Why You Shouldn't Lend A Bad Boy Your Clothes

by Philline Harms

  Emily looked me over with a suspicious look, but it was Alexis who spoke up first. “Guys…where were you?”

  Hunter and I exchanged a quick glance.

  “It took us a while to find you,” Hunter said.

  Alexis didn’t look convinced, but as Hunter stared intently at her, she seemed to understand and didn’t ask any more questions.

  “Do you know what caused the alarm?” Emily asked me.

  “No.” I lied. “Do you guys think we can go home now?”

  Liam nodded. “The principal just announced that there’ll be no more lessons today and that we can leave. He doesn’t think there really is a fire, but he said that talking to the fire department will surely take too long to have regular lessons afterward. Most people are already gone.”

  I looked around and saw that he was right. The parking lot was getting less crowded by the minute.

  “Alright. Should we get going?”

  “Yeah,” Hunter said.

  We parted soon after that, each going our separate ways. I only noticed that Hunter was following me when I unlocked my car and saw him standing behind me.

  “I won the bet,” he stated with a wide grin.

  “I noticed.”

  “So I get to make a wish.”

  I looked at him, waiting for him to spill what kind of undoubtedly cruel and humiliating thing he wanted me to do.

  He stepped even closer and braced his elbow on the roof of my car. “I want you to go out with me.”

  For a moment, all I could do was stare at him. Then I choked out, “You evacuated an entire school just to go on a date with me?”

  Hunter shrugged with an amused grin. “Well, if you put it like that…” Then he added, more carefully, “Of course, you don’t have to call it a date if you don’t want to. You could also just see it as partying together.”

  I thought about it for a minute. “I don’t really have much of choice, do I?”

  “Well, you lost the bet, so…”

  “Alright.” I took a deep breath. “I’ll do it. But I have to talk to Emily first.”

  Hunter’s eyes widened with genuine astonishment. “Are you going to break up?”

  “Yes,” I said quietly. “Everything I’m doing at the moment is hurting her. I can’t keep on doing this. It’s just not fair. She has to know the truth. Otherwise, every step I make will be like cheating on her. Which I already feel like I’m doing.”

  Hunter nodded thoughtfully. “I get that. Emily doesn’t deserve this.” He fell silent before he said with a seriousness that left me startled, “I’m sorry if this is my fault, Jules. I never meant to ruin your relationship.”

  I shook my head. Suddenly, I had the overwhelming urge to reassure him. “Hey, it’s not your fault. None of this is. It’s mine. It’s because I didn’t realize earlier that a relationship with her won’t lead to anything. And because I don’t know the difference between love and friendship.”

  At first, it looked like Hunter was going to reach out, but then he seemed to change his mind and slipped his hand into his pocket instead. “You will learn the difference.”

  I swallowed and nodded silently.

  “Alright. When are you free to go to that club?” Hunter asked.

  “Er…Wednesday night maybe?”

  “Okay,” Hunter said with a small smile that gave away his delight. “Get home safely.”

  “You too,” I said before climbing into my car.

  Only when I was already driving home, I remembered that I forgot to ask if he remembered Friday night.

  Chapter 19

  “Alright, what’s actually up with you?” Nate asked, looking at me with warily narrowed eyes.

  I cleared my throat and looked back at him over my cup of coffee. “Hm?”

  When we arrived at school this morning, we were supposed to have Spanish, but the teacher was sick, and the substitute hadn’t shown up, so Nate and I had decided to go into town until the third period started.

  Now we were sitting at Starbucks. I was drinking Caramel Macchiato while Nate was stuffing his mouth with his third Triple Chocolate Muffin in a row. By now, I was seriously worried he might get a sugar rush.

  “You’re brooding. You didn’t really talk since we got here,” he said, mouth still full of crumbles. “So, what is it? Tell me.”

  I shrugged and rested my chin in my hand. “You probably won’t like it though.”

  The only reaction I got was an unimpressed eye roll and a flick of his fingers ordering me to go on.

  Taking a deep breath, I tried to look calm before I said, “I’m going to break up with Emily. Like, today.”

  Nate nearly choked on his muffin. When he was done coughing, he just stared at me for so long that I started to shift uncomfortably in my seat. “For real?”

  “Yes.”

  Nate was quiet for a few more minutes. Then he started nodding slowly. “Okay.”

  “Okay?” I asked, unsure what that reaction meant.

  “Okay. I get that. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t see it coming,” he said and toyed around with the cap of his bottle. “And I think it’s a good decision. You are both my friends, and it sucks to see you hurting just because you’re too stubborn to admit to yourselves that this thing between you isn’t what you thought it was, even though you both already know.”

  I nodded, partly relieved, partly surprised that he was completely fine with it. “I know. I’m just not sure if she does.”

  “She does,” Nate said matter-of-factly. “Believe me. She’s not stupid. She sees what’s going on.” He fell silent for a moment. “I only have one question. Why now? What made you suddenly come to this decision?”

  I stalled by sipping my coffee. Then I said softly, avoiding his eyes, “Hunter asked me on a date.”

  If Nate looked shocked before, he looked a thousand times more perplexed now. “He did what?”

  “Well, it’s not exactly a date,” I said quickly. “He said I could also just see it as partying together. I mean, it’s not a big thing, right? Going to a club together doesn’t mean dating, does it?”

  Nate closed his eyes. When he opened them and pointed the finger at me, his entire expression indicated that he was absolutely done with me.

  “Jules, we’re talking about Hunter Adams here. Do you actually think he’s doing this just for the hell of it?” My eyes widened as he leaned closer across the table. “Do you even know what this means? Hunter has never asked anyone on a date.”

  I scratched the back of my head nervously. “Okay, now you’re just making this even scarier.”

  “What I’m trying to say is I think he’s serious with this. He wouldn’t try so hard if he just wanted you to be another Date of the Week or some shit. So maybe you should decide if you want to do that step, too.”

  “I already made that decision,” I said. “Which is also one of the reasons why I’m breaking up with Em.”

  Nate studied my face for a moment before he leaned back in his chair, arms folded over his chest. “Okay…So do you like him?”

  “I don’t know, to be honest. I don’t even know what that means anymore. I thought I did when I got together with Emily, but I didn’t. With Hunter, everything seems…more, and he makes me feel things I don’t understand. Every time I’m near him, nothing makes sense at all.”

  Nate stared at me with pity. “You, Jules, have a crush.”

  “Hold up. Who has a crush?” Nate and I both jumped as Red suddenly appeared at our table, one hand on her waist and sleeves rolled up to her elbows to reveal the tattoos on her arms.

  “Oh my God, Jade!” Nate exclaimed and glared at her. “Where the hell did you come from?”

  “I work here,” she said drily, gesturing towards her apron. “So, who has a crush? Jules, is it you?” Her eyes lit up with amusement as she saw me blushing. “Aw, would you look at that? Who is it? Do I know them?”

  “Hunter Adams?” I said quietly and bit my bottom lip.

  Even th
ough I wasn’t completely sure if I liked him, I didn’t mind telling her this. I trusted her one hundred percent.

  Jade furrowed her brows while she tried to remember, then she suddenly snapped her fingers. “Oh, I know! It’s that arrogant jerk with the leather jacket, right?” She didn’t even wait for me to nod. “He comes here every once in a while. Always with someone else clinging to his neck, I might add…So you like guys?” She didn’t sound too surprised.

  I intently stared into my coffee, too embarrassed to look up at her. “I don’t really know about that yet.”

  “But wait. Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

  “That, uh, doesn’t quite work out anymore.”

  “He’s breaking up with her.” Nate specified.

  I rolled my eyes at him in return.

  Jade looked thoughtful now. “Okay, so…is it serious between you and leather-jacket-jerk?”

  “No,” I quickly answered at the same time that Nate said, “Kind of.”

  “Not really.” I objected. “Hunter isn’t the type of guy that does relationships.”

  “He’s also not the type of guy to ask someone on a date and make an actual effort to win them over.” Nate pointed out. “He does for you, Jules. He’s going out of his way just to go on a simple date with you. I mean, have you ever seen Hunter getting all sensitive and affectionate? Because I sure as hell haven’t before he got interested in you.”

  I frowned and took another sip of coffee. “Okay, so maybe he’s treating me differently. But how do I know this isn’t just because he wants what he can’t have and as soon as I give in, he’s not interested anymore?”

  “You don’t,” Jade said. “Love’s never that easy. It’s a risk to let him in, but it’s better than always wondering what would’ve happened if you did.”

  I nodded slowly. “Wow, Red. Who would’ve known you’re that wise, huh? Any more advice to give?”

  “Shut up, J,” she said and took my now empty cup, but the grin she was trying to hold back betrayed her annoyed tone. “Come on. I’m making you another latte before you go.” She stopped me with a wave of her hand as I reached for my wallet. “No, that’s alright. It’s on me.”

  My face lit up at that. “Sometimes, I actually want to marry you.”

  She just laughed and walked towards the counter, motioning for us to follow her.

  After I had another cup of coffee, Nate and I went back to school.

  Class went by as always, with the difference that I was nervous and on edge all throughout the day. In between periods, I had sent Emily a message and told her to meet me at my car after school. She replied within twenty seconds.

  So naturally, I was especially anxious during our last period, which was Biology. Which meant I was sitting next to Hunter. Which meant that he was the one who noticed my fidgeting and he was annoyed.

  “Jesus, can you calm down?” he said impatiently and placed a hand on my knee to keep my feet from tapping on the ground incessantly.

  I immediately stilled and looked down at my hands, which were doodling the corners of my notepad. “Sorry.”

  From the corner of my eye, I could see Hunter frowning slightly. Then he lifted his hand from my knee and muttered, “What is it?”

  “Just stressed.”

  “Because of Emily?”

  “Yeah. I still don’t know how I can talk to her without hurting her.”

  “I don’t think you can,” he said carefully. “But perhaps you can make her understand.”

  I thought about it for a moment before I nodded slowly. After clearing my throat, I said, “Anyway. Tell me something nice? I don’t want to think about it right now.”

  Hunter’s face lit up with a little content smile. “Sure. How about tomorrow night? I’ll pick you up at eight. Wear something sexy.”

  I stared at him, not quite sure if he was serious or not. “Hunter, I don’t know if you noticed, but my closet is seventy percent hoodies, twenty percent sweaters, and maybe some shirts and flannels.”

  “You’ll find something. Honestly, anything that at least defines the tiniest bit of your chest is enough.”

  “If you say so,” I muttered and tried to hold back my laughter.

  Before he could answer, the bell rung and people started to get up. Hunter quickly gathered his things and got to his feet.

  I expected him to just walk off like he usually did. Instead, he stepped closer and leaned in to whisper, “Good luck.”

  He was gone before I could even react, leaving me standing there in shock with the skin on my neck tingling where his breath had brushed it. When I looked around, everyone had left the classroom already. I swung my bag over my shoulder and headed out of the building and onto the parking lot.

  My heart leaped into my throat when I saw Emily. She was already standing by my car and waving at me when she saw me walking up to her.

  “Hey!” she said and wrapped her arms around me.

  I hugged her back reluctantly, feeling guiltier by the second. “Hey.”

  She took a step back and searched my face. “Are you okay?”

  I took a deep breath and forced myself to smile at her. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright. So, uh…Should we get going?”

  Her face gave away that she wasn’t convinced in the slightest, but eventually, she shrugged and opened the door to the passenger seat. I got into the car after her and started the engine. My hands were sweaty and shaking slightly when I placed them on the steering wheel, and I hoped she didn’t notice it as I pulled out of the parking lot.

  “So, where are we going?” Emily asked, breaking the awkward silence.

  I hadn’t actually thought about that. All I planned was to drive somewhere less crowded so that we could talk in private. So I picked the very first place that came to my mind.

  “To the Deck?”

  The Deck was an observation platform a bit far-off from town, where you had a nice view over the landscape and the city. Not many people went there, so we wouldn’t be disturbed.

  Emily nodded and leaned back in her seat, propping her boots on the dashboard as she always did. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I watched her. It was weird thinking we might not sit in this car like this ever again after today.

  Emily had always been my best friend along with Nate, and I knew her like the back of my hand. Hell, we grew up together, and looking at her, I could still remember how she looked like with pigtails and more tooth gaps than years of age.

  She had never done anything wrong to deserve being lied to. I was the one who made a mistake by getting myself into a relationship with her while not being fully sure I was in love with her. And I made it even worse by not admitting that to myself.

  The car ride passed in silence, but that wasn’t unusual. Emily and I were used to being silent together. Usually, it was comfortable; we were just dwelling on thoughts next to each other on her bed or in the car.

  This time, however, the air between us seemed tense, so I was relieved when we arrived at our destination a few minutes later. We both got out of the car and took out the blanket that was always in the trunk. Then we both sat down on it, close to the edge of the platform.

  Beneath us was our hometown, illuminated in the golden light of the setting sun. The warm glow dipped Emily’s hair in copper and made her eyes seem lighter than usual.

  “So,” she said and turned her head to face me. “What is it?”

  For a second, I was so, so close to just abort and pretend that I didn’t have anything important to say. But when I looked at her, I saw that she knew I needed to get something off my chest. There was something about the look on her face and the way she was sitting, shoulders straight and hands folded in her lap, that reminded me of a boxer preparing to take a hit.

  It took real effort for me to look her in the eye when I opened my mouth and quietly said, “Can you promise to listen to everything I’m about to say? I…I don’t want you to leave right away before I could explain.”

  She nodded s
lowly.

  I took a deep, quivering breath, but my next words came out surprisingly composed. “I wasn’t honest with you.” I hesitated, waiting for Emily to interrupt and say something, but she didn’t. “I wasn’t honest when I kissed you or when we had sex. I…I wasn’t honest when I said I was in love with you, either.”

  Emily’s face turned pale. I could see her swallowing hard, waiting for me to continue.

  “But I will be honest now before I make everything even worse,” I said softly. “Em, I am so sorry. I thought…You know, I thought I knew what love was and I thought I felt it with you. But I was wrong. I mistook affection for love, and I’m the world’s biggest fucking idiot for not realizing that earlier.”

  “Jules, what are you trying to say?” she asked.

  I could hear the tears she was desperately trying to hold back in her voice.

  “I’m trying to say…that I want to break up.”

  As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I could never take them back. Nor could I do anything about the heartbroken look in Emily’s eyes or the ache in my chest.

  “And I know that the whole ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ thing sounds incredibly dumb,” I said and fought against the lump in my throat. “But I want you to know this is all my fault. This is all because…I think I like, you know…” I took another deep breath. “I think I’m gay.”

  It was the first time I said this out loud, the first time I actually formed it into words. Nothing about it felt relieving or liberating. It felt like jumping out of a plane and realizing I didn’t have a parachute.

  My heart was beating as if I had just ran a marathon while I waited for her to react.

  “So I was right,” she whispered, attempting to smile despite the tears that were shimmering in her eyes.

  I shrugged helplessly and reached out to wipe the tears away, but before my fingertips reached her face, I quickly pulled back and dropped my hand. Touching her right now was probably not a good idea.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you earlier, but I just didn’t…I didn’t know how.”

  “Is it because of Hunter?” She didn’t even sound angry, just sad, and somehow that was even worse.