Leave Me Breathless

by HelenKay Dimon

  Ben could engage in heavy breathing for all Callie cared. She refused to back down on this. “He’s been digging into my background. Knows all about what happened to me at the FBI.”

  Mark’s pen stopped moving. “He what?”

  Callie winced inside and hoped it didn’t show on her face. “Yeah, I meant to tell you about that.”

  “That’s what your reports are for, Callie. This is exactly the kind of information that needs to cross my desk as soon as you have it.”

  “It just happened.”

  “I’ll back her up on that,” Ben said.

  “Then it looks as if I have two new suspects.” Mark stood up. “I’ll get back to you as soon as I have more intel and a plan to put Callie out in the open to flush the stalker out.”

  “That is not going to happen.” Ben rose to his feet and shot his brother an unreadable look. “I need to talk with you outside.”

  As if Callie didn’t know what that subject would be. “No.”

  “You’re telling me I can’t have a conversation with my brother?” Ben’s chilly tone stopped all movement in the room.

  She ignored the bluster. “I think if you want to argue with someone about this, it should be me.”

  Mark let out a harsh chuckle. “Listen to your girlfriend.”

  Callie didn’t hear anything after that. She was too busy dealing with the emotional punch of the word and the fact Ben didn’t deny it.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Ben is going to hate this.” Emma offered that insight in the dark of her bedroom as she curled up on Mark’s bare chest the next evening.

  Their lives had fallen into a comfortable pattern. Eat, sleep, sex. Some women might find that hollow. She savored the step forward. It wasn’t empty like before when he’d show up now and then, restless and ready to burn off energy by making love to her until her bones ached. That was their usual pattern. Now, with him by her side each day, their talk consisted of more than a few rushed conversations with the lights off.

  With this assignment, Mark came to her each night worried about the threats, yes, but also talking about the day and news and other mundane nonsense couples customarily shared. It was so normal. Or as close to it as they had ever gotten.

  “I’ll worry about his happiness later. Right now I’m focused on his stalker and his safety. On Callie’s safety. Hell, on your safety.” Mark tucked one arm under his head, lifting his upper body higher on the pillow. “I’ll be satisfied when this is all settled and I can sleep more than two hours at a time.”

  “When Ben finds out you convinced the administrative judge to hold a reception announcing this fake new judge’s assistant program as a way to lure lawyers and put Callie on display, he will have a brain aneurysm.”

  “Callie agreed with my plan.”

  “Not that you gave her a choice.” Emma used her finger to trace the arrow of dark hair from Mark’s chest down his stomach to the top of the sheet and back up again. “Temporary or not, you are her boss.”

  “She could have left the job.”

  “She would never do that. She’s a good soldier.”

  Mark made a rough noise between a cough and a snort. “Not always.”

  Emma thought about the way Callie stood up to Ben over and over again. “Probably not, but you have to admit that she’s desperate to keep Ben safe.”

  “We all are.”

  “She’s good for him.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  Emma leaned up to get a better look at the facial expression behind that ominous half grunt. “But you disagree with me about Callie.”

  Mark drew the rumpled sheet down off her shoulder, exposing her breast to his seeking thumb. “She’s in love with him.”

  The fact Mark picked up on a bit of personal information about other people shocked Emma. He missed every signal she threw him, but somehow he saw the caring and devotion behind Callie’s smartass comments. Interesting.

  Emma didn’t know if she should praise the progress or be furious that it took him this long to acquire the basic skill of reading emotions. “Let me just say wow.”

  “You didn’t know that?” His fingers tickled and caressed. “I thought you were the astute one of us.”

  “I saw it. I’m stunned you did. From what I can tell, Ben hasn’t figured it out. It’s not clear the truth has even hit Callie yet.”

  Emma hoped Callie and Ben would stop hiding behind the bickering soon. They were good for each other. He needed someone to love him for him, protect him, and not bend to his considerable will. Callie wasn’t the woman Emma would have picked for Ben, but seeing them together the match made sense. Callie was perfect for Ben in every way. Together, they’d smooth out each other’s rough spots.

  “It’s my job to notice things,” Mark said.

  “But this is emotional. About feelings and fancy romantic things. Honestly, not your strong suit.”

  His intense stare moved from her nipple to her face. “I do have a heart, you know.”

  She had spent decades believing that. “Of course.”

  “I understand women have needs and want to hear certain words. They expect promises and half the time don’t care if there’s no follow-through so long as the vow is made. Maybe I suck at showing all of that, but I do get it. You of all people should know that.”

  She kissed him then not for her but because he seemed to crave closeness, and she wasn’t about to allow the opportunity to let him feel her love race by without grabbing it. She showed him with her mouth as it passed over his, soft and smooth at first and then strong and sure. Nibbling bites against his bottom lip. The sweep of her tongue when his mouth fell open. She kissed him with all the love bottled up inside her and felt his heart kick in faster in response.

  When she broke off, he touched his nose to hers in a move so gentle tears threatened at the back of her eyes.

  He palmed her breast. “If you’re trying to change the subject, it’s working.” His voice rumbled against her skin as he spoke.

  Such a temptation. She thought about ending all civilized conversation right there. Rolling across the bed appealed to her, but she didn’t want to lose the intimacy of sharing thoughts. Not when they burned inside her as if she had to get them out.

  “Why is it bad for Callie to love Ben?”

  Mark pressed a short kiss on the end of Emma’s breast. “I like her.”

  She cradled his head against her. “Aren’t those two ideas incompatible?”

  “Not that I can see.”

  “If they end up together, you get Callie in the family.”

  “She’s had a rough time. Had some unfair breaks.” He kissed his way along Emma’s throat as his lips made a trail up to her mouth. “I don’t want to see her upset on a personal level.”

  “That’s good to hear.” What little she could comprehend. Mark’s kisses wiped out her will to talk. To understand anything but the joy of being with him.

  He shifted until she sprawled on her back with him hovering above her. From this position, he leaned in, letting his lips brush over the sensitive skin of her breasts.

  She felt her eyes cross from the pleasure. “And?”

  He lifted his head and searched her face with his heated gaze. “You want to talk about this now?”

  “You started this with your half answers.”

  Being a master at multitasking, he returned to her body, licking her nipple and watching it pucker in response. “On a professional level this assignment is a test of sorts for Callie. She’s smart and isn’t afraid to give her opinion. She can do the work and do it well. I’d like to have her on my team, but that’s going to be impossible after the fallout.”

  Emma struggled to keep up with the conversation even as the sensual torment threatened to overwhelm her ability to reason. “From?”

  “The breakup.”

  The harsh finality of the words broke through. Her ha
nds slid off his shoulders and fell to the bed instead of wandering down his body and under the sheet tenting him. “What?”

  “Forget it.”

  She pinched his shoulder. “Talk to me.”

  “Hey!”

  “How did you get from where they are now to being over?”

  “No nails. Not that way.”

  “I’m serious. Why do you think that?”

  Mark blinked a few times. “Because Ben won’t love her back.”

  “What?”

  “And she’ll leave. I can’t blame her, but it would still make working together awkward.”

  Emma pushed against Mark’s shoulder until he leaned back and let her sit up. “You’re acting as if this is all inevitable.”

  “It is.”

  His pure confidence on this question confused her. “Because?”

  “Ben won’t fall for her. His head will stop him. On the surface, maybe he’ll toy with the idea. But as a forever-after thing? I can’t see it.”

  “I thought you liked Callie.”

  “I do. I even agree she’d be good for him long term. Problem is he’s not a long-term guy.”

  The words slashed through Emma. “You mean you’re not a long-term guy.”

  Mark’s mouth flattened even more. “I’m talking about Ben.”

  “You’re talking about your relationship fears and imputing them to Ben. You are two very different people.”

  Mark’s face closed up, as if on the verge of explosion. “I am not afraid.”

  She noticed that was the only part of her speech that bothered him. “Right. It’s worse than that. You’re terrified.”

  He stopped touching her. His back inched higher on the headboard as the physical and emotional space yawning between them increased. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “You’re actually going to sit here, in my bed, and ask me that question?”

  “I have a right to, don’t you think?”

  She grabbed the sheet and pulled it up to her breasts. Awkward and leaning half on her side, she refused to lie back down and be quiet. One thing she learned from Callie was that there were times when a woman needed to speak up. Emma knew her opportunity had come and passed several times over the years as Mark waded in and out of her life. There were a thousand points where she could have said no. Not granted easy access to her house or her body. In this instance, she wanted to grab him and hold on. Make him stake a claim.

  “Mark, what do you think we’ve been doing all of these years?”

  “Living.”

  “Existing.” She hesitated, letting the reality sink in.

  “Emma, I—”

  “Why do you think I walked out on my engagement?” She saw the sarcastic comment coming and put on the brakes before he could say something that made her want to smack him. “And you better not say because of Ben or I will throw you out the window, I swear I will.”

  “Your fiancé was the wrong guy. You finally saw that. If you had asked me, I could have told you that from the beginning.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” What she really wanted to know was why he refused to fight for her. Did the idea of her sleeping with another man really not eat at him? When it came to thinking of him with anyone else, she grew homicidal.

  “It wasn’t my decision.”

  She closed her eyes and counted to ten to keep from shouting. “You can’t be this clueless.”

  Confusion warred with fury in Mark’s eyes. “What do you want me to say?”

  “How about something that doesn’t piss me off?”

  His mouth dropped open. “What’s gotten into you?”

  Backbone. The fear of losing him, of having him walk out and find someone else, no longer scared her as much as the idea of moving backward. She loved that he came to her house during the day, and without the emotional protection of darkness, like he belonged there. That he shared moments of his work with her. That he finally gave her hours beyond those filled with great sex.

  She stood up with the sheet wrapped around her body. With her skin still warm from his knowing touch, she threw down a challenge she never planned to issue. “I handed back the ring to another man because I love you. I’ve always loved you. Not Ben. Not any other man. Just you.”

  Mark blinked but didn’t give her anything else. Not a smile, not a frown. He just sat there staring at her as if he had no idea what to say or do.

  Yeah, clueless.

  She kept talking, hoping the sheer force of her desire would win him over. “I can’t live in neutral anymore. I want you here, with me, all the time. Sure, it won’t be easy for you—”

  “Emma, you know I can’t. No matter how much I want it, it’s impossible.”

  Grief pounded her from every direction. She stayed on her feet but only as a matter of pure will. “Why?”

  “I’m not built that way.” A note of longing sounded in his voice as he reached out a hand toward her. “Come back to bed.”

  She was falling apart, and he sat there as thick and frustrating as ever. “You are a coward.”

  His arm dropped. “What did you say?”

  “You heard me.”

  The switch from bedroom Mark to secret agent Mark happened that fast. First, clenched muscles. Then the locked jaw.

  “Just because Callie talks like that and engages in name-calling, that doesn’t mean I’ll tolerate it from you.”

  Waves of unending rage knocked the sadness right out of Emma. Heat flushed through every pore. ‘Tolerate?’ I am a goddamn judge. A smart, capable, independent woman.”

  “I’ve always thought so, but how you’re acting now…” He shook his head. “I don’t get it.”

  “What you don’t understand is that there is a woman standing in front of you who would do anything for you. Would wait until you grew up enough to love her back. Would sit here and take whatever you could give so long as you kept trying to give more.”

  The harsh lines at the corners of his eyes eased. “I feel the same way about you. You have to know that.”

  It was as close to a declaration of love as she would ever get.

  And it wasn’t good enough.

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Mark. You will never give me the one thing I desperately need.”

  He had the nerve to look confused. “Which is?”

  “You.”

  It was so simple and so damned difficult at the same time. She knew his heart belonged to her, but the constant uncertainty aged her in ways she never expected. Her belief in completing a journey of forever-after with him had taken a beating. Maybe it was naïve, but she wanted the chance at the fairy-tale dream. Kids, house, security—all of it.

  But she could only do so much on her own.

  A shocked silence filled the bedroom for almost a minute. Emma knew because she counted the seconds, at the turn of each one hoping he would open up and at least promise to try.

  “There’s no one but you. Ever,” he said in a harsh whisper.

  There was a time when that would have been good enough. It would have meant everything as she waited between visits. Now they deserved something bigger.

  “And there’s no one for me but you,” she said, feeling the words with every cell inside her.

  “Why can’t you let that be good enough for now?”

  The question came from a genuine place, filled with angst and a gruff tone that told her his mind refused to understand what was happening. But she knew.

  “Because your idea of now never changes. You won’t deal in a future, and that’s what I want for us.” With her heart crumbling, she leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

  When she tried to stand up again, he held her by the wrist and kept her close. “Don’t do this.”

  “You know where to find me and what you need to say.”

  Pain showed on every line of his face. “I can’t.”

  She blocked out his denial and his pleading. “Until then, you sleep downstairs.”


  “You’re punishing me for not saying what you want.”

  “I’m doing what I’ve always done. Loving you and hoping you’ll be brave enough to love me back.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Three days later Ben slipped on his silver dress tie and crossed the ends, pulling tight enough to pop his head off. He took his anger out on the silk. He wanted to unleash it on his brother.

  Mark’s mood had changed from dark to oppressive over the past few days. He dropped the bomb about the courthouse reception he had set up—the same one where Callie would be in danger every single second—and dared Ben to argue. Emma refused to talk. Mark refused to talk. Ben knew that meant one thing. That something very bad had happened between them. Something that threw Mark off stride, which is what terrified Ben the most.

  Mark and Emma would work it out, whatever “it” was, but Callie’s safety couldn’t depend on Mark getting his head clear again. She needed Mark’s full concentration. Every ounce of skill and every bit of experience earned over the years came down to this job. Callie’s safety depended on it. Having Mark kick around like a lovesick teen didn’t exactly engender a lot of trust.

  “Are you done pouting?” Callie walked into her bedroom and stood behind Ben with her hands on her impressive hips.

  A deep purple dress skimmed over her body, ending about an inch above her knees. The color gave her cheeks a healthy pink glow. The thin straps holding the material on her shoulders showed off her toned arms and creamy shoulders.

  And that neck. Exposed by the upsweep of her hair, long and lean and begging for his teeth to mark her as his. He wanted to peel the material off her. Let it fall to the floor at her feet. See what sexy tiny scraps of underwear she wore underneath…if any.

  He settled for acting pissed off instead. “Judges don’t pout.”

  “What would you call it?”

  He concentrated on the tie. Looking at her would only distract him. “Worry.”

  She slipped her arms around his shoulders and let her fingers dangle right where he tried to work. Even with the temptation of her soft skin and sexy bedroom eyes, he tried to focus on the image of his hands in the mirror. To ignore the light scent of ginger that hovered around her and enveloped them both.