The Day I Stopped Falling for Jerks

by Monroe, Max

  “Uh…this seems like a bad idea,” I muttered and dug my toes into the sand. “I’ve never been in the ocean, and I sure as hell have never been inside a kayak. What if I fall out of that damn thing?”

  “That’s what the life vest is for.”

  “This is crazy.” I shook my head and stepped back a few feet. “And honestly, it’s freaking me the fuck out.”

  Ollie let go of the kayak and walked over toward me.

  “Listen, Lucky, just trust me on this, okay?” He placed both of his hands on my shoulders, and the way his brown eyes looked so damn earnest, I couldn’t find a reason to doubt him. “I’m not going to take you anywhere dangerous. I will keep you safe. All the while, I’m going to make sure you have a good time, and more than that, get even more comfortable in the water. Okay?”

  “O-okay.” I nodded, but when a question popped into my mind, I couldn’t not ask it. “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why are you doing this?” I explained. “You know, teaching me how to swim and helping me conquer my fear of water…”

  “Ever since you told me you couldn’t swim, it’s had me a bit tied up in knots, yeah?” he said. “These events have you near the water every single day, all the bloody time, and I don’t much like the idea of you not knowing how to swim.”

  I stared up at him and searched his steady gaze.

  He was doing this because he was afraid something might happen to me?

  And the idea of me not knowing how to swim was stressing him out?

  These were the last things I’d expected to come out of his mouth.

  In that moment, I started to second-guess everything I’d originally seen in him…

  Maybe I was wrong about him?

  Maybe Ollie wasn’t as big of a jerk as I’d originally thought?

  I mean, would a jerk be this concerned with my safety?

  I didn’t know the answer to those questions, but I did know that I trusted him.

  And even taking it a step further, I was both nervous and excited to see what this little adventure entailed…

  “Okay,” I said with a small smile. “I’m nervous as hell, but I’m ready. Let’s do it.”

  “Attagirl,” he said with a wink and grabbed the kayak again.

  I followed him toward the water, and once he’d settled me in the kayak, he instructed me to hold on to the oars as he pulled us farther into the water.

  Once the water reached his waist, he hopped inside expertly, just barely rocking our little boat with his movements.

  “I’m guessing you’ve done this before, huh?”

  “Just a few times,” he said and grinned at me over his shoulder as he moved his oar through the water and led our boat farther out to sea. “Now, it’s about to be a wee bit bumpy through this part, yeah? But once I get us past it, we’ll be smooth as silk and headed straight for the little bay area where the water barely even wrinkles.”

  “So, uh, what should I do?”

  “Whatever makes you feel most comfortable.”

  “Yeah, well, that would be not rowing and gripping the edges for dear life.”

  He laughed. “Then do that.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Just do what feels natural, yeah?”

  Do what felt natural?

  [incredulous laugh]

  I think we can all agree, if I’d followed that line of thinking, I already would’ve kissed him ten times. Pretty sure do what feels natural didn’t pertain to my love life, but for this situation, I could follow his advice…

  So, I did what felt natural.

  Which, basically, just involved me gripping the edges of the kayak and frequently shutting my eyes when the rocky water became too overwhelming.

  I knew the anxiety was irrational, though.

  I mean, I had a life vest on, for goodness’ sake.

  And thanks to Ollie, I did know how to tread water…sort of.

  Plus, it wasn’t like the man in control of the kayak had no experience in this.

  He’d set records literally riding waves fifty times bigger than the ones we were currently floating over.

  Eventually, though, we reached the calm waters of the bay, and all of the tension locked inside my neck and shoulders waned, and I didn’t feel compelled to keep my eyes closed.

  “This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” I whispered as my gaze took in the spot where the rocky caverns disappeared into the crystal-clear water.

  It was breathtaking.

  “You like it?” Ollie asked and I nodded.

  “I love it.”

  “It’s one of my favorite spots on Eastern Cape,” he said and set his oar down beside him.

  “One of your favorite spots? But there’re no waves.”

  “Yeah, but there’s beauty,” he responded and looked at me over his shoulder. “It’s a bit of a secret spot, though,” he added. “Mind keeping it under wraps?”

  “It’ll be our little secret.”

  Our little secret.

  Those words felt so strange yet so right coming from my lips.

  “Now, where’s the part where we actually swim?” I asked, and Ollie smirked.

  “Right now.” He hopped to his feet and was out of the kayak and into the clear water before I could question his sanity.

  “You’re crazy!” I shouted toward him once his head broke the surface.

  “You need to get a little crazy with me,” he called back with a grin. “Jump in, Lucky!”

  “Are you nuts?” I squealed. “I can’t just jump in.”

  “Why not?” he asked. “You have a life vest on. The kayak isn’t going anywhere. And I’m here. You’re perfectly safe, I promise. Nothing bad will happen.”

  I stared at him for a long moment.

  “I believe in you, Lucky. You can do it!” he yelled toward me, and there was something about the way he said it that made me feel like I actually could do it.

  So, I did do it.

  One big, deep breath and I threw caution to the wind and jumped into the sea.

  The instant I reached the surface again and my eyes met Ollie’s bright and proud gaze, I’d never felt more exhilarated in my whole life.

  My heart pounded erratically in my chest, and adrenaline pumped through my body until it woke up every nerve ending with a high I couldn’t put into words.

  Ollie moved toward me and gripped my life vest with both of his hands. “You okay?” he asked, and his eyes searched mine.

  I nodded, a manic up-and-down bob of my head, and I knew I looked insane—hell, I felt like maybe I’d gone insane—but I was too damn euphoric to care.

  Relief lightened the dark chocolate rims of his eyes, and eventually, it made a path straight to his lips and lifted the corners up into a grin.

  Good God, he had a nice smile. Perfect white teeth, full lips, and bright enough to give the sun a run for its money.

  Between his smile and his eyes, I didn’t know what I wanted to take in more.

  [sighs]

  Not to mention, we were alone, you guys.

  Alone. Wading in the sea. Our bodies inches from one another.

  All I could do was stare at him. And trust me, I drank him up like he was lemonade on a hot summer day.

  Kiss him, my brain shouted like it had done so many times before.

  But that time, I didn’t ignore it.

  Instead, I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his.

  Yes, I kissed him.

  No hesitation. No second thoughts. I just up and fucking kissed him.

  The salt of the sea mingled on our lips, and with what I could only describe as pure insanity flowing through my veins, I slipped my tongue past his teeth and took a taste.

  Good Lord, I wasn’t disappointed.

  He tasted incredible.

  And that kiss felt so damn good it made my toes curl beneath the water.

  He groaned softly against my mouth and danced his tongue with mine, and my head turned fuzzy a
t how perfect it all felt. Like his lips were meant to touch my lips. His tongue was meant to dance with my tongue. Our bodies were meant to be this close.

  [audible pause]

  If you’re wondering what was happening to me, don’t worry, I was thinking the same thing.

  And I had no idea. Not a single clue.

  Maybe I’d sustained some sort of brain damage from that jump?

  Maybe all that adrenaline had clouded my judgment?

  Or maybe I’d literally reached the point where I just couldn’t resist him?

  God, I’d made myself a million promises, and yet, somehow, I’d kissed the one man I’d promised myself I wouldn’t.

  Not to mention, I was still kissing him.

  Why was I still kissing him?

  Well, because Ollie was an ah-mazing kisser.

  I don’t know how long that kiss lasted, but I know it wasn’t a short amount of time. When I finally let rational thought invade my senses, I pulled away from his lips and had the urge to bury my face in the sea.

  Ollie looked at me and I looked at him, and by the heat creeping up my chest and into my cheeks, I knew my skin had to be a thousand shades of embarrassment.

  “You kissed me,” he said.

  “No, I didn’t,” I said. “Pretty sure you kissed me.”

  [sighs]

  I think we can all agree I was one hundred percent full of shit.

  You guys know it.

  I knew it.

  And, don’t worry, Ollie knew it too.

  His lips turned up into a knowing smirk. “You definitely kissed me.”

  “Just shut up about it, okay?” I said, and in the need for self-preservation and saving face, I swam back toward the kayak.

  Of course, I had no idea how I was going to get my ass back inside that thing without flipping it over my head, but I had to distract myself with something.

  I couldn’t face him.

  Not then. Not after I fucking kissed him.

  “I can’t believe you kissed me.”

  “Can we just forget that happened?” I asked as I attempted to toss my leg back into the kayak and gain some traction.

  But instead of traction, my foot slipped off the boat, and I slid under the water until my life vest buoyed me back to the surface.

  “Need a little help?” he asked through a soft chuckle.

  “That’d be nice.”

  He swam toward me, and like a gentleman, he helped me back inside the kayak.

  “So, was there a reason for that kiss?” he asked once he climbed back inside too.

  I gave him the only answer I could. “Insanity.”

  He laughed at that, and thankfully, didn’t question me any further. Instead, Ollie grabbed an oar and started paddling us back toward the coastline. All the while, I sat behind him, cursing myself for being such a horny biotch.

  I silently berated myself for being such a fool.

  Hell, I even made myself a million and one promises that I’d never give in to the temptation again…

  [sighs]

  But do you think I listened?

  * * *

  By the time we reached the shore near our hotel, I was certain of four things.

  Numero uno: I was still, in fact, a jerk addict.

  Numero dos: I kissed Ollie.

  Numero tres: I wasn’t bilingual, but I knew how to count to ten in Spanish thanks to my sister Hazel’s kids’ love for Dora the Explorer. Who, by the way, was far too loud and yell-y for my liking. Like, cool it, Dora. We get it. You have a backpack and a map.

  And numero cuatro? I was doing quite the bang-up job of avoiding the issue at hand.

  Which, by the way, I still couldn’t believe I’d kissed him, you guys!

  Just straight up, placed my lips to his, slipped my tongue into his mouth, flipping kissed him.

  Apparently, I needed Jesus.

  And a nap.

  And quite possibly a lobotomy.

  [sighs]

  Anyway, once Ollie had rowed the kayak all the way to the sand, he held out a strong hand and helped me to my feet.

  “This was…fun,” he said, and all I could do was nod.

  “Uh-huh.”

  I mean, what else could I say? Oh yeah, this was fantastic! Especially that whole part where I went temporarily insane and freaking kissed you!

  [laughs]

  Yeah, I would’ve rather buried my head in the sand than said that out loud.

  “Did you have fun?” he asked and used one strong arm to drag the kayak farther up the sand. He stuck it beside the hotel’s kayak and scuba equipment rental, just behind the rows of beach chairs and umbrellas.

  Did I have fun?

  Yes, I had.

  But was I on board with the kind of fun I’d let myself have?

  Now that, well, it was the question of the day, my friends.

  With a half smile all but forced to my lips, I muttered, “Uh-huh,” and then quickly added, “Thank you.”

  “It was my pleasure.” He smiled in response and tossed the oars down into the empty kayak.

  I’m sure you can imagine I was a little lost for words in that moment.

  My swimming lesson number two had turned into a make-out session instigated by yours truly.

  If that wasn’t enough to make your brain go haywire, I don’t know what would.

  So, I just kind of stood there for a minute, digging my toes into the sand and staring down at my feet.

  My mind was a mess.

  My thoughts scattered all over the damn place.

  And even though I kind of wanted to be a rude asshole and make a beeline for the privacy of my hotel room, I couldn’t.

  Yes, our day had ended hella awkward, but in reality, it hadn’t been his fault.

  It was my fault.

  If anything, once I’d bluntly told him to shut up about the kiss thing, he’d dropped the subject like a bad habit.

  And more than that, how could I be rude to him after he’d taken the time to show me how to swim?

  He didn’t need to do that.

  He definitely wasn’t obligated to do that.

  But he’d done it all the same.

  God, I just needed to get myself together.

  I needed to actually thank him for the vital break he’d given me. And then, once I’d achieved that, I planned to go hide inside my hotel room like a hermit and berate myself for my questionable kissing choices.

  “Ollie, listen, I—” I started to say, but when I heard both Ollie’s and my name in the distance, I paused and glanced over my shoulder to see Jordy smiling toward us.

  “Yo, Ollie! Unlucky Lucky!” he called again as he made the short jog from the sandy path that led from the hotel to where we stood by the rental hut. “Well, well, well, looks like someone has finally come out of the, what did you call it, writing cave?” he questioned and nudged me gently with his elbow.

  “Yep, it appears that way.” I couldn’t not return his adorable smile. “But it’s only for a little while. I’m actually heading back there now.”

  He glanced back and forth between Ollie and me. “What have you guys been up to today?”

  “A little kayaking,” Ollie answered. “Just wanted to show Lucky here a few of my favorite spots.”

  “Nice,” Jordy said and rocked back and forth on his heels. “You guys grabbing lunch now or—?”

  Grabbing lunch with Jordy and Ollie?

  That felt like a recipe for disaster.

  I shook my head without hesitation. “I actually need to head back upstairs. Work, deadlines, you know how it goes.”

  “Damn,” Jordy muttered playfully. “And here I was hoping my best girl could join me for a bite.”

  The instant the words best girl fell from his lips, I felt Ollie’s eyes move toward my face. I glanced at him out of my periphery, but I couldn’t really deduce what he was thinking.

  “I’m gonna have to take a rain check, pal,” I said and patted Jordy on the shoulder. “But maybe Oll
ie could keep you company in my absence.” I moved my full gaze to Ollie’s, and he searched my face for a few beats before breaking our eye contact.

  “Whaddya say?” Jordy asked, and Ollie shrugged.

  “Sure, mate. Why the hell not?”

  Somehow, someway, I’d been given the most perfect out, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I was relieved or annoyed.

  “Well, I guess I’ll leave you guys to it,” I said and picked up my beach towel from the spot where Ollie had left our stuff before we’d gone kayaking. “Have fun, boys. I’ll be inside, slaving away,” I called over my shoulder and pushed my feet through the sand as I headed in the direction of the hotel.

  “Hey!” Jordy’s voice filled my ears. “Lucky! Wait up for a minute!”

  I stopped in my tracks and turned to find Jordy jogging toward me.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded, but then he paused and his eyes turned serious. “Well, I hope everything is okay…”

  I tilted my head to the side in confusion.

  “The kiss,” he said and briefly glanced down at his bare feet before meeting my eyes again.

  The kiss? My heart catapulted into a panicked rhythm at his words. How in the hell did he know I’d kissed Ollie?

  Holy fucking shit.

  “I guess…” He paused for a beat but eventually continued, “I guess I just wanted to make sure things weren’t weird between us after I, you know, kissed you.”

  He was talking about our kiss, his and mine.

  Oh, thank God.

  And, seriously? I really needed to stop kissing people.

  I grinned up into his earnest eyes. “You have nothing to worry about,” I said. “We’re good. Promise.”

  “You sure?” he asked and crinkled his nose. “I’d just hate it if I made things weird between us, you know,” he explained. “I know I’ve only known you for a short time, but I like your friendship, Lucky. And that’s not just some line, I really mean that.”

  “I like your friendship too, Jordy.”

  “Pinkie promise?” He held out his pinkie finger, and instantly, I giggled.

  “Pinkie promise.”

  He let out a deep breath just as we unlocked fingers. “Okay, good. I feel a lot better after talking to you,” he said. “For a little while there, I thought maybe the whole work excuse was just you giving me the cold shoulder or something.”