by Sarah Price
Even though Merv was not the best at helping out around the house or with the kinner, at least they had his mamm to watch the two little ones. It had been shortly after Merv’s daed had died in a buggy accident that, not having any family in Kentucky, Merv’s mamm had to make a choice: join her other bruder in Jackson, Ohio, or move to Holmes County with her sister and her family. She felt God had led her to Holmes County. Susie had never understood why, exactly. However, she had been grateful for the help with the kinner. Yet she never understood why Merv’s mamm had decided to stay with her schwester rather than move in the small apartment attached to their own home.
Now, however, Susie was facing another problem. From the looks of the house, things had gone awry in the morning. Clearly the kinner had been home for some, if not all, of the day. Too much was disorganized and astray. She imagined that Gid had been late for school…again…and that had delayed the younger ones from going to their grossmammi’s house on time. It was a long buggy ride, almost thirty minutes from the farm, which meant an hour round trip.
That was when she realized that something was wrong.
Lifting her eyes, she stared at the barnyard, trying to figure out what was not sitting right with her. Everything looked the same as usual. She couldn’t put her finger on what seemed out of place. When she had leaned the bicycle against the barn wall, she had heard the horse neigh from inside the building. If the horse was still in his stall, that meant the buggy was not traveling down the road to collect her kinner. And if the buggy wasn’t collecting her kinner, Merv would have to be home.
She felt a wave of apprehension overtaking her as she started walking through the kitchen and toward the master bedroom door. It was located next to the first floor bathroom and was shut, nothing unusual about that. However, she felt an odd feeling in her chest. Something was wrong. Very wrong.
With her hand shaking, she reached out for the doorknob and slowly turned it. She pushed the door open and peered inside, her heart in her throat. Her pulse raced through her veins, terrified that something bad had happened.
“Merv?” she called out in fear as her eyes fell upon the sleeping form, sprawled out atop the bed.
It took a short moment for her eyes to adjust to the dimness in the room, but when she did, she could barely believe what she saw: Merv was passed out on their bed, his one leg on the floor, an untied boot upon that foot. His white shirt wasn’t buttoned properly, the two sides not lined up and the bottom un-tucked from the waist of his pants. His mouth was hanging open and a low, guttural snore filled the room. And in his hand…
“Mein Gott,” she whispered, lifting a hand to her mouth and fighting the urge to cry.
Without another word, she retreated from the bedroom, careful to shut the door behind her as quietly as she could. Her heart raced and her chest felt tight as she glanced at the clock. It was almost five and the cows needed milking, kinner needed to be picked up, and the kitchen cleaned. All the while, she needed to prepare supper and get a head start on cleaning the fellowship room for church service.
It was clear that Merv would not be bothering her this evening. With a heavy hearted sigh, Susie began to quickly clean what she could in the kitchen, spending no more than fifteen minutes before she hurried out the back door and headed to the barn in order to harness the horse to the buggy. She’d have to deal with her husband later. For now, she had to collect the kinner and continue with her regular routine. Already her mother-in-law had been inconvenienced enough and Susie certainly didn’t want to answer any questions about why. As for Merv, there was simply no time to focus on him. She’d have to worry about that tomorrow.
With a heavy heart and a dozen questions floating through her head, she walked to the barn and quickly hitched the horse to the buggy. The task at hand kept her mind busy and, slowly, she was able to compartmentalize what she had discovered at home, shoving it into a far corner of her mind so that she eventually stopped thinking about it at all.
“Why Susie!” Dora exclaimed, her eyes travelling to the clock on the wall, the pendulum swinging back and forth with a gentle tick-tock noise that reverberated throughout the kitchen. “What a pleasant surprise. I was expecting Merv.” Unspoken in her voice was the question of why the kinner were being picked up so late.
Susie resisted the urge to blurt out everything. After all, Dora Stutzman had always been kind to her. In fact, the first time that Susie had met her had been at their wedding. The Stutzman family had traveled all the way from Kentucky to attend the celebration that had been held at Susie’s parents’ farm. Dora was a quiet woman, small and frail but with a big heart and open arms for her grandchildren. Watching them was never an inconvenience and for that, Susie was thankful. However, Susie had never really come to know her mother-in-law until after Merv’s daed passing. Once Dora had moved to Holmes County, her entire personality had seemed to flourish as if born again with her newfound independence.
The last thing Susie wanted to do was upset her.
“Nee, just me,” Susie admitted, avoiding responding to the unspoken question in Dora’s voice. “Have they been good for you today, then?”
Dora laughed and waved her hand at Susie. “Oh ja! They’re always good for their grossmammi. Such well behaved kinner.”
Susie wished she could say the same of her children at home. Her memory flickered to the mess that awaited her back in her own kitchen.
“Of course,” Dora continued slowly. “I noticed that they tend to be a little more rambunctious when Merv is around.” Lifting her eyes, Dora seemed to study Susie’s face for a reaction.
Clenching her teeth, Susie said nothing in response.
“Mayhaps you’d like to sit for a spell and have some of my fresh meadow tea, Susie?” Dora didn’t wait for an answer but hustled to the cabinet for a clean glass before opening the small refrigerator. “You look like you could use some. And mayhaps an ear to listen.”
“Nee, but danke,” responded Susie. “Best head back with the kinner, anyway. Need to fix supper, I reckon.”
“Susie,” Dora said as she placed a full glass of meadow tea on the table. “I already fed them and they are out back chasing the kittens that the old momma cat had last summer. Gid sure does like to take care of the little ones. So we have a little time.” She gestured toward the table. “Sit a spell. Mayhaps we need to talk about something, ja?”
Seeing the seriousness in Dora’s eyes, Susie sighed and pulled out the little wooden chair that was shoved under the table, adorned by a red plaid tablecloth, one of those simple vinyl coverings that could be wiped off easily. Looking around the room, Susie noticed how meticulously clean everything was. Despite having watched the kinner all day, Merv’s mamm had managed to keep the kitchen tidy and orderly, something that Susie had never been able to do.
Dora took her own spot at the head of the small, square table. “I’ll pull up a chair with you. My bones are aching today. Means the weather is going to change, I fear.”
Susie felt her foot nervously shake against the floor. She wished she could leave, knowing that she had a full night of work at home. Still, she didn’t want to appear rude or unappreciative of Dora’s help, especially since she suspected that she would be needing her help again with watching the kinner.
“Not ready for changing weather, yet” she finally said. “Sure gets frightful cold out, especially in the mornings when Merv must tend to the barn chores before work.”
Dora raised an eyebrow. “Been meaning to speak to you about that.”
Inside of her chest, Susie felt her heart flip-flop. The last thing she wanted to talk about was anything that had to do with her husband. Not today. Not when she knew that he was lying on their bed, passed out cold from having drank alcohol. “About what, Mamm?”
“Been noticing some things,” Dora offered slowly. “Hearing some things, too, from the kinner.”
Susie tried to dismiss her mother-in-law’s comments. “Kinner have fanciful imaginations, ain’t so?”
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A frown crossed Dora’s face. It was clear to Susie that Dora was much more observant than she had given her credit for. “I saw Merv, Susie,” she began. “Oh ja, I have seen him when he comes to pick up the kinner. And I know that you are working much too hard at the bakery with no help at the home. I even heard that you sometimes do the barn chores because Merv doesn’t even come home.”
She was stunned by Dora’s frankness. The color flooded to her face and she wanted to disappear under the table. “He’s busy,” she offered lamely, looking toward the floor instead of at Dora. “Working and all.”
Reaching out, Dora placed her weathered hand atop Susie’s. “I suspect I know what is really going on,” she said softly. “I been suspecting it for a while, dochder. And, if I’m right, I know what you are going through.”
Susie held her tongue, afraid to speak.
She didn’t have to, for Dora began to talk in a soft, gentle voice. She spoke about how Merv’s daed, John, had been an alcoholic. She talked about the life that she had endured while raising her kinner with a man who loved the bottle more than his own family. It was a sickness, Dora explained, that eventually led to his death. During the decline and before his death, John had hit bottom and became violent. That’s when Dora had first sent Merv to stay in Holmes County with her sister for the summer.
“But Merv knew what his daed had become and, I’m afraid to admit it, he began to drink as well,” Dora sighed. “My schwester, Malinda, finally had enough since Merv was trying to influence her own son, Daniel. Malinda had no choice but to send him back to Kentucky.”
Susie’s mouth fell open as she listened to Dora’s story. All of those years, Susie had wondered what had happened when Merv simply up and left Holmes County after courting her. She had always wondered why he was so quiet and withdrawn. The truth was that he had been troubled about his daed and about having been sent away from home. And, as was so typical, trouble begets more trouble.
Now, she finally understood why he had disappeared.
“What happened that he returned?” Susie ventured to ask.
Dora took a deep breath. “His daed had gotten worse and the bishop stepped in, demanding that John stop this evil. I had prayed for so many nights, on my knees by the bedside, that John would get help and my husband would return to me.”
“What happened?”
Dora shook his head. “He just got worse and so did his temper. I lived in fear of him and his tongue. Words hurt, ain’t so?”
Susie found herself nodding, knowing exactly of what Dora spoke. Words did hurt and, for that very reason, Susie did what she could to avoid her own husband.
“Eventually, John was shunned. The bishop would have no more of that drinking business. That was when Merv up and ran back here. He promised Malinda he wouldn’t drink, vowed that he was a changed man after seeing his daed’s disgrace.” She leveled her gaze at Susie, a compassionate look upon her face. “Yes, I can see the signs, child. Having lived with it for so many years, I can see that my son has broken his promise to me, to Malinda, to you…” She paused before adding, “To God.”
“I…I don’t know what to think,” Susie admitted.
With a simple pat on her hand, Dora gave Susie a reassuring smile. “Ain’t so much thinking, Susie,” she said. “It’s doing. And if Merv is following in his daed’s footsteps, now is the time to do, not think. It might be the only way to save him.”
Then, rising from the table, Dora headed toward the door. She paused to pull her black wool shawl down from the hook and wrapped it around her shoulders. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched Susie for a moment before saying, “I’ll collect the kinner for you. I reckon you have a few things to think about so, take a few minutes while I do that, ja?”
Susie nodded her head, her mind reeling after Dora’s confession. Secrets, she thought. Secrets were everywhere. If only I had known, Susie thought, I might have been able to do something sooner. But hindsight was twenty-twenty. Now, she had to focus on the future. If Dora’s story told Susie anything at all, it was that she had to act quickly for ignoring the problem would not make it go away.
Act quickly, she told herself. What exactly was she to do? She wished that she could speak to her sisters but she knew that they would be appalled to learn of Merv’s story. Nee, she thought. I would be appalled to admit it to them.
One thing at a time, she told herself. Focus on today and worry about tomorrow later. She would give herself a few days to pray on this situation and ask the Lord to guide her. Her faith would lead her to the right answer. Of that, she was sure and certain.
Lydia
She was sick again. This time, however, she knew that it was for real. All of those headaches must be something just downright awful. Brain tumor? Cancer? Impending aneurysm? Stroke? Whatever it was, it was just awful bad and certainly something fatal. She just knew that God was going to bring her home any day now. And no one seemed to really care.
With a damp washcloth slung over her forehead and eyes, she stretched across the sofa and moaned. The only one that Lydia could count on anymore was God. Everyone else had deserted her. In fact, not one of her sisters ever came over to check on her, not even the other day when she left a voice message on the machine at the bakery that she couldn’t come to work because her head ached.
Today, she had another one of those pains in her neck and head. When she had returned home, there was no sign of Abe. Oh, she knew that her husband had left the house after breakfast. But she had seen neither hide nor hair of him since she had gotten home. He had known that she had a headache when she woke that morning and surely he knew she was home already. What she could understand was why he wasn’t there to see how she was feeling!
Of course, all that anyone cared about at Whoopie Pie Place was Tobias. The child didn’t look sick, that was for certain. She had caught him wandering in the field just the other day, instead of helping Jacob in the barn. In fact, when she had been resting outside in the shade, she heard Jacob calling for him, quite angry that Tobias was nowhere to be found. Lazy? Ja. Sick? No.
And what was this nonsense he had told her about Sadie being ill? Sick in the mornings? While Lydia had mulled that over for a few days, her own suspicions raised as to the actual cause, she felt no sympathy for her younger sister. Since Sadie hadn’t told anyone, it wasn’t much of Lydia’s business. After all, it seemed that everyone had an illness or something to complain about, but no one seemed to care about her. With her headaches and aches and pains, Lydia knew what real sickness was all about, that was for sure and certain.
Of course, she had to listen to Leah fret over and over again about Tobias. Then, she had been an emotional disaster over having been forced to leave him overnight in the hospital. When she dropped the news that he may need a bone marrow transplant and everyone in the family had to get tested, Lydia thought that was just crossing the line. Who did Leah think she was, telling everyone what to do?
Naturally, no one else seemed to have a problem with that request. Before Lydia could argue, Susie had readily agreed. And clearly, Sadie was on board. Not wanting to be the odd sister out, Lydia had kept her complaints to herself. Well, Lydia thought to herself, at least then the doctors would soon enough be able to see the results from her own blood test and tell everyone that something was wrong with her. She’d have the proof she needed that she was dying.
The door opened and Abe walked in, pausing for an appreciable moment when he saw her laying on the sofa. He lifted an eyebrow and stared at her, the expression on his face saying it all. “Sick again?” His tone matched his expression.
“Oh Abe,” she started, her eyes large and full of pain from the stress that she was feeling. “You knew I had a headache when I woke, but you have no idea what type of day I’ve endured!”
He grunted and walked to the sink to wash his hands. His back was turned toward her and she wasn’t certain that he was listening. Still, she continued talking, hoping that she could drudge up some m
inute display of concern on the part of her husband.
“Leah and Sadie abandoned Susie and me at the bakery!” she continued. “Literally just left, the two of them. They were supposed to return before the afternoon tour bus but they didn’t! It was pure chaos!”
No response. She took that as a sign that he was listening.
“Now Tobias is at the hospital and may need a bone marrow transplant!” She shook her head and sighed. “Leah is demanding that if he needs one, we all go to the doctors to be tested as possible matches for donating blood or something of that nature!”
Abe turned around and stared at her. “Tobias is at the hospital, then? Sounds serious.”
Lydia fluttered her hand in the air, dismissing her husband’s comment. “When hasn’t he been in the hospital?” she asked, the sarcasm thick in her voice. “You’d think someone would be concerned about my health for a change.”
She noticed him rolling his eyes but chose to ignore his reaction.
“And there I was, stuck at the store, listening to that… that Sister Susie boss me around all day long. I fail to see why she feels so inclined to be in charge whenever Leah leaves the building.” Leaning her head back against the pillow on the sofa, Lydia sighed. “Just because she’s older doesn’t make her wiser.”
“When will Leah find out if everyone needs to be tested?”
She glanced over at him, a scowl on her face. “Don’t you even care that I’m feeling poorly?” she snapped.
He pressed his lips together and stared at her, a blank expression on his face. For a long moment, he said nothing, just stared. The longer he remained silent, the less inclined she was to comment. His muscles tensed along his jawlines and his eyes narrowed.
“Lydia,” he said stiffly. “Your bruder is ill. He’s in the hospital for a reason. He may need a bone marrow transplant in order to live.” He took a step toward her, his upper body tense as though he was holding himself back. “You, however, are not sick. You make up these illnesses for attention and I’m getting right tired of it.”