by Maree Green
“Good morning,” I said, unable to help the crooked smile that crept onto my lips. Damn, she was gorgeous. “Coffee?” She continued to stare at me, but her head bobbed up and down in response to my question. “I thought you’d sleep longer,” I said, pouring her a cup.
She took the cup from me like someone dying of thirst. “Don’t you know? Coffee can summon the dead, Eli.”
I smirked. The fact that she could still make a joke while she had a hangover impressed me. “How are you feeling?”
She gulped down a mouthful before nodding. “Not too bad, actually.” She winked. “Must’ve been the Advil or whatever the hell it was you made me take last night.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You remember that?”
“I remember it all, Eli,” she said, cocking her head to the side. “I don’t often forget things the next day. That’s why the drugging freaked me out. It’s not cool not knowing what you did or what happened around you for hours on end.”
Darkness tinted my vision. “No, it’s not. So why would you risk that again by going out drinking last night?”
She rolled her eyes and turned away from me, walking out of the kitchen. If it weren’t for the sight of her curvy ass swaying from the room, I would’ve growled at her brushoff.
Following her out to the living room, I stood on the opposite side of the couch from her, needing to put some distance between her barely covered body and my barely contained need for it. “Are you going to answer me?”
She shrugged. “I needed a release.”
My eyes narrowed. I knew the perfect way to give her a release. And if she was looking for that from someone else last night, I wasn’t going to be happy. “What kind of a release?”
“Does it matter?” she challenged.
Holy fucking shit. How did she make me want to take her just by giving me sass? “Yeah, it kinda does.”
Her eyes narrowed dangerously, and she slowly started moving around the couch toward me. “Why does it matter, Eli?”
I shook my head and put my mug on the table beside me. “You know why, Jess. I’ve already told you that I care about you. I don’t like knowing that you’re putting yourself at risk. I don’t want you to be taken advantage of, or anything worse.”
“It’s my life, Eli,” she said, coming face-to-face with me. “I appreciate the fact that you want to protect me, but I’m not yours to protect. You made that decision, not me. And if me going out and having fun is a mistake, then it’s my mistake to make.”
My muscles tightened as I watched her green eyes flare. My dick was seriously straining for her. He wanted out. Now. “Why is it so bad for me to want to keep you safe, Jess?”
“What you did last night was not what friends do, Eli,” she said, closing the gap a little. “It was purgatory. It was somewhere in the middle of hell. And I can’t do it. You have to choose a side. Hell, fucking you once and having you walk away from me would be better than this! At least I’d have something good to remember.”
I stepped forward until our bodies were practically touching. “Don’t tempt me, Jess,” I growled. I said it as a warning, but it sounded more like a plea, even to my own ears.
She shook her head and placed her cup on the table beside mine, defiance radiating from her every pore. “Oh, I’m tempting you. I’m sick of playing the nice girl, Eli. I’m not doing it anymore. You need to make a decision. Right now.”
My jaw clenched as I tilted my head back, trying to retain any control I might’ve had left in me. “You’ve got no idea how hard you’re making this for me, Jess. Do you actually know how much I want you?” I said, my control slipping more with each breath I took. “But I can’t promise you anything right now. Fuck, I want to. I want to promise you the goddamn world. But I can’t.”
Desperation flashed in the depths of her eyes. “Why can’t you just live in the moment, Eli? Why does it need to be about tomorrow, or the next day, or next month? Why can’t it just be about right now—what you want in this very moment?”
My nostrils flared. “Because you deserve more than that. You deserve everything good, Jess, and if I let myself go right now and take you—because I will—and I leave without knowing if I can give you any more, I have to live with that. I have to live knowing I hurt the one person I care about most in this world.”
Silence filled the room as she watched me, absorbing all the words I just spewed into the air. Then she gently tilted her head back and parted her lips. “Shut up and kiss me, Eli.”
And just like that, my control was gone.
Chapter 35
Jess
As Eli crushed his lips to mine, I felt a surge of hope for the first time in a long time. I needed him to give me this one moment, this one little priceless moment in time to show him we could be good together—that I might be a distraction, but I was a damn good one.
Gripping his shirt in my fists, I held him against me, wordlessly letting him know that I was not going to back down. I was going to do everything in my power to make this happen.
My body tightened with need, but at the same time it melted against him, my lips parting, inviting his tongue to take mine, to taste me. As his hands took my face, his fingers twining into my hair, clutching at me, holding me to him as he devoured my kiss, my hands frantically searched for a way inside, under his clothes, to feel the soft warmth of his skin. I breathed a sigh of relief against his lips as they found their way to his stomach, tracing the hard lines of his muscles, stroking the chiseled contours that disappeared into his jeans.
“Eli,” I moaned into his mouth, “I need you so much—”
His kiss grew more forceful, his hands clenching harder, one pulling at my hair, tilting my head back, while the other slid down the side of my neck, his thumb gliding over my jaw, before continuing downward. His fingers trailed the lines of my neck, over my collarbone, until he was cupping my boob, his thumb drawing slow circles over my nipple. A low moan rumbled in my throat as he stroked over my ribs, his hand caressing my stomach, my hip, my butt, pulling me against his hardening cock.
Pulses of awareness and need throbbed between my legs. I didn’t think I had ever wanted anything so badly in all my life. I was desperate to the point of insanity. Sliding one hand up his chest, I slowly traced his pecs before seeking out the muscles in his back, while the other hand moved upwards, over his shirt, until I was clutching at his neck, my fingers straining, pressing, pulling him into me harder again.
Eli groaned, the low timbre of the sound vibrating through me, awakening every nerve ending, driving my need to the breaking point. “Jess,” he growled. With both hands grabbing my butt, he lifted me, pulling me against him before turning and pressing me up against the wall. “I need to fuck you.”
I didn’t know what it was about those words, but as soon as he said them, I felt an instant wetness pool between my legs. “Do it, Eli. Now,” I panted into his mouth.
Crushing his mouth to mine again, he ripped me away from the wall, and started striding for the stairs. I didn’t know how he was going to be able to carry me up there, but at this point in time, I didn’t care.
Wrapping my legs around his hips, I clung to him, my fingers pulling at his hair as I took his frantic kisses, my lips sliding over his, our breaths colliding, hot and heavy. Then he was lowering me, laying me down, his hands shifting as he hovered over me. Grabbing the hem of my tank, he started edging it upward, his breath caressing my skin as he followed the movements with his lips.
Arching my back, I raised my arms above my head, my breath shaking with the anticipation of having him touch my bare breasts. As he gathered the material in his fists, pushing it upward, his tongue lapping at my belly button, I whimpered. Then the cool of the air was on me, my nipples hardening, straining, begging for his touch.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Jess,” he growled as he gazed down at me. “You are so fucking unbelievably perfect.”
I squirmed underneath him, arching and coiling as he dragged my tank over m
y chin. Raising my head, I felt him pull it over my shoulders and up my arms, exposing my nose and mouth as I gasped from sensation. But he didn’t move it any farther than that. He left it bunched over my eyes, holding my arms in place over my head as he kissed me. It was so much like the dream I’d had, I almost came right then and there.
I felt his warm breath on my nipple, teasing, taunting, making me cry out with need, then, with the softest of touches, his tongue ran over the tip of it, sending a ripple of ecstasy right to the very center of me.
My hands grabbed at the sheets above me, clutching and grasping for some way to hold on, but as his mouth closed around my nipple and sucked, I knew I had no chance. I was slipping into oblivion, and there was no way I was going to be able to stop it, even if I wanted to.
Panting, I thrust my chest higher, begging him to take more of me, and when his mouth closed around my other nipple, I exhaled, my head floating, spinning, spiraling out of control.
As his hands closed around my rib cage, his mouth licking down my sternum, I heard him groan. “You smell fucking amazing.”
I shivered as his fingers skimmed over my skin, the tips of them hooking under the edges of my panties before he slowly started drawing them over my hips. Arching, I raised my butt, all too willing to be bared to him. I needed him inside me. I needed to come around his cock. As I felt him slip them over my feet, I drew my knees upward, parting my legs, waiting to find out what came next, and as soon as I felt his hands start sliding up the insides of my thighs, his tongue gently following the movements, I coiled, my entire body humming with anticipation.
“Eli, please,” I begged. “I need you.” His hands tightened on my thighs before I felt the heat of his breath right at the center of me, and then, with the softest of touches, he ran his tongue over my clit. Stars exploded behind my eyelids. “Oh my God!”
His fingers bit at my skin before I felt his tongue at my opening, circling, stroking, tasting. I was so fucking wet for him, I thought I could explode at any moment. Then he was lapping at me, working my clit again, bringing me higher.
Holy fucking shit. I was seriously about to come. Tensing, I pushed against his mouth, rotating my hips, straining until my nerve endings quickened, pulsing and shuddering in complete ecstasy. “Oh, fuck.”
I writhed underneath him, riding the waves as they shook me, but just as I was floating near the ground again, Eli pulled away from me, the telltale sounds of a zipper loosening and clothes rustling drifting into my senses.
“Condom,” he grunted.
My comprehension ability was limited. I mumbled in confusion.
I felt the bed dip to the side before I heard a drawer sliding open. “Where are your condoms, Jess?” he growled. “Never mind—”
The unmistakable sound of a foil wrapper rustling met my ears a moment before I felt Eli grab my hips and yank me farther down the bed. Then my tank was thrust upward, releasing my arms, before it was tossed to the floor beside me.
I had two seconds to blink up at him before he was on top of me, his mouth crushing mine and his tongue snaking out to slide against mine. “You fucking kill me, Jess,” he said, tension restricting his voice. Then he slammed into me.
If I thought I was seeing stars before, I had just been freaking struck by one, because the intensity of his cock pushing against my G spot was more than my mind and body could handle. I gasped, my eyes widening with the overload of sensation running through me. But then he was moving, his cock slowly sliding out before he slammed back into me. My body tightened, my clit tingling, receptive, ready to take this moment and make it one I’d never forget.
“Fuck me, Jess,” he growled. “Do it. I want to feel you come around my cock.”
I moaned, his words bringing an instant rush to my clit. Pushing against him, I rocked my hips, grinding my pubic bone into him harder.
The tendons in his neck strained as he thrust into me. “You feel so fucking good, Jess,” he choked out. “I want to fuck you so hard. I want to leave my come inside you so bad.” He pumped harder, faster. “I want you to feel that I’ve been inside you. I want you tender. If I was bare right now, Jess, you’d feel my come dripping from your pussy for the rest of the week.”
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
As the orgasm ripped through me, I screamed, my body arching as I clung to him for dear life. I’d never felt anything so completely intense in the entirety of my sexually active life. He said that I kill him, but he’d just ruined me. Completely. I didn’t doubt it for a second. After this, no one would ever come close.
Chapter 36
Eli
With my feet on the floor, I dropped my head into my hands and tried to swallow the regret that was threatening to overwhelm me. As much as I loved what had just happened between me and Jess, I couldn’t avoid the fact that I’d just fucked up. Enormously. What the fuck did I say now? How the hell did I make this better?
Feeling the bed shift behind me, I prepared myself for the abuse. I wasn’t going to argue with her. I deserved it.
The silence confused me before I heard the sound of clothes rustling, followed by a sigh. “Was it really that bad, Eli?” she asked, her voice soft but stony.
I turned, surprised she could even think that I considered that bad. She stood on the other side of the bed, a robe haphazardly wrapped around her curvy frame, curls of auburn hair all over the place. She was beautiful.
I swallowed. “Jess, that was the farthest thing from bad you could possibly get.”
She shook her head, walking around to stand in front of me, well out of reaching distance. “Then I don’t get it. I don’t understand the way you’re acting.”
Reaching for my boxers, I stepped into them and stood to face her. “I told you I had nothing to offer you, Jess. You knew this.”
She stared at me for a long time, her eyes searching mine for whatever answers she could find. After a while, she slowly shook her head. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. You’re right. I did know, and I pushed for it anyway. I just didn’t realize you’d act like a jerk afterward.” She turned away from me and started walking out the door. “I’m going to have a shower. You know the way out.”
“Come on, Jess,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. “That’s not fair. I’m trying to do the right thing here. I’ll admit I’m doing a fucked job of it, but you’ve got expectations I can’t give you.”
Her gaze met mine, a sad resignation settling over her features. “That’s where you’re wrong, Eli,” she said quietly, lifting one shoulder in defeat. “I’ve grown up coming second my entire life. It didn’t matter who it was—my mom, dad, Norman, Wyatt—there was always someone who came before me. It’s what I’m used to. This is just another day. I’ll go shower, get dressed, raise my chin, and get through it just like I did yesterday, and the day before that.” Letting out a little sigh, she smiled kindly. “No hard feelings, Eli. Like I said, at least now I have something to remember.”
“Jess,” I said, moving forward, “you’re killing me here.” Reaching out, I ran my thumb over her cheekbone. “You’re not a second to me, baby. Not by a long shot. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you. Right now, I care about you more than I care about this damn degree.” Sadness pressed down on my chest as I searched her face. “And that’s exactly why I need to leave.”
She stared at me for a long time, emotions rolling in and out faster than I could decipher them. After a while, her mouth curved up with a sad smile, and then she turned and disappeared down the hall. A second later I heard the door close and the water start running.
Closing my eyes tight, I clenched my hands into fists at my sides and fought back the pain that threatened to overtake me. Even though my brain was telling me I’d just made the most mature choice in all this mess, my heart was telling me I’d just fucked up the most important event in my life.
Grabbing my jeans off the floor, I yanked them on and pulled at the zipper. Tossing on my shirt, I strode down the stairs, stepping
into my shoes and scooping up my keys on my way out the door. As anger began to take over my body, I welcomed it with open arms. It was a way better emotion to deal with than whatever this other pain was. I mean, how the hell did this get so fucking messed up? It was supposed to be so easy. I had a plan. All I needed to do was stick to it. It shouldn’t have been this fucking hard.
Jumping into my truck, I cranked the engine and peeled away from the curb before thumping the steering wheel and biting out a curse. I fucking told her I couldn’t commit to anything. I asked her not to tempt me, but she begged me anyway.
Yanking on the steering wheel, I raced around the corner, tires screeching on the blacktop as they protested my speed. Her voice echoed inside my head. She was used to coming second. That was just great. Perfect. That made me feel so much better about the whole fucking situation.
Slamming on the brakes, I blared the horn at the driver who’d just pulled out in front of me, swerving around their stupid ass hatch to shoot past them. Speed was exactly what I needed to forget this shit right now. If I could just get home, I could get on my bike and go.
When I finally pulled into the drive, I barely waited for the thing to stop moving before I was out, slamming my door and striding for the man cave. I wasn’t exactly dressed for riding, but I didn’t care, I just needed to go.
Throwing my keys on the workbench, I dumped my helmet on my head, kicked the stand up, and started walking her out into the sunlight. As soon as I was out in the open, I kicked her over and revved her up, ready to fly.
But just as I was about to open her up, Adam stepped in front of me, his mouth pressed into a hard line and his arms crossed over his chest. “Turn it off,” he barked.
I revved it again, not willing to back down.
He dropped his arms. “I said turn it off, Eli!”
I stared at him hard. He knew I was pissed. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone so I could ride it off?