“Ma’am,” one of the officers said, “if you’re not on the deed or occupancy permit to this house, you’ll have to leave.”
“Neither,” I said, with both papers in my hands. I quickly handed them over to the officer. He looked at them and told Scorpio she had ten minutes to get the rest of her things and go.
Taking her time, she managed to occupy thirty more minutes of my time. Even so, she was on her way out. She called her sister Leslie to come get her, and when she couldn’t reach Leslie, she called the taxi that I had offered to call for her earlier.
After Scorpio and the officers left, I closed the door and sat in the middle of the stairs. Finally, I felt closure. A sense of relief came over me, but I also knew the road ahead would be tough. I had less than one month left with Mackenzie, and after that, I was going to let her go for good. There was no other way for this to work itself out. I knew if I kept a hold on her, I’d have to keep Scorpio in my life. Without a single doubt and no more questions asked, that was something I had no desire to do.
That night, I called Nokea to see if she’d made it back home. I still didn’t know if she went through with the marriage, and I truly hoped that she hadn’t. I had faith in what we still shared, and hoped more than anything she still had faith in us as well. Getting no answer, I left a message for her to call me the moment she got in.
28
SCORPIO
I could have killed Jaylin for the way he treated me. And then, to bring that bitch Felicia to the house and fuck her was the worst thing he could have ever done. I truly thought we would work out our differences, but any kind of reconciliation between us was out of the question now.
It puzzled me why he was so angry with me for having sex with Stephon. He didn’t trip with Nokea for doing so, or Felicia. Why the hell was he being so hard on me? It didn’t make sense. I could see if Stephon and I had been at it multiple times. Actually, we’d only had sex for about ten minutes before Jaylin came in.
He was always bragging about his pussy and his ass. Well, he should have taken care of his pussy and ass, instead of running to Nokea’s house, taking care of hers. I was furious about the whole thing, and wanted to kill him for what he’d done. Then, to call the police on me like I was some kind of threat to him really pissed me off. How dare he treat me this way, especially after all the crap I put up with from him?
At this point, all I wanted was my child, and for him to stay the fuck out of our lives. He’d asked for one month with her, but I was only giving him two weeks. After that, he’d have to adjust without her. The only reason I allowed him two weeks was because I knew how Mackenzie felt about him. She was going to be devastated, and it was up to him to tell her why things didn’t work out.
I paced the floor at Leslie’s house. Damn, I was mad! I was mad at myself for not moving on sooner, mad at myself for allowing him to get away with all the crap he did, and certainly mad at myself for not planning for a future without him.
If anything, I should have listened to Nanny B a long time ago. She warned me, but stupid me, yakking on and on about how much we loved each other and how in the end, we’d still be together. He knew damn well he always wanted Nokea, but didn’t have the guts to say it. What a waste of his time and money, continuing this charade with me. Even trying to have a baby with me was ridiculous, especially since he’d known about his feelings for Nokea. He was one confused motherfucker, and I didn’t care if I ever saw his high yellow butt again.
I stayed up all night, thinking about what had happened. I had already cried so much I couldn’t even allow one more tear to fall. What good was all this crying going to do me anyway? I wasn’t doing nothing but hurting myself, because he for damn sure was moving on with his life, and moving on fast.
The next morning, I got up early and went to school. School was the only thing I had going for me, so it didn’t make sense to allow the hurt from my relationship to hold me back. I stayed focused in my classes, and not even thinking about Jaylin, I started to feel like I was getting something accomplished.
In my theatrical class, my instructor, Mr. Betts, asked me to stay after class so we could talk. I thought it was in reference to my absences, but he told me how much he enjoyed reading my scripts. He asked if he could use one to create a play, and I was more than happy to let him do so.
For the next several days, Mr. Betts and I worked hard at reworking my script, and still, Jaylin was far from my mind. It wasn’t until my fourth day away from him that things started to get rough. Mackenzie had been heavy on my mind too, but I didn’t want to be the one to break the news to her about things not working out between Jaylin and me. She hated coming to Leslie’s house, and I knew it was up to me to find a place for us soon.
I was curious to find out if somebody had already taken my place. Not being able to go another day without hearing from Jaylin or Mackenzie, I called Jaylin’s house. Nanny B answered.
“Hello,” I greeted. “I know Mackenzie isn’t home yet, but is Jaylin there?”
“Yes.”
“Can I talk to him?”
“Scorpio, he has company. But I’m glad you called, because I want to talk to you.”
My throat ached, but I wasn’t surprised. “About what?”
“About what I mentioned to you at the hotel. The offer still stands, and I’d really like for Mackenzie and you to have the money.”
“Why, Nanny B? Why are you still trying to help me when you know I don’t deserve it? I should have listened to you and tried to help myself.”
“Yes, you should have, but you didn’t. You can, however, take the money and plan for a better life for you and Mackenzie’s future.”
“I appreciate it, but why . . . why us?”
“Because I love Mackenzie, Scorpio. More so, I love Jaylin, and I know how much it’s going to hurt him to lose her. The only way he’s going to be able to part with her is if he knows for a fact she’s going to be well taken care of. I want to make sure that happens. I’m offering you the money because I know he’s going to make you an offer as well. I want you to be woman enough and turn him down. If you have to, tell him to go to hell with his money because you don’t need it. If you accept it, he’s going to feel as if you’ll always need him, or you can’t make it without him. This will be our secret, and I promise you he will never know anything about it.”
“Based on what has happened, my decision has changed. It was easy for me to decline your offer before, but I now know that Jaylin and I have no future together. I shouldn’t have depended on him, but I did. Thank you so much for helping me out of this messed-up situation. I’ll be forever grateful.”
Nanny B asked me to give Jaylin and her a month with Mackenzie. After what she’d done for me, how could I refuse? It puzzled me as to where she got the money from, but I didn’t even want to know. She had to be more to Jaylin than just his nanny, but at this point, it didn’t even matter. She had come through for me, and her generosity was right on time.
Before ending our conversation, I asked Nanny B if she would tell me who was at the house with Jaylin. She wouldn’t tell me, but she did say it was somebody she or I didn’t know. That, of course, kicked out my suspicions of it being Nokea or Felicia. Jaylin had already had a new bitch occupying his time. He was known for not wasting any time.
The weekend came and was almost gone. I lay downstairs on a bed in Leslie’s basement in deep thought about what could have been. By this time, yes, I was miserable. Nobody understood how badly I felt about losing Jaylin. As much as I tried to say that what I’d done was justified, I knew that putting myself out there for Stephon was the stupidest thing I could have ever done. I said I wanted it over between us, and I’ll be damned if Jaylin didn’t give me what I wanted.
As I lay there in misery, I was surprised when Leslie brought the phone to me and told me it was Jaylin. Anxious to talk, I took a deep breath before placing the phone on my ear.
“Hello,” I said softly.
“I called
to speak to you about Mackenzie.”
“What about her, Jaylin?”
“Nanny B’s going to bring her to you at the end of next week. There’s no need to prolong my misery, and I’m tired of lying to her about why you’re not around.”
“That’s fine with me. I just wanted to allow you all the time you needed.”
“I’ll be fine. She’s getting older, and she understands more things than we give her credit for. I had a long talk with her last night, and I think she understands why two people who love each other simply can’t be together.”
“No, I guess we can’t. But it’s nice to hear that you still love me.”
“I love you from a distance, though. There’s a difference.”
“There’s no difference. Love is love, no matter how you look at it.”
“Well, I’m looking at it from here, and you’re looking at it from over there. As long as you stay there, we’ll be cool.”
I laughed. It felt so good to hear his voice. “I really fucked this up, didn’t I? Having sex with Stephon was the ultimate betrayal, wasn’t it?”
Jaylin was silent for a while, and then he responded, “Let’s not talk about this, okay?”
“No, it’s not okay. I need to know why my having sex with him hurt you so badly when other women in your life have done the same thing.”
“Scorpio, you just don’t get it, do you?” His voice got loud. I didn’t intend for us to go there, but I wanted to know why.
“No, I don’t get it. I mean you . . . you had every right to be mad at me, and you still have every right, but it was only ten minutes with somebody I had no love for.”
“And for me, that ten minutes cost us a lifetime of happiness. Why? Because you were the one thing I had and loved that Stephon couldn’t take away from me. Since day one, he wanted you so badly, but I promised myself he would never have you.
“During the time he slept with Nokea, we were not together. She was free to do whatever she wanted to do, and with whomever she wanted to do it. The nine years that we were together, not once did she betray me. In spite of all my bullshit, she remained faithful to me. After we broke up, Stephon moved in for the kill. She was vulnerable and she gave in. I couldn’t be mad at her for moving on when I had moved on myself.
“As for LJ, now, that’s a different story. She was wrong, and so was Stephon. But it was another attempt of his to take something else away from me.
“Bottom line is, you and I were together, baby. You were engaged to me, and something like that should have never happened.”
I still tried to defend myself. “But I was angry about seeing you with Nokea.”
“So, did it make sense for you to go fuck my cousin? Hell naw! If anything you should have demanded some answers from me and called me on my shit like you always did before. If you had asked why I was at Nokea’s place, I would have told you the truth. If you had asked if I was about to make love to her, I would have told you the truth again. Whether you wanted to hear the truth or not, you knew I would have been honest. I always allowed you to make choices and often laid my true feelings on the line. Either you were going to accept me, or you weren’t. And if you weren’t, then you should have been woman enough to walk out of this house on your own free will and leave my ass alone.”
“That’s easy for you to say now. I made many attempts to talk to you about your feelings for Nokea. You weren’t honest with me about your feelings for her, because you weren’t being true to yourself. Either way, nothing’s going to help me fix this mess I’ve gotten us into. I do appreciate you telling me how you feel now. You never really opened up to me like this before. Since you’re doing it now, I would like to know, do you still love Nokea? And were you about to have sex with her that day?”
He cleared his throat. “Yes, and possibly. I do still very much love Nokea, and if she would have allowed me to, I would have had sex with her that day.”
His words stung and my eyes welled with tears. “How can you still love her after all we’ve been through? You don’t know how much it hurts to hear you say that. Did you even love me as much as you loved her?”
“Trust me, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I can be blamed for our failed relationship too. This ain’t all on you. Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?”
“I’ll try not to be, but you didn’t answer my question about who you loved more.”
“There were many times that I thought I loved you more, but times that I realized I didn’t. When I asked you to marry me, it wasn’t no game. I wanted you to be my wife because there was nobody that I loved in this world more than you. But then all the lies started, and I didn’t know how to deal with it, baby. We worked it out by having sex, but honestly, the hurt never did go away. Eventually, I turned to other women, and sometimes had no regrets for doing so. That was a signal for me that something was wrong.”
“Damn, Jaylin, we know where we made our mistakes. Why does this have to end? I can’t take back what I did with Stephon, but I promise you it will never happen again. If I ever get angry with you, I will call you on your shit and demand some answers from you. Please don’t end our relationship like this. Take time to think about it before you call this completely off with me.”
“I have thought about it. I’m making myself sick thinking about it. To me, we’ve hurt each other enough and the final verdict is in: it’s time to move on. The reason I called was to offer you some money for you and Mackenzie. I want my child to be well taken care of, and you’ll have to find a better place to live. As you know, Mackenzie has money already due to her when she turns eighteen, but that’s a long way down the road. For now, I want you to get on your feet and provide for her like you’ve never provided for anybody in your life. I don’t want to know where you decide to move, I don’t want no phone number, and I definitely don’t want a key. Just take what I’m offering you and go be happy.”
“But there’s no way we’re going to be happy without you.”
“Yes, you will. It might take some time, but one day you will be.”
“I can’t take the money, Jaylin. I’ve got to stand on my own. I’ve taken enough handouts from you, and I don’t want any more. Just please support my decision. I promise you that Mackenzie will be fine.”
“Are you sure? I know you’re a good mother, but can you provide—”
“You have my word.”
“And I’m going to hold you to it. Now, can I please get off this phone? I’m not a phone person, and I don’t like talking to anybody this long.”
I smiled because I knew he was giving me special treatment. “Before you go, can I ask you one more question?”
“What?”
“Are you going to marry Nokea?”
He paused again. “Right now, I’m approaching life one day at a time. I need to be by myself for a while, and as for Nokea, I’m gon’ sit back to see what happens. She could very well be a married woman as we speak. The last time we spoke, she was on her way to becoming one.”
That was music to my ears. “Are you serious?”
“Very.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but maybe her getting married is a sign that we need to do the same.”
“And what is getting married going to do for us? Is a piece of paper going to stop all of the lying and deceiving one another? Is it going to allow us to put everything that’s happened between us in the past? I don’t think so, baby, and I’m not about to live in a fantasy world.”
I nearly choked on my spit. This was reality, and I very well had to face it. “Thanks for talking to me. I love you, and I always will, no matter who you’re with.”
“I know. Now, I gotta go,” he said.
He hung up and I held the phone in my hand. A little “I love you too” would have been nice, but I guess I expected too much from him.
Of course, I couldn’t sleep a wink thinking about Jaylin. What if Nokea did get married? Wouldn’t that at least crack the door again for us? I too
k in everything he said about this being over, but nobody could blame me for still wanting to hang on like I did. Jaylin left one hell of an impression on me, and I hoped that our final chapter hadn’t been written.
29
NOKEA
Collins and I finally made it back from Vegas. I had the time of my life and so did he. We’d stayed cooped up in a hotel suite for almost two weeks, and when we got back home, the honeymoon still wasn’t over. We stopped by my parents’ place to check on them and LJ. After seeing that everything was fine, we went back to Collins’ place and continued our honeymoon for at least another week.
Collins wined and dined me the entire time. He bought me dozens and dozens of roses, and we had candlelit dinners almost every night. He even picked out the lingerie he wanted me in for the day, and had rose petals spread throughout his entire bedroom. The only people who entered the house were the masseuses who came to give us massages. Tense from all of the excitement, I enjoyed every bit of it. Being with him was like a dream come true, and my husband was responsible for making me happier than I’d ever imagined.
By Monday morning, it was back to business for me. I told Collins there was no way I was quitting my job, and he didn’t try to persuade me. We did, however, want to live together, so I called a real estate agent to help sell my house. I made an appointment to meet her at my house at seven. Before doing anything else, I had to return Jaylin’s numerous calls. He left me fourteen messages, and I at least owed him the truth. He wasn’t only angry with me about my decision to marry Collins, but also, he was furious because LJ had been at my parents’ house for almost three weeks and he hadn’t seen him.
When I called to speak to him, even Nanny B was upset with me. She said she’d missed LJ as well, and said it was wrong for me not to let them know what was going on. I wanted to tell her to get over it, but that wouldn’t have been appropriate. Either way, she continued with her attitude, and I expected the same from Jaylin. When he got on the phone, all I could do was hope and pray that I didn’t have to listen to this mess for the rest of my life.
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