This Modern Love

by Will Darbyshire

I’m unsure of the future – where it will take us, but I’m thankful for the time I have with you right now – thankful for the ‘grow together’ type of love we have.

  Most importantly, I’m so thankful we are alive at the same time, and being able to hold your hand (they’re always really warm – thanks for that too, I guess).

  Love from

  Little One

  (Leah)

  Manchester, UK

  Dear Jaemin,

  Recently, I’ve been writing so many letters to you. You’re currently doing your 21-month service in the South Korean army and I miss you so very much.

  However, this letter is different from the past letters that I have written to you; this is a thank-you letter. Firstly, I want to thank you for everything you have given me and done for me throughout our relationship. You have given me more love than I could have ever asked for and you have done so many sweet things for me. You are the man that I have always dreamed of meeting and sometimes it still shocks me that we’re together. You are so kind, thoughtful, respectful, smart, and so much more. (Dude, I freakin’ love you! lol)

  Many people ask me if waiting for you is difficult and is it worth it? Of course it’s difficult, from seeing you every single day to possibly seeing you twice a year is a very sad thought. Also, are you worth waiting for? To me, waiting for you is the most “worth-it” thing in my life. When times are tough and I miss you like crazy, I just think about my love for you, what it’s going to be like when you return, and I am reminded that this is only temporary. Those are the things that get me through the day.

  I know that I always tell you that I love you, I miss you, and I’m waiting for you. However, I don’t think I ever really thanked you. Well, here it is! “thank you!” Why am I thankful? Besides everything that I mentioned before, I am so thankful to you for giving me something that’s worth waiting for.

  From this experience, I am able to learn what it really means to be patient, what it means to be strong, and what it means to be independent. You have given me a chance to really learn some valuable life lessons and for that I am truly thankful. I want to show you that I am strong and that I can endure through tough situations. I want to make you proud, in the same way that I am so proud of you. Our relationship is strong and special enough that I know that we will make it through these tough months.

  Please remain strong and healthy,

  I’ll see you soon.

  Jackie

  Dear Michael,

  * * *

  We’ve been together little over a year – that’s pretty crazy, isn’t it? When I came out, part of the reason I was so hesitant was a fear that I’d never find someone I’d genuinely love. I didn’t relate to the gay community in many respects. I was fully prepared to go it alone.

  Then, we met. I can’t explain the mixture of joy, love and lust that I felt. Combined with an eternal fear that one day you’ll figure out that you’re better than me and leave me. But I won’t let that happen, not without a fight. We’ve pulled through some pretty major hurdles this year, and we deserve to take the time to be proud of that.

  You ground me more than anyone else ever has. Whilst I’m out shooting movies, you’re on the streets saving lives as a paramedic. We couldn’t be from more different backgrounds either, which in turn means we have so much more to learn from each other.

  I’ll always love you, and even if we don’t stay together, I hope I remain as thankful as I am now for all that you’ve done.

  Harry

  x

  Dear H,

  Thank you for always wanting to have sex.

  Catarina

  Portugal

  Dear Danny,

  You are the definition of cliché;

  Showing up at my doorstep with flowers,

  Writing poems and love letters,

  Framing our memories on your bedroom walls,

  And filling up my life with laughter.

  So predictable but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  To many more years together,

  Faly

  Singapore

  I personally hate how technology has made me unable to communicate my emotions verbally, I would kill to undo that.

  Gemma

  Dear Goose (Elliott),

  I’ve got quite a lot to thank you for. Five years is a long time, and over these years I’ve realised what a huge, gigantic, massive part of my life you have become. To simply put it, you’re my best friend, my travel partner, my soulmate (as cheesy as this all sounds), and I really don’t know what I’d do without you.

  I want to thank you for all the times you’ve been there for me, through the most difficult part of my life when my father was going through chemo, to the small difficulties like trying to decide whether I should buy those pair of shoes on ebay. I want to thank you for being the biggest support in my life when my anxiety and panic attacks were the worst they had been and how you drove me to every appointment. You were there with me every step of the way.

  I want to thank you for all the afternoons together, trekking around shops and going on long walks (even though you don’t enjoy them all that much). I want to thank you for making me laugh and smile through every part of the five years, you have always made the biggest effort when it comes to making me happy and I hope I do the same for you.

  I want to thank you for deciding to make the decision to come and meet me all those years ago at the station. although you only travelled for 2 and a half hours on a train, it felt like hundreds of miles away. If you hadn’t of decided to travel all that way, who knows where we would be now.

  Most of all, I want to thank you for loving me, including my crazy Christmas-loving side.

  From

  Goose

  (Eve)

  It’s funny how technology was the reason my relationship started, but was also the reason why it ended.

  Jovana, Serbia

  Dear Y,

  I love your smile. I love your beard. I love your laugh. I love how clumsy we are. I love how you are as needy as me. I love your hugs. I love texting with you in the middle of the night. I love how we both make wishes at midnight. I love how ticklish you are.

  I love how it has been six months by your side and I still get butterflies in my stomach.

  I love that you were my first love.

  I Love We.

  Thank you.

  Isabele

  Brazil

  Dear Y,

  this is my favourite picture of us because what we were feeling in that exact moment was so real that I can’t even explain it properly.

  I love you.

  Isabele

  Brazil

  Dear —— ,

  Long distance is never easy but it just makes the time you have together that much more special.

  Canada—Wales: we’ll be together one day.

  Ciara

  Canada

  Tech is the key that holds us together. But at the same time the key that breaks us. The loneliness goes away.

  Ilyas, Florida, USA

  Dear Carlos,

  You were 19 when I took this photograph. I was your first love and first heart break, but your endurance makes you the bravest person I know. You have taught me about self-love and I will be forever grateful.

  We are currently tackling with a temporary long distant relationship and now I know what it’s like to fully love and be loved in return.

  Five years together but still looking forward to more.

  I chose this picture because that was an unforgettable beach day. The beer was cold, the weather crisp and all was good. This sums up my life shade with you.

  Andrea

  Tampa, Florida, USA

  Dear Rasmus,

  I’m glad you can fart in front of me, I am sorry for pressuring us to take the second cat and I have no regrets leaving my home country to be with you. I love you with all my heart and please don’t shave.

  Alise

  Estonia (originally Latvia)
<
br />   Sometimes I have to restrain myself from texting him so we have enough to talk about.

  Dora, Czech Republic

  Dear boyfriend

  I want to thank you for loving me, but more importantly for loving yourself. For you are the most beautiful human and you deserve more love than I could ever give.

  Thank you for teaching me that the anxiety which burdens me, does not make me a burden.

  Thank you for holding my hand and dancing with me without occasion.

  And thank you for being my first love and for hoping I’ll be your last.

  I know you told me that I could share your name. But even though I am sharing this, no one will ever feel the way we did. This love belongs to us and your name tastes better in my mouth than it will ever look on this paper.

  I promise to love you until it is the end.

  Your girlfriend,

  IHN

  Denmark

  How has technology changed my relationship? It hasn’t – I’m still alone.

  Brogan, England

  Dear T,

  You’re my moon, my stars, you’re my sunrises and sunsets. You’re the crisp mountain air, the first layer of snow, and that steady rainfall after a humid day. You’re just everything. Thank you for being everything.

  Yours,

  S

  Dear Jonathan,

  Thank you for confessing your feelings for me in the university’s library.

  You and I were in an aisle amongst the presence of books and the sound of flustered silence. My face was as red as an apple and as hot as an open flame, yet with my back turned I listened to you utter words that, I reluctantly admit, I really cannot remember. (All I do remember was that you were so incredibly cheesy with your confession that you made my smile stretch from cheek to cheek!)

  But more importantly, that feeling of pure bliss and exhilaration I felt back then is one that I still feel up to this day when I’m in your presence.

  That was forever ago. Since then, everything slowly changed between us. What I never expected to happen has come to be and still is happening, and I cannot wait (although I am terrified) for what the future brings us.

  However...

  No matter what happens, the 9th of May will always be a date for me to look back on as a God-given chance at happiness, and I’m more than grateful that it is with you.

  Your words and sweet (sometimes ridiculous (in a great way!)) gestures have never failed to make my heart jump-start with endearment. I hope you know that.

  Thank you for everything thus far.

  Love,

  Your Maasimcheeks

  Joleene

  Guam, Micronesia, USA

  Technology has affected my relationships in that I talk more frequently online & it makes me believe my online self is superior to my physical character

  Lauren, London

  halcyon

  digital

  anachronistic

  yikes

  transatlantic

  asshole

  friendzone

  oops

  404NotFound

  kismet

  Richard,

  I want to say thank you.

  I believe that in relationships, the most important factor is honesty. It is about being with someone you can be honest and show your true self to. That is what love is about. Loving someone at their weakest and vulnerable moments, and supporting them through their proudest moments.

  What makes me happy is the little things that you do. always thinking about the smaller things, like having dinner ready for me after a 13 hour shift, not only with a cup of tea, but a bottle of wine in the fridge too. Cosy nights in and watching all the rubbish reality TV with me and never complaining, but completely understanding when I moan about you playing FIFA. Thank you for pausing your rubbish PlayStation games to let me have a girly breakdown about what I should wear for my girly night out.

  Nothing puts a bigger smile on my face than just in that one look that you do, you truly make me feel like I am the only girl in the world. There is no better feeling than being in love.

  Thank you for telling me you love me every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep (without fail!). Thank you for always being there. Always.

  Nothing can compare to the true feelings you show me every single day, but what truly puts a smile on my face is that you always put me first (as I will always do for you), and the fact that you are never afraid to show your feelings either. I have never been someone that wears their heart on their sleeve or express their feelings of love, so thank you for teaching me how to love with my whole heart and not just a fragment.

  Finally, thank you for understanding and accepting every part of me and allowing me to do the same for you.

  x

  Anonymous

  It was easier to type lies than to tell the truth.

  Sam, New Zealand

  Dear Dany,

  Thank you

  For believing in me

  For making me believe in myself

  For loving me entirely

  Flaws and all

  For seeing beyond my imperfections

  Beyond the mood swings

  All the silly little things

  For seeing me, truly

  For making me laugh

  For also laughing along with me

  For being my best friend

  And for putting your trust in me

  I love you deeply and entirely

  With all I have in me

  Keren

  Venezuela

  Dear Rae,

  Thank you for giving me the kind of love they sing about in power ballads. I still get teeny butterflies each time we kiss, even after all this time.

  Also thank you for always giving me the sour sweeties after you found out they were my favourite.

  All my love,

  Catherine

  England

  A tangled web of phone calls and text messages gives us the safety net we need to be further apart.

  Sophie, Dublin, Ireland

  Dear —— ,

  We’ve just had an argument. You’re sitting at the opposite end of the room. Neither of us has said anything for a full thirty minutes.

  It was an argument about something utterly pointless. You thought I did something; I thought you said something else. It was just a miscommunication really. Either way, I’m still sat here frustrated and irritable. We drive each other mad sometimes, don’t we?

  I wanted to write this letter to tell you that despite my occasional bitterness (like today) I love and care about you deeply. We are and have always been soul mates. And although sometimes we fight, it’s these moments that really make me reflect and understand my love for you. It’s a testament to our relationship that even at the worst of times there is still so much affection and willingness to make it work, whether we want to say so or not.

  Thank you for putting up with me and for not letting my cynicism take over. You are my rock and you mean the world to me.

  In an attempt to resolve whatever this was, I’m going to run downstairs and make you some tea. I know camomile is your favourite (hope it is, anyway). Also, sorry for being a dick earlier. I’m all over the place today.

  Anonymous

  UK

  end

  Too cloudy to even understand my feelings.

  Elisha

  Wales

  end

  Well, here we are. The end.

  The morbid reality of relationships is that they really only have two outcomes. It either works out or it doesn’t. Not everyone you meet will be ‘the one’. It can take many years, and many people to find someone you want to settle down with.

  This necessity of finding your soulmate is a fairly new idea. If we jump back fifty years, it was very common to marry someone who could provide stability rather than affection. We would tend to marry out of safety rather than passion and the very idea of a soulmate was quite uncommon. Nowadays, all we’re look
ing for is our other half. We’re looking for that person who fundamentally gets us; the person we were destined to meet.

  And all of that pressure we put on ourselves to find that person often ends in one way. Heartbreak. We want the people we meet to fit a very specific image in our heads and in doing so we neglect to see what they are truly like. And when we eventually do, we’re left so disappointed that we often want to start from square one again.

  aching

  heartbroken

  self-destructive

  desperation

  extinguished

  delusion

  melancholic

  shattering

  unworthy

  infuriating

  adrift

  hurtful

  asunder

  excruciating

  incomprehensible

  perfidious

  dumped

  over

  Let’s be real here. Breakups are the worst. Of all the things we have to deal with, coping with heartbreak is right up there. We feel so many conflicting emotions and we’re stuck in what appears to be an endless limbo. It’s a never-ending state of not knowing how to feel, and only with real time are we able to make sense of things.

  I remember feeling fundamentally lost during my breakup. I’d wake up every day and not know what to do with myself. My own independence scared me and I didn’t feel comfortable doing things on my own. I suppose you make a team with your partner when you’re in a relationship, and it took me a while to adjust to being alone.

  In retrospect, the loneliness was probably the hardest thing. You feel like nobody understands you and as a result you can alienate yourself from everyone. You’re basically just super-erratic. I think that’s the point I’m trying to make here. You’re completely irrational and it’s difficult to come out of yourself and recognise that.