by Reber, Tina
And our love will light our way
Now if I can once again persuade you
To say yes to me today
There is just one more question left for me to ask
Before we throw it all away
What do you say?
Please say yes to me today
I stood there in compete awe, my feet frozen to the ground. Tears of joy, tears of pure love, dripped down my cheeks. I covered my mouth with my hands while the crowd exploded with applause.
Ryan set his guitar on the stand, let out a big lung-full of air, and stood up. His eyes were fixed on mine.
Determination like I’d never seen before painted his face with purpose. His legs took long strides, rapidly closing the distance between us. He was headed straight for the big, round table in the middle of the bar.
I wondered for a split second if he actually saw where he was walking? Surely he had to see the enormous table in his way? His gaze was completely locked on my face.
His foot stepped onto the empty chair in front of him, lifting his body off the floor. His next step catapulted him on top of the big oak table, carefully stepping around people’s drinks. He stopped when he reached the center.
All eyes were on him as he stood atop the table. It was so quiet in the crowded bar, you could have heard a pin drop. I could hear my heart hammering in my chest as I stared up at him.
“We’ve made a beautiful mess of things lately, haven’t we?” He flashed that sexy crooked smile at me, which made my heart flutter.
I nodded, agreeing with him.
“But it’s our crazy story,” he stated. “It’s been ours, only ours. There’s been a lot of romance, sometimes way too much drama…” He raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Very memorable comedy, a few pulse-racing action scenes...”
He shrugged and sighed.
“We’ve also had our fair share of suspense and raw terror, and unfortunately gut-wrenching heartache too.
“I think we’ve covered it all, everything except for being captured by aliens!”
I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“But through it all you’ve loved me, unconditionally, and I know how fortunate I am to have your love.
“I don’t want to live without you, not for one more minute, not for one more second. I want to spend the rest of my days living my story with you… only you.”
He walked to the edge and jumped off the table, landing in front of me.
“It is here that I fell in love with you,” Ryan whispered, taking my hands in his.
He dropped down on one knee.
“And as fate would have it, it is here that I humbly kneel before you and ask you to be my wife.
“Taryn Lynn Mitchell, will you marry me?” His glistening eyes, so blue, so full of emotion, gazed up at me… waiting patiently for my reply.
Only one word rang through my heart.
“Yes!” I nodded emphatically. My salted tears dripped across my lips. I said yes over and over again.
Ryan’s smile was glorious. It took my breath away. He reached into the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out a ring. There was no box, no pre-show.
He took my left hand into his and kissed my hand softly.
“Forever,” he whispered, looking up at me, as he slid the ring onto my finger.
Chapter 37 – Sparkle and Fade
“Do you really like it?” Ryan asked when he caught me gazing at my engagement ring. I held my hand out to admire my exquisite diamond ring one more time. Even though my head swirled with thoughts, everything paled in comparison to the elation I felt from the amazing man that was holding me, his eyes begging for my response.
“If you don’t, I could always get you something else. I mean, I won’t be offended if you don’t like it. You could pick one that you’d rather…”
I quickly lifted my head off of his bare chest and locked my lips on his, shutting him up before he could entertain more doubt.
“It’s perfect,” I reassured him. “Absolutely perfect!”
He sighed. “Good! I’m glad.” He smiled gently. “I wasn’t sure. I looked at a lot of rings before I picked that one. I could have gone bigger with the center stone, but I presumed you’d feel anything over three carats would be too much.”
“You’re right!” I laughed lightly.
“There’s an inscription in it too,” Ryan informed tenderly.
“There is?” I said, completely surprised. He had placed this ring on my finger so quickly that I didn’t even have time to look at it.
He slipped his arm out from underneath our warm comforter and wiggled the ring off my finger. “See?”
I held it closer to my eyes, twisting the band so I could read it. Etched inside was one word.
“Forever,” I whispered.
“That’s right… forever,” he said softly. “I’m only marrying one girl in my lifetime. Just like my father did… just like your father did. Our parents spent their lives together and worked through their problems. We will too.”
I placed the ring back onto my finger.
“I am so relieved to hear you say that,” I sighed out, drifting my fingers across his cheek. “But I’m even more relieved that you’re just here with me. I thought I had lost you for good.”
“Taryn, I know things have been totally fucked up between us lately.” He paused and combed his hair back with his fingers. “But…”
“But we need to be more open and honest with each other,” I quickly finished his sentence, whispering my words on his skin.
“Yes. Exactly,” he agreed. “A lot more open.”
I thought about the reasons my heart ached just a few short hours ago. “You know a spectacular diamond ring on my finger doesn’t resolve our trust issues though.”
“I know. And I am truly sorry. I should have told you about Lauren. We should have talked about it.” He trailed his fingers down my back, straightening out a lock of my hair.
“Why don’t you tell me now?” I softly murmured.
He fidgeted slightly underneath me. “There’s not much to say, really. I met her when she screen tested for Thousand Miles with me. Production got pushed off a year and, well, we were both out in L.A., both single at the time.
“When I left to film Reparation she started seeing Lucas behind my back. A friend of mine called me in Chicago to tell me he saw them making out at the Chateau Marmont.” Ryan frowned. Admitting that out loud seemed difficult for him.
“I thought we were exclusive. I guess I’m just old-fashioned that way - I only date one woman at a time. Needless to say, that was the end of that.”
“Were you in love with her?” I asked, curious to know how deep his feelings were for her.
His eyes were thoughtful when he shrugged slightly.
“Honest and open,” I reminded him.
He sighed. “Not really. I mean I cared a lot about her. We were friends. It was new and fun for a while.”
Ryan played with a long strand of my hair, twisting it around his finger. “The little bit of feelings I had for her are nothing in comparison to how I feel about you, I can tell you that!”
I was reveling in his words until he laughed lightly.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, getting worried.
“You know we film out of sequence, right? Well, one of the final scenes we shot this week was of our big breakup,” he snickered. “And man, was I ever in character for that!”
I couldn’t help but feel as though I was the one to blame for his breakup motivation. Guilt washed over me again.
“I’m so sorry for what I did to you… for doubting you,” I said with much regret. “I hope you are able to forgive me.”
His hand cupped my head to his chest. “No, Taryn. I did this. I put the doubt into your mind. Don’t you dare feel bad.”
“But I do. I ruined everything,” I muttered. “All your plans...”
“Don’t. I should have told you about her. I should have done more to put your mi
nd at ease, but I didn’t,” he admitted. “Instead, I was angry with you for questioning my faithfulness. I realize that now. I’m just glad that I realized it before it was too late.”
He squeezed me in his arms. “I need you to forgive me.”
I wrapped my arms around him tighter, pulling him closer, while his warmth and presence stitched my soul back together.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” I whispered. “Only lessons learned.”
Ryan softly kissed the top of my head.
My mind drifted as he held me. I thought about how I would handle the first moment I ever came face to face with Lauren Delaney. Our paths would cross eventually, now that Ryan and I were officially engaged. There would be a Thousand Miles movie premier to attend in my future. My visions of that initial meeting were far from ladylike.
“Did Lauren ever confess?” I asked, recalling Kyle’s eleventh hour admission.
“She denied being involved… at first.” Ryan scratched his brow. He seemed reluctant to continue.
“It’s okay, just tell me.”
“She cried - hard. She said she should have never left me go,” he scoffed, “but my intensity when we were dating scared her or some shit like that. Well, that was her excuse for cheating on me.”
He pursed his lips with disgust. “After I told her that there was no way in hell I’d ever get back with her, she admitted that she was trying to keep me from making a huge mistake. She thought I was being impulsive and shortsighted with wanting to propose to you.”
I adjusted my cheek on his arm, mulling over his last sentence. I also pictured Lauren pleading and begging with him to take her back.
“And then Taryn fell silent,” he muttered. Ryan rolled over onto his side and stared at my face.
I swallowed hard before speaking, burying my pained eyes in my pillow. “I can almost pinpoint the exact time in my memory when that conversation happened. It was when you told me you needed time to think.”
Ryan pulled my chin up.
“I’m not going to deny that I didn’t think about what she said. Not the part about her being a dirty, little tramp and wanting me back,” he corrected. “The other part.”
“And?” I asked hesitantly.
He was silent for a few seconds. “Look in my eyes,” he instructed softly.
His request was confusing to me at first, because I was expecting him to say more after that. Instead, we lay still, gazing at each other for a very long minute. And then I saw it… it was all suddenly very clear to me. I saw our life together, our future, in brief snippets of time. I could not imagine being happy without him. I rested my hand on his cheek, guiding his lips to mine. When Ryan kissed me, life had meaning again.
“This last week, when everything turned to shit, that was a new low for me,” he admitted. “The lowest I’ve ever been.”
I laughed lightly. “I think I found a new level of low, ten floors down below the pit of despair.”
Ryan chuckled in agreement. “So what do you think all that misery means?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Well, for me… I think it means that I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone but you.”
He softly kissed my lips. “So if we both feel the same way, and we’re absolutely miserable without each other, then there can’t be anything impulsive or short-sighted about it, can there?”
I smiled and shook my head. “No, I guess not.”
The visions of a blissful future with this man I so desperately loved enveloped me in warmth. He was here in this room, in this bed, holding me once again!
How profoundly different this moment was from yesterday! The train that had been derailed, causing the unfortunate death of thousands of bits of my soul, was miraculously put back to right on the tracks again and all the dead suddenly got better.
Ironically, it only took several seconds after that for the remnants of my memory, recalling when my heart was shattered underneath the train, to creep back into my throat. I stared at the ceiling to collect my thoughts.
“I know what our problem is. We’ve both been cheated on, dumped, and wronged so many times that our pasts are keeping us from moving forward.”
Ryan slipped out a sliver of a laugh.
I gazed back into his eyes. “You thought that I was with Kyle - that there was something going on behind your back. And I thought you were going to leave me for someone like Lauren, who wasn’t all banged up and wrecked. We lost faith in each other.”
“I know. And I know these rings don’t erase what happened between us.” He adjusted the oval garnet on my right hand. “But they aren’t just jewelry to me either. Inside each of them is a message – a message of my commitment to you. I want you to be my wife, my partner, and my only lover, Taryn... forever. My eyes will never wander from you.”
“Neither will mine.”
“Then maybe we can help each other to trust more. Honey, neither one of us is a cheater. I’ve never done that to anyone I’ve ever dated – I’m guessing that you’ve never cheated on your past boyfriends either. We both know how much it hurts to be betrayed like that. So maybe we just have to always remember that it’s not in either of our personalities to be unfaithful. And I can tell ya that once we both say ‘I do,’ divorce is not an option - ever. We work through the crap, okay?”
I thought about why I’d been living in the pit of despair and surviving through years of broken promises.
“I know, but infidelity is still a deal-breaker for me,” I muttered. “You have to promise me that if I’m not… if you ever have that need, desire for something that our relationship is missing… if some actress…”
“You’ll be the first to know – way before it ever comes to that. I promise.” His fingers drifted down my cheek. “And the same goes for you too! We talk about it – we fix it, we don’t let it break us apart,” he emphasized. “Regardless of how many completely screwed up, psychotic people try to meddle in our relationship!”
“This time, I’m killing anyone who tries,” I kidded. “Speaking of which…”
“What?” he softly urged.
“I want you to be completely honest with me and tell me if you are going to be working with girls you have intimate knowledge of. I know it’s uncomfortable and you’re going to be reluctant to hurt my feelings, but it will keep me from freaking out if I know all of the ugly details beforehand. I don’t want to hear about it from other sources or see it on the magazine covers in the grocery store. Not knowing that kind of stuff and then seeing it on TV does not help me trust you.” I figured that would help put my mind at ease.
“Deal. That list of actresses is very small, by the way,” he added. “Okay, while we’re being open… no more Kyle. I don’t want him in the bar or anywhere near you, calling you, bringing you gifts or soup – ever again. And the same goes for all the other guys who come sniffing around my future wife.”
“Don’t worry. I don’t want to ever see Kyle again,” I stated, recalling the moment of terror in the pit of my stomach when he had me crammed in the door jam. “I told him I’d get a restraining order if he ever came around again.”
Ryan was dead serious when he put his foot down on the “Kyle and other guys” subject. There was no humor in his tone.
“You know, this double-standard of yours isn’t very healthy either,” I muttered.
“What double-standard? What are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on! You have to admit you are a lot more jealous than I am. I’m not allowed to accept soup from some guy but you get to kiss hot actresses? And then you got pissed at me when I questioned all the ‘alone time’ you were spending with your ex-girlfriend? You would have been completely unbearable if Kyle and I had a romantic past. Hell, you probably would have had a barbed wire fence and extra guard dogs installed around me if that was the case!”
Ryan huffed loudly.
“Considering what comes along with the Ryan Christensen territory, I’d say I’ve been mainta
ining my understanding and jealousy fairly well.”
“Yeah, you have,” he agreed. “Sorry, I can’t help it. It’s just… I know how men think. Food, sex, sleep – not necessarily in that order either. I was onto Kyle the first minute I saw him. I knew the game he was playing.”
“Ha! And you don’t think women play the same games?” I changed my voice to imitate Lauren and batted my eyes at him. “It’s all right, Ryan. I’m happily involved with Lucas. You can talk to me. Here’s a shoulder to lean your head on – right next to my boobs. She probably checked out your crotch every time you had to kiss her just to see if she made your pants fit tighter!”
Ryan laughed at me.
“You laugh! I’m serious!”
He rolled over, playfully grabbing my rear. “My crotch only bulges for you, dear.”
“Yeah, right,” I teased.
We spent a good portion of Sunday morning in bed, arms and legs entwined, enjoying the solitude and peace that came from being together.
Ryan looked at my alarm clock. “Come on… time to get out of bed. We have to get showered and dressed,” he said, tossing his portion of the covers over my head.
“Why?” I asked, studying his face long enough to know he knew something I didn’t.
Playfully he grabbed my ankle, pulling me across the bed.
“We don’t want to be late for our party,” he chuckled, reaching for my hand. He helped me up onto my feet.
“What party? What are you talking about?”
“You really had no clue, did you?” he said, grinning in astonishment.
My vision was distorted when my eyes scrunched together, still not having a clue as to what he was talking about.
“That I was going to propose to you?” He tilted his head, smiling as he rubbed my cheek with his thumb.
I mashed my lips together and shook my head, slightly embarrassed. “I thought your parents came here to move you out of the apartment.”
“I think I’m going to buy Marie and Tammy new cars.” Ryan laughed lightly to himself.
An hour and a half later, we drove up to Marie and Gary’s house to attend our private engagement party. Ryan’s parents were already there, waiting for us.