been feeling very sexy lately and I think tonight will be a good time to unleash my wild side.

  “You look hot,” Drey exclaims as we stand in the mirror. She is in the cutest black dress with black pumps. I am teetering next to her in my red heels, and the black boobylicious dress I bought at the mall.

  “Thanks. I feel hot. I really needed this,” I say grabbing her arm and giving it a squeeze.

  “Dang girls you look sexy,” Kara flaunts in as she puts her diamond earrings in. She has on dark trouser jeans and a white blazer. She always looks e
xquisite. “Shall we go?”

  We decided we all wanted to dance tonight so we went to a club called Anthem, the most popular club in the city. What’s nice about it is that it isn’t full of college aged kids. It’s higher end and a little pricy which means the clientele is more around our age.

  “I’m being selfless tonight and making it my mission to get you laid,” Drey screams as we listen to the loud music from our table.

  “Drey, I don’t think that will happen. I’m not really up for that.”

  “Don’t be silly,” she says blowing me off.

  Kara empties the last of her gin and tonic. “I need another one of these.” The waiter approaches brining us three shots of tequila.

  “We didn’t order these,” I say looking questioningly at him.

  “I know,” he says and he turns and gestures to a group of young, ravishing guys sitting a few tables over. “They did.”

  “Oh!” Drey says grabbing the shot and batting her lashes at the men.

  “Please don’t tell me you are taking this shot,” I say eying her. “You two don’t drink tequila and the last time I had it, I shit myself,” I say exasperated.

  “Hey, this is girl’s night,” Drey says raising her glass. Kara caves and grabs her’s as well.

  “Shit, this is going to end so badly,” I say as I also cave in and hold my shot in the air. We clink glasses and drink them down.

  “Yuck,” Kara sputters as she slams her glass on the table. “That is just as nasty as I remember it.”

  “Ding Dong!” I exclaim slamming my glass down.

  “Hey, those boys are coming over here,” Drey says as she tries to hide the look of disgust on her face. I see her convulse as the brown liquid makes it’s way through her body. Three gorgeous boys now stand at our table smiling at us.

  “They are so young,” I whisper to Kara and then turn back to the men…er…boys.

  “Do you guys want to dance?” one of the dark haired boys asks.

  “Of course we do!” Drey jumps up a little over anxious.

  “I can’t I’m married,” Kara says holding up her left hand. She told us in the car that she would dance with us but she wouldn’t dance with any men. It makes her feel uncomfortable.

  “I have a girlfriend,” says one of the men. “We can just…Waltz or something,” he says with an innocent look on his face.

  “Ok, I guess that’s alright,” Kara says and jumps up to meet her blond non-date for the night. Drey has already paired off with the leader of the group which leaves the smoldering dark haired boy for me. I’m ok with that, I think to myself and smile.

  He grabs my hand and pulls me close to him so I can hear him talk.

  “Hi, I’m Paul,” he says in a beyond sexy, but very young voice.

  “Lucy,” I say and smile shyly at him. The tequila hasn’t set in yet and I am feeling a little nervous. The three of them pull us to the middle of the dance floor as the music pounds around us. There are people everywhere and I am starting to feel excited. Paul turns and pulls me close to him and we start to move. He is looking at me straight in the eye and I can feel Henry beating his wings to the music. I needed this.

  I can see Drey already making out with her man whose name I think is Zack. Kara is doing exactly what Ian said they would be doing, Waltzing. It looks so out of place in this club but they look happy and unattached doing it.

  A new upbeat song starts and Paul spins me around and starts moving behind me. He has his hands on my hips and is moving his body against mine. I can feel him breathing on my neck. This feels so foreign but I feel sexy. The alcohol is buzzing in my body and I really start to move. For not being very coordinated, I am a pretty good dancer. I let the music take over my body.

  We find a way to talk while we dance and I decide that Paul is a really nice guy. He just got out of a long relationship too and he wants to let loose tonight. Just as we finish talking about how funny Kara and Ian look, now doing the jitter bug, he leans in to kiss me. Henry continues to dance and I panic.

  “I’m still married,” I say holding up my hand to stop him from moving any closer.

  “I totally understand,” he says and I am relieved that I don’t have to explain any more. We laugh, dance, and pretend that he never tried anything. We pick up a few of Kara and Ian’s moves and salsa around the dance floor.

  As I look through the crowds to find where Drey has gone, I see him. Standing by the bar, locking eyes with me with a bewildered look on his face is Mason. I stiffen but Paul doesn’t seem to notice. He just keeps dancing. I can’t break my stare from him and I notice that he is giving me a weird look. Not a ‘I’m happy to see you’ look, but a cynical one. One of pure amusement. This infuriates me and I turn back around and start dancing with Paul again. I am trying to be as sexy as I can, busting out my outrageous dance moves. I would never normally ‘bend over and wiggle my cheeks’ as the lyrics suggest but I am fresh out of my own moves so this is the only option I have. I think I take Paul off guard.

  “I’m going to go to the bathroom,” I say once the song is over and make my way off the dance floor. Paul seems to be ok with this and I see him head to the bar. I scan the room for Mason and see him watching me from a table. He looks like he is sitting on his own so I march over to him.

  “What are you doing here?” I bark.

  “Whoa, calm down,” he says. “I am allowed to come to a club whenever I want.” I smile and then start to laugh. “What’s so funny?”

  “Just that you came to a club and you are sitting by yourself. I would be doing the same thing if it wasn’t for Drey and Kara making me dance.” I relax a little and sit in a chair across from him.

  “I’ve been meaning to come over to the house. I need to get my things and I suppose we need to talk about getting a lawyer.” I freeze and stop breathing. I guess I always knew that was the next step but him confirming it makes me feel sick. “Is something wrong?” he asks picking up on my hesitation.

  “Um, no. Whenever you want to come over is fine,” I say trying to act casual. “I think Paul is waiting for me,” I say as I stand a little shakily. I can see Paul eyeing me from the bar. He has two drinks in his hands.

  “Have fun,” Mason says, the cynical look appearing again. As I turn to leave though, I swear I see another emotion cross his face. It almost looks like he is in pain.

  “Who is that?” Paul asks looking in Mason’s general direction. He doesn’t sound annoyed that I was talking to another guy which I appreciate.

  “That would be my ex/current husband,” I say realizing the truth as the words come out of my mouth. “Is this for me?” I take one of the drinks out of his hand and drain it before he can answer.

  He smiles. “I will get you another. I understand your situation.”

  I am thankful for Paul tonight. He knows that nothing serious is going to happen because neither of us wants it to happen. We are both just rebounding and we are ok using each other. I get another drink and head back to the dance floor. Kara gives me an apologetic smile. She is dancing with Scott now so she must know that I saw Mason.

  I am really feeling the alcohol now and my face is practically numb. I can barely feel my face and I hope I’m not drooling on Paul as we dance.

  “Are you sure you are ok doing this. You know, dancing?” Paul asks, concerned etched across his face.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I say and I think I convince him.

  “It takes your mind off of things doesn’t it?” he asks.

  “You have no idea…well, I guess you do.” We continue dance, not as aggressive as before but it feels good to relax. I haven’t done this for a long time.

  After an hour or so, I say good night to Paul and go with Kara to find Drey. We can’t find her anywhere and then Kara jabs my arm. I turn in the direction she is pointing and I see Drey standing in front of Mason’s table and Zack is nowhere in sight.

  “For Pete’s sake!” I screech and I can see Drey pointing her finger wildly. Mason is
just sitting there. He almost looks a little amused for a second but then I can see that he is brooding.

  “I’ll go get her, you go get a cab,” Kara says. I am thankful for her demands and I turn and leave before I have to watch any more of the show.

  It’s cool outside and I immediately realize how hot it was in the club. I feel sticky and sweaty from dancing and I am ready to get home. I hold a cab that is waiting out front letting people out as Kara and Drey clamber out the club door. In minutes, we are weaving through traffic on our way to drop Kara off. Before I know it, it is just Drey and I in the car and we are pulling up my driveway.

  I tried to be mad at Drey but I know she was just protecting me. She is very drunk and passes out in the cab so I haven’t had the opportunity to discuss everything with her. It can wait until tomorrow.

  12. Yoga is bad for Friendships

  “I am so not in college anymore,” Drey whines as she climbs into my bed with me Saturday morning. I can tell by the way she is squinting her eyes and holding her head that she is hung over. “I’m sorry about screaming at Mason. I saw him sitting there and I got really angry.”

  “It’s ok. You were just trying to do the right thing.”

  I lie in my bed trying to rationalize my feelings and emotions for Mason. When I saw him last night, I felt Henry return but in an anxious sort of way; he wasn’t completely himself. Mason seemed fine even though Kara keeps telling me that he has been upset about things. I want to hate him because he lied to me and it was a pretty big lie but at the same time, I miss him, the new him I had the pleasure of knowing for a couple of weeks. Sometimes I even miss the old him a little.

  “Lucy?” Drey asks rolling to face me on the bed.

  “Yes,” I say hesitantly because she has a look on her face like she is about to drop a bomb on me.

  “Don’t be mad,” she starts and I know this isn’t going to be good. “I set you up on a blind date.” she finishes and she ducks her head under the blankets. The bomb has been dropped.