Perigee Moon

by Fuller, Tara

  “Rowan?” His voice stopped me in my tracks. I turned to face him. He stood in the shadows; his eyes, pools of midnight water, sparkled under the glow of the porch light. He was wearing the same white t-shirt and faded jeans, but this time he was donning a black leather jacket. He looked dark and beautiful, like he’d been born from the night. He took a pronounced step closer and my heart stopped. It had been a week since I’d seen him last. A week of telling myself that I would never see him again. A week of trying to convince myself that it was crazy to care.

  “Alex.” His name rolled off of my tongue, lingering sweet on the outskirts if my lips long after the word had passed. He smiled and lowered himself down onto a porch step, the wood creaking under his weight. I let my fingers fall from the doorknob and sat down beside him as if we had known each other all our lives. Strange, how it really did feel that way.

  “What are you doing here?” I breathed, not really caring about the reason. Just caring that he was here, infusing me with warmth and life for reasons I couldn’t understand.

  He looked up at the blackened sky and I watched his eyes trail the dizzying swirl of stars overhead. “To be honest I don’t even know anymore. I’m done trying to convince myself that this is wrong.”

  “You know I have no idea what you’re talking about, right?”

  He laughed. “I know.”

  We sat silently for a moment, all of the words we wanted to say filling up the silence between us. All I could hear was the sound of my heart pounding against my ribcage and I wondered if he could hear it too.

  “Can I ask you something?” He twisted his body around until his shoulders were square with mine. He was so close that I was breathing his breath.

  “Sure.”

  “Who is he…the boy that just left?” He motioned towards the curb where Tyler’s truck had been parked.

  “Who? Tyler?” I said, confused. He nodded silently for me to continue. “Tyler’s just a friend.” I wondered if that was still the case after the rejection I had just handed him.

  “He tried to kiss you. Why didn’t you let him?”

  “You were watching me?”

  “Are you avoiding the question?”

  “No…I just…” I scooted an inch away from him. Just for a little space. An ounce of clarity. He glanced down at the empty space between us and frowned.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “You don’t have to answer. I was just curious.”

  I studied the ribbon-like curl of his eyelashes, the way he chewed the inside of his cheek, the way the wind rustled his wispy black hair between his eyes, causing his nose to twitch. I could feel the nervous flutter that twisted his gut. He wasn’t someone to be scared of. He was just…a boy.

  “Because I didn’t feel it with him,” I finally said.

  “Feel what?” He looked confused.

  “The spark,” I said, remembering how my mother’s eyes would shine and her cheeks would blush as she recounted the memory of her first meeting with my father for me time and time again.

  “Is there anyone who does?” He stared down at the steps between his legs and picked at a piece of splintered wood. “Make you feel that way I mean.”

  “What… like a boy?”

  “Like me?” If the wind wouldn’t have died at that moment I’m not even sure I would have heard him. Closing my eyes I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts that were now so muddled I could barley find the words to speak.

  “Let me get this straight. You stalk me for weeks. You refuse to speak to me, and when you finally do you tell me that it’s wrong to want to know me, and then you disappear with no explanation. And now you show up in the middle of the night and want to know how you make me feel?”

  He smiled. “Yes.”

  “Confused. That’s how you make me feel.” Traces of anger were bubbling up through the unruly mass of butterflies in my stomach, blocking out his gentle wisps of desire, and the perplexing thud of his heart.

  “I’m sorry for that. I don’t mean to.” He looked away and pressed his lips together. “Things are just…complicated for me.”

  “I don’t know anything about you.”

  “But I know things about you,” he said.

  “What could you possibly know about me?” I asked, praying that he wasn’t about to make me regret trusting him.

  He laughed again and my head swirled with the sound. When he laughed it was like music, but no song I’d ever heard.

  “Just enough to drive me mad,” he said.

  He paused and slightly shifted his body so that his knees were now mashed up against mine. I tried to ignore the whispers of electricity that were dancing across my legs but it was impossible. It was as if every nerve in my body was standing on end, hungry and searching for the feel of his skin on mine.

  “I know that you look sad when you think that no one else is watching. You don’t smile very much but when you do it’s staggering.” His eyes tightened and he averted his gaze to the splintered steps below us. “I know that you have trouble sleeping. You sit by your window at night and stare into the trees as if you’re waiting for someone.”

  His eyes were back on my face now, drifting over me as if he were trying to peer into my soul and decipher my darkest secrets.

  “But I don’t know why you’re sad. I don’t know why you can’t sleep, or who you could possibly be waiting for while the rest of the world is sleeping.”

  My cheeks flushed with color and the heat that had been building with his every word suddenly burst behind them. I hoped that the blush that Bevin had forced me to wear would hide it.

  Just an hour ago spilling my secrets to some strange boy had my stomach twisted into knots, but now as I sat there staring into his liquid-blue eyes, which were filled with an emotion I couldn’t fathom, I found myself twisting into knots for an entirely different reason. Suddenly my secrets weren’t my secrets anymore. The secrets I‘d fought so hard to keep. The ones that I would never dream of telling another soul. And before I could stop myself the answers were spilling from my lips.

  “My mom died. That’s why I’m sad. I can’t sleep because at night when I’m alone I can barely breathe through the pain. I’m buried in the memories. And when I stare out my window…I’m looking for you,” I admitted, my voice shaky and insecure. “I’m always looking for you because you are the first person that has been able to make me feel alive in so long, and I don’t know why.” I knew I should feel embarrassed admitting these things, but I didn’t. Not with him.

  He brushed a strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. The heat from his touch expanded across my face and sent flames searing down my neck. It was a good heat. The kind that thaws you from the inside out. He smiled and closed his eyes, his hand lingering against my cheek.

  “I want to know things about you too.” A lump filled the back of my throat as I waited for him to find another excuse to leave.

  “What do you want to know?” His hand fell away from my face, and my nerves went into a frenzy, wanting more.

  “Where do you live?”

  His face looked torn again, but he finally answered. “Close by.”

  “Why do you wear the same thing all the time?” I knew it was a silly question but I was truly curious.

  He laughed. “Does it bother you that I wear the same thing all the time?”

  “No.”

  I still felt confused. He wasn’t giving me real answers and he knew it. It was enough to drive me crazy.

  “Okay…where are you from?” He looked confused as if I had repeated a question. “I mean your accent. You’re obviously not from around here.”

  “I moved here with my parents from England around four years ago,” he said, and to my surprise I was satisfied with his answer. It was the first clear answer he had given me and he didn’t even hesitate. “My family wasn’t exactly accepted back there and we came here hoping things would be different,” he said, a bit of acid lacing his voice.

  “Is it?
Different I mean?” I said.

  He looked away as a hint of pain flashed across his face. “No.”

  “Why is it wrong for you to want to know me?” I asked, shivering as a gust of bitter air pierced through my thin silk top like a thousand icy shards of glass.

  “You’re cold. You should go inside.”

  I wrapped my arms around myself defensively. “No. I’m fine. Answer the question.”

  He looked at me for a moment. “Because we’re not the same, Rowan. I come from a very different place than you and that could be dangerous, for both of us.” I panicked as he stood up and retreated toward the shadows.

  “Wait. Will I see you again?”

  “I’d like to say no, but I think it’s a little late for that now.” He smiled, his white teeth glistening through the dark.

  “Promise me you’ll be back,” I insisted as I rubbed my arms, hoping the friction would keep the cold at bay for just a few more minutes.

  “I promise,” he called out before disappearing behind the tree line.

  Chapter 9

  Jealousy. It is an ugly emotion and tonight it ran through me like wild fire. To see another man leaning in to claim her that way. I wanted to cast a spell on him that would crush him into dust. It was more than I could bear. Rowan. God I want her so badly it drives me mad. The fact that my desire for her outweighs my will to survive is maddening. And now after tonight, my battle is lost. I won’t stay away now. There is no lying to myself. My only hope is that she can resist this. Because I cannot. I am a fool. I am in love. And I will die for it.

  ~ Alexander 1692

  ***

  I could barely see through the thick haze that was sifting through the trees. The forest floor was damp and the humidity was making it hard to breathe. I felt hot and sticky as I wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead and trudged through the blanket of dark grey shadows that were blocking out the sun. I didn’t really know why I was there; I just knew that I had to find him. I was clutching Rebecca Foster’s leather bound grimoire to my chest, feeling its strange energy permeate into my bones. That’s when I saw him–through the trees just ahead there was a small clearing. Alex was standing silently, his hand outstretched, beckoning me forward. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. My eyes drifted over the perfect lines of his chest and it was almost more than I could take. It was like I was in a trance. My feet carried me swiftly to his awaiting arms where he smiled and pulled the book away from my chest. I grasped for it but he held it out of my reach and then dropped it onto the ground. I didn’t go after it. His electric blue eyes had already drawn me in and I couldn’t break away from his gaze. My heart hummed nervously as he lowered his face and brushed his lips along my jawline, making his way around to my mouth. His face was flushed as I placed my hand on his chest and pressed each one of my fingers into his bare skin. His heart pulsed wildly beneath my fingertips, each throb forcing a bolt of electricity to course through my veins. A warm, golden energy was churning in my chest like a tiny sun, bouncing around the walls of a cage, begging to be set free. And Alex was the key. I stared up at him wordlessly, confused and exhilarated.

  He smiled. “It’s magic, love.”

  “Alex,” I whispered. He softly brushed a few wayward strands of hair from my face and smiled. The warm look in his eyes was enough to silence me. My fingers crawled up to his neck and my eyes followed when they closed around a silver chain. He was wearing a necklace just like the one I had found in the grimoire. The same necklace that was around my neck. I pulled up the charm to inspect it but he wrapped his fingers around my chin before I could see it closely. He pulled my face up to meet his and pressed his lips to mine. The heat pulsed between us and I could feel it burning my lips, my tongue, my skin. I clutched at his bare back but he jerked away from my touch, breaking our fused lips. He took a pronounced step back and started to shake. I could still taste him on my lips and I wanted more, but when I started to move towards him he cried out in pain and I stopped.

  “Alex no!” I said, but it was too late. I was burning, the flames dancing across my skin, keeping me from reaching him. His body was withering before my very eyes. His face sagged and his beautiful features disappeared beneath a mound of wrinkled skin. I reached for him but he crawled away like a wounded animal flinching from my touch as if I had done this to him. As if the flames consuming me were burning him from the inside out. He crawled against a tree and within seconds his once beautiful body had collapsed into a wilted mound of ash. I screamed but the flames swallowed the sound. As usual, I was cursed. Always burning. Never allowed to die.

  When the sun finally broke across the sky sending warm sunshine spilling in through my window, I was screaming. My eyes flew open and I immediately pushed away the leather bound book that was still tucked down next to my chest. I’d fallen asleep reading Rebecca Foster’s haunting words and it had obviously affected me. I slipped the book back into the nightstand drawer and headed off to the shower, trying to suppress the bits of dream still lingering in my mind.

  Thirty minutes later I sat down at the little round oak table in the sunny breakfast nook and flipped through my grandfather’s paper, my wet hair leaving droplets of water scattered across the black and white print. The news here was definitely tamer than back home. But then again, this was a much smaller town. Grams breezed into the kitchen, mumbling into the phone.

  “Are you sure?” she said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “She’s right here.”

  I pretended not to listen. Pretended I didn’t know she was talking to my dad.

  “Alright then. Next time. Bye honey.”

  Grams hung up the phone and sank into the chair across from me with her hands wrapped around her cup.

  “He didn’t want to talk to me?” I asked.

  “He was busy hon, said he’d call you later.” She stopped when she saw my wrists, free of my armbands, and had to tear her eyes away. I wrapped my fingers around the scars and stared at the table cursing myself for forgetting to put them on.

  “So I take it your date with Tyler didn’t go very well last night?” she asked. Her eyes gravitated back towards my wrists then up to my eyes. Her cool fingers pried mine from my wrists and she smiled tenderly. “You don’t have to hide from me honey. You should know that.”

  I nodded, forcing the lump down my throat.

  “Now.” She slapped my arm and took a sip of her coffee. “About that date.”

  “Um…no. Actually it didn’t really go well.” I paused wondering if she had been spying on me last night, but quickly dismissed the thought. That wasn’t really Grams’ style.

  She took a sip of her coffee. “I figured as much since there is a boy outside waiting for you right now that is most definitely not Tyler Banks.”

  I choked on the cold juice that was now sliding down my windpipe instead of my throat. “What?”

  “I said that boy Alex is outside waiting for you. I invited him in but he said he’d rather wait outside.”

  I almost fell out of my chair as I sprinted for the staircase, leaving my orange juice sitting on the table.

  “Rowan don’t make him wait too long. It’s rude!” she shouted as I disappeared up the stairs and into my room. My heart was pumping at an unbelievable speed and I was shaking as I slipped on a pair of sandals and ran a brush through my hair one last time. It was nearly dry now so I didn’t bother to do anything else with it. I sprayed some perfume into the air and stepped into it feeling the fine mist coat my collarbone and face. The bottle was nearly full and the fragrance was sweet and unfamiliar. Bevin had gotten it for me last Christmas but this was the first time I had bothered to wear it. My thoughts were a jumbled mess but when my phone vibrated on the dresser across the room I forced myself to focus. I picked up the phone and scrolled down to read the new text message. It was from Bevin.

  You never called me! You are in so much trouble!

  The phone buzzed again beneath my grasp before I could type a response.

  That is unless
you report to me immediately with a good excuse and extremely juicy details.

  I laughed and let my fingers peck at the keys as fast as possible until my response was displayed across the screen waiting to be sent.

  Too much to say right now. I’ll call you later. And I do have a good excuse–scratch that a hot excuse and he’s waiting for me right now. So I’ll call you later. Love you!

  It buzzed again almost immediately.

  GOOD. Go make some bad decisions and call me later. Ha!

  I slipped the phone into my pocket and took a deep breath, slapping the leather armbands over my wrists before I darted down the stairs trying to steady the way my body was shaking.

  The sun was blinding when I walked outside and my bare legs immediately began to soak in the warm rays. I brought my hand up to shield my eyes from the light and started to scan the yard but I didn’t have to look very far. Alex had his back to me. Hands shoved in his pockets. His face turned towards the trees, watching them sway and move with the wind.

  “Alex?”

  He pressed his foot into the dirt and slowly pivoted until he was facing me.

  “Rowan…hey,” he said.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, my insecurities creeping back in. I let my senses snake out searching for his reaction to me, but to my surprise–nothing. It was like there was a wall between us.

  He paused and averted his gaze to the ground. “I don’t know. I just…”

  “What is it?” I took a bold step forward to close the gap between us.

  “Rowan.” He sucked in a lung-full of air and combed his fingers though his hair. He wouldn’t even look at me. He laughed a bitter sound and shoved his hands back into his pockets, like he didn’t trust what they would do without the restriction. “I can’t stay away from you. I should stay away from you. But… I can’t stop thinking about you. I…”