by Maree Green
She scratched her head. “Okay, I guess you’re right. I just don’t like people talking shit about that kind of thing. But if you’re good, then I’ll try not to worry about it.”
“Thanks, hon. And I’m sorry if that sounded insensitive,” I said softly.
She waved me off. “Don’t be silly. I was just worried about you, but I think you’re right. If people see that neither of us care about the rumors, they’ll start to second-guess their credibility anyway.” Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully as she watched me again. “What was Zac doing here, anyway?”
“Zac,” I said, weighing up whether I should tell her the outright truth, “was apparently here to cry on Wyatt’s shoulder, from what I was told, but that’s not true.”
Emmy stared at me blankly for a long time. It was obvious she was having a hard time processing my words and trying to get them to make sense inside her head. “I’m confused.”
“It’s a long story,” I said. “And you can’t tell anyone because I haven’t decided what to do yet. But the night Zac was here, I was drugged. Nothing happened to me, but Noah said Zac was seen buying that kind of drug, so I’m still trying to work out how I fit in with it all.”
Shaking her head, she held up a hand. “Wait. You were drugged? But you’re okay? No one touched you?” Concern bordering on panic swam in her eyes.
“I’m positive. I was still wearing my jeans when I woke up, and my twenty was still securely in my pants,” I said, trying to reassure her best I could. The last thing I wanted to do was to bring back any bad memories for her. “Zac was here, though. Brad saw him leaving early in the morning, but I was still passed out at the time.”
“Okay,” she said, letting out a shaky breath. “Good. Scary, but good.”
I exhaled with her, nodding my agreement. “Yeah, it’s been a little hard to get my head around. In a way—even though I know nothing happened—I still feel kind of violated. It’s hard to explain. And so confusing. I mean, if Zac was the one to drug me, I just don’t get it. He was here. He had every opportunity.”
Emmy chewed on her lip nervously. “Unless Wyatt stopped him? Maybe he was expecting Wyatt to drop you home and leave?”
Lifting a shoulder, I dropped it again quickly. “It’s one of the possibilities that’s been running through my head. There’s just so many questions I can’t answer. Eli and Austin want me to go to the police, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet.”
Running the tip of her finger over her bottom lip, she gave me a defeated smile. “I know what you mean, but if I could go back and tell my thirteen-year-old self anything at all, it would be to go to the police. But I understand where you’re at. It’s not something many people can. It’s a process, and the first part is trying to make sense of it. You feel like you can’t take the next step until you have it straight in your own head. But the one thing I learned along the way is that you’ll never make sense of it. These people are wired differently, and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to see where they’re coming from.” She leaned over and squeezed my hand. “Just think about it, okay? And remember I’m here for you. If you decide you want to go report it, I can come with you. You just have to ask.”
“Thanks, Emmy. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I think I was kind of hoping it would all just go away.”
Brushing my concerns away with a swipe of her hand, she shook her head. “Don’t be. But tell me, is the whole drugging thing the reason you broke up with Wyatt?”
I nodded noncommittally. “Kind of yes and no. I think this is why I’m so confused about everything, because something didn’t feel right with Wyatt for a while, and, in a strange kind of way, I feel like this drugging thing has everything to do with it. I just can’t work out what.”
Emmy pressed her lips together. “Well, at least you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
I nodded my agreement, but I wasn’t entirely sure that was true.
Chapter 22
Eli
Opening the throttle, I pushed my bike harder, giving her just a little clutch as I hit the berm and raced around the corner. Jordan, right on my tail, crept forward, the fucker trying to sneak up on the inside of me. Digging in a little deeper, I pressed upwards, straightening her up to hit the jump head-on before leaning into the landing and drifting around the final corner.
Hitting the throttle full-on, I pressed my new baby to give everything she had, managing to cross the line a whole length in front of Jordan, and a few more in front of Brad.
Skidding around to a stop, I laughed at Jordan’s attempt to flip me the bird and cut the engine. “Nice try, man,” I said, sliding my helmet off. “I gotta give it to you, though. It doesn’t matter how many times I beat you, you just keep coming back. That takes some balls.”
“Fuck off,” Jordan said, rolling his eyes. “You and I both know it’s only a matter of time before I hand your ass to you.”
I smirked at him as Brad pulled up beside us. “I knew you just wanted to touch my ass. Sorry, Bro. This ass is reserved for someone else.”
Jordan tucked his helmet under his arm and crooked one side of his mouth upward. “If you’re talking about Jess, you might want to prepare yourself to share. Rumor has it, she’s into threesomes.”
Everything around me stilled. I liked a good joke just as much as the next person, but talking about a girl’s reputation like it didn’t matter never sat well with me—especially a girl I cared about. “That’s not even funny, Bro. Talk shit about Jess, and I’ll make you regret it.”
Jordan laughed. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just telling you what I heard. Some mutt saw both Wyatt and Zac leaving her apartment a few weeks ago and said he’d heard they’d all had a nice ménage à trois. I didn’t make the shit up.”
I shot Brad a harsh glare. If I found out he told even one person, I was going to beat the shit out of him.
Brad shook his head the instant our gazes met. “It wasn’t me, dude. I didn’t even tell dipshit here.”
“Hey!” Jordan gawked at Brad before his brow creased with confusion. “What do you mean you didn’t tell?”
I glared at Jordan. “Who?” I demanded, ready to go break someone’s nose. “Who told you?”
Jordan shook his head. It was obvious he had no idea why I was flipping the fuck out. “Leonard Banks. I saw him at the dorms this morning.”
This was getting way too complicated. Looking out over the trees, I tried to calm the growing rage inside me. It pissed me off no end that people were talking shit about Jess, but it infuriated me even more because I knew what had actually happened that night. The fact that people were condemning her for something she didn’t do, when in actual fact she was a victim, made me want to go full Hulk on someone’s ass. And it wouldn’t be pretty.
Shaking my head in frustration, I ran a hand through my hair. I had no idea how to fix this for Jess. I’d never been at the center of any sort of scandal before. How did people dispel all the shit? It wasn’t like I was in a position to tell anyone the truth.
Growling, I lowered my helmet to my side. Did she know what people were saying? Had she heard yet? And if she had, how was she taking it? As much as I’d decided to stay the fuck away from her after pressing her up against the wall like a madman, this wasn’t something I could ignore. I needed to go see her.
Jordan pushed his helmet into my leg. “Dude, what the hell is going on? I know you like Jess and all, but didn’t she break up with Wyatt? What does it matter if she did this thing or not? It’s not like they’re together anymore.”
Swiping at his helmet, I knocked it to the ground, my temper getting the best of me. “It’s her reputation, Jordan! That’s why it matters. And for the record, Wyatt and Zac may have been at her apartment, and they may have left in the early hours of the morning, but a threesome is the exact opposite of what really happened! You’re supposed to be a fucking law student. Stop thinking about how something looks on face value, and start think
ing about other possibilities. Start thinking like a damned criminal.”
Brad’s gaze fell to the ground while Jordan frowned, his face confused and blank as he tried to process my rant.
Clenching my jaw, I tried to calm myself down. “Just because they’re law students and you know who they are, doesn’t mean they’re only up to stupid experimental college shit,” I said, this time a little softer.
His eyes narrowed, and I knew he finally got it. I watched him draw in a slow, deep breath before he pressed his lips into a contemplative pout. “You’re not going to tell me what they were up to, are you?”
Tightening my jaw, I shook my head, once. “I can’t, man.
He nodded, accepting. “Just tell me this. Is Jess okay?”
Lifting one shoulder, I dropped it with a sigh. “She was. I’m not sure after this, though. I need to go see her.”
“Anything we can do?” Brad asked, concern flashing in his eyes.
“I don’t know, man. Just let me go talk to Jess first. Then I’ll know what to do. Or at least I hope I will.”
With that, I pulled my helmet back on and started up my bike. I just hoped I was going to be able to calm down before I got to Jess’s, because I couldn’t guarantee what would happen otherwise.
Chapter 23
Jess
Copying down the rest of the notes from the board, I quickly put my laptop to sleep and closed the lid. Shoving everything into my backpack, I swung it over my shoulder, pretending I couldn’t hear the whispering behind me as I stood. As much as I’d become used to the giggling taunts and sideways glances over the past week, it didn’t mean I was okay with it. In fact, it was really starting to piss me off. Ever since the rumor started, I’d been surrounded by nothing more than a bunch of judgmental bitches and heat-seeking manwhores.
Stepping out from the row of desks, I started up the stairs, trying to keep my eyes cast down, but my pride just wouldn’t let me. Looking across at the row above mine, I met the gaze of one of the girls I’d heard whispering. Alison Pike. She smirked at me as though her shit didn’t stink, her eyes narrowing with condemnation. I should’ve looked away, but I was too pissed off to let it go, so I paused my steps, my head cocking to the side as I narrowed my own gaze back at her.
Her friend, Regan Franks, nudged her with her elbow and giggled, making me just want to walk up and punch them.
Drawing in a deep breath, I raised my chin and forced a calm to come over me. “Oh, okay. I get it,” I said, giving them both a faux smile. “You’re the kind of girls who like to judge and condemn other women so you can feel better about yourselves.” A slight sense of satisfaction flowed through me as I watched their smirks fall from their faces. “I’d tell you that the rumors aren’t true, but you don’t really care, do you? As long as you feel as though you’re better than me. Well, I hope it doesn’t hurt too much when you fall off those high horses of yours. I hear karma can be a real bitch.”
With that, I hoisted my backpack higher on my shoulder, smiled as though I meant it, and walked from the lecture room with my pride very much intact. I didn’t even need to resort to physical violence. Amber would be disappointed.
Stepping out into the sunshine, I turned toward the parking lot and started preparing myself for the afternoon ahead. I had almost six weeks to get this assignment done, but I wanted to get a good start on it this week if I could.
“Jess!”
My steps faltered as Eli’s voice drifted into my awareness. I turned, trying to prepare myself for my body’s reaction to his presence, but as soon as I saw him I knew I’d failed massively. “Hey, what brings you back to good ole Sac State?” I asked. I was aiming for light and happy, but I thought I actually achieved awkward and scary.
“I actually came to see if you were all right. I heard about the rumors.”
I almost cringed at the thought of him listening to the shit people were saying, but I knew he knew the truth. Drawing in a deep breath, I watched Alison and Regan exit the building, their gazes flashing to me and widening when they saw Eli standing there. The visual of it practically made me roll my eyes. Eli had that effect on most women.
Shrugging, I watched them scurry along the path. “Other than having to put up with bitches who think it’s awesome to put other women down, I’m doing great,” I said, my voice loud enough for them to hear
Eli’s gaze followed mine to where Alison and Regan were now walking past us, his eyes narrowing dangerously. “Yeah, some people lack the intelligence to think outside a pack. It’s just sad, really. If only they knew how ugly it made them, they might consider using their brain and trying out thinking for themselves for a change.”
As Alison’s cheeks stained pink, I smirked. I wasn’t usually one to promote an eye for an eye, but I’d seriously reached the outer limit of my patience this week.
“But seriously,” Eli said, his voice soft and laced with concern, “are you okay?”
There were so many ways I could’ve answered his question, but I stuck to the one I knew he was looking for the most. “I’m fine. The shallow-mindedness is a little hard to swallow every now and again, but for the most part, I’m fine.”
He watched me carefully, his gaze searching the depths of my eyes. I wasn’t sure what it was he was looking for, but after a while, he inhaled and nodded. “Okay. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
Under normal circumstances, I would’ve made a joke about there not being anything he could do, but I knew his offer was sincere, so I left it alone. I couldn’t, however, leave the mess that was us alone. “Eli,” I said, gripping the strap of my backpack, “I know most girls would let go of what happened between us the other night”—I watched him retreat a little with my words, but I pressed on regardless—“but you and I both know I’m not like other girls. I need you to explain to me what that was about.”
His jaw tightened a little. “It was a mistake, Jess. It shouldn’t have happened.”
His words hurt, but I wasn’t going to let him off that easy. “But it did.”
“I know,” he said, his voice hardening. “But it won’t happen again.”
Instinct was telling my body to retreat, to back down and just let it go, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t fair of him to demand me to do that. I wanted to know what was going on. One minute he’s rejecting me, and the next he’s kissing me like there was no tomorrow and growling that I had no idea what I did to him. Now he was flat refusing to acknowledge it. “Why, Eli?” I asked, point-blank. “Why won’t it happen? Do you not want it to, or is there some other reason?”
His gazed flickered back and forth between mine. “I won’t try to fool either one of us by saying I don’t want it to,” he said, instantly sending a pulse of need through my veins. “But there are reasons why it can’t, Jess. I’ve made a commitment to finish this degree and sit the bar exam this summer. I can’t afford to have any distractions.”
Hurt spread through my body uninvited.
Eli’s hand flinched as though he wanted to reach out to me, but his resolve wouldn’t let him. “Don’t take it as an insult, Jess. It’s really not. As far as distractions go, you’re the very best kind there is.”
I heard his words—I even understood them—but they didn’t change the way I was feeling inside.
Shoving his hands inside his pockets, he scuffed his feet. “I have to go. But Jess?” he said, lowering his head so he could look directly into my eyes. “I meant what I said. Let me know if I can help. With anything.”
Offering him a smile, I squeezed my hands around the strap of my backpack and nodded. “Okay.”
Confusion swirled around me as I watched him walk away. He wanted me. But not enough to risk distraction. I had no idea how something could be so exciting yet devastating at the same time. And I wasn’t actually sure what I was supposed to do with that.
Drawing in a deep breath, I started toward my car. The first step was to get home. Then I could at least start licking my wounds. Ice c
ream would help with that.
Chapter 24
Eli
Climbing into my truck, I quickly closed the door before I thumped the steering wheel with the heel of my palm. I thought it’d been fucking hard seeing Jess when she’d been dating Wyatt, but now that she was single, it was a fucking nightmare. And now that I knew she wanted me to, it just added to the damned torture. I’d seriously never felt so torn in my life.
Cranking the engine, I reversed out of the parking space and started heading for school. I didn’t understand how I could’ve underestimated the pull she had on me. I’d honestly thought the drive I had to stay focused on my studies would be enough to stick with my goals. I just couldn’t comprehend how the hell she made me so weak.
As I pulled into the parking lot at school and eased the truck into a space, I shook my head. All I knew was that if I didn’t get my shit together real quick, failing was a real possibility, and I could not let that happen. I needed to get on top of this. Now.
With a sigh, I climbed from the truck and locked it with the fob, turning to find Brad already waiting for me. He raised an eyebrow at me with a certain level of pessimism. “And so it begins,” he said.
His words only reiterated what I’d just been telling myself, but they didn’t help. I nodded as I threw my bag over my shoulder. I seriously needed to man up. If I could just break it down into steps, I might actually be able to get there. The first step was to graduate, and all that involved was four more months of study. Four months was nothing. I could do that. I just needed to stay well away from Jess and I’d be fine.
Somewhere inside, I knew I was full of shit, but I ignored it. Ignorance was bliss, after all.
Filing into the classroom, I slid into my seat next to Brad and got out my notepad and pen. Professor Lingard shuffled into the room a minute later, flicking on the screen as she went. “Good morning, class. I hope you all had a good break,” she said in a tone that suggested we better be ready to work.