Reclaiming Katie

by Gardner, M. L.

  "Okay, so give yourself a proper mourning time."

  "But I'm not mourning!" she yelled. "I should be, I know!" She threw her napkin down and shoved the chair back. "I should be, but I'm not. And now I have all these choices and decisions and I have no idea what I'm going to do." She shrugged helplessly, her eyes filling with tears. "I can't trust myself, Sarah. I thought something was there and it wasn't. I was wrong about that just like I was wrong about everything else in my life!"

  Sarah jumped up and went to her, laying a hand on her back. "You weren't wrong about everything, Katie. Look at that sweet baby over there."

  Katie did, sniffling. "Yeah, he's about the only thing I did right."

  "You'll figure it out, Katie. I know you will. You just need to let some time pass. I can see where you'd feel terrible thinking about Will so soon after Tom, you know? But Tom left a long time ago, hon. So, take whatever time you need to put your conscience to rest. And then start thinking about living your life. That little guy is depending on you. And you won't be much good for him unless you're happy."

  She nodded, wiping tears.

  "Now, come back to the table and tell me what happened when you went to Will's."

  She trudged back to the table and sat down with a hard flop. "There's nothing to tell. Besides, he had some woman there."

  "He did?"

  "Yeah, I saw her at the grocery store the other day."

  "Did he say who she was?"

  "No. It's none of my business."

  "Want me to try to find out?"

  "No. Please don't. It doesn't matter." She took a deep ragged breath. "Just leave it alone, please? I just can't trust how I feel about anyone. Maybe I should just go be a nun."

  "You can't. You have a baby."

  "Oh, yeah." Sarah laughed and she cracked a smile.

  "You'd make a terrible nun."

  "Add that to the list," she said, pushing her plate away.

  "Aw, Katie, don't start getting down on yourself. Maybe you do need to take a break from love for a while. Focus on yourself and Jacob and probably when you least expect it, you'll find someone. And there will be enough distance from this life and from Tom that you can actually enjoy it."

  "Maybe," she whispered.

  "Eat or I'm going to call Mama."

  Katie grinned. "Did she put you up to this? Bringing food over here?"

  "I plead the fifth."

  "So tell me what her big news is."

  "Shoot. I thought you forgot about that."

  "No, I didn't. C'mon I need something to distract me."

  "This would do more than distract you."

  "Now you have to tell me."

  Sarah scrunched up her face. "I really shouldn't."

  "Fine. Don't. I'll just go ask her myself." With a flip of her hand she went back to nibbling on her bread.

  "Okay, fine. But you have to act surprised when she tells you."

  "Fine."

  "So, you remember the Judge that married you and Tom?"

  Katie's smile disappeared. A cheap spontaneous courthouse wedding is no little girls dream. And yet another of her mistakes in not demanding a proper wedding, no matter how few people showed up.

  "Yes, what about him."

  "You know about the feud that went on between him and Mama afterward, right?"

  Katie cringed. She'd heard how her mother walked into his chambers and began ranting. They had been friends before, but after marrying her daughter without so much as a phone call of warning, well, that meant war and her mother was nearly arrested.

  "They're dating."

  Katie choked. "They're what?"

  "Dating. I guess after Daddy died she stopped going out of her way to give him a piece of her mind and about a year ago, the Judge came over to see how she was doing. Said he missed her coming around and chewing him out. She said she didn't have the energy to waste on hating him anymore. He asked her out; she debated for weeks, then finally said yes. They've been together ever since."

  "But…" Katie sat with her mouth hanging open, unable to picture anyone at her mother’s side but her father. "I didn't see any evidence of him when I went over there."

  "They aren't living together, Katie. They're much too old school for that. But if things keep going the way they are, they might be thinking about getting hitched." Her high, teasing voice made Katie smile. It was hard to think of her mother with anyone but her father, but she knew loneliness well, and wouldn't want that for her mother, either. At least her mother had waited a respectable amount of time before thinking of another man.

  "I don't think they're getting it on, either—"

  "Oh, my God. Shut up. Right now." Katie pointed a finger at Sarah and then crumbled in laughter.

  Chapter 16

  Katie took three days. Three days of quiet reflection, three days of intermittent crying and sighing. Respecting what she could of the man she used to love, she made a list of things she had liked about him, recounted some of their earlier days and jotted down a list of his better qualities. It was a short list. She folded the paper and taped it well. On the front she wrote, “For Jacob”.

  Before too much time went by and her memories began to fade, she wanted to record what she could for their son. After all, Tom would be blameless in Jacob's eyes and he would want to know about his father. She hoped it would save her from having to speak too much of him in the future and worse, letting out anything of their torrid past that would tarnish Jacob's view of him.

  "No badmouthing," she said aloud to herself. "Just as I had planned if we had divorced." She sat on the porch then, watching the sunset. She said goodbye, quickly and simply. Her mind wandered and she sighed, hoping her lack of good judgment hadn't doomed her to watch every sunset alone.

  Katie was engrossed in the journal. It was late, well after eleven at night. She played the radio softly in the background to drown out the deafening silence. She frowned as she read. Samantha had become worried about Richard’s erratic behavior. He didn't act like himself and hadn't since he'd gotten home.

  She nibbled on a pint of ice cream and when someone knocked on her door, she jumped. She'd never been afraid to be alone before, but she feared any knock on the door this late at night. Peeking through, she saw the top of Will's head, looking down at his feet. She opened the door and pulled her robe tighter around her waist.

  "I'm sorry to bother you. Did I wake you?"

  "No. Is everything okay?"

  "No, not really."

  "Do you want to come inside?"

  "I'd probably better not."

  Glancing over his shoulder the blond woman she recognized from the grocery store sat in the driver’s seat of his truck.

  He looked tired; his eyes slightly glassy and red rimmed. "Are you drunk?" she asked.

  "No, not really. Well, I had three glasses of wine after dinner." He shrugged apologetically. "I'm a lightweight, what can I say."

  "Well, you can tell me why you're here."

  "I had to talk to you."

  "And you had to do it at nearly midnight after three glasses of wine?"

  "Yes. That's what it took."

  "What it took?"

  "To get the nerve to come here and talk to you."

  "That's some nerve then, considering your girlfriend is sitting right there."

  He looked back at the truck and laughed. "My girlfriend…right. Katie, that's my sister. She's visiting me for a couple weeks. Her and her husband are going through some crap right now and she's taking a vacation on the cheap."

  "Oh. Your sister?"

  "Yes, my sister. You thought she was my girlfriend?"

  "Well, yes, what was I supposed to think? It's none of my business anyway."

  "She made me come here. Big sisters are so bossy."

  "Excuse me? She made you?"

  "I wouldn't shut up."

  Katie crossed her arms. "And you're not making sense."

  "I wouldn't shut up about you. When you came to my house last week a
nd told me that there wasn't an attraction, and then you told me you lied, there was an attraction. I didn't know what to think at first. Part of me wanted to run away."

  "Well, that's flattering."

  "No, what I mean is, Katie, I have been attracted to you since the minute you opened this door and I laid eyes on you. You were a complete mess and I had never seen anyone more beautiful. But I never entertained the idea beyond a daydream fantasy because you were married and I couldn't be responsible for breaking up a marriage."

  "I thought we got that straight last week. You're not responsible."

  "You did. We did. And I wanted to come here tonight to tell you that…" He trailed off with a concentrated look.

  "Will, things are a little complicated right now. I'm dealing with so much—"

  "And I want to help you deal with it, Katie. All of it. I want to be whatever you need. Go out to dinner with me on Friday night."

  "Are you serious? Do you know how this town would erupt in gossip if I went out on a date two weeks after Tom died? It would be scandalous."

  "And I would never want to be responsible for that. Come to my place then. I'll make you dinner."

  Katie shook her head. "I can't." She could smell his cologne, light and musky. It was her favorite.

  "Why not?" His eyes pleaded.

  Because I can't trust myself, she thought.

  "I just can't," she whispered.

  He stood for a moment, looking at her. Please, go, she begged silently. It hurt to look at him. "I must've misunderstood then. I'm sorry."

  She wanted to tell him he hadn't misunderstood a thing, and that it was her, not him. But that would only lead to more conversation and weakening of her resolve.

  "If you need anything, Katie, you know where I live." He turned before she could answer.

  When she woke up on a bright and sunny Friday, she felt as if she had had enough of grief and felt the urge to do physical work.

  Sarah had picked up Jacob after breakfast to give Katie time to get some serious work done on the house. She began with a chore she dreaded, but needed to do. She began to fill boxes with Tom's things. She'd wrestled with herself all the previous day with what to do with it all. Looking over his clothes, she felt no connection. No desire to keep them or preserve the smell. That brought a sadness of its own.

  She loaded the boxes in the back of her car and set out for the dealership.

  Tom Sr. came out into the lobby to meet her. His stare was cold as he asked her what the hell she was doing there.

  "I have some of Tom's things. I thought you might want them."

  "What I want to know is what happened. Can you tell me that, Katie?"

  "I don't know. The police are working on it."

  He narrowed his eyes. "Doesn't it make you the slightest bit nervous that his killer is still walking free? What if he comes after you, too?"

  She clenched her jaw. "How do you know it's a 'he'?"

  His head went back in mingled surprise and suspicion. "I guess a woman would be able to handle a small handgun just the same. Are you trying to tell me something, Katie?"

  Taking a breath to keep from losing her temper, she crossed her arms. "I brought you boxes of Tom's things. Do you want them or not?"

  "Donate them."

  "Fine." She turned on her heel.

  "Oh, Katie, one more thing. I'm sure you've already thought about this, but the life insurance policy that the dealership provides is in limbo at the moment. I've called them and let them know that Tom died under questionable circumstances. They're holding the check for now."

  "What are you talking about? What insurance policy?"

  "You know damn well what I'm talking about. They won't hand over the check until your name has been cleared."

  "Cleared? Of murder? You think I killed him? Why would I kill him? I had just filed for divorce."

  "Exactly. We both know that Tom's spending habits and work ethics were polar opposites. You wouldn't have made nearly as much simply by divorcing him. You probably figured that out in the consultation."

  “Go to hell you miserable bastard." She shook her head in disbelief before walking away.

  She was still angry when she threw open her car door and put the boxes in the large bin of donations at the local thrift store.

  A wiry young woman rushed up to her, completely ignorant of personal space.

  "Katie Johnson, can you tell me what happened to your husband?" She shoved a small voice recorder in her face.

  "Excuse me, who are you?"

  "Anna Stockard, reporter for the Cedar Hollow Examiner."

  Katie muffled a laugh. The small paper operated on volunteer reporters. This woman carried herself like she was from the New York Times. Standing ram rod straight with an overly serious expression, Katie could hardly keep one of her own.

  "Would you like to say anything to clear your name in your husband’s murder?" Back with the voice recorder, right under Katie's nostril.

  Katie rolled her eyes and opened her car door. Anna followed her, rapidly firing questions.

  She punched the gas and sped off.

  When she got home, there was a police car in the driveway and a policeman peeking in her living room window.

  "Can I help you?"

  He turned, startled. "Oh, Katie. Hello. I wasn't sure if you were home." It was Hank. Another old friend from school who had never left town.

  "Well, I am now. What can I do for you?"

  "I just came by to ask you a few more questions."

  Katie sighed. "Fine. Come on in."

  She sat on the couch while he stood. "As you know we are investigating your husband's death as a murder."

  She looked at him, irritated. "What else would it be, Hank?"

  "Suicide. But we ruled that out."

  The possibility had never crossed her mind. "How can you rule it out?"

  "Angle of the gunshot."

  "I see." Her mind raced, contemplating things she hadn't before and she didn't hear anything he said for several minutes.

  "Mrs. Johnson?"

  Her head jerked up, "I'm sorry, what?"

  "I asked you what was the last thing you said to your husband."

  "I…ah…" She closed her eyes, trying to remember. "I told him I thought he better find somewhere else to stay."

  "Did you have a fight?"

  "Yes. He sold the land I was planting. I was furious." She was so tired of recounting it she could scream.

  "And did he say he was going to do that?"

  "He didn't say anything. He took the money and left. He was dressed really nice."

  "Took the money? How much money?"

  She shrugged. "Whatever he sold the twenty acres for. It was a private transaction. The guy paid in cash."

  "Do you know who it was?"

  "No idea. I've never seen him before."

  "Your husband didn't have any money on him when he was found, Mrs. Johnson."

  A new possibility opened up in Katie's mind. "Could whoever bought the land caught up with him and stolen it back?"

  "Well, that's certainly a possibility. Earlier, when I mentioned the angle of the gunshot wound, you seemed to be deep in thought. Mind if I ask what about?"

  "Clearing my name."

  "How so?"

  "I'm not that tall. Tom's truck was slightly raised and I thought…"

  "That you could prove that you couldn't have reached in the truck and shot him?"

  She nodded. "I just want to get on with my life. It's kind of hard to do when you’re suspected of murder."

  "I understand. I'll run that by the chief and see if something can be done. And we’ll track down whoever bought the piece of land and see what they might know. Do you mind if I take a look around? Legally, I have to have a warrant and if you want, I can get one."

  She flipped her hand. "I don't care."

  He began looking around the living room. "Just for the record, Katie, I don't think you did it."

  She smiled
at him. "Thanks, Hank."

  That afternoon, Katie scanned the small town's paper. Looking for someone she could trust and afford was proving to be difficult. And the last one she had called hung up abruptly when she'd said her name.

  "Rude," she said to the phone before slamming it down. She'd run the list of small ads offering carpentry and remodeling services and rested her head in her hand. She took the list from her purse again and looked it over; putting a small check beside the ones she could do herself. Filling small cracks and holes in the plaster walls. That can't be that hard, she thought.

  Will crossed her mind, as it did several times a day. She firmly pushed him out and made a list of things she needed to buy. She glanced at her watch. Sarah wouldn't be back with the baby until after dinner.

  She set out again, this time for the hardware store.

  She sat in her car, staring at Will's truck. Parked three spaces down, she knew he was inside. His truck was backed in. She craned her neck to see through the large bay window of the family shop and saw him at the counter talking to Nate Hess, the owner's son.

  He stood a good head taller than Nate and Katie grew impatient as they took their time talking and laughing. She sat stubbornly in her car turning the dial on the radio, not liking any song that played. She sighed again and looked up. Will was leaving the store with two large bags stacked on his shoulder. She tried to duck, but it was too late. He saw her, stopped short and then waved. She returned a tight wave of her own, struggling to take her eyes off his arm and the bicep straining the material of his t-shirt under the weight of the bags. Seeming to go on about her day, he deposited the bags in the back of his truck and wiped his hands on his jeans. She gathered her things and opened the car door to find him standing at the curb, waiting for her.

  "Hey, Katie."

  "Hi." She tried to pull off a cordial passing hello and proceeded to the door. He grabbed it, holding it open for her.

  Chapter 17

  She glanced over at him as he shoved his hands in his jeans pockets.

  "Listen, I'm sorry I came over like I did. I feel really foolish."

  "It's fine." She scanned the aisles, trying to concentrate on the smell of sawdust instead of him.