The Big Ohhh

by Ashton, Nikki

  Charlie started to laugh, and I felt the bed dip before a finger ran down the side of my face.

  “Open your eyes.”

  His voice was soft and cajoling and almost persuaded me, but I shook my head.

  “Please Willow, open them.” He pulled at my hands. “Please.”

  I opened one eye and huffed out a disgruntled breath as I saw Charlie lying next to me.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said with dimples on full show. “I like you and I’d like to see you again.”

  “But he…” My words trailed off as I tried not to think about what trauma my darling daddy had put him through.

  “It’s fine. Gotta admit it was a bit disconcerting, but he wasn’t expecting to see me in the kitchen, and it is his house.”

  “Believe me,” I replied. “It wouldn’t have made any difference if he’d known you were there or not, he’d have still wandered in with his meat and veg on display.”

  Charlie chuckled. “Well it’s not an image I’ll forget in a hurry, but I am really okay about it.”

  I scrutinised him with narrowed eyes, as I lifted my head a few inches from the pillow to get a closer look. “You can’t be,” I snapped. “He showed you his…oh God, I can’t even say the word.”

  “His cock,” he offered as he tried to hide the twitch of his lips.

  “Ugh, no don’t. It’s too horrible to contemplate. Surely you think he’s crazy and that you can’t wait to get out of this damn house?”

  “It’s not the usual first meeting I’ve had with a girl’s parents, but I can cope.”

  My head went back to the pillow and I sighed. “And he told you how to give me an orgasm?” I asked. “Or did I – and please let this be true – dream that?”

  “No, sorry, he did offer his professional opinion.”

  I let out a pained groan. “He told you what his job is?”

  “Yeah he did.”

  “And you still want to stay?” I ground out.

  “Yeah I do.”

  I looked at him carefully and there looked to be truth in his eyes. He didn’t turn away, or glance to one side, but watched me carefully.

  “Okay,” I finally said. “But I really can’t have sex, not now I know he’s awake and has actually talked about it to you.”

  “Is that only this morning or ever again?” Charlie asked with a grin as he pushed my hair away from my face.

  “Oh, definitely only this morning. I’m used to him, so he doesn’t have too much of a lasting effect on me, but sometimes it takes a little while to gather my thoughts and put the trauma behind me.”

  “God, you’re cute.” He laughed and then leaned down to kiss me – a soft, sweet kiss. “I think we’re going to have fun.”

  I smiled against his lips. “Only not this morning.”

  “No,” Charlie said and kissed me again, “not this morning, but most definitely soon.”

  Drink lots of water and skip a trip to the toilet before sex. Research discovered that many women experience sharp, powerful orgasms as a result of the increased abdominal pressure of a full bladder – mattress protectors are fully recommended.

  * * *

  Willow

  Charlie was in the bathroom and I was waiting nervously for him. We were going downstairs as soon as he’d finished and my whole family were down there, I’d even heard Danny’s voice when I’d nipped to the loo earlier.

  I supposed I could have sneaked him through the front door, but if I knew my mum, she’d already have a sniper posted on it to stop him escaping, because beyond any doubt, my dad would have already spilled the beans about me having a man in my room.

  Most people found it weird that my parents were so relaxed about us having sleepovers – or evenings of gratification, as my dad liked to call them – but, when your dad is a sex therapist and your mum teaches biology to horny sixteen-year old kids, there isn’t much that shocks them. They were also a pair of free spirits who quite often spoke of university days spent smoking pot and drinking cider, so while none of us kids wanted to consider it, we were pretty sure they probably had an immense amount of sexual experience and experimentation under their belts.

  It wasn’t only my parents I was worried about; it was the boys too. I wasn’t sure if there was a collective noun for a group of brothers, but for my brothers I was pretty sure it was a ‘bunch of pricks’. Individually they were all lovely – well maybe not Ruben, he really was a prick all the time – but put them together and they constantly took the piss, constantly tried to get me to lose my temper and constantly talked shit. I knew they’d act up in front of Charlie and then I’d lose it and he’d see me for the screeching harpy I actually was and never want to see me again.

  “Hey,” he said, as he strode confidently back into my room. “All done.”

  I gave him a weak smile and moved past him. “You sure you don’t need to get back?” I asked as he followed me down the stairs.

  “Nope. All good. Unless of course you want me to go.”

  I stopped three steps from the bottom and turned to face him. His smile was there but there were no dimples and he looked like a small boy who’d just had his sweets nicked. Apart from anything else, I really liked him and wanted him to stay a little longer so I’d have more time to imprint images of him into my brain, because who the hell was I kidding; there was no way he’d want to see me again.

  “No,” I replied with a shake of my head. “Stay for some breakfast.”

  “It’s gone midday, Willow,” he laughed.

  I shrugged. “Toast tastes great at any time of the day.”

  “Yeah, I suppose it does.”

  This time his dimples appeared, and I felt my heart skip half a beat. I had to admit, it had been bloody lovely snuggled up against him in bed as we kept dozing. I’d have quite liked to give sex another go, to check out whether it was only vodka cock he’d had the night before, but knowing my dad was probably sat outside the door and taking notes to write a medical article about us, it kind of killed that mood, so sleeping and snuggling had been enough. His chest was hard and warm and the hand he rubbed up and down my arm was smooth and comforting.

  “I apologise now though,” I sighed. “For my family. My parents are definitely going to be Ivan The Fucking Terrible and Maureen this morning, I can feel it.”

  “I think I’ll be fine.” Charlie laughed and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I saw your dad’s dick, Willow. How much more embarrassing can things get?”

  I rolled my eyes and patted his hand. “You’ll see.”

  When we got into the kitchen everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up at us, even Danny’s dog, Nigel, looked up from licking his balls.

  “Morning.” I pulled my shoulders back and hoped no one noticed the nervous twitch in my eye.

  The boys looked between me and Charlie and then back again, as though watching a tennis match.

  “Hello again,” Dad chimed, as he stood up and reached his hand out to Charlie. “Charlie, right?”

  “Yes, that’s right, hi.” He shook Dad’s hand and then turned to my mum. “Morning Mrs…um…morning.”

  Toby let out a loud laugh and slapped his palm down onto the table. “Oh, he doesn’t even know your surname. What did you do, Will, roofie him?”

  “Nah, she smacked him over the head and dragged him back here. You need to check your wallet mate,” Declan added. “She may well have nicked it while you were knocked out.”

  I breathed in deeply through my nose and then let it slowly out to clear my mind and make the bad thoughts drift away.

  “Piss off,” I hissed at my elder brother and pinched his nipple.

  “Ouch, that hurt.”

  “Good, it was meant to.”

  “Leave Charlie alone,” Mum chimed in. “And it’s a pleasure to meet you, even if Willow did force you down here.”

  She gave me a sympathetic smile and reached to tuck my hair behind my ears. God love her as she tried to make out she was normal a
nd motherly.

  “I came willingly, I swear,” Charlie said holding his hands up as though someone had a gun to his head – not really the way to convince my family, Charlie boy.

  “Did she tell you to say that?” Ruben grunted, as he shifted up on the bench seat to make room.

  Charlie laughed nervously and when Ruben nodded to the space, he glanced at me and then the bench.

  “You take it,” I said. “I’ll make us something to eat.”

  Looking as though he was about to take a seat on the electric chair, Charlie slowly sidled into the space and sat down.

  “Toast okay?” I asked over my shoulder.

  “Perfect.”

  I turned to look at him and was dazzled by the beautiful smile he sent my way. It was all dimples and sparkling green eyes. It was such a pity I hadn’t had sex with him, because I really needed a good orgasm and for Charlie to have given it to me would have been nice.

  “So, what is it you do?” Toby asked, as he reached across the table to take a sausage from Ruben’s plate.

  “Oi.”

  Ruben tried to snatch it back, but Toby was too quick for him and practically threw it into his own mouth and chewed down on it.

  “Ginger prick,” Ruben grumbled, going back to the rest of his food.

  “Yep and my balls and arse hair.” Toby winked at Charlie. “So, carry on, tell us what you do.”

  “You don’t have to, Charlie,” I sighed. “He’s being nosey.”

  “It’s fine.” He smiled and then turned to Toby. “I’m a music technician at Musica Records.”

  I almost dropped the loaf of bread I was holding, Ruben dropped his fork, Declan whistled, Toby’s mouth dropped open and Danny carried on cleaning shit out of Nigel’s eye. Mum and Dad didn’t react at all but continued to watch Charlie with great interest.

  “No fucking way,” Toby gasped.

  “Toby, watch your mouth son, eh.” Dad’s brow furrowed and he shook his head.

  “You let us have sex, under your roof, with randoms,” Toby said, quirking an eyebrow, “but I can’t say fucking?”

  Declan leaned further across the table, evidently more fascinated by Charlie’s announcement than dad and Toby’s staring contest. We all were, because Musica Records was owned by the band Dirty Riches, one of the biggest bands in the world.

  “Musica Records,” Declan repeated. “Shit, that’s some gig you’ve got there.”

  A slight blush tinged Charlie’s cheek as everyone’s attention was pinned on him, even I had forgotten my hangover munchies and stood waiting to hear all about it, with the bag of the loaf of bread hanging from my fingers.

  “Yeah, it’s good,” Charlie replied, clearing his throat. “I’ve worked there since I was sixteen.”

  “Do you see the band much?” Ruben asked, so interested in Charlie he missed the fact that Danny had nicked his last sausage and given it to Nigel.

  Charlie shrugged. “Occasionally. It depends on whether they’re touring or only recording. A bit more nowadays as they only do a tour every couple of years.”

  “’Cause they’re too old,” Toby said around a laugh.

  “I think it’s more to do with them all having kids and wanting to be home.” Charlie’s voice was a little tight as he defended his employers.

  “They might be old,” I said, “but they’re still hotter than you.”

  Without even a glance in my direction, Toby gave me the middle finger. I should have been grateful we had company, because normally he’d jump on me and give me either a nuggy or snap my bra straps – my brothers were an absolute joy.

  “Who are you talking about?” Dad asked to a series of eye rolls.

  “Dirty Riches,” Toby offered.

  “Ooh we went to a concert of theirs once, didn’t we Ivan?”

  Mum moved from her spot next to Dad, by the sink, and sank into the old carver chair which stood at the foot of the table, evidently more interested.

  “Oh yeah.” Dad joined the ensemble at the table and shoved Declan, Ruben, and Danny further up the bench seat. He pushed so far that Danny almost fell off the end.

  “Shit, Dad. I almost fell off.”

  “Well I don’t know what you’re doing here,” Dad said, waving him away. “You have your own house, your own food, and a bloody girlfriend you should be taking care of on a Sunday morning.”

  We all groaned, aware that Ivan the Fucking Terrible was about to impart some sexual advice.

  “You should give her a massage, it increases the blood flow and warms the vaginal muscles, which will mean they’ll perform better. Good for you.” He winked. “Good for Patsy.”

  Charlie started to choke as he stared at my dad and Ruben pushed a glass of orange juice across the table to him with two fingers. Charlie looked down at the glass and then picked it up and took a swig.

  “Thanks.” he choked out as he placed the glass back on the table.

  “No probs,” Ruben replied. “So which bands have you worked with?”

  “Was it in Glasgow we saw them?” Mum poked Dad in his arm. “Or was it in Birmingham?”

  “I think it was actually Leeds, sweetie. It was the night we pinched those knickers off that woman’s washing line.”

  “Oh yes.” Mum smiled and nodded her head in recollection of such happy memories.

  Ruben pinched the bridge of his nose. “So, other bands, Charlie.”

  “I’ve worked with a few big names. Alchemy Dream, Riot Invaders, James Gionetti.”

  My eyes widened, that was an impressive list of people.

  “What exactly do you do then?” I asked as I perched on the arm of Mum’s chair.

  Charlie’s eyes softened as he looked at me. “I make sure the recording equipment is all working and set up for the producer. I also get all the instruments ready, tune the guitars, that sort of thing. It’s really not that glamorous.”

  “But you didn’t go to Uni’.” I stated.

  Charlie shook his head, his gaze dropped to the table momentarily before looking back up to me. “Nope. I went to school with Rocco Mahoney and he put a word in for me when he knew his dad was looking for a general dogsbody for the place. I’ve learned on the job. Tom, from the band, is really good about showing me stuff. In fact, they’re all big believers in people learning practically rather than going to Uni’, I think it’s because they are all self-taught.”

  “Fucking hell,” Danny said. “You really do move in big circles dude.”

  “Why does he not get in trouble for saying fuck?” Toby asked.

  “Because he’s Dad’s favourite,” we all chimed in unison.

  “And I’m Mum’s,” Declan then added, so we didn’t forget it.

  We all ignored him and turned back to Charlie.

  “So, you’ve learned it all on the job?”

  Ruben looked interested and I knew exactly what cogs were working in his dark, tousled head. He didn’t want to go to university, but Mum and Dad had told him he had to take the place at Sheffield that he’d been offered. It was a business and finance degree, but Ruben was adamant he’d learn more by working.

  “Yeah, pretty much,” Charlie replied.

  He looked at me and I saw a pleading in his eyes. He wanted me to rescue him from the questioning.

  “Right,” I said, as I stood up. “Riveting as this conversation is, Charlie and I need food.”

  As I moved past him, I felt a warm hand grab mine and give it a short squeeze. I smiled but didn’t look down at him, liking the way his touch had made my heart do a little back flip.

  “Well I’m off,” Danny announced. “C’mon Nigel, let’s go.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Toby sighed. “You can drop me off at Nick’s, I left my car there last night.”

  “Our car,” Ruben growled and earned himself a flick of the ear from Toby.

  “We’ll let you get some breakfast in peace, love,” Mum said. “Come on Ivan, Declan lets go.”

  I heard Declan grumble and then fel
t a kiss on my cheek.

  “See you brat-face.” Danny ruffled my hair. “Nice meeting you Charlie.”

  “Yeah, you too.” Charlie sounded a whole lot relieved that we were finally getting rid of the tribe.

  Eventually, after a few minutes of dishes being dumped in the sink and cupboard doors being opened and shut, silence fell.

  I turned away from the toast I was watching brown in the toaster and looked at Charlie, whose body was turned toward me.

  “And that was the Dixon family,” I groaned. “And I can only apologise.”

  He grinned and shrugged. “I’ve met worse.”

  “Really? I doubt it.”

  His smile dropped. “Yeah I really have.”

  It struck me that he looked sad and I wanted to hug away his unhappiness, but the moment I thought about it, Charlie’s face broke back into a smile.

  “So,” he said and reached for my hand. “I’m hoping you’ll say yes, but can we see each other again?”

  My heart stopped. “Really?”

  Charlie looked unsure but nodded. “Yeah. I really like you, Willow.”

  “But my family are hideous.”

  “No, they’re really not.” He pulled me closer and looked up at me. The dimples were back and his eyes were bright. “So, is that a yes or a no?”

  “Yes,” I said, desperate not to sound too eager. “I’d really like that.”

  “Great. Now, are we having that toast or not?”

  I grinned and gave him a playful punch in the arm and then went back to the toast, wondering what on earth I was going to wear on our next date.

  A half glass of red wine will raise your testosterone levels and will make your reactions more intense – don’t drink the red wine whilst having sex, it’s likely to make a mess; see previous tip re mattress protectors.

  * * *

  Charlie

  “So, did you shag her?” Bomber asked as he took another biscuit from the packet. “You seemed pretty cosy when I left you last night.”

  I’d only been home from Willow’s house for about an hour, when my best friend turned up on the doorstep demanding food and drink, hence why I was dishing up three plates of spaghetti Bolognese instead of two.