by B. Love
Silence found them again. When the buzzer went off, signaling that his living room was free, Maria grabbed a bottle of Hennessy and they headed over to it. The passcode was sent to his phone, so Jax entered it and they went inside. The moment the door closed behind them, Maria started to regret her decision to be honest with him. But she figured — hoped — that talking about Malibu tonight of all nights would make her feel closer to him.
Jax made himself comfortable on the black sectional, not even bothering to choose one of the gaming systems as Maria grabbed two plastic red cups from on top of the mini-refrigerator. Sitting next to him, she looked him over briefly as she handed him a cup. He was in his standard look — white tee and dark jeans — which never looked as good on anyone else as it did on him. His hair was freshly chopped, beard trimmed. Well, it wasn’t long enough to be considered a beard, and she liked that.
His eyes locked with hers, but Jax didn’t rush her to speak. He allowed her to stare into his tight, dark, under turned eyes for as long as she needed to, to build up her courage.
“You look so much like him.” Maria paused and chuckled as her eyes watered. Shaking her head, she inhaled a shaky breath and dried her eyes. “It’s scary.”
“Like who?”
Licking her lips, she took a sip of her drink. Releasing a hard breath, she snatched her eyes from his. “Malibu.” Absently, her hand slid over the tattoo on her neck before she squeezed it. “Same skin tone, same head shape.” She chuckled again before biting down on her bottom lip and shaking her head. “Your lips are bigger, and your eyes are so damn beautiful. But… you look so, so much like him.”
“Who was he to you? Why am I a trigger?”
Sitting back in her seat, Maria looked up at the open ceiling. “Malibu was… my everything. We met when I was sixteen and he came here from Cali. At first, I wasn’t trying to deal with him because he was active in his pursuit of me. I was cool with having male friends, that’s what I preferred, but I was not trying to be in a relationship.”
She paused and chuckled, thinking back to the first day they met. “But he was so annoying and persistent, like you…” Her eyes rolled and she smiled, getting one out of Jax, too. “All it took was us hanging out two or three times and I fell for him. Hard, fast, and deep. We dated my last two years of high school and planned to go to school in Cali when we graduated.”
Maria paused and looked towards the wall, blinking her watery eyes rapidly to make sure her tears wouldn’t fall. “He was on that gang gang shit tough. I was cool with it because my brothers were in the streets, too, but I didn’t like the niggas he ran with. They were too wild and reckless. No thought and planning behind what they did. I would always tell him that he needed to chill on that because they would get him caught up… but he didn’t listen to me.”
Her head hung as a tear finally escaped. “He had this…” She sat up. Maria chuckled and shook her head as her tears fell more rapidly, but the feel of Jax’s hand on her back soothed her. “Loud ass, shiny, ombre green box Chevy on twenty-fours that I absolutely could not stand… but it was the first car he purchased with his own money, so he was proud. We would go down to the river once or twice a week to just talk and chill without any distractions.
The second to last time we went, we left early because some dudes he rocked with had gotten into it with some of Tony’s guys. Instead of letting the shit ride, Malibu’s whole set pulled up. They took care of business, but they were young, cocky niggas, so they didn’t even try to hide their faces or no shit like that.
The next time we went to the river, he got a call about Tony.” She paused and swallowed hard as her mind took her back to that night. Her hands touched her arms… where he touched. Legs squeezed together thinking about him being between them. Head hung, Maria’s tears cascaded down her nose and fell onto the floor. “He dropped me off at the Majestic and pulled up to an ambush. Pussy-ass niggas recorded the shit and put it on YouTube as a warning, so I got a link to the video at like… eight-forty-five. But I didn’t click on it because I didn’t know the number. Around nine, I got a call from him.
Well, I thought it was him.
But it wasn’t him.
It was one of his boys telling me to come to the hospital because he’d been shot.” Wiping her face, Maria sniffed a few times. “He was murdered five years ago today.”
Jax took her hand into his and caressed it with his thumb as she continued. “Sometimes, I look at you and I’m upset because I see him. Others, I’m happy because I see him. Then you smile or squint your eyes and you look nothing like him… and I’m at peace. Then I’m frustrated.” Her head shook. “I get irritated because you make me feel all these things… and I haven’t felt or liked a man since him. And you’re always so patient with me.” Her chin trembled as she hung her head again. “The meaner I am to you, the nicer you are to me. At first, I used to think it was because you were scared of my family and didn’t want to get fucked up… but now that I know you and know you can hold your own… I don’t understand why you put up with my shit.”
“Do you want me to answer that?”
Her head shook adamantly. “I don’t think I could handle the answer right now. This day is enough on its own.” Inhaling a deep breath, Maria removed her hand from his. She took two gulps of the Hennessy, face twisting in disgust as she put the cup on the table. Though she couldn’t stand the taste of it, it got her right… and quickly. “I don’t take your presence lightly, though. This is the first time I’ve left the house today or tomorrow for my birthday since he died. And the fact that I see you and have this conversation with you… it means something. I don’t think I’m ready to accept what it means, but it means something. So thank you for this.”
Jax’s head shook as he sat back on the couch. “It’s nothing.”
“No, it—it’s everything.” Their eyes remained locked for a few seconds until Maria broke contact and stood. “I’m gonna get outta here. Let you enjoy your time.”
“Would’ve enjoyed it better witchu, but that’s cool.” Not replying to his statement, Maria smiled as she headed for the door. “Maria.”
She paused as she always did when he called her name. Her nipples hardened, and she clenched her jaw as she waited for him to speak.
“It means a lot to me that you shared this with me. And I want you to know… I’ll be coming after you even harder now.”
“No. Don’t… do… that.”
“You think he would want you miserable every day of your fuckin’ life?”
“Why shouldn’t I be?” she yelled, spinning around to face him. He was the calm to her frenzy, but she couldn’t stand to be mellowed out now. “He don’t even have a life! And I’m supposed to just… move on with mine and act like he never existed?”
“You don’t have to forget him, but you don’t have to hold on to him so tightly, either. Clearly you love him, and I know he had to love you, too… so I doubt if he would want you going through what you’re going through. I can see if you were sixty or seventy or some shit, but you still got a whole lot of life to live. And though I love getting this money, it’s more to it than that. For me and you. Who you decide to share that with is up to you. If it ain’t me, it just ain’t me… but you have to accept that it can’t be him, either.”
“Maybe that’s not the life I want to live. Marriage, love, kids. Every woman doesn’t want that, Jax.”
“I know.” He stood and walked over to her. “So if you can tell me that you don’t want that because you genuinely don’t want it, not because you’re harboring pain for him and blocking out love… I’ll never speak to you again.”
“I don’t want it,” she replied quickly, nostrils flaring. Chin tilting. Chest poking out.
“Yo’ ass lying,” he challenged, pointing his finger in her face.
“Get your damn finger out my face,” she gritted, grabbing his hand and lowering it.
Wrapping his fingers around hers, Jax commanded, “Tell me the truth.�
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“I just did!” she whined, stomping her foot and kicking air with a pout.
“Then why you ’bout to cry?” Maria tried to lower her head, but Jax gripped her chin. “You ain’t as tough as you claim to be. Huh?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Not with me.” Closing her eyes, Maria inhaled a deep breath. “Tell me the truth, Maria.”
Her forehead went into his chest as her shoulders caved. “I want it,” she muttered inaudibly.
“What you say? I can’t hear you.”
Maria groaned as she lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “I said I want it!”
“Tell me nicely.”
“Jax!”
She tried to punch him, but he grabbed her wrists, pulled her hands behind her back, and pinned her body to the door. “We gotta work on your aggression,” he informed with a smile.
“I cannot stand your ass,” she gritted, wiggling to be free.
His lips went to her ear, and the moment he whispered, “I’ll be gentle with you, baby, I swear,” her fighting stopped. He looked into her eyes as he pulled his face closer to hers. Her eyes closed, expecting him to kiss her lips. But he didn’t. He kissed her nose, then her forehead, then her lips. So tender, and soft, and moist… yet quick. So quick, she hadn’t even been able to form her lips to kiss him back before he was pulling away. But it was enough to satisfy her and have her nipples hardening and pussy leaking as she stood there with a goofy-ass grin on her face.
“Now get out so I can enjoy the rest of my night in peace.”
Just that quickly, he’d irritated her all over again. Muttering under her breath, Maria slammed the door behind her as she walked out of it. As irritated as she was as she walked to the car… she couldn’t help but smile.
Maria’s chest constricted as her phone slipped out of her hand.
Something wasn’t right.
Clutching her chest, she inhaled a deep breath as her heart pounded rapidly. Standing, she walked to Pressure’s bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. Looking at herself in the mirror, Maria inhaled deep breaths. She gripped the edges of the sink, trying to maintain her balance. Out of nowhere, she felt as if she was about to pass out, and Maria had no idea why.
“Maria-ia-ia, your phone ringing.”
Maria smiled softly at her brother’s announcement. For whatever reason, Pressure could never just say her name. He always had to sing it and create two syllables that he’d repeat from the last two letters. Drying her face, she quickly walked down the hall. She grabbed her phone just as Malibu called back, smiling at the sight of his name on her phone, but her smile dropped when she answered and heard all the commotion on the other end of the phone.
“Bu?” she called.
“It’s Arron. They shot him, Maria. They shot Malibu.”
Maria jumped out of her sleep, gasping for air. The last thing she wanted was for her dream to get to the part where she opened the video and saw Malibu being gunned down. Wiping sweat from her forehead and upper lip, Maria released a loaded sigh and looked towards the ceiling in her bedroom. Her plan was to sleep her birthday away, but she’d been waking up out of her sleep every few hours.
As she checked the time on her phone, she ignored the calls, text messages, and social media notifications that were waiting for her. But what she couldn’t deny was the sound of her doorbell ringing. No one in her family popped up on her birthday because they understood her desire to be alone, so Maria was unsure of who was at her door. She opened the security app that Nash had installed and chuckled at the sight of Jax.
Pressing the button for the intercom, she told him, “Go away, Jax.”
“Nah. Come open the door.”
The sight of the sunflowers in his hand made her smile. No man had ever given her flowers before, not even Malibu. Jax was the first.
Pushing her comforter off her body, Maria sat on the edge of her bed before getting right up. While she couldn’t deny she was happy to see him, Maria wasn’t sure how long that happiness would last before her mood switched up. After taking a sip of water and swirling it around in her mouth, Maria headed for the front door. If she was lucky, he’d give her the flowers and leave.
When she opened the door, Jax’s eyes scanned her body. Her curls had been pulled up into a messy bun, and she was dressed in a sports bra and loose-fitting boxers.
“Happy birthday, beautiful,” he greeted, handing her the flowers.
“Thank you.” Maria accepted the flowers with a smile and tried to close the door, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Hol’ up now.” With a giggle that caught her by surprise, Maria leaned against the doorframe. “On your darkest days… God sends you stars that will shine bright enough to pull you out. I am he.”
Her eyes rolled as she chuckled and shook her head. “Always so damn full of yourself.”
Jax licked his lips as his head tilted. “I’m full of the truth. So can I come in, or do you want me to wait for you out here?”
Her face scrunched up as she looked around. Lip poked out, she waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, she asked, “Wait on me for what?”
“So we can go out.”
“Go out where?”
“Don’t worry about all that shit. I got some ideas from Nash when he gave me your address. Just get dressed so we can go.”
Her head shook and voice lowered when she called, “Jax…”
“I’m here to celebrate your life.” His voice softened when he added, “If you don’t value it enough to do so, I will. So go get dressed.”
Maria slammed the door in his face and rushed to her room. As soon as she tossed the flowers onto her bed, she quickly picked them up, apologized, and laid them back down more gently. Grabbing her phone, she FaceTimed Leigh and paced as she waited for her to answer.
“What’s up, baby?” Leigh greeted with a smile.
“Jax is here,” she whispered, as if he was close enough to hear her.
“For what?”
“To take me out for my birthday.”
Leigh’s eyebrows wrinkled as she frowned before laughing. “Okay?”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“…Go.” Leigh laughed as Maria groaned.
“I don’t know why I even called yo’ hoe ass. Bye!”
Disconnecting the call, Maria dialed Christian’s number. She answered, having the same background as Leigh, and Maria rolled her eyes.
“You still my sister that got some sense?”
“I got sense with yo’ no dick getting wound tight keep the pussy prisoner I don’t want a man but you need one ’cause you a mean one ass,” Leigh yelled in the background, making both Christian and Maria chuckle.
“Will y’all stop,” Christian requested, swatting at Leigh. “What’s up, sis?”
“Jax is downstairs and he wants to take me out for my birthday. What am I supposed to do?”
“Go and enjoy yourself, Maria. It’s time.”
The sincerity in her eyes and voice made Maria shake her head. “I’ve had it up to here with the both of you,” she complained, pointing at the top of her head as she normally did when she was aggravated by their truth. “Bye!”
Tossing her phone onto the bed, Maria paced as she massaged her temples. So what if they went out… it didn’t have to be a date. It was her twenty-third birthday! Why not get a free meal and some drinks out of it? It wouldn’t mean a thing. Having made up her mind, Maria went back to the door and smiled when she found Jax still standing there.
“It’s going to take me a while to get ready, so you might as well come in.”
“Cool,” Jax agreed, stepping inside of her loft apartment. As he looked around the open space, he complimented it with, “Aye, this shit is dope as hell. I’ve always wondered if these downtown lofts looked like this on the inside for real.”
“Yea. I don’t see myself ever wanting to move. I love it.”
Maria’s loft was open and rustic with its brick and metal
décor, bright, and spacious. Instead of purchasing a home like her sisters did when her money started flowing freely, she bought a loft downtown and had been loving it ever since.
“Well, make yourself comfortable,” she offered, pointing at her living room area.
“Aight,” he agreed.
Maria made it back to her room and grabbed her phone when it lit up. She had a missed FaceTime from Leigh. As she walked over to her closet, she called her back.
“You want us to come over there and help you with your hair and shit?” Leigh offered, and Maria was glad she did.
It would have taken her at least two hours to flat iron her hair alone, not including doing her makeup and finding something to wear.
“Yea. Stop by the mall and get me some girly shit to wear. No heels, though. You know I ain’t finna go that far.”
“Girl, bye! Show that man them legs and feet in some heels!”
Maria rolled her eyes as she smiled. “Don’t let her buy me no heels, Gucci.”
Christian laughed before she agreed with, “I got you.”
“One.”
“One.”
And they had her. Four hours later, Maria looked her appearance over in her full-length mirror and was very pleased with what she saw. Her hair was flat ironed, but it had a few loose hanging curls and a part on the left side. Christian had done her makeup super light, but her highlight was on point. Other than it, the boldest thing on her face was her maroon lipstick.
She was dressed in a pale green one-piece jumpsuit that accentuated her breasts and wide hips on her slim frame. Her request of no heels was kind of granted. They got her a pair of black thigh-high boots that had a short heel on them that she was comfortable in.
“You better work, sis.” Christian snapped a few pictures of Maria as she smiled and walked away from the mirror.
“You ’bout to get you some good birthday dick, looking like this,” Leigh added.
“Shut up,” Maria ordered through her chuckle.
They followed her down the fire red winding stairs towards the living room. When Jax looked back and at her, his eyebrows raised before bunching up in that way she liked. His eyes squinted as he licked his lips and stood. Grabbing himself between his legs, he muttered, “Goddamn,” under his breath, but Maria easily read his lips. Jax walked over to her, rubbing his hands together as he eyed every inch of her frame.