Heart Waves

by Danielle Sibarium

  Things would change in a few days. We wouldn’t have the luxury of spending so much time together. The situation would only get more complicated after school started. Add homework and studying into the equation, I didn’t know what it would amount to.

  That was the best case scenario. Now that he spoke the words out loud, now that he said, “I love you,” the feeling of inevitable heartbreak was stronger. He turned the hourglass upside down. The sands of time were slipping by.

  I felt sick. I wanted to stop time.

  “Everything okay?” He asked.

  “Fine,” I nodded.

  “Liar.” He grinned. “Why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking?”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to say it. Wasn’t sure I wanted to admit it, but the words slipped out anyway. “I’m thinking things are going to change. They have to. I’m just wondering before they do if I should ask you to pull over somewhere dark and private.”

  “Jenna,” My name sounded so seductive coming off his lips. I melted like warm chocolate when he spoke, so soft and full of emotion. “We’ll have plenty of time. Especially when I’m gone.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “You’ll come visit me at home. On campus. Maybe we can even figure out a way for you to spend the night.”

  Who was he kidding? That would never happen. “Hello? Do you not know my parents at all? They banned me from Mike’s house and you think they’ll miraculously allow me to spend the night with you?” Now I felt panic rising. If these were his expectations, he would certainly be let down.

  Reece pulled his hand from my grip and rubbed my shoulder. “It’s different. They like me now.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, they’re still leery.”

  “Yes, but much less so. Besides I still have a few days to win them over.”

  “A few days,” I said under my breath.

  “Trust me,” he sounded firm.

  Thinking back to our agreement the previous night I didn’t argue. Instead I rolled my eyes. “Okay.”

  * * *

  Friday night when Reece came over he brought with him a bag of goodies. Searching for common ground with Reece, my father complained often enough about how slow his computer ran. For the last week Reece had been discussing taking a look at it when he found time. Dad was more than happy to agree when Reece suggested it.

  I’d heard Reece offer to check for viruses, spyware and all those fun computer geek sort of things. Having absolutely no interest in any of it I tuned him out and thought of more enticing things, like how he planned to hypnotize and brainwash my parents. Reece believed dedicating his Friday evening two nights before he left for home, to my father’s needs, would score him major points.

  After three hours of running scans and antivirus software Reece finished with my father’s computer and asked if he could spend some time on mine. My mother looked at her watch and then at my father uneasy, but she didn’t object when he agreed.

  Reece spent so much time on the first machine, I couldn’t figure what my parents were thinking. Ten thirty already, I knew they would want to go to bed soon. Up until now Reece hadn’t been allowed to step foot in my bedroom, and now they were going to let him stay in there for hours late at night?

  “Thank you,” my father put a hand on Reece’s shoulder as we reached the stairs, “I really appreciate it.”

  “No problem. Don’t forget to run the backups at least once a month. That way if you do need to restore information it will be mostly up to date.”

  “Will do.” My father turned and headed downstairs while we continued straight to my bedroom.

  “I can’t believe it!” I said once we were safely in my room and out of earshot. “How did you pull it off?” I asked amazed.

  Reece smiled. “Bribery mostly. All it took was a few hours of free work and an external hard drive. I’d say I got the better of the deal.” He swooped me in his arms and swung me around.

  “External hard drive?” I laughed, “Should I be worried that’s code for something else?”

  Reece laughed, his arms still holding me close. “I have something for you too.”

  “Oh really?” I asked certain he referred to a tantalizing kiss or a teasing touch.

  He gave me a quick kiss before releasing me and returning to his black bag. Reece reached in and pulled from it a box. “A photo printer. Just a little something so you can print pictures of us, scrapbook, whatever you like.”

  “I love you,” Although not what I expected, I did appreciate the saccharine sentiment.

  I sat at the edge of my bed while Reece hooked the printer up and installed the software. I appreciated what he’d done and why, but with time running out, I wished he’d pay more attention to me and less to the stupid keyboard.

  “When I got on Facebook last night I found an invite from Aaron.”

  “Really?” He asked not bothering to turn and look at me. “He works fast these days.”

  “Should I accept?”

  “Depends.” He answered distractedly. “Do you want to?”

  “I don’t see why not. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it.”

  He stopped working on the computer and turned to me, giving me his full attention. His lips pressed together like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what or if he should. He got up and took a seat on the bed next to me. “You don’t have to ask me who you can talk to or be friends with.”

  “I wasn’t asking your permission,” I answered defensively. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t mind.”

  He ran his pointer finger down the side of my face. “I trust you.”

  “So you’re not afraid I’ll take your brother up on one of his many offers and run off with him?” I joked.

  He sniggered, “I wouldn’t be with you if I thought I had to worry about you running off with anyone, least of all my brother.”

  Finally I found something to take his mind off the computer. I decided to hold on to it. I looked off to the side, trying not to lose my train of thought in his mesmerizing eyes. “I don’t know. He does have a lot to offer.”

  Reece crept closer and leaned into me, his arms on either side of my body. “You really think so?” He asked, his lips closing in on mine.

  “I do,” I answered, pulling back in an attempt to keep him from kissing me. “And he does seem eager to make my every wish come true.”

  Reece flashed a crooked grin as I found myself flat on my back against the mattress. He took my hands in his and brought them just above my head on the bed, pinning me down.

  “Too bad for him you’re already taken,” Reece crushed his mouth down on mine. The heat came boiling up again. This time it pulsated through my veins, stretching, spreading throbbing like the red, hot lava from a volcanic eruption. Having him in my room, on my bed, it was too much for me.

  “I’m serious Jenna,” he pulled back. “I trust you. I’m not going to get psychotic if you to talk to another guy.”

  I looked away. “I wish I could say the same,” I said softly.

  He kissed me softly. The sound of my parents shuffling around startled us. I knew they were heading for my room. Probably ready to kick him out. Reece moved quickly off the bed and back to the chair in front of the computer.

  “You have nothing to worry about.” He said as he locked his eyes on the monitor, speaking again in that same detached manner. “You’re the only girl I want. That’s what all this is about.” He motioned toward the computer.

  “I know.”

  “Do you? Really?” He turned to look at me, probably measuring my response.

  “Hey kids,” my father poked his head in through the open door, “We’re going to bed. Lock up Jenna.”

  “Okay,” I answered in disbelief. “Goodnight.”

  “And Reece,” my father wore his serious disciplinarian look, eyes narrowed, lips pressed together, “you have half an hour. Understand?”

  Reece nodded. “Of course, sir. I could come back tomo
rrow and finish if you’d prefer.”

  My father shook his head, “No need.” He looked between Reece and me, back and forth before speaking again, “No funny business!”

  We both nodded in compliance.

  Once he was certain my father wasn’t going to just change his mind and turn around, Reece turned to me with a devilish grin.

  “You realize I’ve done it, I’ve won them over.”

  I shook my head, “It’s all about the challenge for you isn’t it?”

  His grin widened.

  “Just finish so we can spend some time together.”

  He chuckled. “All done. Why don’t you come over here so I can show you how it works?”

  Reece pulled me onto his lap. He turned to the computer and clicked away at the mouse. He spoke softly, explaining things as he went along.

  I watched him carefully as he spoke. I stared at his lips as they moved. I ran my fingers over his arm marveling the way his muscles moved beneath his tanned skin. I took in his smile and honey eyes committing each to memory.

  I wanted to memorize every nuance, every idiosyncrasy, everything about him. Because no matter how much we wanted to deny it or pretend it wasn’t happening, time was ticking loudly to an end.

  Chapter 24

  In the blink of an eye Sunday came. Golden sun rays spilled in through the windows. The mid-August sky was clear and blue, only a few fluffy white clouds marred the perfect backdrop.

  Reece came over early and joined my parents and me for breakfast. I cooked bacon, eggs, and french toast. Reece ate with relish, taking seconds. The easy banter at the table never faltered, never felt forced or uncomfortable.

  How surreal that only a few weeks ago, just the thought of Reece unnerved my parents, and now it had been their idea to invite him. He worked his magic on them slowly. But it worked just in time.

  “I had no idea you could cook,” He dabbed his mouth with a napkin.

  “I’ll pretend I’m not insulted by that,” I smirked.

  “Breakfast she mastered,” my father joked, “It’s her baking that could prove fatal.”

  “Dad!” I gave him a wide eyed look of warning.

  “Fatal? You don’t say,” Reece asked with interest.

  “Oh she’s terrible.” Dad continued, clearly enjoying my humiliation. “No matter what comes out of that oven, twenty minutes later it’s hard as a rock.”

  Reece gave me a sideways glance, eyebrows raised, corners of his lips curled into a smile.

  “In fact I chipped a tooth one of her cookies a few months ago. Ended up needing a root canal.” Everyone at the table laughed.

  Everyone but me.

  “Could you stop!”

  “It’s okay Jenna,” Dad teased, “The least we can do is warn him, you wouldn’t want to run him off with your brownies, would you?”

  “I can’t believe you!” I threw my napkin down, got up and stormed out of the kitchen.

  “Jenna!” My father called after me. “What’s wrong?”

  I ignored him and continued out the back door. I went straight to the fence looking over the canal. I wanted to lean over and fall in. I over reacted. I knew that, even as it happened, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  My sudden dark mood felt strange against the picturesque setting. It looked peaceful. I was anything but. A warm, gentle zephyr caressed my hair and skin; emotionally I fought a category five hurricane. The water was glasslike and smooth; my eyes were full, glassy, but I would not allow myself the luxury of crying.

  Worst of all I didn’t understand it. How it came on, why I felt so agitated and bleak.

  “You couldn’t run me off even if you served me rocks with icing on them,” Reece stood behind me, hands on the fence, encircling me.

  “You’re not funny. You know that right?” I asked tone serious.

  “I promise it’s going to be okay.”

  I nodded, “I know.”

  “And I’d be willing to risk every one of my teeth if it made you happy.”

  I smiled in spite of my dark mood.

  “What is it exactly that has you so upset?” He asked. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.”

  “Did you ever consider that it’s not about you helping me? That it’s not about you at all?” I said much sharper than I meant to.

  “Of course it’s about me,” I heard the amusement in his voice. “Your entire life is about me.”

  He meant to be funny, but that statement encapsulated the problem. The emptiness I felt at the thought of geographical distance left me dizzy with fear and anxiety. Still I owed him something. An explanation? An apology?

  I turned to face him, “Maybe that’s the problem.”

  His smile faded. He looked confused. “What do you mean?”

  Why couldn’t he just back off? It would all be so much easier if he didn’t have to push the issue.

  “I don’t mean anything,” I sighed knowing he’d never believe me.

  He lifted his hands off the fence and crossed them in front of his chest. “This is about more than just me leaving isn’t it?”

  I nodded.

  “Tell me Jenna,” his voice so compassionate, so tender. “I hate seeing you upset.”

  I wanted to fold into his embrace and let loose the tears I’d been so desperate to hold onto. How could I deny him any request he made of me? If only I could wrap my arms around him and believe we could stay that way forever. Forever.

  But he didn’t want to hear what I had to say, what I knew was to come. We would not see forever together. I had to make the best of it and enjoy each moment we were lucky enough to share. But it was hard. I felt torn.

  I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry. My father got me so angry. I just overreacted.”

  “And I’m supposed to play along like I believe you?” Ripples of uncertainty ran through him, from his eyes to his voice. The same way they ran through me.

  On the outside, I felt myself calm and regain control. On the inside, my stomach squirmed and felt queasy. I nodded.

  “Exactly.”

  “Why are you shutting me out?” He almost pleaded.

  “I’m not silly.” I smiled. “I need to go back in and clean the kitchen. Why don’t you come back after you’ve packed the car?”

  I took a step toward the house. Reece grabbed my arm and pulled me back, pulled me gently into his embrace, his lips searching for mine. “I love you,” he whispered close to my ear.

  There was no hesitation, no time to think, nothing but the truth. “I love you too.”

  * * *

  When I returned to the house the kitchen was spotless. My parents sat at the table drinking coffee waiting for me. They expected me to take a seat and join them, so I did. It reminded me of when I returned from my first date with Reece. The thought of that wondrous day made me smile from the inside out.

  “Jenna, why did you storm off like that?” My father asked. “We were having such a nice breakfast.”

  “Please.” I rolled my eyes, “It was nice until you started making fun of me.”

  “Still sweetheart,” Mom rebuked, “it wasn’t polite.”

  “Besides, it doesn’t matter what I say,” Dad shook his head, “that boy is crazy about you.”

  I shook my head. Clearly not the reaction they anticipated.

  “Jenna, this isn’t a healthy reaction.”

  I huffed loudly and stood, she could never leave well enough alone. “I’m a teenager, Mother,” I never called her that unless she really got under my skin. “I’m supposed to be rash and irrational. That makes me normal, not unhealthy.”

  Once again I stormed away.

  Alone at last I logged onto my computer and pulled up my journal. I felt a cacophony of feelings, each screaming and wanting its own voice to be heard; love, passion, trepidation, anxiety, and bone crushing, heart-stabbing agony. I’d never felt so overcome and overburdened with emotion.

  I tried to put into words the incredible sorrow that see
med to just spring up out of nowhere, the emptiness that lurked nearby, and the insanity I was certain I suffered from.

  I refused to believe I’d become so week and needy in a little over a month’s time that my chest heaved because Reece would no longer be two doors down. And yet I knew it all led back to him.

  Chapter 25

  I needed to change the course of my future. I felt inundated with negative thoughts and feelings, handcuffed in the present by fear of the future. Perhaps I wasn’t losing myself in Reece but to an overly sensitized interpretation of energy. I decided to try a cleansing.

  After a quick Google search I had a plan.

  I drew the water for a bath and surrounded the ledge of the tub with quartz crystals I recently picked up from a new age store at the mall. I lit some vanilla votive candles and took out a peppermint salt scrub that had been sitting in the closet for over a year.

  I knew I didn’t have much time, but I would make the most of what I did have. Something was better than nothing. I closed the blinds, trying to darken the bright room and create a relaxing atmosphere.

  Once in the tub I closed my eyes and visualized a waterfall of pure, white light raining down on me. The luminosity served as a shield from the world outside, its brilliance like an umbrella. When I felt filled with peace and tranquility I added Reece to the image and extended the breadth of the incandescent glow.

  With my thirst of purity fulfilled, feeling as if the light resided and grew inside me with each beat of my heart, I blew out the candles and stepped out of the tub. I pulled my hair back and dressed quickly, hoping Reece didn’t already come and leave.

  I ran down the steps. My father sat on the couch watching his Sunday news shows, never even glancing in my direction. I plopped down next to him.

  “Sorry Dad.”

  “Um hum,” he answered preoccupied, not taking his eyes off the television.

  “I love you,” I gave him a little peck on the cheek and a light squeeze of my arms.

  “Love you too, Sweetheart.”