Bittersweet Junction

by Ivy Sinclair

  Buying the bar when it went up for sale was a major step and a huge commitment, but it provided a revenue stream that supported the whole family. He fully intended to turn things over to Maggie once everything was stable. Then he would take the next step in his own life. He just didn’t know what that next step was yet. He hadn’t been able to think about himself or his own dreams in a long time.

  When Nate appeared in the kitchen forty-five minutes later, Ben wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He had no idea what to expect from dinner at the Bell’s that evening, but he anticipated that it would be awkward and potentially explosive. There were too many emotions swirling around and too many things that still needed to be said. If he was smart, he’d make up an excuse and stay as far away from the fireworks as possible.

  In the end, Ben headed back to his house cursing himself the whole way. He was twenty-three years old. He had responsibilities and a family who depended on him. Yet all he could think about was Julia. He thought that five years of shame and fifteen years of unrequited love before that would have been enough to set his head straight, but his heart wouldn’t listen.

  As he stood in the shower, he couldn’t keep his mind from drifting back to that night when everything changed.

  “Where do you want to go?” he asked Julia after she climbed into his car.

  “Anywhere but here. I want to leave this shit hole town forever,” she said. She wouldn’t look at him. “I want to be like you, Ben. I want to have a shot at a life somewhere else. Experience new things. See places I’ve only read about and seen pictures of on the internet. There’s a whole world out there. Mike doesn’t understand that.”

  Ben would have been blind not to notice that Mike’s possessive streak bloomed into full blown paranoia the closer they got to graduation. Instead of supporting Julia’s dreams, Mike was doing everything he could to lock her down in one place. Their fights had gotten increasingly worse, and Ben found himself playing the peacemaker more often on Mike’s behalf, a position made all the more uncomfortable considering his own feelings for Julia.

  “Mike’s just afraid he’s going to lose you,” he said. He didn’t defend Mike. It was his own fears that he hid under the guise of Mike’s feelings.

  “Mike is going to lose me if he keeps this up,” Julia said, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “I can’t keep having this argument with him. I want to go to college in Minneapolis in the fall. He is insisting that I go to the technical college here.”

  “He can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, Jules. You can make your own decisions. Mike’s an idiot.”

  Ben sighed as he turned the knob to turn off the water. The sentiment was as true now as it was then except Mike wasn’t the only idiot when it came to Julia Bell. He dried off quickly and walked into his bedroom. His eyes moved to the picture frames on the top of his dresser. The one in the middle was of him, Julia, and Mike on graduation day. In their caps and gowns with big smiles on their faces, they looked ready to take on the world. It was the last time that the three of them were together.

  Less than twenty-four hours later, Julia was gone. She left without any explanation, and the bond between them was broken forever. It made Ben sad, but eventually he understood that whatever had gone on between the three of them had run its course. They grew up and grew apart. The ties between them hadn’t been strong enough to stand the test of time. The way that he felt about her wasn’t enough to convince her she had other options.

  Ben blamed Mike for what happened, and now Mike was at the center of another mess that Ben was going to have to clean up. He knew that he should get on with his life, but looking at Julia’s face in the picture made him shiver. Julia hadn’t moved on. It was obvious by the pain and hurt that he saw inside of her that afternoon. He hated that after all that had happened he still wanted to help her, even if it meant that, at the end of all of it, she left again. Reconciling with her family would be good for her, even if she didn’t know it yet.

  His phone buzzed again as he was snapping on his watch. He rolled his eyes when he saw Mike’s face staring back at him.

  “Dude, why aren’t you over here yet?” Mike said without any other greeting.

  Ben looked at his watch. It was six-fifteen. “Chill out. Clary told me six-thirty. I’ll be there shortly. Have you seen her yet?” There was no need to name the her he was talking about.

  “Clary said that she’s been in her old room since Pete brought her home. He made up some excuse why he can’t stay for dinner. I think everybody knows this could get ugly fast. I just got here. I can’t do this by myself. Get your ass over here.”

  Rubbing his face, Ben thought about how to respond. He wanted to tell Mike that he had made the mess, he should grow up and deal with it, but he couldn’t. “I’m on my way.”

  “Good.” The relief was evident in Mike’s voice. “Having you here will make all the difference. Jules will listen to you.”

  Ben wasn’t so sure. He disconnected the call and cast one more look at the picture on his dresser. Once they had been the Three Musketeers. They never thought that anything could separate them. They had been wrong.

  Ben grabbed his jacket and prepared himself to enter the lion’s den.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Julia sat in the middle of her old bed and stared at the bedroom door. Pleading an upset stomach, she bolted to the room as soon as Pete escorted her in the front door. She managed to avoid her sister and any chance of further conversation. Julia just needed a way now to escape town without any more interventions. She had a feeling that would be an exercise in futility. She waited for the eventual knock on the door, terrified of who she might find on the other side of it. The other shoe was about to drop. She could feel it. The ghosts of her past seemed hellbent on making sure she was on a collision course with the last person she wanted to see, Mike.

  Everywhere around her, Julia saw the remnants of that life she had before and the girl that she used to be. It looked as if her father had simply closed the door on the room and not touched it since she left Benton Hill. On the dresser, Julia saw her yearbook lay opened to a page near the back. She distinctly remembered graduation day, standing there reading through the various entries from all her friends.

  Julia stood up and made her way to the yearbook. All the scrawled messages there were mostly generic.

  What a fantastic 4-years! Hate that it has to end!

  Best Friends Forever!

  Will miss you next year. Let’s stay in touch!

  Then at the bottom corner of the second to the last page, there was the note that spun her world around the first time she read it. It was that message that caused her to pull out her suitcase and decide that she had to leave Benton Hill before it was too late.

  Just say the word and I will wait for you. Forever, if I have to. Ben

  She knew that his words were meant to be comforting and woven with hope for the future, but at the time, it was the final nail in the suffocating coffin of her life in Benton Hill. What happened with Ben confused her even more than Mike’s insistence that, with graduation out of the way, it was time to start their new life together. She didn’t know the right answer and every option that she considered felt wrong. The two men who had been her pillars of strength and happiness for as long as she could remember were suddenly the two people that she needed to escape.

  Julia felt she was left with only one option. She had to leave. She would go away and think, and when things were sorted out in her mind, she would come back. It was the white lie that she told herself that made it somehow easier to kiss her father’s cheek and murmur something about a summer road trip to clear her head before starting college in the fall. She said nothing to Mike or Ben. She just left. She couldn’t think of a more cowardly or hurtful thing to do to two people that she cared about, but she had been a terrified kid.

  She looked in the mirror over the dresser. She looked older, and her eyes were haunted. Five years had passed, and she was still
as terrified as ever, but the reasons were different now. Five years of self-reflection changed her.

  The knock on her door pulled Julia out of her memories and back into the present.

  “Jules, it’s Dad. Can I come in?”

  She wiped her eyes and straightened her shirt. “It’s open.”

  The door opened, and Jack Bell stood before her. He was thinner and his hair grayer than she remembered, but it was the sadness in his hazel eyes that drove her across the room and into his arms.

  “Dad,” she said, burrowing her face into his shirt. This time she didn’t bother trying to hide her tears. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come home.”

  Her father stroked her hair and held her tightly. “It’s good to have you home now.” He pushed her away looked her up and down. “Let’s get a look at you.” He peered into her eyes. “You getting enough sleep? You look tired.”

  Julia shrugged. “It’s been a long day, Dad.”

  Jack nodded. “I can’t say I approve of your sister’s methods, but you’re here, and that’s all that matters to me. I’ve waited a long time to have both my girls under the same roof again.” He closed the door and then gestured at her bed. “Sit down. Let’s have a talk.”

  Julia sighed. It was the inevitable conversation that she had been dreading, and she knew it. Her father never pushed for an explanation of why Julia avoided coming home. He supported her decision to start her own business and seemed to understand that it kept her busy. He even visited her once in the cities when his work took him to a conference there, but that had been the only time she’d seen him since graduation.

  Jack settled into the armchair in the corner of her room. Julia waited for him to speak. He was her dad. He would bring logic to the chaos.

  “I know this is all feeling very sudden to you, Jules, but it didn’t play out that way. While I am not happy that your sister is pregnant before the wedding, I was pleased that they decided to move up the date.”

  “Clary told me that they were already engaged,” Julia said. “It was still a shock though.”

  Jack nodded. “How much has your sister told you about their courtship?”

  Julia dropped her eyes. “I didn’t really give her a chance to tell me anything. Ben told me a little bit more this afternoon. I just…this is surreal, Dad.”

  “I heard you saw Ben already. Pete told me you caused quite a stir down at Bruiser’s Spot. Just like old times, setting the town’s tongues wagging.”

  Julia fell back on the bed. “Well I didn’t expect to find my best friend cozying up to the girl who gave me a black eye right before graduation.”

  “You gave as good as you got in that fight from what I remember,” Jack chuckled.

  Sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed, Julia wrapped her arms around her favorite pillow and glared at her father. “What am I supposed to do now? Go out there and act like this is all normal? Like I approve of what’s happening? Forget about the fact that the last time I was in this house, I was the one that Mike asked to marry him?”

  Jack reached over and took Julia’s chin. “You left this life behind, sweetie. I understand it stings, but if Mike was the one you wanted, you would have stayed for him. You can’t begrudge them their happiness now out of some misguided sense of ownership. Besides, you and I both know Mike Brewer wasn’t the right guy for you.”

  Although she wanted to throw her pillow at him, she didn’t. He was right, but that didn’t mean she had to like it. “Even so, of all the guys in town, why Mike?”

  “Would you have preferred it had been Ben?” Jack asked.

  “No!” The idea of any woman with Ben made her stomach roll. She thought that she had come to grips with the moments of insanity before she left that involved Ben, but the last few hours proved nothing if not for the fact that she hadn’t come to grips with it at all. It was a ball of strange and unsettling emotions that she wasn’t sure she wanted to unravel. “Mike and Ben aren’t the only men in Benton Hill. Couldn’t she have found a guy her own age at least?”

  “Mike and Ben have been as much a part of Clary’s life as yours. It isn’t that strange to think that she would take a shine to one of them. Your sister is a good girl.”

  “A good girl that got herself knocked up,” Julia said.

  Her father stood up. “I’m disappointed to hear you judging your sister that way, Julia Rae, especially when she’s done nothing but defend you all these years. I’d think long and hard about how you treat her and her feelings.”

  Instantly, Julia was five years old again and felt the shame wash over her. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m just processing all of this, and it’s going to take me a bit of time.”

  Jack walked to the door. He looked back over his shoulder. “Dinner will be ready at six-thirty. I expect you to act like an adult and join the family. If you decide that you simply can’t stay for your sister’s wedding, then you can leave afterwards. Your sister deserves to be happy on her wedding day, and I’d rather you leave than ruin it for her.” Then he left the room.

  Dismayed at the venom in her father’s voice, Julia felt even worse. Her logical mind told her that she was being a bitch, she couldn’t change the fact that she felt wholly betrayed. That idea came on the heels of another earth shattering realization. In her mind, she was the one who had moved on. The people she left behind stayed the same. In the end though, the opposite proved to be true.

  If she was honest with herself, her personal life was on permanent pause. While her career was taking off, her romance life was severely stunted. She made the excuse to her friends and co-workers that it was because she didn’t have time to date, but the truth was it was difficult to think about giving your heart away when you weren’t even sure you were still in possession of it.

  Julia picked up the picture on her nightstand. It was of her, Mike, and Ben the summer between their junior and senior years of high school. She and Mike had just started dating, and he had his arm hooked around her waist. Ben stood a step behind her on the other side. His smile held something else that she hadn’t understood at the time, not until that night he took her on a ride to the other side of town.

  She could have dealt with Mike. It would have been a long, drawn-out emotional battle, but she would have eventually made him see that getting married right out of high school wasn’t the best thing for them. She had a world to explore, and so did he. The romance had already fizzled for her, and she had been trying to find a delicate way to bring it up to him for months. She thought she had been doing the right thing by not distracting him from his various athletic and academic pursuits. Plus there had been a part of her that wondered what was wrong with her. Every girl in town wanted to be in her shoes, but there was just something missing with Mike.

  That’s what made what happened with Ben so completely unexpected. Julia didn’t have a plan for that. The thought of losing both of them was something that she couldn’t even comprehend. Leaving seemed easier. Lying to herself enabled her to cope.

  Everyone thought that she left because of Mike, but in the end, she left because of Ben. He had a bright future, and he was the one who had the most potential. She couldn’t let him throw that away because of any feelings he thought he had for her. Besides, it wasn’t like she had any feelings for him that way.

  Julia thought about how all the women in the bar earlier checked Ben out as he moved through the room. That wasn’t the lanky, slight awkward guy that she remembered at all. She still saw some traits that she remembered about him like the calm, soothing approach to every problem. His ability to listen to her rants and turn it back with logic and thoughtfulness. His quiet strength that relaxed her and made her feel like everything would be okay. All of that seemed amplified now inside a smoldering, self-assured package that was unsettling.

  Ben had grown up confident and sexy. No wonder Sarah West was after him. It seemed silly to think that he could still have a crush on her now like he did back then. Julia shook her head. It wasn’t as if
she wanted him to still have feelings for her. Chewing on her lip, she wondered if she could trust the nagging doubt inside of her.

  A glance at the clock confirmed her fear that her time grew short. It was six-fifteen. She wasn’t going to be able to hide in her room for the rest of the night. Her father’s tone told her that he wasn’t going to put up with any antics. He was right. She could be an adult about the situation for one evening.

  Grabbing her purse, Julia made her way to the mirror and began digging inside for her compact and lipstick. At the very least, she wasn’t going to look like a hag. She powered her nose and ran gloss over her lips. Then she fluffed her hair and made a face at herself in the mirror. It was going to be awful. She was sure of it.

  Her eyes wandered down to the yearbook. Her fingers slid over Ben’s scrawl. He said that he would wait for her. Ben always understood that Julia wanted to get out of Benton Hill. He helped her fill out every college application and even offered to road trip with her to see college campuses. He never tried to hold her back, but always seemed to be there to lift her up and push her forward. She had taken that for granted.

  Some part of her always wondered if he was waiting for her. It was a silly, romantic notion but one that kept her from fully exploring any other relationships. There had been a part of her that thought when she and Ben were done with their adventures, maybe there could be something there for them.

  She had feelings for Ben. She had always had feelings for Ben. It was one of her darkest secrets. Mike would have killed them both if he knew what happened that night out by the lake. Too many unanswered questions lingered, but now that didn’t matter.

  She had a new life in the city.

  Clary was marrying Mike, and they were having a baby.