Perigee Moon
Page 5
We offer the fire, the salt, the power. Aid me on my quest this hour.
I repeated the phrase as a whisper, my fingers buzzing against the paper.
Something stirred inside me.
A churning warmth, a slow burn of quiet energy. It was like someone had raked over a bed of coals and ignited a dormant flame. I jumped as a cold breeze blew through my hair and stirred the curtains across the room. My eyes darted to the window, my chest tight with panic. It was closed. I clutched at the necklace hanging around my neck, suddenly realizing that it was cold like ice against my skin. I lifted it out of my shirt and laid the stone incased in iron across my palm. A shiver resonated through me but not from the cold. Fear was rippling down my spine in tiny waves as my palm pulsed like blood behind a bruise. I slammed the book closed and shoved it back into the drawer, then laid the necklace out across my bed. I stared at it for a moment not knowing what to believe. I must be losing it. Grams’ stories were getting to me. Not to mention Paige and her stupid theories about my house being haunted. After a moment I ran my finger across the stone. It was warm. Not in an unusual way, but like I’d had it against my chest all along. I laughed, letting a large gust of air escape from my lungs, before grabbing the chain and slipping it back around my neck. I needed to get some sleep.
I flipped off the light and lowered my face until it found the cool fabric of my pillowcase. I was determined not to think of Mom tonight. I would not lie to myself anymore. I would not think about Alex. I would not think about magic or spells or Grams’ crazy stories. Tonight I would sleep. For the first time in over a month I would really sleep.
Chapter 7
What a coward I am! I spoke to her. I learned her name. Rowan. Goddess what a beautiful name! But then I ran, like a frightened schoolboy, I ran as fast as my legs would carry me until I’d reached Aunt Marion’s front steps. The way she looks at me, it is as if she’s looking right through me to the depths of my soul. Can I really let her love me knowing what I already know? That if I stay with her it will only lead to my demise. I can’t hurt her. God in heaven tell me what to do.
~ Alexander 1692
***
It was the last day of school. I felt like I’d been running a marathon, and now I was about to reach the end. My limbs weak, my lungs fighting for air and I was hurtling towards the finish line. The bright red tape marking the end of the race was flickering in the sun, waiting for the clock to strike three. My eyes caught sight of the clock above Mr. Harvey’s desk for about the hundredth time. Seven minutes and I would be free. We had finished finals the day before so today was pretty much a free day. A day for tearful goodbyes and yearbooks to be signed. The excitement surrounding my arrival had died down enough so that it wasn’t nearly as difficult to fade into the background anymore. I was thankful for that. Today people were preoccupied with friends they had known since grade school and mapping out their summer plans. Well, most people were anyway. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Max staring at me. Something heated like desire and dark like sludge crawled out of his gaze, wrapping around me like a tourniquet. I swallowed and turned away, showing him the back of my head, hoping he’d lose interest. I flinched when a folded note landed on my desk. It was from Paige, who was sitting three seats back.
Four more minutes! Don’t forget–party tonight at my house!
I read it and turned back to flash her an excited smile, then gathered the things on my desk and shoved them into my bag, determined not to have to stop at my locker. I had absolutely no intention of going to Paige’s party. I felt bad leading her to believe that I would, but I couldn’t deal with the possibility of her forcing me into it. I just wasn’t ready for parties yet. Maybe next year. I glanced up again. Sixty seconds. Mr. Harvey noticed the time as the class began to buzz with excitement, summer break only seconds away. He stood up and recited a speech about staying safe over the summer. I wasn’t really listening. I was too busy watching the second hand on the clock. Five, four, three, two, one. Grabbing my bag I bolted for the door, the bell still buzzing in my ears.
I smiled and closed my eyes when the warm afternoon sun hit my face. It meant that I was nearly there. The gravel in the parking lot crunched beneath my feet and I knew that my car was only a few feet away. But my eyelids snapped open and my heart dropped into my stomach when I heard my name. Tyler was waiting at my car. I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.
“Hey Rowan!” He waved, his face beaming a smile so big it made my teeth hurt.
“Hey Tyler.” I walked past him and opened my door, tossing my bag onto the seat before turning back around to face him.
“Hey are you going to Paige’s party tonight?”
“I…I’m gonna try.” I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked away, anywhere else besides Tyler and his big hopeful puppy dog eyes. I had no plans on attending that party, but he didn’t need to know that.
I started to inch towards the car door, still focused on leaving.
“So? How does it feel to be a senior?” He moved to block my escape.
“Good I guess. To be honest I’m just focusing on summer at this point.”
He smiled. “Yeah, about that.” He twisted the toe of his tennis shoe into the gravel. “Do you have any plans this summer?”
“Nope. Just working at the Briar. That’s kind of why I came here, to avoid the whole summer plans thing.”
A nervous laugh escaped his lips.
“What about you?” I asked, not really caring about the answer. I just wanted him to get to the point.
“No. No plans really,” he said, his eyes fixed on the ground.
“Tyler was there something else you wanted?”
“Yeah.” He paused again, his foot wearing a hole into the gravel, exposing the dirt underneath.
“I was wondering if you wanted to go out tomorrow night. Like a movie or something?” His cheeks were bright red now, his anxiety flaring out in scorching tendrils, stinging me.
“I don’t really go out Tyler.” I stopped, searching for the right thing to say that wouldn’t give away my secret. “It’s hard to explain.” How do you explain crazy, damaged, wrecked to a boy like Tyler?
“Come on Rowan. I swear you’ll have a good time. I guarantee it.” His eyes were wide and pleading. It was wrong to hurt him over my problems. Maybe Paige was right. Maybe I should give him a chance. The encroaching disappointment rising in him was enough to make me buckle under the pressure of both of our emotions.
“Okay,” I reluctantly agreed.
“Great!” He smiled through the shock. “I’ll pick you up at six.”
“Cool.” I tried to force a smile, but I felt it fall limp on my lips. I ducked inside the car and cranked the ignition to avoid having to say anything else to him. I was already regretting my decision and knew I had better leave before I was too tempted to cancel. Chances were I would call him to do that later.
“What the hell was I thinking Bevin?” I said as I tore through my closet looking for something to wear. “I’m not ready for this. It’s not fair to him. I’m…I’m a freaking lunatic. Don’t you think it’s messed up to even begin to get involved with this poor guy? No. Of course you don’t. All you think about are boys. And sex.” I took a deep breath. “And you are crazy if you think I’m kissing him. I’m not. God, I can’t believe I agreed to this.” My phone was on speaker sitting on the dresser where Bevin waited patiently on the other end for me to stop ranting.
“Are you done?”
I grabbed an ice-blue silk top and a pair of faded jeans from the rack. “Yeah. I’m done,” I huffed, slipping the shirt over my head.
“What are you wearing?” Her voice echoed across the room as I pulled the jeans on, my heart pounding in my chest with regret. I was not ready for this. Dating would require honesty. It would mean having to show this perfectly nice boy just how screwed up I really was, and I couldn’t do that. Not yet. And definitely not with Tyler Banks.
“The blue silk shirt I got la
st fall with you. You got the green one, remember?”
“Oh my God. Perfect! You should wear your denim mini with it.”
I shook my head as if she were there to see it. “No way. No leg. If I were smart I’d wear sweatpants to scare him off.”
“You’re so ridiculous Rowan.” She laughed. “I wish I was there.”
I grabbed the phone and fell back onto my bed. “Me too Bev. You don’t know how much.”
“Hey, you better not be crying. I don’t want your mascara running before your big date.”
I groaned. “I still can’t believe I let you talk me into makeup.” I sat up and looked in the mirror. I barely recognized the girl staring back at me with her glowing cheeks and pouty pink lips.
“Rowan let me explain something to you. Normal seventeen-year-old girls go on dates with cute boys. They flirt and worry too much about what they are going to wear. And they most definitely wear makeup. And if you can’t seem to conjure the energy to be a normal seventeen-year-old girl, then I‘ll do it for you. But just so you know. I require full access to every juicy detail and a phone call the minute you walk through the door as payment.”
I laughed in spite of the terrible mood I was in. Bevin was right. It was time to move on. It was time to be normal, whatever that was. I wasn’t sure I remembered anymore.
“Are you still there?” She interrupted my thoughts.
“Yeah. I’m here.”
“It’s time to move on Rowan. I know it doesn’t feel fair to want that, but it’s what your mom would want.” It was like she could read my mind. This girl had been decoding my thoughts like this since third grade.
“I’m going to try. I’m going on this stupid date, aren’t I?”
“That’s true. And I’m proud of you. Especially for wearing the blue top. He won’t be able to keep his eyes or his hands off of you.” She giggled, knowing that she was pushing my buttons.
“I swear to God I’ll change into sweats this minute Bevin,” I said through a smile.
“No, don’t! You look hideous I’m sure. He won’t ever ask you out again. Blue is so not your color.”
I laughed. “That’s more like it.”
“You’re such a freak Rowan.”
“I know.” The doorbell put a halt to our conversation.
“Hey Bev–”
“You gotta go. I know.”
“I’ll call you tonight. Promise.”
“You better. Love you. Have a good time!”
“I will. Bye.” I flipped the phone shut and took a deep breath, taking one last look at the strange girl in the mirror. I was going to kill Bevin for this.
Chapter 8
I’d lost count of how many times Tyler’s eyes had drifted from the road to me. But by the last time I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t have to worry about this night much longer because Tyler’s hormones and inability to keep his eyes on the road would ensure that we were both mangled in a horrific car crash.
He blushed and smiled, his eyes darting back to the road when he noticed me watching him.
“I thought we were going to a movie?” I asked, realizing that he was pulling his truck into the public parking area outside the beach.
“I thought this would be better. We wouldn’t really get a chance to talk at a movie,” he said, shifting into park and opening his door. I cringed. I’d been counting on the movie not allowing us to talk. Spilling my guts to this boy was the last thing I wanted to do. Especially on a romantic moonlit walk on the beach. He popped open my door and held out his hand, helping me down onto the pavement.
I tried to pull my hand away once my feet were steady on the ground, but Tyler had other plans. He laced his fingers through mine and squeezed, making it impossible for me to slip away. He tugged me silently until we were just a few feet from the water’s edge. I sat down beside him on the sand, my breath taken away. I knew I’d been to Crane Beach as a child but I never really remembered it this way. It was beautiful. The water was calm, smooth like glass. And the setting sun gave the soft sands a purple tint. Striped umbrellas were popped up like mushrooms along the sand but now that the sun was setting people were gathering their picnic baskets and crying children and disappearing behind the lush green backdrop behind us. I could see now that I had never really appreciated this place.
“It’s nice isn’t it?” he asked, cuddling up close beside me.
“Yeah. Nice isn’t even the word,” I said with a smile. I wanted to cringe away from his touch but it was too cold. I wondered if he had planned it that way.
“Yeah I like to try to spend as much time as possible out here before summer hits.” I looked at him, a puzzled expression on my face. “It’s just nice before the crowds of tourists and green flies take over,” he said. I scrunched up my nose at the memory.
“Yeah I remember the green flies. I used to get eaten up when I was a kid.”
He laughed. “This is my favorite time to come here. It’s peaceful.”
I glanced around the now-desolate beach. The setting sun had lit the clouds on fire and a few bright white sailboats were lounging in the bay.
“I think it might be mine now too,” I said, feeling a little more comfortable. It was almost impossible not to feel at ease at a place this magical.
We were both quiet for a while, but when the moon broke across the horizon Tyler finally spoke.
“Paige told me about your mom.”
I closed my eyes. I should’ve known she couldn’t keep a secret.
“Don’t be mad at her. I’m glad I know, and we don’t have to talk about it. I just thought that you should know that I know.” He paused like he realized how confusing he was starting to sound. “I’m here if you need someone Rowan.”
I nodded my head silently. I didn’t know what to say so I settled on, “Thanks.” At least I hadn’t told her everything. I rubbed the leather bands around my wrists.
I kept my eyes closed listening to the seagulls overhead and Tyler’s uneven breathing. A year ago I would have given anything to be here with this boy, but now I just wanted to go home.
“You look really beautiful tonight by the way.” His voice was shaky. I could tell that he was still nervous. I opened my eyes and turned to face him. I drank in every inch of his face, absorbing every detail, trying to find the spark that Mom had always told me about. The kind I had felt with Alex. I watched the way the light reflected off of the green flecks of color in his hazel eyes, the barely visible freckles scattered along his cheekbones, the way his lips parted every few seconds like he wanted to say something, but closed again before he could find the words. He was everything I should want. But in the end… I just didn’t.
His fingers found my hand that was half buried in the sand and closed around it.
“Tyler…” I couldn’t finish. I couldn’t find the words to tell him that he was wasting his time. But I guess that he sensed it when he pulled his hand away and started to stand, brushing the sand from his jeans.
“You want me to take you home?” he said, disappointed.
I nodded as I stood to join him.
The roads were empty and winding on the way home and the cab was silent besides the radio. I watched Tyler’s hand carefully as it twitched on the seat beside me just a few inches from my thigh. I kept my arms wrapped around my waist, afraid that he might get the wrong idea again. When he finally pulled up to the curb outside my grandparent’s home the tension was so thick between us I wanted to scream. He jumped out of the truck without a word and came around to open my door. When he grabbed my hand this time he quickly released it, but still followed silently behind me as he walked me to the door.
“Are your grandparents home?” he asked, inspecting the dark house. The only light on was the dull porch light flickering above us. I glanced at the time on my phone. Nine o’clock.
“Yeah, they just go to bed pretty early.”
He nodded his head absently, lingering in front of me like he had something he wanted to say.
“Rowan wait.” He paused as I turned to look at him. “I know that things are hard for you right now. I can’t even imagine. But I like you.” He laughed, his cheeks flushing under the yellow porch light. “I really like you,” he whispered as his fingers tightened around my elbow, pulling me close. He ducked his head down and I could feel his breath hot and sweet against my face as he hesitated, giving me one last chance for escape. I waited for the spark, for my crazed teenage hormones to take over and carry me towards his lips but they didn’t. Suddenly everything in me was screaming in protest. I squeezed my eyes closed and took the out, moving my face to his shoulder before his lips could land on mine. I wrapped my arms around him.
“I’m sorry Tyler. I just can’t.” My words were muffled in the hollow of his neck.
His arms fell around my waist and held me there for a moment before releasing me. He smiled and shrugged as he pulled away.
“I know,” he said, the hope all but gone from his voice. “But you can’t blame a guy for trying, right?” He winked and hopped down from the porch without looking back. I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched him disappear into the shadows, the sound of his engine roaring to life in the dark.
I sank down onto the steps, my key still hanging from the lock and buried my face in my hands, breathing in the lingering aroma that the sand had left on my skin. The wind was picking up and it blew through my hair, plastering the silk top I was wearing against my body. I suddenly found myself remembering Rebecca Foster and her words. I imagined that my mother was the wind. That she was wrapping around me and running her fingers through my hair, whispering that everything was going to be alright. It seemed like hours that I sat like that lying to myself, but when a rustling sound shattered my vision my eyes snapped open, and my chest tightened with panic. I couldn’t be sure of how long I had been sitting there, but I knew it was too late for a friendly neighbor to be dropping by. I scanned the darkness as I scrambled for the door. The footsteps were closer now. I turned to take one last glimpse and froze. That’s when I recognized the movement, melting out of the shadows.