Last Christmas (Bound Together)

by Coulson, Marie

  Mel held her hand over her mouth, realizing who I was talking about.

  “Yeah. She was standing there just staring at me. She was clearly as shocked to see me as I was to see her.”

  “So what happened?”

  “Well. I told her that you guys weren’t here and she should come back another time. Or maybe send a text.” Mel winced. “Ouch Ollie. I bet that stung.”

  I didn’t give a shit. I was hurting and she was the reason. What was supposed to happen? Was I supposed to be psyched to see her? The girl who tore my heart out and put it through a meat grinder? I don’t think so!

  “What was I supposed to do Mel? She fucking ditched me for him and she did it over a text! Who the fuck does that shit!? I thought she actually cared about me. She told me she loved me and I was stupid enough to think she’d actually choose me.”

  Mel placed her hand on my back and leaned into my shoulder. “Did she say anything to you?”

  I sighed. “She said we should talk, that we both had things to say, but I couldn’t talk to her. I wasn’t ready. I told her to leave and I swear it was hardest thing I’ve ever done. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to kiss her and just feel her in my arms again. But we were over and she’d made her choice.”

  Mel nodded as though she understood but I wondered if anyone could really and truly understand how I felt.

  “She started to cry and it tore me apart. I always hated seeing her cry and knowing it was over me, just made it worse. I watched her leave and just stood there for a while, staring at the door. Part of me hoped she’d come back and tell me she’d chosen me and the other part was wishing she’d just go and stay away. I got my wish.”

  Mel grabbed the glass from the table and waved it at me. “Another?”

  I shook my head. Drinking wasn’t going to take my pain away and I sure as hell wasn’t willing to become my father.

  “No. I’m good.”

  She raised an eyebrow at me. “You sure about that?” I nodded.

  “Yeah. I’m fine. Actually, I’m kinda tired. Think I’ll go to sleep. Here, you can have the couch; I can crash on the floor.”

  I got up and signaled for her to take the couch and she gave me an apologetic look before lying down on the plump cushions. I sat on the floor with my back against the sofa. Mel’s fingers tangled in my hair as she combed it with her fingernails. It was actually kind of comforting and soothing.

  I leaned my head back and sighed deeply. “Amy won’t stay mad for long you know. Especially after I tell her she was right. We both know how much she loves to be right.”

  Mel chuckled. “Yeah, I know she’ll be all calm and purring in the morning but I feel bad for taking your bed for the night.”

  I shrugged. “No biggie.”

  Mel tapped my shoulder. “Come on, get your ass up here. There’s room for both of us if you spoon me.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “You sure about that?”

  She grinned “You’re hot rock star but I’m pretty sure you’re missing some vital body parts that I prefer right now. And that hot, infuriating girl in there has all of them.” She pointed at the bedroom door.

  Getting onto the couch, I crawled over Mel and lay behind her with my arm around her waist. She held her hand over mine and let out a long breath.

  Leaning in, I whispered in her ear. “I love you guys. You, Amy and the guys, you’re my family.” She squeezed my hand, turned her head and kissed my cheek. “We love you too Ollie. You’ll always have a home here.”

  I smiled against her cheek and gave her a quick peck. “I know.”

  ****

  The sound of the coffee machine echoed from the kitchen. Opening my eyes I found myself with a face full of Mel’s hair. My arm was wrapped around her tightly and I suddenly became aware of my morning wood pressing against her ass. Please don’t wake up. Please don’t wake up.

  “Well, good morning to you too rock star. That a banana in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?” Damn it.

  I was glad she was facing away from me because I was all kinds of embarrassed right now.

  “Sorry. Can’t help it. It’s nothing personal. I like you baby cakes, but Amy would cut off my dick if I even considered it.” Sitting up I looked down and winked at her. She chuckled and swung her feet onto the floor, rubbing her eyes. We were both fully clothed and as Amy emerged from the kitchen with her cup of coffee, I didn’t know where to look.

  Her expression was thunderous. She glared at us before shaking her head and going back to her room, slamming the door behind her.

  Mel sighed. “Great. Now I need to go fix this too.”

  I gave her a sympathetic look. “You don’t think, she thinks that we…” I gestured at the two of us.

  “No. She knows that I would never cheat on her and she knows you would never do that to, or with, a friend. She’s probably pissed at me because of last night at the bar and pissed at you over Kate.”

  I rolled my eyes and flopped back onto the couch.

  “Looks like we both have groveling to do. Rock, paper, scissors as to who goes first?” She laughed and shook her head.

  “Nope. I’ll go first. I’ll calm her down a little before she claws at you.”

  I groaned. “Great. Thanks…I think.”

  Leaving me on the couch, Mel headed for the bedroom. I decided to make myself some breakfast and as I began to butter my toast, I could hear Amy yelling. I definitely heard Ollie, Kate, asshole and ‘turn into a fucking man whore’ thrown around. Ignoring the ranting going on in the next room, I finished my breakfast, got washed up and sat on the couch with my coffee. It sucked.

  I was just about to take a sip when my cell buzzed on the table in front of me. Eyeing the caller ID, I gave my cell a confused look. I didn’t know the number but I answered it anyway.

  “Talk to me.”

  “Ollie?”

  A woman spoke and for a split second, my heart leapt.

  “Hey, it’s Kate.”

  Short moment of tugging on my heart strings now officially over, I answered her.

  “Oh, hey Kate. What’s up?” Why does this feel weird? Maybe because only a few hours ago you had your tongue in this girl’s…

  “I was wondering if you were still cool with me coming to the tattoo place with you today. You can totally say no and I’ll understand but I really don’t think we have any reason to avoid each other. I mean, it was sex. No big deal right?”

  Right. It was just sex and it was between two horny adults.

  “Sure. I’ll pick you up in three hours?”

  “Sounds great. See you then.”

  I hung up and smiled to myself. I was back in the game. I’d had no strings sex with a great girl and I was still standing. I hoped I’d left her a little shaky on her feet from the sex and not too irritated by my bailing last night, but she seemed to be okay with the whole situation too. Granted, my heart felt like a steamroller had crushed it. However, I was on my way to recovery. Layla had been my drug of choice for almost a year and I was determined to make it through the rehab of our relationship.

  The whole apartment filled with silence as the yelling and arguing stopped. Maybe Amy killed her. I chuckled to myself and took a gulp of my coffee.

  Amy opened the bedroom door and made a beeline for me. Waving her finger in my face, she yelled at me. “I cannot believe you did exactly what I told you not to do! You’re such an asshole! She’s a nice girl. She’s sweet and fun and now she’s never going to talk to any of us again! And what’s more, she’s Layla’s friend! What the hell were you thinking?!”

  I opened my mouth to answer her and explain but she cut me off.

  “Don’t answer. We both know what head you were thinking with! God, Ollie, are you determined to make yourself miserable?”

  I got up and gripped my hands on her arms, trying to calm her down. “Amy, calm the fuck down. Yes, I had sex with Kate, but she knows what it was and she’s not looking for a relationship either. It was just two pe
ople needing to get laid. And you will see her again. In fact, she’s coming with me to get inked today.”

  Amy stared at me a little shocked. “You’re seeing her again? But you said…”

  “I said she’s coming with me to get inked, not married.”

  She snorted at me and opened her mouth to speak but I stopped her.

  “Amy you have to butt the fuck out. Seriously. I will do whatever the hell I want with whoever the hell I want. I’m free and single. And it turns out, I like having sex. Who knew?” I was dripping with sarcasm and she was getting a little flustered. I was making her angry but I didn’t care.

  “You’re my friend Amy. Not my mother. In fact, my mother wouldn’t even tell me what to do or who to do. Back off.” She gave me a hard stare before storming away.

  She breezed past Mel, grabbed her jacket and slammed the door behind her as she left. Mel rolled her eyes at me.

  “She’ll get over it. She’s just mad because she knows your right. She’s just worried about you. We both are. You can keep trying to convince everyone that you know what you’re doing but we both know you can’t convince yourself.”

  “You still love her dude. And till you’re over her, it’ll sting with every single bitch you lay.”

  I groaned, exasperated and threw my hands in the air. “What the fuck am I supposed to do Mel? Stay fucking celibate for the rest of my life and pine over the girl who screwed me over and left? Fuck no! I won’t be that guy. Before I met her I was banging a different girl every fucking night. But I wanted Layla so bad, I changed. I didn’t sleep with anyone but her. And now, the bitch broke me! It’s like all the fun I used to have with girls…it just doesn’t mean anything. I get the thrill, the satisfaction, but afterwards, just a big black goddamn hole in my stomach because they’re not her. Now I don’t care if I have to screw every woman in the state, but I will not let her ruin me.”

  She turned around and headed to her room, flipping me the bird over her shoulder. “Whatever, Ollie. We’re going to the bar tonight and you can come, not come, I don’t care. Screw whatever comes your way but it won’t make you happy asshole.”

  Fuck!

  What is it with everyone telling how to go through a break up? I mean, God!

  I flopped onto the couch and held my head in my hands. This was getting old fast. Grabbing my things, I quickly wrote a note for the girls and headed out to my Ducati. I couldn’t stay now. Not after this.

  I sent a quick text to Kate, telling her I had to go home. I felt bad but it wasn’t like we were dating or anything. My ink could wait. I needed to go home, get some distance and work things out for myself.

  Chapter 8

  Screwing It Up

  My cell buzzed constantly as I rode back to Utah. Amy must have left me at least thirty messages and the guys texted me nonstop. When I pulled up outside the house, I looked up at the second story window and smiled as Patrick waved frantically at me. The front door flew open and he bolted across the lawn before leaping at me. I held my arms out wide and gave him a tight hug.

  “Hey little bro. You miss me?”

  He nodded as I released him and tousled his hair.

  “Mom’s been pretty upset. She won’t say what’s wrong but she’s been that way since you went away.” I gave him a half smile and put my hand on his shoulder. “Well, I’m back now. Let’s go inside and see her. Yeah?” Grabbing my overnight bag, I headed for the house as Patrick ran ahead of me.

  I reached into my pocket and saw a text from Kate.

  Hey Ollie.

  I got your message. Too bad you had to bail. Maybe next time. Thanks for last night. I had a lot of fun. Maybe we can do that next time you’re around too.

  Kate xx

  I walked into the house and saw my mom sitting on the couch. She immediately got to her feet and wrapped me in a hug.

  “Oh baby. I’m so glad you’re home.”

  Baby? Was she serious? She clung to me for dear life but I remained cool toward her. I still wasn’t ready for affectionate encounters with her. Pulling away she turned to Patrick and asked him to leave the two of us alone. I eyed her suspiciously.

  “What’s going on? Patrick said you’ve been all sad and shit since I left. I’ve only been gone like two days.”

  She shook her head and I could see tears in her eyes.

  “Come and sit down Oliver. I need to talk to you.”

  I walked over to the couch and slumped down onto the plump cushions. She sat beside me and took my hand in hers.

  “Ollie. There’s no easy way for me to tell you this. Your father is very sick. He’s dying.”

  What!? I stared at her in total silence. My expression was so dead I think it shocked her.

  “Did you hear me Ollie?”

  I nodded. “I heard you. I just don’t care.” She gasped and held her hand to her mouth. “Oliver, that’s an awful thing to say. He’s your father and-“

  I stood abruptly and walked across the room, away from her.

  “I don’t care. He may have been the asshole that knocked you up, but he was never a father to me. Was he my father when he was drinking his way through a bottle of Jack instead of being at my school play? Was he my father when he was beating the shit outta me for knocking his beers over on the carpet? Or maybe he was my father when he was carving the words little prick into my arm with a broken bottle. That bastard never did anything but make my life hell. I have nothing to be upset about.”

  “It’s a goddamn service to society that he’s sick or dying and I won’t be attending any shitty funeral when he does croak either. So don’t even ask.”

  She opened her mouth to speak but obviously decided better of it. I hated that man with every bone in my body. I didn’t care that he was suffering but curiosity got the better of me and I had to ask.

  “What’s wrong with him?”

  Mom gazed at me and wiped at her tear stained face. “He has cancer Oliver. You need to know something. He made me promise not to tell you but now with all that’s happening, I see no reason for it to be a secret.” She patted the seat beside her and begrudgingly, I sat down.

  “Last year your father called me. He asked me to come see him at the state pen. He’d hired someone to track me down and said he had to talk to me, that he needed me to do something. So, I went to see him. For a long time I considered not going but he sounded pretty desperate and I felt bad for him. We were so young when we had you kids. I was only sixteen when I got pregnant with your brother. With my parent’s being Catholics, abortion wasn’t an option. So, your father and I had to get married. Neither of us wanted to, but we didn’t have a choice. It wasn’t a happy marriage and when I got pregnant with you, I was eighteen. I was a screwed up kid who had no idea what she was doing. Your father wasn’t much different. He worked all day and I was pretty much on my own. My family wouldn’t help me and your father’s family had shunned him the day we announced I was pregnant. When he lost his job, things just went from bad to worse. He started drinking and we drifted further and further apart. That’s when I met Andre.”

  I scowled at the mention of his name. Andre, or Uncle Andre, had been a friend of my mother’s for a long time before they ran off together. He was the reason she started taking drugs.

  “You already know about the drugs and how Andre introduced me into that lifestyle. I was at rock bottom Ollie. I hated your father and every day I wanted to kill myself just to get away from it all; from him. Andre offered me a way out and I took it. It was awfully selfish and not a day goes by that I don’t regret leaving you there but I was bad for you too. We weren’t perfect.”

  I snorted. “Understatement of the fucking year.”

  She sighed loudly. “We didn’t know any better.”

  I was getting impatient. Her stupid sob story was not making me feel either bad for her or upset that my father was dying. “Was there a point to your little story?”

  She hung her head and continued. “I went to see him at the pen. He looked
awful Ollie. He was pale, thin; he looked nothing like the man I had left behind all those years ago. He was so frail and when he talked he could hardly stop the tears. He was sorry Ollie. He told me what he did to you and how he treated you and it was killing him.”

  “No, the cancer is killing him. What he did to me, he was feeling guilty about because he knows he is finally about to get the ultimate trial. He’s gonna have to answer to God for all the shit he did to me. He wasn’t upset over me; he’s scared of what comes when he croaks.”

  I went to get up but she caught my hand. “Please Oliver. Let me finish.”

  With an irritated and angry expression on my face, I sat back down. “He asked me to take care of you. I told him you would never want to see me again but he said I was wrong. He said you’re a good man, better than him in every way and that you would somehow find a way to forgive me. And he was right. Here you are, here we are. Our little family. You have one thing to thank him for Oliver.”

  “And what the hell would that be?”

  She held my hand tighter in hers as tears slid down her face. “He made you who you are today. You’re strong because he made you have to fight and defend yourself. You’re smart because you wanted to get away from that life so bad that you studied hard and became a better man. And you’re heart, Oliver. You have a good heart, a kind and loving heart. I’ve seen the way you are with Patrick. You’re that way because of what we did to you. We screwed it all up and you were so determined not to be like him, that you became a better man than he could ever be. In a sick and twisted way, you have him to thank for that.”

  She had to be kidding right? Thank him! After the hell I went through as a kid. No, fucking, way!

  “Thank him? You think I should thank him for those things? I blame him and you for those things. I’m strong, because I had to defend myself against a man four times my strength and size. I had to be strong to get through every single day in that hell. I had to be strong just so I could walk back into my home every damn day and fight to survive. I’m smart because I wanted to be better than you and him. I’m smart because I worked damn hard and never stopped trying. Something you know nothing about. And as for my heart, my heart and my ability to forgive what you did had nothing to do with you.”